Superstore (2015) s05e10 Episode Script


1 Make sure the negotiator pushes for maternity leave.
That's important and holiday pay.
Here, to remind you.
It's all in the union proposal, so I don't think I'll need a reminder.
Huh, cinnamon.
I'm intrigued by the non-peppermints.
Where is Sandra? Are you sure she's really coming? Maybe you should just leave without her.
[inhales sharply.]
They said bring two store reps.
Plus, she yelled "dibs" so loud at that meeting.
Oh, Jonah, little negotiating tip walk away so they know re serious.
When I bought my Corolla, I hid in the bathroom for hours.
I will keep that in my back pocket.
- You're so nervous right now.
- Yeah.
No, I know.
I just don't want them to screw us and leave us with no contract.
Hey, you didn't even think that they would sit down with us, but they did, so obviously they're scared.
I honestly think this is all gonna work out.
God, you really do, don't you? So annoying.
Look, I really wish that you could be there with us, and I promise to text you updates as soon as I can.
Yes, please, even if it's bad news, it's okay.
And it might be good news, in which case I'd be shocked, but, you know, happy, obviously.
Sorry I'm late.
Jerry had never seen me in a blazer, so the morning got a little busy.
- [chuckles.]
- Cool.
[upbeat music.]
Some of this stuff seems too nice to be in clearance, like "Ottawa's Tallest Buildings.
" No, this junk needs to go in the trash.
- Nobody's buying it.
- [Scoffs.]
More like no one's selling it.
Does anyone remember when I worked here? Carts overflowed.
Now I'm stuck watching you guys blob around all day while I waste my talents in the vision center.
- Helping people see? - I know.
A dog can do it.
No one moved product like me back at Sturgis & Sons.
I even got a plaque that said, "Dad's Number One Sales Boy.
" I'm sure you were good, like, back in the old days, but I'm just saying, in modern times, I was the best salesperson in the store.
I think I might still have some moves left in me.
In fact, on a good blood-sugar day, I might even be better than you.
Okay, Glenn.
Why don't we pick out items for each other? And if you sell yours first, I'll take over your bathroom trash duty for three months.
Okay, I'm in.
You know what? I'm in, too.
Somebody's been putting what may or may not be dog poop in that trash, and I'm gonna let one of you guys figure out the mystery.
What's up with the tree? We doing a dystopian nightmare Christmas this year? No, some raccoons just went HAM on it in storage.
Oh, hey, so are Jonah and Sandra there? Yep, he's looking for a parking spot right now.
Stand by.
Stand by.
Okay, great.
He's got one.
You doing okay with all this? Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm totally fine.
Why? I just thought it'd be tough for you.
I mean, I know you like being in control, and in this case, someone so close to you gets to be there, and it's like, "Is he gonna come through?" But I'm glad I'm wrong.
[holiday music playing.]
What happened to this tree? Oh, seems like some raccoons definitely had sex in it or with it.
Georgia, hi.
Jonah Simms from Store 1217.
Oh, so good to meet you in person.
- [chuckles.]
- You look just like you sound.
Yeah, I-I get that a lot for some reason.
Um, Georgia is kind of a legend.
She's won, like, a dozen union contracts.
Really, it's amazing work that you're doing.
- Thank you.
- Please.
I talk for a living.
You guys do real work.
And I plan to get you paid for it.
Well, it's about time, 'cause they've pushed us around for too long.
They just kept pushing and pushing, and they're about to find out what happens when I get to the edge.
I'm passionate, too.
It just manifests differently.
- Zap and wear sweater.
- Mm.
"Microwavable for up to nine minutes of piping-hot comfort.
" Oh.
I'll sell the hell out of this.
Well, Glenn, I have found your item right here.
- Oh.
- It's either a pig-shaped shoe or a shoe-shaped pig.
It has a handle but no spout.
This is a bad thing.
- No problem.
- Well, Garrett, you'll be working with this Tony Danza popcorn machine.
Oh, okay, well, at least mine serves a purpose.
This pops "Tony Danza brand popcorn cartridges only.
" Cartridges not included.
" Hey.
How's Jonah doing out there? Crushing it? God, you ever look at that guy and get so proud, you have to look away? [Chuckles.]
Well, all I know so far is that he's got parking.
There's probably just nothing else to report.
I mean, in which case he could have said, "Nothing to report," but he didn't, and that's fine.
Don't worry.
If he texts me first, I'll download you.
Amy, what's the scoop on the poop? - Nothing yet.
- But we'll let you know.
I will let you know.
He's gonna text me first.
Cool, we'll just get a text tree going.
Jonah texts whichever one of us gut says me.
It's not gonna be you.
I've seen his favorites.
- You're not in there.
- What? Nice, Amy.
Guess who's gonna be cleaning this up all afternoon.
- Come on, buddy.
- [sighs.]
I look at these chumps, I see breakfast, lunch, dinner.
Is your chair a little bit low? Is it? Hang on.
[air hisses.]
What are you - I think it's - Just make it come back.
- It won't do it.
It's - Morning, folks! - So then you sit up.
- Sorry I'm late.
Ah, some, uh some pretty big numbers in this proposal of yours.
- 100% premium coverage? - We think that's fair.
The workers have voted to make health care priority one.
- Right right, Sandra? - Yep.
I mean, I applaud you for trying, but we're not paying 100% of premiums.
Okay, maybe a more workable number is 70%.
- Hmm.
- Yeah? Uh, all the way down to 70%? Just Yeah, I think this one's broken.
So any word from Jonah? Good negoshe, bad negoshe? Nope, not yet.
Still early.
I'll bet they're blowing it.
Okay, I'm gonna go check on that.
Need any help with whatever this is? Okay, I know what you're thinking.
It looks great.
It just needs lights.
Ooh, Amy, how's union stuff going? I know what you know, Janet, which is [bleep.]
nothing! But when there is news, I, uh well, I'll tell you first.
[holiday music playing.]
Whoa, you're, like, rich-lady tense right now.
I know.
I'm just trying not to worry about it, but then people just keep asking me about it, which is making me worry about it, and [sighs.]
Actually, I really need to get out.
Um, how about I go buy us a Christmas tree? Because this isn't one.
I'll warm up the truck.
Cheyenne, let's go.
No, you guys don't have to come with me.
Oh, we absolutely do.
I mean, I love this girl, but she is just the kind of sucker to pay through the nose for a Douglas fir and then come back with an eastern white pine.
[Cheyenne laughing.]
It's true, Amy.
You totally would.
Okay, fine, whatever.
Let's just go.
This tree farm has a huge selection, so let's talk game plan.
We're looking for blue-green color, conical shape, short needles.
Don't be afraid to give it a few kicks.
That's legally well within your right.
- [engine turning over.]
- What about that one? Oh, yeah.
That one's perfect.
[engine turns off.]
What? Wait, no, no.
Guys, we can't just That's a tree! Like, a tree tree! And if you have any problems, my man Tony's email is right here on the box.
Check it out.
- [clears throat.]
Well - Sorry to intrude.
But you have the exact same physique as my friend Chris.
- Would you mind trying this on? - Sure.
- No problem.
- Thank you.
I don't remember you ever talking about a friend named Chris.
Oh, he just moved here.
He's an archaeologist.
- [grunts.]
- Hmm, no.
Thank you, but this is all wrong for Chris.
It makes you look so muscular oh.
And he's trying to get less attention from women and occasionally men? Muscular? Really? Yeah, you know, and if you want to keep that body tight, nothing's better than a healthy snack like popcorn.
I think he knows what he's doing with his body.
I mean, have you seen the sweater? It's why are you taking that off? Yeah, thanks.
I'm I'm just browsing today.
- Oh, come on.
- But No, you have to buy one of these! Yeah, browsing's for cowards, dude! Our customers prefer when cashiers stand.
At least give them anti-fatigue mats.
Or do your customers also prefer cashiers with tendinitis? Okay, uh, we can allow for mats if the employees supply their own.
We'll consider that.
Thank you.
Uh, I'm sorry.
To be clear, you want the workers to buy safety equipment for your stores? What are we gonna throw in next carts, shelving? You know, maybe maybe we could pay your salaries.
How much do you make? Maybe I could go get my checkbook.
You know, I saw some bagels out there.
- Let's take a five? - Yeah.
We cannot just chop down a tree.
We're not the paper towel guy.
Come on, Amy, it's Christmas.
Plus, this will be the first legal thing I've ever done in the woods.
No, guys.
What if one of us gets hurt? I have enough to worry about today.
- Dina.
- Cheyenne, give her the axe.
Now, just as an experiment, take one whack, all right? You don't have to go full fell.
If you don't like it, tree farm it is.
One swing for Dina.
And you're not gonna want to hit it straight on, okay? Angle it down like you're dealing cards to a baby.
I mean, I guess I see the appeal.
- Eat my axe! - Gross, Amy.
"Axe," Cheyenne.
" Oh, that's a weird thing to say.
Who wants to eat an axe? Timber! No, you don't say that until Timber! No, no, you wait and say it when it falls.
Both: Timber! Paul Bunyan can suck it.
[both cheering.]
Oh, um, Amy, I'm so sorry, but could you just step back, like, a teensy bit? [screams.]
Oh, she's crowning! [laughs.]
Finish her, Sosa.
Let's do this! [grunts.]
- [Amy and Cheyenne cheering.]
- Timber! - We did it! - Chopped, fool! - We chopped you, tree! - Yeah, fool! [giggles.]
Okay, so, um, to get it inside - Yeah, it's a solid question.
- I have no idea.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you looking for a fancy way to display your pig-based sauces? Well, no look no further.
Nope, you hate it.
Okay, I can see that.
Sorry to waste your time.
Hey, don't apologize.
I get it.
- I work in sales myself.
- No kidding.
Well, beachfront timeshares in Fort Lauderdale pretty much sell themselves, you know? Hot tub, wraparound balcony, great views.
It's the perfect vacation getaway.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
It must be pretty pricey, though.
You would think, but it actually turns out to be much cheaper than a hotel.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, I-I don't want to put you out, but if I gave you my email, is there any way that I could get more information? We've come too far to give up this much, this soon.
You want to go in there and demand everything I get it.
I've done it, and I've lost.
Now, we all want to win in there, right? - Yes, of course.
- Then I suggest we Ah.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, no, are you okay? I'm good.
I'm good.
- Oh.
- That's, um ooh.
A lot of blood, though.
That's-that is No, I'll be I'm I'm I'll be fine.
Are are you sure? Okay, no.
[Groans softly.]
This is an emergency-room situation.
I chopped a tree! Now I'm driving a forklift! [yells.]
Now, you're all clear on this end.
Okay, yeah, you're looking good on the trunk side.
- [cell phone chimes.]
- Oh, crap! That might be Jonah.
Hold on, give me a second.
Yes, it's him.
"Georgia had bagel accident"? What the hell does that mean? Ah, he probably used voice-to-text.
I bet he meant, "George had a baked quail egg salad.
" Oh, this George sounds like a bit of an oddball.
You know what? I'm just I'm gonna call him real quick.
[cell phone vibrates.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
You answered.
How are things going over there? Well, uh, Georgia cut herself.
She's out of commission for the rest of the day, and Corporate won't set another meeting until March.
No! No, no, no! Get back in there.
What are you talking about? We can't negotiate without Georgia.
Yes, you can! I mean, I don't know.
Maybe this is just the adrenaline talking I chopped down a tree, by the way.
- What? Why? - Because I wanted to.
Well, I didn't want to at first, but then Dina made me want to, and then Cheyenne gave me an axe and Okay, I'll want to know more about that.
Look, Jonah, you know what we want.
Just see what you can get.
It it'll be better than them pushing this till March, and then they're gonna make it July, - and then it's gonna be October.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, you're right.
You're right.
- We can do this.
- Yes! Yes, you can! You are smart! You got this! I love you.
Thank you.
Got to go, bye.
Oh, Amy! The tree! Oh! [Gasps.]
[electricity buzzing.]
And if you follow the news, you know that microwavable sweaters are the leading cause of nipple cancer.
It's true.
It's a fact.
Really? It's just- [people groan and gasp.]
- Huh.
- [Button clicking.]
[soft music.]
So sorry, sir.
There's a Target five minutes away.
Honestly, it's nicer.
All right, well, um, we have a power outage.
Lack of electricity.
Technically, it's still in here in the walls, but we can't get it out via the wires.
Right, so, evidentially, a tree fell and hit a transformer box, weirdly.
That is literally all we know.
What if Corporate did this to intimidate us in negotiations? Yeah, they're saying we're powerless as a union.
Or they're saying we have no heat as a union.
Never mind.
Sayid's was better.
Jonah probably said something to upset them.
I don't know why you let him tag along with Sandra.
What? No.
Jonah didn't say anything.
He's he's doing fine.
I just spoke to him.
- All: What? - What did they say? It's going great.
Yes, the union negotiator had to step out for the afternoon, but Jonah and Sandra have got it covered.
So it's just the two of them in there by themselves with no grown-up.
A 75-cent wage increase? - We're asking for $3.
- You're floor workers.
It's not your fault that you don't get the ins and outs of the budget.
We may be floor workers, but we're not morons.
I-I actually went to business school.
And I'm engaged to be married.
Look, if your negotiator were here, she'd tell you that this is the best deal - you're gonna get.
- You're right, she's not.
But that doesn't mean that you get to just sprinkle a few crumbs and expect a thank-you.
We're we're not here for the crumbs, you know? W-w-we're here for the whole, you know, cookie.
The or the the pie.
The whole baked good.
Okay, just relax.
We don't get to relax! That's kind of the point.
No, we go to work mopping up scum in your stores and and ruining our knees lifting boxes, and after all of that, we still can't afford rent or or to go to a doctor when we're sick or to to buy a car instead of taking five different buses to work.
Five buses? Really? The 34 to the 66 to the 94 to the 70 to the 58X.
Look, guys, we want to work with you.
It's just that this stuff is kind of complicated.
We'll make it simple for you.
Do better, or we go on strike.
We're gonna take a sidebar.
Oh, you're you're all gonna go.
Are you shopping? I thought all the customers had left.
Well, I really need ice cream cones.
You stay right here.
You're not getting out of this store without a pig shoe.
Hey, someone's still here.
Do you like popcorn but wish the process was more complicated? There he is! The man born to wear this sweater.
I really just need ice cream cones.
- Hello, again.
- [yells.]
Leave me alone! Get away from me! Get away from me! [all clamoring.]
I hope Jonah knows not to take the first offer, because a lot of the time, that's actually the worst one.
If I were Corporate, I'd just say no to everything.
Who are you, a couple of chumps from the town dump? Okay, guys, we need to stop talking about this - and get back to work.
- Oh, I know! We could all help bring in the Christmas tree.
What Christmas tree? Do you mean the tree that fell on the transformer? Is it a Christmas tree? That's such a fun guess, Cheyenne.
I would've guessed maple, but that's just me.
Someone should be writing these down just to see who gets closest.
No one left to sell to.
Yeah, I guess we should call it a draw.
- Yeah, it's too bad.
- [sighs.]
I bet someone would've really loved this.
I mean, it's so warm and soft.
Ooh, like a bird belly.
Also, is it getting chilly in here? Glenn, you know what he's doing, right? Yeah, I know.
We're just talking.
It might be nice to warm it up like cocoa and just snuggle in.
Oh, that does sound nice.
Glenn, look at me.
You gave Mateo that sweater because it's terrible.
Besides, the microwave doesn't even work during a blackout.
- Yeah.
- It's a great color.
- It's medium.
- Medium? That used to be my size.
I blew it, didn't I? I did.
I did.
I blew it.
No! You, um Hey, you think they shellac this table in house? The team talked things over.
- If I could just say - No need.
We've decided to accept your proposals in full.
Expect a memo of understanding from Legal soon.
- Does that mean - I, uh I think so.
Are these axe marks? Someone definitely cut this thing down.
You know, actually I heard that teens are going around chopping down trees these days.
It's called lumberjacking.
- I saw it on "20/20.
" - [cell phone chimes.]
It's weird, but it's true.
Oh, my God.
They did it.
They made a deal.
- They did it? - Dang! Yep, he text me, too.
Got it a couple of minutes ago.
Didn't want to make you feel bad.
[indistinct chatter, laughter.]
[holiday rock music playing.]
Ice cream cocktail? Everything frozen in Grocery is melting.
Sure, thanks.
Aren't you lactose intolerant? Yeah, it's gonna be bad.
I told Bo to sleep at his mom's house tonight.
I didn't know that eight people could sidebar, but they all went.
I mean, at some point, Sandra and I are the sidebar, right? Yeah, I mean, sidebar is two, three people max at least on "The Good Wife.
" Wait, are we having one right now? [gasps.]
Is this my first sidebar? - We're having one.
- Oh, my God.
- It's so exciting.
- [Chuckles.]
Honestly, I am still a little in shock.
You must be, too.
You were convinced I was gonna blow it this morning.
- No, I wasn't! - Yeah.
"Call me when you lose.
Okay, bye!" Okay, that is not what I said! I maybe thought it just a little bit because we always lose, because Corporate sucks and everybody always sucks.
Well, almost everybody not you.
You did it.
Come on.
We did it.
- Oh.
- Sandra and me.
[cell phone rings.]
Ooh, it's Maya.
- Uh-oh.
- I should call her back.
How does this sound? Ugh, what a bummer about the union.
I don't know.
It still kind of sounds like you're a little happy about it.
I'll work on it.
I'm assuming you heard.
Yeah, I did, unfortunately.
I mean, I guess the union was a lot stronger than we thought.
Well, actually, that's why I was calling.
- Cloud 9 just got bought out.
- What? Yeah, we were acquired by this big tech company Zephra.
I guess it's been in the works, and they finalized it this afternoon.
This this afternoon? During the negotiations, yeah.
And the good news is the new company doesn't have to recognize the union contracts, so our people were just like, "Go ahead, agree to whatever," just to end the meeting.
So everything our employees thought they won Gone.
So, uh, what does this mean for the company? Big picture? Who knows? They tell me nothing, but for now, I just wanted to let you know, no more union.
Hey I've gotta go make a bunch of phone calls, okay? - I'm sorry.
- [line beeping.]
Oh, oh, there you are.
Dina busted out the cart-jousting stuff.
Come watch.
I made the finales.
- Yeah, actually, I - Hold on, hold on! Here, I don't want to break it.
I-I want to keep it as a memento.
I know it's dumb, but I don't know.
Today was a good day.
It was.
I was a great day.
- Let's go! Pick your carts - No, no no no n! I got first.
Now, I want a clean fight.
No head, neck, or groin.
[holiday music playing.]

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