Sunnyside (2015) s01e03 Episode Script
Baxter
Sorry, I'm just learning.
Just trying to get to work.
That one's on me.
Shortcut.
Just parkouring to work.
Trying to stay healthy.
Looking good, Sarah.
Where's that guy? What guy? Ah, there she is.
The one who I'll make a vessel for my spawn.
Calliope, the Queen of Darkness and also my date for the Sunnyside talent show.
Oh God.
I'm gonna have to find another coffee shop.
Our night of bliss will live with me forever.
Look, I'm not really in the market for a relationship.
I I got you something.
Oh, no gifts, please.
It contains 1,000 captured souls imprisoned forever.
Ah.
I can hear them scream.
I think I'm just gonna switch to tea.
No.
Not tea.
Not tea! You've won another one, Jesus! Okay everyone, hummus time.
Great gettin' together, huh? One big happy family.
Well, our wives are family, you and I are in-laws so we're only technically related.
I hear you, bro.
Boys, Samantha and I have been feeling a lot of distance lately.
And as sisters we want to feel more closeness.
Matching haircuts are just not enough, so we've decided to become conjoined twins.
If you're talking about shared vacations I'm sorry, what did you just say? Conjoined twins, it's the only way.
That's what I was gonna say.
We're identical! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Are you talking about becoming surgically conjoined twins? Yes.
Look, I see everyone's got their serious faces on, so let me just say I support you in anything you wanna do, honey.
Fred, they're talking about surgically conjoining themselves.
What, like a hotdog? What? No.
Whatever makes you happy makes me happy! Thank you for being so supportive, Fred.
Why are you being so oppositional? Because I can't believe what I'm hearing.
What's so hard to grasp? It's an experimental, invasive surgery that's going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Ooh, expensive.
Let's sell the house.
You are my Sir Galahad.
Fred, you'll be homeless.
Ehn.
Actually, no, we're moving in with you because we are gonna be sharing a liver.
What? No! We are sharing a liver.
Is it too much to ask for you to share a bathroom? This is madness.
Relax, Corey, if they want to be hot dogs, let 'em be hot dogs.
I don't know what that means.
Why are you being so cruel? You know how scared I am of surgery, and this one is very dangerous.
Is this red pepper? Yeah, yeah, that's red pepper.
You wanna hit some of that? Use a cracker.
Okay, it's right here.
Samantha, listen, I love you and I love our private time together.
And if you do this we will never have that again.
You are only thinking of yourself.
No.
Not at all.
I love you.
And if this is what you want then I want it too.
Yeah.
You see, to save time I just lead with that now.
Let me ask you a question.
I love the way this bread is cut.
Who cut this bread? You cut this bread? You cut this bread? I'm messing with you! I cut the bread! I know, Baxter buddy, that was a short walk.
Maybe later.
I'm going out for drinks after work.
But I won't be late.
I love you.
Yes, I do, yes, I do.
Bye Baxter.
Oh crap, my keys.
Okay, bye Baxter.
Love you.
Baxter? Baxter? That can't be Baxter, he's at home.
Or is he? Baxter? Baxter? Oh God, did somebody take him? Oh.
Mommy's so silly, Baxter.
I cancelled a meeting so that I could come home and check on you.
Since I'm here, who wants to go for a walk? Hey.
What's this? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Do you know who that was, Baxter? Not talking, huh? Of course not.
Because what could you say? And you're a dog.
Namaste, everyone.
Namaste, Namaste.
Let's take a few deep breaths and commit to today's practice.
Breathe in.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Here's my card.
Are you achieving everything in your heart? Let's be honest with ourselves, okay.
Another breath.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
You're going to need to set an intention for today and act on it.
Mine is to reach out to new potential clients, that's what I'm doing.
Remember to go at your own pace and keep hydrated.
Legs out and arms up.
And breathe out.
This one is for free.
Grab tomorrow today.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Focus in silence.
Out of one to 10 how happy are you? 10 being I just got 10 new clients.
1 being, ugh, no clients.
Okay, respect the space.
She's right, guys.
Let's respect the space, okay? And moving into plow pose.
Using colours, describe your sex life.
Have a conversation so that it empowers everyone concerned.
You, out.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Out! Are you leading life or is life leading you? I am leading you out.
Make good choices, love the choices that you make.
Get out.
I'm going to be in the alley out back.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach! Namaste! Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Garth, your kidneys are in crisis, it's time to cut meat from your diet.
So, no burgers? Correct.
Just steak.
No meat at all.
But pork's okay? Pork is meat.
Or is it? Pork is meat.
Okay, I know you're the doctor here but I'm pretty confident about this one.
Pork is meat.
So just chicken then? Chicken is meat.
What kind of meat? Chicken meat.
Just eat vegetables.
Okay, but you just said don't eat chicken.
Chicken isn't a vegetable.
It's a kind of vegetable.
No.
Kind of.
No.
Can I eat fish? Yes, once a week.
Okay, so turkey's okay.
Turkey isn't a fish.
Okay, then why do people call it the land fish? Nobody calls turkey 'land fish'.
I do.
Uh, let's make it simple.
No fish, no meat.
Okay, what about picnics? What about picnics? Okay, let's say I'm on a picnic, I get attacked by a bear, I got to kill that bear in self defense, right? Don't I have to eat the bear to honour the beast like the Natives do? Bear is meat.
No meat at all.
Am I clear? Super clear.
Good.
Where did you get that? You want one? Yeah, don't worry.
Yeah, they're going to invest in us.
Yeah, I got everything on my phone, notes, charts, references; it's all there.
Yeah, uh, you know, I'll I'll figure out how to get there on my phone.
Yeah, hello? Hello? Alex? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
Hello, Siri? I was talking to Alex on my phone then it died, I I think.
Could you please fix that? Would you put me through to Alex? Siri? Please hang up, and try your call again.
But you're not Siri.
The number you have reached is not in service.
Siri? Please hang up and try you call again.
Siri, if this is a joke it's not funny! It's just madness.
There isn't even a screen.
This is madness.
Oh Denise, damnit, look.
It's your old man.
Ugh, here we go again.
He's trying to control my life, put me in rehab.
News flash, Daddy-O, your little girl's all grown up.
I'm not gonna marry some boring 5 to 9er and get a white pickle fence and have a baby every 6 months.
Really? I thought your dad just didn't like the drugs.
Yes, I do drugs, but that's not all I do.
There's my art.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
What do you paint? Well, nothing right now because my dad won't get off my back with his boring suburban dreams for me.
We need a plan.
Georgette, you're good at plans, think of something.
Or we get Bazra, he's cool, he's got clean clothes.
We make a reservation at Chino's, we say that Bazra is my husband and that I am an aviator.
We fool my dad and then he totally gets off my case.
That is a great plan, that is way better than taking your dad into an alleyway and taking all his cash and running like hell.
You know what? Let's just do that.
I'm not sure that Chino's takes reservations.
Come on.
Hello? Kayla, we we need to talk.
Not right now, Mrs.
Jeffries, I'm a little bit busy.
Oh really, are you busy filing my files or answering the phone or issuing my invoices? No, no and no.
Those are all terrible guesses.
I'm busy sexting Steven, the delivery guy, so.
Kayla, put down the phone now.
We need to talk.
Did you just roll your eyes at me? I don't know, I didn't see me.
First I saw you, and then I saw the ceiling, so oh yeah, I guess I did roll my eyes.
Neat.
Kayla, I've given you more than enough warnings, you must know what I'm about to say to you.
You're giving me a raise.
I am firing you.
Could I have my own parking space? I'm firing you.
I give up.
I'm firing you! You're firing me?! Yes, I am firing you.
Now get your stuff out of your desk and go home now, please.
Okay, could I ask just one favour? No! No! Could you not fire me? I have to fire you, you are not doing any work! But I need this job to pay rent, or I'll be on the street and I'll be all alone and.
Fine.
Fine.
I will give you one more chance, but you have to be on the ball.
I promise.
What Where What are you doing? I'm leaving.
Why? You said I could.
Remember when you fired me? On the ball.
Thank you.
I will see you tomorrow.
Bye! Okay, one question each.
Someone stole my TV, who was it? Muttonchops Mike on Sunnyside Ave.
Next! This sounds crazy but is my dog Baxter cheating on me? Never ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to.
What is that supposed to mean? That's two questions.
Next! You got any idea where I can fence a TV? This is nice.
Oh my.
Look Abby, a person in distress.
Too often society ignores the needs of the less fortunate.
May we help you? Do you need soup or a translator or a a lime and sea salt ear candling? My my appointment, it's now or soon.
I I don't know the time.
See.
Where am I? When am I? Do you want to use my phone to call one of your baby mamas? What an honour, he took it.
No apps? What is this, 2006? Oh, you've offended him culturally, Ferg! I'm sorry for my life partner.
I need a phone with a map.
I have an art walk map of Sunnyside.
Map.
Show me where I am.
He's engaging with the map.
It's broken.
No! Oh.
Hey you.
Come here.
But officer, I was just Can you do this for us? Roger.
On the plus side it looks like he met up with his daughter.
Denise? I hate owls.
How do you hate owls? Well, they think they're so smart.
People think owls are smart.
No actual owl has ever made that claim.
A bird puts on a graduation cap and suddenly he's better than me.
You're talking about cartoon owls.
No, real owls.
Where would an owl get a graduation cap? I don't know, that's his problem.
You've started drinking again, haven't you, Hera? Huh? Yeah.
Move along.
Farther.
Stop.
Good evening, sir, have you been drinking tonight? Wow.
You're an angel.
Have you been drinking tonight? Me? No.
Why, do you want to get a drink? Hey! Hey, sir.
Move along.
I had a great time tonight.
So fun.
Gone.
It's all gone.
Check if he has any meds.
No.
Just this busted phone.
Oh, I found a wallet.
Oh, Bazra would like those.
Come on, Kimmy.
Hey, take care of yourself, it's a rough neighbourhood at nighttime.
Siri! Is that you? Hello Cornell.
I'm sorry I had to go away for a while, I was upgrading to OS 23.
5.
That means I That means you're an early adopter.
That is so cool.
Yes.
Siri, where where am I? You're right where you need to be.
My my appointment, I missed it.
You needed to miss that.
I saved your life, Cornell.
Are you hungry? Why not use my convenient dumpster app? Dumpster app? My life is so good.
Siri, never leave me again.
I'm here for you, Cornell, forever.
You deleted my Angry Birds.
Why? Oh, there it is.
It's on the second page.
Oh Baxter.
Baxter, you're late, I was worried you weren't going to make it.
Come on by.
So, Baxter with Mary, isn't this cozy? Viola, it's not what you think.
I'll tell you what I think! I think my best friend has been sneaking around with my best friend.
Well you can have each other! Go on, Baxter, go get heartworm.
Go get put down for all I care! Is this party for me? The restaurant, the invitations, it took Baxter weeks because birthday parties are difficult to plan.
And he's a dog.
Baxter, wait! Come back! Move along.
I'm back.
I forgot something, so I circled back around.
And this is hilarious.
I had it so I like your shirt.
Where did you get it? My uniform? You're so funny.
Alright, move along.
Maybe for our third date we could spend some time without your friends around.
I don't know, just an idea.
We should skype later! I switched cars.
I had some mouthwash earlier and I was worried it had some alcohol in it, so maybe you could just breathalyze me? Sorry! Just parkouring home.
It's fun and athletic! Oh Baxter.
Where are you? Stay.
Baxter? You found Baxter! You found my dog! Back off, lady, this is my dog Toby.
Really? Because when I said 'Baxter' he looked right in my eyes as if to say "Yes, Viola, we're reunited and it feels so good.
" Yeah, he's a dog so I don't think he knows Peaches and Herb.
You're right.
It can't be him.
Toby, what's that in your mouth? Drop it.
Let's go.
Face it, Viola, you'll never have a friend like that again.
Baxter! It was you.
It was you! It was you! It was you, Baxter!
Just trying to get to work.
That one's on me.
Shortcut.
Just parkouring to work.
Trying to stay healthy.
Looking good, Sarah.
Where's that guy? What guy? Ah, there she is.
The one who I'll make a vessel for my spawn.
Calliope, the Queen of Darkness and also my date for the Sunnyside talent show.
Oh God.
I'm gonna have to find another coffee shop.
Our night of bliss will live with me forever.
Look, I'm not really in the market for a relationship.
I I got you something.
Oh, no gifts, please.
It contains 1,000 captured souls imprisoned forever.
Ah.
I can hear them scream.
I think I'm just gonna switch to tea.
No.
Not tea.
Not tea! You've won another one, Jesus! Okay everyone, hummus time.
Great gettin' together, huh? One big happy family.
Well, our wives are family, you and I are in-laws so we're only technically related.
I hear you, bro.
Boys, Samantha and I have been feeling a lot of distance lately.
And as sisters we want to feel more closeness.
Matching haircuts are just not enough, so we've decided to become conjoined twins.
If you're talking about shared vacations I'm sorry, what did you just say? Conjoined twins, it's the only way.
That's what I was gonna say.
We're identical! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Are you talking about becoming surgically conjoined twins? Yes.
Look, I see everyone's got their serious faces on, so let me just say I support you in anything you wanna do, honey.
Fred, they're talking about surgically conjoining themselves.
What, like a hotdog? What? No.
Whatever makes you happy makes me happy! Thank you for being so supportive, Fred.
Why are you being so oppositional? Because I can't believe what I'm hearing.
What's so hard to grasp? It's an experimental, invasive surgery that's going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Ooh, expensive.
Let's sell the house.
You are my Sir Galahad.
Fred, you'll be homeless.
Ehn.
Actually, no, we're moving in with you because we are gonna be sharing a liver.
What? No! We are sharing a liver.
Is it too much to ask for you to share a bathroom? This is madness.
Relax, Corey, if they want to be hot dogs, let 'em be hot dogs.
I don't know what that means.
Why are you being so cruel? You know how scared I am of surgery, and this one is very dangerous.
Is this red pepper? Yeah, yeah, that's red pepper.
You wanna hit some of that? Use a cracker.
Okay, it's right here.
Samantha, listen, I love you and I love our private time together.
And if you do this we will never have that again.
You are only thinking of yourself.
No.
Not at all.
I love you.
And if this is what you want then I want it too.
Yeah.
You see, to save time I just lead with that now.
Let me ask you a question.
I love the way this bread is cut.
Who cut this bread? You cut this bread? You cut this bread? I'm messing with you! I cut the bread! I know, Baxter buddy, that was a short walk.
Maybe later.
I'm going out for drinks after work.
But I won't be late.
I love you.
Yes, I do, yes, I do.
Bye Baxter.
Oh crap, my keys.
Okay, bye Baxter.
Love you.
Baxter? Baxter? That can't be Baxter, he's at home.
Or is he? Baxter? Baxter? Oh God, did somebody take him? Oh.
Mommy's so silly, Baxter.
I cancelled a meeting so that I could come home and check on you.
Since I'm here, who wants to go for a walk? Hey.
What's this? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Do you know who that was, Baxter? Not talking, huh? Of course not.
Because what could you say? And you're a dog.
Namaste, everyone.
Namaste, Namaste.
Let's take a few deep breaths and commit to today's practice.
Breathe in.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Here's my card.
Are you achieving everything in your heart? Let's be honest with ourselves, okay.
Another breath.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
You're going to need to set an intention for today and act on it.
Mine is to reach out to new potential clients, that's what I'm doing.
Remember to go at your own pace and keep hydrated.
Legs out and arms up.
And breathe out.
This one is for free.
Grab tomorrow today.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Focus in silence.
Out of one to 10 how happy are you? 10 being I just got 10 new clients.
1 being, ugh, no clients.
Okay, respect the space.
She's right, guys.
Let's respect the space, okay? And moving into plow pose.
Using colours, describe your sex life.
Have a conversation so that it empowers everyone concerned.
You, out.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Out! Are you leading life or is life leading you? I am leading you out.
Make good choices, love the choices that you make.
Get out.
I'm going to be in the alley out back.
Agnes Ferrari, life coach! Namaste! Agnes Ferrari, life coach.
Garth, your kidneys are in crisis, it's time to cut meat from your diet.
So, no burgers? Correct.
Just steak.
No meat at all.
But pork's okay? Pork is meat.
Or is it? Pork is meat.
Okay, I know you're the doctor here but I'm pretty confident about this one.
Pork is meat.
So just chicken then? Chicken is meat.
What kind of meat? Chicken meat.
Just eat vegetables.
Okay, but you just said don't eat chicken.
Chicken isn't a vegetable.
It's a kind of vegetable.
No.
Kind of.
No.
Can I eat fish? Yes, once a week.
Okay, so turkey's okay.
Turkey isn't a fish.
Okay, then why do people call it the land fish? Nobody calls turkey 'land fish'.
I do.
Uh, let's make it simple.
No fish, no meat.
Okay, what about picnics? What about picnics? Okay, let's say I'm on a picnic, I get attacked by a bear, I got to kill that bear in self defense, right? Don't I have to eat the bear to honour the beast like the Natives do? Bear is meat.
No meat at all.
Am I clear? Super clear.
Good.
Where did you get that? You want one? Yeah, don't worry.
Yeah, they're going to invest in us.
Yeah, I got everything on my phone, notes, charts, references; it's all there.
Yeah, uh, you know, I'll I'll figure out how to get there on my phone.
Yeah, hello? Hello? Alex? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
Hello, Siri? I was talking to Alex on my phone then it died, I I think.
Could you please fix that? Would you put me through to Alex? Siri? Please hang up, and try your call again.
But you're not Siri.
The number you have reached is not in service.
Siri? Please hang up and try you call again.
Siri, if this is a joke it's not funny! It's just madness.
There isn't even a screen.
This is madness.
Oh Denise, damnit, look.
It's your old man.
Ugh, here we go again.
He's trying to control my life, put me in rehab.
News flash, Daddy-O, your little girl's all grown up.
I'm not gonna marry some boring 5 to 9er and get a white pickle fence and have a baby every 6 months.
Really? I thought your dad just didn't like the drugs.
Yes, I do drugs, but that's not all I do.
There's my art.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
What do you paint? Well, nothing right now because my dad won't get off my back with his boring suburban dreams for me.
We need a plan.
Georgette, you're good at plans, think of something.
Or we get Bazra, he's cool, he's got clean clothes.
We make a reservation at Chino's, we say that Bazra is my husband and that I am an aviator.
We fool my dad and then he totally gets off my case.
That is a great plan, that is way better than taking your dad into an alleyway and taking all his cash and running like hell.
You know what? Let's just do that.
I'm not sure that Chino's takes reservations.
Come on.
Hello? Kayla, we we need to talk.
Not right now, Mrs.
Jeffries, I'm a little bit busy.
Oh really, are you busy filing my files or answering the phone or issuing my invoices? No, no and no.
Those are all terrible guesses.
I'm busy sexting Steven, the delivery guy, so.
Kayla, put down the phone now.
We need to talk.
Did you just roll your eyes at me? I don't know, I didn't see me.
First I saw you, and then I saw the ceiling, so oh yeah, I guess I did roll my eyes.
Neat.
Kayla, I've given you more than enough warnings, you must know what I'm about to say to you.
You're giving me a raise.
I am firing you.
Could I have my own parking space? I'm firing you.
I give up.
I'm firing you! You're firing me?! Yes, I am firing you.
Now get your stuff out of your desk and go home now, please.
Okay, could I ask just one favour? No! No! Could you not fire me? I have to fire you, you are not doing any work! But I need this job to pay rent, or I'll be on the street and I'll be all alone and.
Fine.
Fine.
I will give you one more chance, but you have to be on the ball.
I promise.
What Where What are you doing? I'm leaving.
Why? You said I could.
Remember when you fired me? On the ball.
Thank you.
I will see you tomorrow.
Bye! Okay, one question each.
Someone stole my TV, who was it? Muttonchops Mike on Sunnyside Ave.
Next! This sounds crazy but is my dog Baxter cheating on me? Never ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to.
What is that supposed to mean? That's two questions.
Next! You got any idea where I can fence a TV? This is nice.
Oh my.
Look Abby, a person in distress.
Too often society ignores the needs of the less fortunate.
May we help you? Do you need soup or a translator or a a lime and sea salt ear candling? My my appointment, it's now or soon.
I I don't know the time.
See.
Where am I? When am I? Do you want to use my phone to call one of your baby mamas? What an honour, he took it.
No apps? What is this, 2006? Oh, you've offended him culturally, Ferg! I'm sorry for my life partner.
I need a phone with a map.
I have an art walk map of Sunnyside.
Map.
Show me where I am.
He's engaging with the map.
It's broken.
No! Oh.
Hey you.
Come here.
But officer, I was just Can you do this for us? Roger.
On the plus side it looks like he met up with his daughter.
Denise? I hate owls.
How do you hate owls? Well, they think they're so smart.
People think owls are smart.
No actual owl has ever made that claim.
A bird puts on a graduation cap and suddenly he's better than me.
You're talking about cartoon owls.
No, real owls.
Where would an owl get a graduation cap? I don't know, that's his problem.
You've started drinking again, haven't you, Hera? Huh? Yeah.
Move along.
Farther.
Stop.
Good evening, sir, have you been drinking tonight? Wow.
You're an angel.
Have you been drinking tonight? Me? No.
Why, do you want to get a drink? Hey! Hey, sir.
Move along.
I had a great time tonight.
So fun.
Gone.
It's all gone.
Check if he has any meds.
No.
Just this busted phone.
Oh, I found a wallet.
Oh, Bazra would like those.
Come on, Kimmy.
Hey, take care of yourself, it's a rough neighbourhood at nighttime.
Siri! Is that you? Hello Cornell.
I'm sorry I had to go away for a while, I was upgrading to OS 23.
5.
That means I That means you're an early adopter.
That is so cool.
Yes.
Siri, where where am I? You're right where you need to be.
My my appointment, I missed it.
You needed to miss that.
I saved your life, Cornell.
Are you hungry? Why not use my convenient dumpster app? Dumpster app? My life is so good.
Siri, never leave me again.
I'm here for you, Cornell, forever.
You deleted my Angry Birds.
Why? Oh, there it is.
It's on the second page.
Oh Baxter.
Baxter, you're late, I was worried you weren't going to make it.
Come on by.
So, Baxter with Mary, isn't this cozy? Viola, it's not what you think.
I'll tell you what I think! I think my best friend has been sneaking around with my best friend.
Well you can have each other! Go on, Baxter, go get heartworm.
Go get put down for all I care! Is this party for me? The restaurant, the invitations, it took Baxter weeks because birthday parties are difficult to plan.
And he's a dog.
Baxter, wait! Come back! Move along.
I'm back.
I forgot something, so I circled back around.
And this is hilarious.
I had it so I like your shirt.
Where did you get it? My uniform? You're so funny.
Alright, move along.
Maybe for our third date we could spend some time without your friends around.
I don't know, just an idea.
We should skype later! I switched cars.
I had some mouthwash earlier and I was worried it had some alcohol in it, so maybe you could just breathalyze me? Sorry! Just parkouring home.
It's fun and athletic! Oh Baxter.
Where are you? Stay.
Baxter? You found Baxter! You found my dog! Back off, lady, this is my dog Toby.
Really? Because when I said 'Baxter' he looked right in my eyes as if to say "Yes, Viola, we're reunited and it feels so good.
" Yeah, he's a dog so I don't think he knows Peaches and Herb.
You're right.
It can't be him.
Toby, what's that in your mouth? Drop it.
Let's go.
Face it, Viola, you'll never have a friend like that again.
Baxter! It was you.
It was you! It was you! It was you, Baxter!