Summer of Rockets (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode 6

1 I'd forgotten it was Saturday.
Someone's getting married.
They're not coming back, are they? The people who did this.
They won't come back today, no.
Have you called the police? Well, the department are on their way.
They'll be here any moment.
It's only a dog that died.
Hardly an emergency.
Who did this, Mr Field? Come with me.
Yes, you're still here.
I thought you might want to have some of them.
So I'm going to pack up this room last.
You want to know who's responsible? What, all of them? We'll see.
This young man, David, is in fact my son, Anthony.
But he says he's not, madam.
There is a resemblance, of course.
I can see that.
And I didn't realise that yesterday, I admit.
But this young man is David Harris.
He's worked here for three years.
He's not your son, madam.
Anthony? Oh, my God! It is Anthony! Anthony, my boy! You're back with us! This is my husband.
There's nothing to be alarmed about.
I'm Richard Shaw, I'm a Member of Parliament.
I'm not these people's son.
- I'm not! - Don't worry, everybody.
Please, we will take care of him.
- What are you doing? - Come on.
- Hey, hey, hey, no, get your hands off me! - Don't treat him like that! I don't know these people.
I'm not their son, I'm not.
Who on Earth are these men and why are they here? I don't want us to risk losing him again.
- I thought I had to bring support.
- I trusted you, you promised me! It'll be all right when we get home.
- I'm not their son! Help me! - It's all right.
Thank you.
Shut the door, please.
There's only one glass.
Give it to Samuel.
I'll have the flask.
Robert, are you OK? I'll be fine in a moment.
I think, Mr Petrukhin, you have a right to know everything we do about these people.
About bloody time.
And we'll make sure that your house is safe so tomorrow you can bring your family back there.
But first I'd be delighted if you'd be my guest at my club.
Although, of course, I'd understand if you don't want to help us any more.
On the contrary.
I want to do everything I can to stop them.
Come in.
Come in, my boy.
Welcome home.
I'm not him.
I'm not Anthony.
Have a good look round.
Remind yourself of everything.
You must have missed all this.
I know you don't believe me.
I'm seeing this garden for the very first time.
Here are all your drawings and paintings, Anthony.
Oh, David - I will call you David.
I didn't do any of these.
Please listen to this.
I am not your son.
Do you think he really doesn't remember? Or is it just playacting? I'm not sure.
It's just the shock, I think.
He's become somebody else while he was away.
He'll come back to us.
Does he really want us to call him David? Yes.
But it won't last.
Richard, we don't need all these men now, do we, surely? Just for the moment, till we're certain the press haven't got hold of it.
They aren't the people who tore down my posters, are they? Why would they have done that? To stop any publicity about the family.
No, of course not.
And they'll be gone very soon, I promise.
We just need to guard our privacy for a few more days, darling.
But only for a few days.
And he's not going to be a prisoner, he's not going to be locked in.
I feel such joy that he's here, Richard.
I don't want anything to spoil that.
BELL RINGS Mr Richardson.
The Jew's back.
An ingenious invention.
So, this is the situation, Mr Petrukhin.
One can't go after people for what they're thinking, for what they may be imagining doing.
Especially when what they really think may be disguised by innocent-looking lectures on Victorian buildings.
Conspiracies are hard to prove.
Two people have been killed already, not to mention what happened today.
Surely An RAF man went berserk on an airfield.
He maintains he was acting completely on his own and that he is mentally ill.
And as for today, well, a dog died during a burglary.
So this is what we know, Mr Petrukhin.
There is a cabal of disaffected people, a coalition between once important man who now feel themselves sidelined, and a few members of my own service, rogue officers from MI5 and MI6, who feel that there's massive Russian penetration, not just in the Secret Service But in the Foreign Office.
And at the heart of government.
These people are determined to take action to gain power and put their own man in place.
And they think they've found their perfect candidate in Richard Shaw.
He's malleable, a charming chap and extremely popular with the public.
And to do this, they're prepared to use force.
So that they can alter the future and stop the dismantling of the British Empire.
We think that, through you, Mr Petrukhin KNOCK ON DOOR - Thank you.
- Yes, thank you, we'll do the rest.
We think that, through you, Mr Petrukhin, through your friendship with Richard Shaw and Lord Wallington, that we can get the evidence we need to stop them before they act.
Because now they think you're one of them.
I don't think they feel that.
Not yet, anyhow.
Then you must make them believe it.
Can you do that, Samuel? Can you disguise the way you really feel? Not easily.
It's not what I'm best at.
I tend to show what I'm thinking.
And if they start pouring out anti-Semitic bile, and I just have to nod away, then that's going to be very hard.
And they won't believe it, will they? You're a white Russian.
You want to fight the communists.
That they will believe.
If you make them.
Also, we think they want to use your pager as part of the operation they're planning.
Anyway, isn't there one very big problem with using me? You think that they're connected to the gunmen.
So how come, if they like you so much, they want to kill you? Yes.
Because they were after me and William, and he bungled it.
The shooter.
I'd driven off, but he still went ahead with it.
You happened to be in the wrong place, Samuel.
We realise you've already done a lot for us, Mr Petrukhin.
You need to get back with your family.
Think it over.
Yes, you must miss them.
MUSIC PLAYING I'm sorry, Joel.
I'm not ready to do this.
Not today.
Because it's me? You're not ready to do it with me? No, it's not because of you.
It really isn't.
Esther brought a message from the factory.
My dad's going to be home tomorrow.
And you're already worrying about that? Yes, I want to be sure he's OK.
And you wouldn't want him to know about me? Not yet, no.
I've hardly had a boyfriend at all until now, let alone I don't want to give him anything else to worry about at the moment.
Or ever? I didn't say that.
We don't know what's going to happen, do we? I mean, we could be All blown up next week.
The end of the world.
I know.
You keep saying that.
SCREAMING Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! We're arresting YOU.
Over there.
We're arresting you, young lady.
That's ridiculous.
Cos you started this.
Isn't that right? No, that certainly isn't right.
This is all because of you and what you were doing.
Well, you're all very lucky.
We've been called to an incident.
A much larger incident up the road.
But if there's any more trouble from any of you, we'll be back.
KNOCK ON DOOR There's a visitor for you.
It IS Anthony.
You know me, my boy.
Of course you do.
It's wonderful to see you.
Welcome back.
I don't know you, no.
Of course you do.
Say my name.
I don't know your name.
Why I'm going to embrace you anyway.
Or are you too old for that? Not too old for that, I see.
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not him.
Well, your voice is different, certainly.
But as for the rest I know you remember me.
Our fishing trips, setting off in that wonderful old lorry - you, me and your father.
The Musketeers! Remember, Anthony? I mean, David.
Remember? Come on.
Come on downstairs.
We'll all have a drink together.
Let the old times flood out.
We'll probably all end up crying.
I'm not him.
What do you think? Of course it's him.
Yes, of course it is.
It's all an act.
He'll come out of it.
You think so? Hm.
Well, he hasn't tried to run away.
That's one thing.
But he just sits in his room.
Won't come down to have meals with us.
Won't talk to us.
I know you want me to be him.
I can understand that.
Of course I can.
But I'm not Anthony.
You have to believe me.
There you are, darling.
What on Earth have you done to yourself? What's happened to you? It's nothing.
I tripped and fell, that's all.
You haven't been in a fight, have you? In a fight? No, of course not! So you weren't involved in this? It was near where Esther lives.
It happened last night.
No, Dad.
I was not mixed up in any riots.
You didn't see any of this trouble, then? No, I didn't.
I promise.
It's so good to see you, Dad! Safe from whatever was going on.
That's all over, isn't it, Samuel? That work you were doing? It is, yes.
It's over.
You'll not be doing any more for the government? Or whoever these people are? I will not.
Hello, Mum.
I'm so glad you're back, dear.
I'm so glad I'm back, too.
What's the matter, Mum? I'm not sure your father's telling me the truth about his work for the government.
I have no idea what it is they want him to do.
But he said that's all over.
It's not over.
I know it isn't.
Oh, Hannah! If I hadn't become this timid creature, afraid to go out, afraid to do anything at all, - really, this wouldn't have happened.
- What do you mean? If I hadn't become like this, I would have gone with him every time he went to that house, to the Shaws', and I could have stopped him getting involved.
And I would know what they've been saying to him, - what this is all about.
- What? I don't care how you got that black guy, darling.
At least you're not becoming like me.
He's here again.
Do I throw him out? No.
No, I was expecting him.
You were expecting him? I thought you wanted nothing to do with him ever again? Things have changed.
So, Samuel, decision time.
I've thought about what you've said, and I think I can do it, what you asked.
Making them believe that I'm one of them.
PHONE RINGS Hello, it's Samuel Petrukhin.
Samuel, there you are! I was just thinking about you, as it happens.
You were? That's good to know.
I was just calling Kathleen, I thought you'd be in the House of Commons.
No, I'm at home because, well, something quite sensational has happened.
Kathleen's found Anthony, and he's here, - here in the house, with us.
- That's amazing news.
At least, we think it's him.
Well, of course it's him.
But he maintains he doesn't know us and his name is David.
He's calling himself David now? Anyway, you must come down immediately and see us.
Maybe he'll open up to a stranger, you never know.
And you're always welcome, Samuel.
- Come tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? I think I can do that, yes.
Splendid! They found their son, they think.
They think? The boy's denying it, is he? Yes.
That makes it even more urgent.
They'll bring things forward.
Their plans, before the press get hold of the story about Anthony and they become the focus of national attention.
- Mr Petrukhin.
- Go through.
Oh, Sam, there you are! You've heard our wonderful news? I have.
It's amazing.
Richard's just bringing him down to see you.
You like yours with lemon, don't you? The Russian way.
I'm so happy, Samuel.
I can't tell you how happy I am.
Even though Even though he doesn't seem to recognise us, says he's never been here before.
Well, he's still in shock.
But I've got a plan for what to do next.
You always have a plan.
Here he is! Samuel, this is Anthony.
This is Mr Petrukhin, the inventor of the bleeper.
We'll all be wearing them soon.
So good to meet you, Anthony.
If he wants to be David, we must call him David.
Let's go and feed the donkeys, shall we? You remember their names, don't you, David? I don't know their names, no.
How could I? Never seen them before this week.
Well, this one's Chich - Chichester.
And that's Clemmie and Margot and Daphne.
You loved them.
You always loved them.
If I run away, they would just come after me.
And they'll keep me a prisoner.
They won't listen that I'm not their son.
If you're their friend, then maybe you can persuade them? What was he saying? That he's not Anthony.
I know.
He won't let this other identity drop.
Not for a moment.
But he will eventually, I'm sure.
It's so good you're here.
In an hour or so, I'm going on a little trip down the road.
Do you want to come? Marvellous to drive oneself for once.
So, where are we going? Ah! I'm taking a bit of a risk showing you this, Samuel.
But you mustn't leap to conclusions or think the world's gone mad.
We're in.
More woods? Yes, I like taking you into the woods, Samuel.
They're always full of surprises.
So, what do you think we'll find in this wood, Samuel? Another prewar lorry, stuffed with whisky? Ah! My favourite Member of Parliament and my favourite Russian! Welcome, Samuel, to our picnic in the woods.
Picnic? Is that what this is? Indeed it is, yes.
Look here.
Cheese, wine, smoked salmon.
Bet you've never eaten any of those off a tank before.
They have to have something to munch on, these generals, while they play with their toys.
And they can do that till their heart's content here.
Away from prying eyes.
Ah, Mr Petrukhin.
Good afternoon.
You weren't expecting to see these beauties at the edge of the wood, were you? I certainly was not.
Well, we're just about to give a few of these vehicles a spin.
We've got to keep exercising them.
Must never neglect them.
And they can still put on quite a show.
I bet they can.
Welcome to my private army.
Is that what this is? A private army? Well, I don't know if I'd call it that.
There are quite a few people here who served with the general in the war and are loyal to him.
They have a lot of shared memories of being in action together.
Makes you very close, of course.
We're just here to enjoy the food while watching war games in the wood.
Sometimes, it's hard for people to let the past go, they're always wanting to relive the old battles.
- Is that what you're thinking, Samuel? - Maybe.
I was also thinking that there may be a serious purpose to all this.
That it's not just nostalgia.
Old soldiers playing games.
What do you mean by that, Samuel? Well, there could be a time when a country is out of control, say, or the government is taking completely the wrong direction or has been infiltrated by a foreign power.
And there may be a need for someone like General Maddox and his private army.
Even if it is just to help concentrate people's minds.
You mean help them see sense? Yes.
That's what I meant.
But above all, we can't let the Reds take over.
Can we? Helping people see sense is often a very good idea.
I agree.
Petrukhin, come here! There's someone waiting for you in the hall.
Come on, quickly! This is important.
Mrs Shaw? Hello, Sasha.
I want you to meet someone.
This is Anthony.
So you found him? How do you do, Anthony? David.
They haven't found Anthony, I'm sorry.
He likes to be called David now.
Sasha helped us look for information about you, David.
Mr Tezler will see you now.
Wait here for us, won't you, Sasha? So, Anthony.
How very good to see you.
Welcome back.
I'm David Harris.
And I've never been here before.
David has That's what he's called now.
David has become a vegetarian and he was working at the Vegetarian Hotel.
Ah, were you indeed? I should be there now.
But they came and took me away.
We've come here to bring back some memories for David.
Show him the past.
I know he often mentioned you, Mr Tezler.
Yes, of course.
You look rather different, Anthony David.
But of course I haven't seen you since you came here to visit when you were 15.
But I probably look exactly the same, don't I? I've never seen you before, sir.
You really don't remember me? Still David.
We're going to go and have a look around the school now.
See if that has any effect.
Would you like to come, Sasha? I'm afraid I need a word with Petrukhin.
I feel uncomfortable, Petrukhin, because I have not been entirely truthful with you.
For all sorts of reasons, people who should know better sometimes do not tell the truth.
Maybe we should even use the word lie.
Sir? I lied to you, Petrukhin, about Anthony Shaw's letters.
I showed you how Anthony had written to me for many years.
What I didn't tell you was that some of those letters were from after he disappeared.
I removed them from this file.
That was the lie I told you - that he never wrote to me after he vanished.
I knew where he was.
He wanted me to keep that secret.
To tell no-one.
It was desperately important to him, so I told no-one.
- You want to know why? - Yes, sir.
Cos we had an understanding about animals and the natural world.
We shared a horror of what is happening to that world.
The big game hunters, the killing of lions, tigers and elephants.
The blood sports here even, like the fox hunt that comes across our school grounds.
He was one of the very few boys I ever taught that had a deep interest in that.
The destruction of our world.
Most boys like guns, of course.
You look surprised, Petrukhin.
I didn't know you were interested in that, sir.
I mean, I knew you minded about the dead rabbits in the wood, but No, I don't talk about it a lot.
I don't like to preach about it.
So I did what Anthony asked.
I told myself, if he knew I wasn't going to give him away, then he would keep writing to me and I would know he was safe and less likely to do harm to himself.
And I have no idea if that was the right thing to do.
I don't know, sir.
And now this man, who does look like Anthony, claims he doesn't recognise me.
I doubt we shall ever know if what I did was right.
And that worries me terribly, Petrukhin.
TV: Russia uses the Red Square parade as a shop window of the new weapon she is prepared to show the world.
This year, it includes some rocket missiles - short and intermediate range.
Dad? I thought you'd gone to bed? No.
I have a lot to think about, Hannah.
The bruise is getting better, I see.
It is, thank God.
So clumsy of me.
I was terrified I'd still look like this when I hold my party.
I've got to hold a party of some sort, Dad, before the season ends.
It's expected, apparently.
You can have a party.
- Of course.
God knows - where we'd do it.
I don't know what happens if I don't have one.
Get a curse put on me for the rest of my life, probably.
You haven't told me the truth about how you got this.
But don't worry.
I haven't told the truth to your mother, either.
About what, Dad? About what I've got involved with.
About it being finished.
Isn't it finished? What else do you have to do? I shouldn't tell you.
But I have to tell someone.
You mustn't breathe a word of this.
Of course not.
Go on, Dad, please.
I'm having to deal with people that I never thought I'd come into contact with.
Mad generals with private armies in the woods with their own tanks and soldiers playing war games.
And they have these dreams of running the country, of saving the British Empire, of taking over the government.
Generals with tanks? What do you have to do? It's not going to be dangerous, is it, Dad? - No.
It's not very complicated.
Don't worry, I think I can do it.
Can I do anything to help? No, dear.
In this case, you can't.
OK, there's an array of goodies in here.
All of this equipment looks pretty old.
Indeed it is.
Most of it is out of date.
This, for instance - a tape recorder inside that briefcase.
Try lifting it.
Go on.
Oh! Good lord! - It weighs a tonne.
- Yes.
Imagine struggling round, trying to record somebody secretly with that.
But this is much better.
This is what you'll be wearing.
That's more like it.
I'd have thought you'd have even smaller ones by now? No, not yet, I'm afraid.
And the microphone for this tape recorder is inside this watch.
So if people admire your new watch You'd better have a good explanation.
And this is the harness you'll be wearing.
You'll need to get comfortable with this.
You need to practise.
I bloody well will practise, because the risk of them noticing must be quite high.
The difficult thing, of course, is changing the tape.
I have to change the tape as well? Yes, they only last for an hour.
You'll need more than that on the day.
What will happen with the tapes? Ah, yes, well, they can't be used in a court of law, of course, but the government can use them to confront these people, strip them of their positions and livelihood, expose them in the press.
And we will manage to get some of them sent to jail.
But all of them will be disgraced, ruined.
- All of them? - Yes, all of them.
Then the Shaw family will be ruined? Absolutely.
I know you admire Mr and Mrs Shaw very much.
Adore them, even.
But you mustn't let that get in the way.
You can't feel free to warn Richard Shaw, or anything like that.
Nicolas, there you are, at last! Oh, God, it's so good to see you! It's so good to see you, too.
That's some welcome there, Hannah.
What happened here? Don't ask.
So it didn't work out in Florence? Not exactly, no.
I thought I was in love with somebody.
Turns out I was wrong.
And who was this person? Somebody a little older than I am.
But in the end, not nearly as wise.
That's what I discovered.
It was a man.
You're not surprised? No.
I had sort of guessed.
You once said to me, "We all have our secrets.
" Yes, I did.
This is true.
- You're going to what? - You heard.
You're going to infiltrate their meeting and tape them secretly? I am not infiltrating, I am attending with Mr Shaw as his guest.
They believe you support their cause, do they? Do you really think they're going to fall for that? They already have, I think.
You think? That's hardly going to be good enough, is it? - Not with these people! - Are you going to help me or not? Of course I am.
What I really need to talk to you about is this.
I want your advice about my father.
I'm so worried about him.
He's got sort of entangled doing some really odd work for the government, the Secret Service.
The Secret Service? Yes, I shouldn't be telling you this, but I just can't stop thinking about it.
And you're the only one that knows about these things.
You know about everything, Nicolas, don't you? Maybe almost everything.
My dad's got involved with these mad bonkers generals who have tanks, their own tanks, and private armies in the woods.
And they have plans to What's the matter, don't you believe me? - Who are you looking for? - No, no, I'm listening.
Don't worry.
It's just I said I'd meet one of Max Dennis' producers here.
Max Dennis' producer? - Really? You mean the comic on TV? - Yes.
Are you writing for him, then? Giving him jokes? No, not yet.
It's just I sent this producer some sketches and things and he said he liked them.
And would I like to meet here this evening.
But I was already meeting you.
I didn't want to move it, so So you're having two meetings at once instead? Well, sort of, except he's not here yet.
It would be terrific if you got to write for Max Dennis.
Didn't know you were that funny, Nicolas.
You're probably right, I'm not.
I don't want to ruin your chance.
We'll meet another time.
No, don't be silly.
Anyway, he's not here yet.
I want to hear about mad generals in the woods.
That's definitely something I don't know about.
Can you help me do the waistcoat up, please? Yes, of course.
You read about these things, but you don't realise how clumsy they are.
And difficult to wear.
Can you see any trace of it? Move about a bit.
It's the sleeve.
You have to be careful when you reach for things.
Yes, I'll have to wear it here at the office, get used to it over the next five days.
It's in five days? I got the invitation this morning.
They've given you no training or anything! It shouldn't be up to you, it really shouldn't.
- These people have to be stopped.
- But what if you're caught? I'm not going to think about that.
Ah, there he is! You're marvellously on time, as always.
Hello, Samuel.
How did you get here? I came by train.
You said the less cars, the better.
So I did.
Have some home-made lemonade and cake.
You've got to tuck in.
You've seen my son, Samuel, a rare sight of him out of the house.
Maybe this is the start of something? Perhaps next week he'll be here with us? You think we can all be a family again? Sitting down at meals together? I don't know, he still maintains he's David, that he doesn't remember any of us.
But today he's not skulking in his room, and that's good, definitely.
Do you have your camera with you, Samuel? Your splendid camera? You could take a picture.
I'm afraid I don't.
So no cameras today, Samuel, then? Off you go to your important meeting.
No doubt you'll spend the entire time gossiping and talking about cricket.
Come on, Samuel! You're going to be late now.
Just coming.
Samuel, I just wanted to say thank you for everything.
Thank me? For what? For your support.
For listening to me.
For giving me hope.
I didn't do any of those things, did I? Oh, yes, you did.
Of course you did.
I know it's an odd situation with him refusing to recognise us, and no doubt it'll drive me crazy if it goes on very much longer, and we may have to get a psychiatrist for him.
But he's here now.
And it's already had an extraordinary effect on me.
All sorts of thoughts are buzzing - what I'm going to do differently, how I'm going to change my life, how I'm going to be more engaged with what's going on out there.
Sounds exciting.
It is, isn't it? We really have to go.
So thank you.
Don't stay any longer than you need to, darling.
Of course not.
I'll tell them to get a bloody move on.
Big day, Samuel.
BELL RINGS I thought I'd seize this chance to say something to you all.
Mr Samuel, together with his father, took a lot of risks to establish this firm and develop their inventions.
And Mr Samuel continues to take risks on all our behalf.
And I just wanted to pay tribute to that today, for us to acknowledge that.
And for us to wish him luck in all business matters.
Ah, Mr Shaw.
I'm afraid no cars are allowed in today.
You need to walk from here.
Walk? Even me? Even you, sir.
I'm so glad you're here with me today, Samuel.
Thank you.
I have no idea what to expect, really.
It'll be interesting.
I promise you that.
There she is.
The RAF used to own her.
Bomber Command was here during the war.
I think the general and his friends got her dirt cheap.
We could always go for a hearty meal at a little pub instead.
Skip the meeting entirely.
Tempting, Samuel.
Very tempting.
Not possible, I'm afraid.
Come on, we seem to be almost the last.
Haven't got one of those to check in, have you, Samuel? - Huh! ANIMATED CHATTER FAINT SPORTS COMMENTARY There you are! For a moment, I almost thought you weren't coming.
Good afternoon, Samuel.
Welcome to our little gathering.
Quite a distinguished guest list, in fact.
There's a duke over there, a couple of lords.
Several reliable members of the Secret Service.
So many of them want to meet you.
Meet me? Why on earth would they want to meet me? Ah, Mr Petrukhin, the Bleeper Man.
Welcome indeed.
So glad that you agreed to join us.
Got it with you in your pocket, I see, your pager machine.
A lot of people want to hear about that.
The Bleeper Man is here, everybody.
So many people want to find out how it works.
See, Samuel? At last, you've managed it.
Everybody wants the staff locator now.
Dukes, lords, generals.
Now, you really must get yourself a drink.
GONG CLASHES Everybody on the terrace! GONG CLASHES This is the bit I've been waiting for.
FAINT SPORTS COMMENTARY Right, everyone's eyes on the woods over there.
Told you I could make a wood move, didn't I? DOOR OPENS Yes? Can I help you? Can I help you, Mary? You can at least say my name, can't you? I think it's time you and I had a word together.
About what? About what you're doing to your mother and father.
Keeping this up the whole time.
Pretending to be somebody else.
I'm not Anthony, I keep telling you.
Do you think I'm blind, as well as deaf? Do you think because I sit in a corner all day that I don't see anything or understand anything? Like your father's drinking and his endless talk with Arthur about politics? Or your mother's grief? Do you think we don't all wonder about disappearing somewhere, changing our lives? I know I have many times.
I don't know what you mean.
What you did was quite brave, really.
Braver than any of us.
Oh, utterly ruthless, of course.
Brutal, even.
But you made the break, like I never did.
- I'm not Anthony.
- Ssh! You got away from this house.
This house that was always full of Arthur's politics.
You didn't want to be a part of it.
Of course you didn't.
So you got away.
You disappeared, where no-one could find you.
I may be wrong about your reasons, but I'm sure of this.
You are Anthony.
You are the boy I liked so much.
Who spent many lazy afternoons with me.
Who was always calm, always gentle.
And kind to me.
And I have missed you incredibly, Anthony.
More than you could possibly imagine.
ANIMATED CHATTER Hello, Mr Petrukhin.
Over here, my friend.
I'm just making a few final adjustments for my speech.
You're making a speech, Richard? Yes.
I have to.
I'm the star turn today, I'm afraid, so I have to make sure I perform well.
And I'm managing to keep off the alcohol.
What would happen if you had a drink now? Oh, I don't think we should dwell on that.
Wouldn't stop at one.
Would probably result in me doing the speech on all fours, crawling across the stage.
Maybe just one wouldn't do any harm.
You keep tempting me, my friend, to skip the whole thing.
First the trip to the pub and now this.
Why? Well, I didn't think today was that important.
Well, you were wrong.
Don't be fooled.
I may seem like I don't take too much seriously these days, but in actual fact, the complete opposite is true.
Is it? Yes.
I believe there is something very wrong in how the world is now.
I believe the empire has to be saved.
It can't just be given away.
And, of course, the Russians have to be driven out of Europe.
And that means we have to change things here.
Richard, you don't have to talk about this now.
- Don't I? Well, I rather feel I do, because you don't seem to understand.
Hello, you two.
What doesn't Samuel understand? He doesn't understand quite how serious this meeting today is.
Oh, really? I thought we'd made that clear.
Well, I wasn't sure.
There are so many people here.
I didn't know What, if they can all be thinking the same thing? - Exactly.
Indeed they are.
This is the plan.
- The plan? - It is gloriously straightforward.
I noticed you have a new watch, Samuel.
You're very observant.
Yes, I do.
Very up to date.
Hannah got it for me.
My birthday present.
What a lovely present from your daughter.
Expensive, too.
I think her mother lent her some of the money.
Do you want to hear the plan? Of course.
So, Samuel, what is proposed is this - to encircle London Airport with tanks.
Not just General Maddock's private army, but two other regiments we know we can mobilise.
We will also be encircling three other strategically important sites.
These locations, by the way, are about to request your pager system.
Unwittingly helping us.
I have used my influence to make sure that that happens.
And that will be very important operationally on the day.
Which, of course, explains why you're here, Samuel.
I see.
Makes sense.
They can't be listened into, like radio.
That's right.
And what are these tanks going to do, Arthur? - They don't need to do anything.
- Don't they? The public will be told although there are tanks on the street, it is all an exercise to protect national security.
But the government will realise that the airport and these other sites have been taken in an operation that they had absolutely no control over.
This will concentrate their minds very quickly, lead to a change of personnel at the top and a complete change of direction, without any blood being spilt, or the general public being involved in any way.
I see.
This is where my dear friend Richard here comes in.
War hero, already immensely popular with the public.
They will believe everything he says.
He will lead the new government and help us reverse the disastrous direction we've been heading in, which is deteriorating by the day.
You understand now, Samuel? He understands, I'm sure.
Yes, I do.
And will it work, this plan? Oh, yes.
I can't see anything stopping it.
Even with so many people being involved.
Secrecy has been preserved surprisingly well.
What time does your new watch say it is, Samuel? Er almost 5:30.
It's one minute slow, your new watch.
We're getting very close to the real business of the day.
I'm going to get another drink now.
Fortify myself.
He's such an extraordinary man, isn't he? Such a terrific mind.
He's been like a teacher to me, really.
In everything, for most of my life.
And he always surprises me.
Hello, Mum.
I said, hello, Mum.
Hello, Anthony.
When I decided to go, I never, ever meant it to be so long.
I know what I done is wrong, that I've hurt you horribly.
No, you don't need to say that.
I don't blame you.
I'm not angry.
You must blame me! You must be angry! You should be so so furious! Not any more.
You are back with us, you are back with me.
And that's all that matters, my darling boy.
And there's a whole different person to discover, because I never knew the old Anthony well enough, did I? I never discovered the true Anthony.
But I will now.
When you found me, it didn't just happen.
When you took me away from the hotel, it didn't stop.
I couldn't be Anthony You don't need to explain.
Not now, maybe not ever.
And as I get to know you, with your new voice and everything, you'll find out about me.
I hope so, anyway.
Because I am not going to be that same person again.
I don't quite know how it will be, but you'll help me, I'm sure.
I'm never going to hold another party, for a start.
Not for Arthur, not for Walton, not for anyone.
And do you know what? I can't even ring your father, I can't tell him yet, because I don't know where he is.
He's at one of his endless important meetings.
But he'll be back later.
And waiting for him will be the greatest present he's ever had.
Good show.
Very good show.
Ah! I'm still on the fruit juice, which is lucky.
An awful lot of details to get across in my speech.
Of course.
DOOR CREAKS OPEN AND CLOSES DOOR CREAKS OPEN AND CLOSES I think it's about to start, isn't it - the speeches? DOOR CREAKS OPEN AND CLOSES Mr Petrukhin.
Your bleeper is going to be useful to us, I hear.
Absolutely, I'm sure it will.
CONSTANT TICKING Here's to our plans.
Which we know you will never tell anybody about.
And here's to you joining us one day.
Now it's over isn't it? How do I look? You look very good, Mum.
I haven't worn this for so long.
Just because I'm not going to have any more parties doesn't mean I can't get dressed up when there's something to celebrate.
And there's certainly something to celebrate tonight.
When your father gets home, we're going to start with a vengeance.
- He'll be home soon, then? - Yes.
Very soon.
And then we're going to have a feast.
No meat, of course.
GONG CLASHES LOW CHATTER Studying the audience, are you? Some of them are odd bedfellows, but they can all be relied on.
I just realised, where's Walter? I didn't see him anywhere.
Ah, that's because Walter was never one of us.
He really did like his Victorian buildings.
I'm surprisingly nervous, old chap.
Then maybe someone else can do it, give the details.
There you go again.
Huh! Take your seat, Samuel.
So here's my chance to welcome you all formally.
We all know why we're here, so there's no need for me to beat about the bush, except to say that the situation has become even more urgent, with these appalling riots in London.
Riots in our capital! HE SIGHS Because of all the people we've unwisely let into our country.
Now, I am going to introduce you to our main speaker, who will be going over some of the operational details for you.
I hardly need to remind you that not a single word you hear tonight must be breathed outside this room.
It's a great privilege to welcome somebody I regard as a very good friend.
One of the most inspirational figures in the country, and one of the most charming.
Richard Shaw.
APPLAUSE Ahem! Thank you, Reginald, for that fulsome introduction.
Too flattering, as always.
I'm going to get straight to the point.
Because we all know why this is a momentous meeting.
Although there is just one thing I want to say first.
I know none of you will use this word, but let nobody call this treason.
I was a soldier for many years before I entered Parliament, and I can tell you, this is not treason.
This is our duty.
- Hear, hear! - APPLAUSE We have been forced to act because of the extraordinary and incomprehensible decision of our present government to dismantle the British Empire.
We all know that will be a disaster! Hear, hear! The reduction of these islands to an unimportant outcrop that the rest of the world will treat with derision.
We will not let that happen! APPLAUSE And, of course, there's that second evil we're all aware of.
The influence everywhere of the Soviet Union.
The Russians have penetrated deep into our government, and, no doubt, into the governments of our closest allies as well.
Come on! Come on, you're late! TELEVISION BROADCAS So you are all aware, I believe, of the most important strategic sites.
London Airport, Broadcasting House, the centre of radio, Fleet Street, and one of our main military air bases.
LAUGHTER ON TELEVISION TV: Company, halt! I'm General Mad Dog Bonkers! And I'm going to take over the world.
The world, sir? The whole world? Indeed! Well, making a start with this country, because I've got my own private army, you see.
Which Major Barney here has been raising.
Oh, I have, sir.
Most definitely, sir.
We've been training in the woods, haven't we? Training in the woods.
With good old British mud on our faces.
So everything, of course, will depend on timing and having very good communications on the day.
Now, we're going to be using a new paging system when we get on to these sites, so that our messages to each other can't be monitored.
Just one moment, please.
- We have been training.
- Training! Training! See, I've got a jolly big house.
And at the bottom of my garden, there's a jolly big wood.
And in there, I've got a lot of jolly big tanks and my own private army.
And pretty soon, we're going to be coming out of the trees.
Out of the trees! And we're going to teach everyone a lesson, aren't we, Major Barney? Oh, yes, we are, sir! Suddenly, you'll wake up and there we'll be! Yeah.
And then you can rest easy in your beds, safe and sound, because we're going to march down Whitehall with our great big tanks, handing out free bananas, free bananas, for anyone who joins us and realises we're in charge now.
Free bananas! Well, it is a coincidence, isn't it? It must be.
A total bloody coincidence.
I'm sure it is.
And you got friends in high places, don't you, sir? I most certainly do.
Oh, yes, Old Mad Dog has got friends in very high places.
Some of them are even lords of the realm! And they're going to be helping us out in all sorts of ways.
Yes, I'm General Mad Dog Bonkers, and I'm going to save the British Empire! - Because we're not a tiny island! - We are not! No.
The cat is out of the bag.
Cos we're not tiny! Can't let a fucking comedian stop us, surely? Everyone will be shouting, "We're not tiny", out of their first-floor windows.
I think a slight delay may be necessary.
We're not tiny! What's more, now we have our tanks on the streets, those Ruskies are going to have to take us a lot more seriously, as well.
There's been a leak, obviously.
We should all get out of here.
They'll be quaking in their boots, sir.
Quaking in their snowy boots.
Yes, they're going to be quaking in their boots because there's Reds everywhere.
Well spotted, Major Barney.
But worry not, Mad Dog and his friends will have everything under control.
Oh, yes, we'll soon have the whole country marching in step and feeling proud again! We're going to put the swagger back into Blighty.
- Yeah, because we're not tiny! - We're not tiny! No Johnny Foreigner is ever going to make a laughing stock of us ever again.
And now you are going to tell the viewing millions how they can join us.
I most certainly am! You may write to us at - General Mad Dog Bonkers, We're Not Tiny, Bulldog House, Pall Mall, London.
And you have to be at least 10 years old to join up, don't you, sir? You do.
Although, if your father has a title, you may join at seven.
Because we're not tiny! Thank you.
Mr Petrukhin? Just one moment.
Could you come this way, please? - What for? - It will only take a moment.
Why do they want to see me? You could have asked.
I'm an I'm an electrics man, I was keeping a record.
I was keeping a record! This is outrageous.
I bloody well will not.
Doesn't make any difference.
I always thought you weren't one of us.
Of course I wasn't.
GUNFIRE Couldn't let that happen, could I, Samuel? Let it be the end of the Bleeper Man.
He's always liked you.
For several months now, I've been carrying a gun.
I didn't think I'd ever have to use it.
- I ought to thank you.
- No need.
Needless to say, this is not how I expected the evening to end.
Being disrupted by a comedian, some would say rather appropriately.
The death of a secret serviceman.
There's usually somebody that oversteps the mark, isn't there? Why is that? In the end, you didn't believe in us, did you? No.
That is a pity.
I'm sorry to be so obvious, Arthur, but are you going to call the police? HE CHUCKLES You expect a lot, Samuel.
No, I'm not going to call the police.
You can, of course, but I will not be here when they arrive.
I'll disappear for a while.
And I'll be very difficult to find.
So, what's going to happen at this precise moment? How do I Get away from me? Just in the normal way.
We'll order a local taxi.
MUSIC: Move It by Cliff Richard and The Shadows C'mon, pretty baby Let's a-move it and a-groove it Well, shake, oh, baby, Shake, oh, honey, Please don't lose it The rhythm that gets into your heart and soul Well, let me tell you, baby MUSIC ECHOES: It's called rock and roll I thought you might want these, sir.
Thank you.
Although you'll probably want to chuck them out now, after what you've been through.
There's been nothing about it in the papers, even though I reported everything to you and the police.
Well, given the people involved, there wouldn't have been, would there? The man who was killed was a member of the Secret Service, so the public will be protected from all the details.
You were the only witness, Samuel.
So I was.
Will you be able to find Lord Wallington, do you think? No, I very much doubt it.
He'll no longer be in the country.
He'll know how to vanish.
I'm sorry I failed to get any of the tapes out.
Oh, don't worry.
There will be other opportunities, almost certainly.
They'll be back, in some form or other, with another wild attempt at a coup.
But we'll be ready for them - maybe armed with a comedian or two this time.
Oh, yes.
I never thought ridicule could be so effective.
I don't suppose we'll ever know how they got a hold of all the details.
Well, they're finally free of his influence, at least.
- You think it was all due to him? - Yes.
She's totally innocent, of course.
And as for Richard, it was probably a bout of summer madness.
So you're still in love with them, clearly.
Certainly not.
I am free of them, too.
I no longer want to be the perfect English gentleman.
Oh! I almost forgot.
Yesterday, I went to the hospital, on the off chance His Lordship might be pulling the same trick you did.
And what did I see, but the staff locator everywhere? You see? I did have a party after all.
Dad? This is Joel.
He's a friend of mine.
- Nice to meet you, sir.
- Lovely to meet you, too.
SHE LAUGHS That's the first step, anyway.
Another friend of mine, Dad.
Nicholas Harper.
He taught me at etiquette class.
Yes, I always wondered whose class she was really in.
And now he writes jokes for Max Dennis.
Ah, well, you must tell me all about that.
I feel you have rather a lot to tell me.
You keep looking around.
They're not going to come.
They're not.
They will.
Time to buy your raffle tickets! There are many good prizes, including a camera with a zoom lens used by secret agents.
I won't be claiming it, of course, since I've been forbidden to take part - on account of the fact that I nearly always win.
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE My dear old chap, what a summer we've had, haven't we? Kathleen says it's time for a new start.
Little terrifying at my age.
You haven't heard from Arthur, have you? - Here's to Mad Dog Bonkers.
- HE LAUGHS Did your father ever tell you what happened with him and generals in the private army? No, not yet.
He said it's an official secret.
Ah, one of those.
He'll tell me one day, I hope.
Anthony's suddenly come back and Arthur's suddenly vanished.
Isn't that an odd thing to have happened? Perhaps there's a connection.
In some way? Maybe it's good that Arthur's gone now.
And maybe he'll stay vanished.
I should have known more, Samuel.
I really should have.
Richard seems a little bit lost without Arthur at the moment.
But he'll be OK, I think.
He has to grow up eventually.
But I love him so.
Of course.
But it's so good your children are back with you, Sam.
And Anthony, of course, if he goes off somewhere again, then that's all right.
Of course it is.
The only thing that matters is knowing they're safe.
That's absolutely right.
I've just realised.
I've hardly any idea what my daughter has been up to this entire summer.
GONG RINGS I just want to propose a toast.
I never make speeches.
This is, in fact, my first one ever, so it'll be only one sentence.
LAUGHTER I just want to make a toast to my daughter, Hannah, of course, whose party this is.
And to the rest of my family, Samuel and Sasha, and to the end of the season! Oh! And, of course, to the invaluable staff locator too! Which is now up and running and about to take over all your lives! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Can I just add? Everybody should notice Hannah's clocks.
Well, you can't really miss them, can you? They're worryingly called the Doomsday Clock, after the nuclear clock which reminds us just how close we are to you-know-what.
The real one is set at three minutes to midnight.
And these ones are, quite rightly, set at 8.
Let's all drink to that, shall we? Hear, hear.