Superstore (2015) s05e17 Episode Script

Zephra Cares

Because when we reach out to others, we reach in to our hearts.
Today, let's show the world how much Zephra cares.
I'm not doing any of that stuff.
We have to build houses? I'm not comfortable around tools or kids.
- Pass.
- Okay, guys, relax.
You don't have to do any of the things you just saw in the video.
All you have to do today is hand out these nifty care packages to the Holloway House Women's Shelter and ask our customers to round up to the nearest dollar for charity.
- Easy.
- Wow.
Cloud 9 never did any of this stuff, but I feel like Zephra cares.
Well, let's not just blindly believe the T-shirts.
Although Zephra is a fine company which I am not criticizing today as was made clear to me in the car.
But guys, Amy set his whole thing up.
- Please.
- I mean, she chose the charity, she got local businesses to donate goods.
So this stuff is donated? Zephra didn't even pay for it? It's a PR stunt.
Okay, I'm confused.
Is Zephra good or bad? Glenn, come on.
It's not that easy.
They did give us that Lyft discount though.
Today I got to ride in a Kia Soul.
Guys, believe the hype.
Well, I read Zephra does blood diamonds.
What do you mean by "does?" Uh, I don't know.
I didn't click on it.
I did hear that Zephra gives a lot of money to struggling communities.
We all heard that, Justine.
They said it, like, 12 times in the video.
"Those communities might not be struggling if Zephra paid taxes.
" It's a text from Jonah.
Butt text.
Buses from the shelter will be arriving all day, so Glenn, you're gonna be running care packages from the warehouse, or doing that waddle thing you do, whatever works.
Female hips, so Garrett, you're only giving packages to people with wristbands.
Wait, so we're just gonna turn people away 'cause they don't have a wristband? So for all intensive purposes, people in need without a wristband are dead to us.
"Intensive purposes?" Did you mean "intents and purposes?" I mean, you could say it both ways.
You can, but one way makes you sound like an idiot.
You're lucky you're pretty.
All right, you know what? I know what it you're lucky I'm pretty! You went way above and beyond.
Most stores are just writing "fight breast cancer" on a jar and sticking it at checkout.
Yeah, I mean, breast cancer is so first thought.
For a good reason.
You know, one in eight.
Affects us all.
Anyway, I want Zephra to know you're kicking ass, so I got them to send someone to do a profile of you for the website.
A profile? Of me? Um, okay.
Well, I've never been profiled before.
I mean, except racially.
This could be really good for you, so sell yourself.
We'll talk after, okay? Bye.
This is great! I mean, we hate it.
Why do we hate it? No, no, it's it's fine, it's fine.
It's just I don't know, I don't know how to brag about myself, it feels gross, and now I'm supposed to take a charity and make it all about me.
Hey, you took their empty slogan and did something actually great with it.
You deserve to brag a little bit.
I think you should be on all the websites.
I mean, except for the incel ones.
And most of Reddit.
4chan, 8chan I hope you're never on a website.
Oh, hey, Glenn.
Just a heads up, you might be getting a call from my landlady.
Oh, fun! Oh, wait, is everything okay? Oh, yeah.
It's just 'cause you cosigned the lease, and Bo and I were late on the rent last month.
And this month.
She's crazy.
She's got, like, a total boner for rent.
Cheyenne, if you're having money problems, I'm more than happy to help.
Oh, thanks, but no, we'll figure it out.
It's just, you know, groceries and kid expenses and then you get caught up in a pyramid scheme and then your husband breaks his tailbone - at backyard wrestling.
- Oh.
Anyway, I'm gonna go see if Robot Glenn sucked up any change.
Big breakfast.
All right, it checks out.
You'd be surprised how many people pose as corporate reps at charity events just to try to get free stuff.
- Really? - How do they pull that off? - I'm not gonna tell you that.
- Oh.
She's been a little extra since she saw - "Richard Jewell.
" - Ah.
Anyway, thank you for coming and talking to me.
Hey, always happy to show off one of the leaders in our new Cloud 9 family.
This is a really cool event you've put together.
Well thank you, but I couldn't have done this without my team.
I mean, most of the credit goes to them.
And I also share some of that credit.
Hey, hey! - Jeff? - What are you doing here? Thought I'd surprise you, check in on the event from the Cloud 9 side of things.
Oh, wow.
You survived the acquisition? Not that I thought that they were gonna fire you.
I mean, obviously they value your Jeff, this is Isabel.
She works at Zephra.
Oh, oh, the parent company! Oh, maybe I should call you Mommy.
I'm gay, so that's not weird.
Oh good, 'cause for a second I almost thought it was.
No, I'm from Digital Content.
We're doing a profile on Amy for the website.
Oh, very cool, very cool.
Listen, I'm gonna run inside and say hi to Mateo.
We've been playing phone tag and he's been it for, like, the whole time.
Um Everything looks shipshape.
Glad you approve.
I was 100% sure he'd been fired.
- He didn't get fired? - I know, it's insane.
Ooh, I didn't know we carried aged balsamic.
- Nice.
- Oh, yeah, it's great.
I make a reduction and I drizzle it over vanilla ice cream.
Ah, that sounds amazing! Are you, like, a culinary student, or Oh.
Haven't been a student of anything for a couple decades.
Ah, you could've fooled me.
Your total is $36.
Would you like to round up to $37 today for Holloway House Women's Shelter? Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you so much.
It's for a great cause.
All right.
Thank you.
You have five minutes to tell Amy, or I will.
Tell Amy what? How you were flirting with that lady.
Turning each other's cranks.
I thought you two were gonna do it right here on the belt.
Oh, come on, Sandra.
I was just being friendly.
Customers appreciate a little, you know, human connection.
Close your legs, Jonah.
My legs are fine, and if anything, we should be a little friendlier than usual today to get people to round up for charity.
Not if it means betraying the woman you love.
Trust me, I'm married now.
Don't you dream about someday having what Jerry and I have? Of course well, exactly what you and Jerry it's fine, Sandra.
How's it going? Hope you didn't have any trouble finding those toe warmers.
He's gonna die alone.
Look, Mateo, when I put my career on the line for you, it was because it was the right thing to do.
You don't owe me anything.
Although brunch wouldn't kill you.
Look, Jeff, it's not gonna happen.
I'm actually seeing someone.
Oh, yeah? Mateo, that's amazing! Thank you.
That's very nice of you.
I'm very happy for you.
How'd you guys meet, or I mean, have you met yet or is it maybe, like, an online thing? Actually, Amy introduced us.
He's her brother.
Oh, Amy did? That's so nice of her.
Hey, folks.
- How's that digital coming? - Good, yeah.
We're getting some good digital.
Actually, Amy's just showing me around a little before the buses come so I can get a sense of what she's like as a manager.
Feels like I should get in on that action.
Does it? Yeah, actually, it would be really helpful to get some quotes from corporate.
Yeah, sure.
That that would be great.
We'll make it a three-way.
Again, totally gay.
And this is the break room.
Um oh, I I noticed that there was always a really long line at the toaster, so I bought another one.
Which, you know, I think people appreciated.
I think you got your headline there, "Manager buys toaster.
" That's helpful, Jeff.
Thank you.
Oh, and also, I know how hard it is to eat healthy during long shifts, so I keep this cabinet full of healthy snacks for everyone.
Oof, that cabinet is pretty full.
Seems like people would rather die than eat that stuff.
Well, I just replenished it.
Yeah, and thank you for the healthy seaweed snack, SpongeBob.
Just messing with you, SpongeBob.
Sorry, I'm I'm SpongeBob? Is All right, there's a scarf in here.
Now be careful.
That's a loose knit, so avoid all hooks and low-hanging branches.
It'll pop your head clean off.
That's weird.
It looks like we're one package short.
One package? Wow, that's news to me.
Short, you said.
You must've counted wrong.
No, I counted right.
I double-checked and everything.
It's fine.
I'll just count 'em again myself.
Okay, so now you're saying I don't know how to count? Well, no offense, Garrett, but you did say "intensive purposes," which, apparently, is kind of dumb.
I'm not dumb! I'm one of the smartest people in the store.
Well, that's a bit of a stretch.
It's true.
It's kind of my thing.
People are always like, "Garrett, he's clever and funny.
" Okay, then be clever and funny.
Well no, not it's not appropriate right now when we're missing a package.
I'll set you up for it, okay? A Polish guy and a blonde walk into a bar.
- What? - Come on, man.
I put you on the one yard line.
Your total is $3.
Would you like to round up for charity? Not today, thanks.
Hey, Sandra, aren't these your favorite kind of chips? Yes.
I love these chips.
You're a lucky man.
And these are some lucky chips 'cause they get to take a ride in that hot little mouth of yours.
Oh, my God.
I have to call Jerry.
Jerry? Jonah made me seduce a man.
Would you say you have a unique management style? Yeah.
Yeah, I would say that.
Could you actually say it just so I can quote you? Everything's pulling teeth with this one.
It's like, what are you, a dentist? - I mean, come on - Jeff! Enough.
Listen, I am a working mother, and I came up from the floor, but it was worth it because as a manager, I know what my people need from me, so it might seem silly, but small things like healthy snacks actually make a difference.
Yikes, Amy.
Brag much? Hey, Jeff, why don't you give us a minute? Maybe go grab a coffee or literally anything? I'm not clear whether I report to you or not, so I am gonna grab that coffee.
Wait, what's this doing in here? Oh.
Oh, there's a note.
Looks like there's a note.
Why don't you look at the note? Wonder what that note says.
Why don't you read the note? "Cheyenne, thought you could use this.
From your guardian angel.
" Aww.
Whoa, there's a lot of stuff in here.
Gift certificates, grocery coupons, and an e-reader? Nice, I could sell this to some nerd and make bank.
Wow, you're so lucky.
Lucky ducky, quack quack.
What, don't you think it's nice that someone helped out Cheyenne? Oh, yeah, but where's my guardian angel? I've got two kids and an underwater mortgage.
And my heat broke, so I have to stay with friends.
I have lots of offers, but if anyone wants to throw their hat into the ring.
Wow, looks like lots of folks are having a rough time, huh? Yeah, but it figures only Cheyenne would get a care package.
I bet this guardian angel is just some sort of pervert.
What? No! I mean, unless you mean a pervert for giving.
I mean a pervert for pervin'.
Guys, I'm sure the guardian angel is gonna give everyone a care package.
Otherwise, it's just unfair.
Ah, I was probably 25 when I finally heard of dryer sheets.
Before that, it was just like wrinkles, shminkles, you know.
Let's hit the club.
You know who else likes dryer sheets? Jonah's girlfriend.
Which he has.
Your total is $26.
Oh, I'll round up for charity.
No rounding up.
Not like this.
Are you sorry, thank you so much.
Sandra, you have to stop.
I know you and Jerry don't, like, talk to a lot of people, but this is just meaningless banter.
'Scuse me.
'Scuse me.
Oh, hey, yeah.
You were here before.
Yeah, Judy, yeah.
Culinary student.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I don't usually do this, and maybe I'm crazy, but I feel like we had a - connection.
- Ah.
And I just I'm just wondering, would you like to have coffee sometime? You know what? I did enjoy our our friendly conversation.
- Mm-hmm.
- So why not? Oh, good.
And Eddie in bakery does this drag show, so I usually just give him our extra packing material for hip and boob pads.
I love that.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just like this event today.
All you have to do is show you care.
I really think that's a big reason why I've been able to earn my employees' respect.
- Rodriguez.
- Over here.
She calls me I've never known it's not racist, I don't think.
'Scuse me.
I've told you not to call me that in front of people.
How's the interview going? Honestly, really great, and I know that sounds braggy, but bragging is really working for me right now.
I think I've won her over.
Oh, that is awesome.
That means it probably won't even matter when this whole thing goes to [bleep.]
- What? - We're short on care packages.
There won't be enough once the next bus arrives.
I probably should've led with that, but you just kept talking and talking about how great you're doing.
Anyway, guess these needy women are gonna stay needy.
How is this possible? I made sure that there were enough for everybody coming.
Stealing from the poor? Ugh.
There's a special place in hell.
Yeah, or maybe, like, the worst part of heaven.
This is a Class C felony.
20 care packages valued at, what, 500 bucks a pop? 10,000.
That's the total.
I mean, who would even wait.
Could this be Jeff? I don't know why, but he has been trying to tear me down all day today.
Okay, don't be mad, but I think it's because I told him that you set me up with your brother.
Why would you even I said don't be mad! Okay, fine, just go stall Isabel and we'll go talk to Jeff.
I can't believe he would stoop this low.
I mean, love makes you do crazy things.
You're enjoying this, aren't you? I'm trying not to! Jeff, what the hell? You've got a lot of gall.
In fact, if I measured your gall level, you would break the gall level device.
It's called revenge, Amy.
I did what I had to do.
What, you did you did? Are you sure? How is stealing packages from poor people "what you had to do?" What? No, I didn't take any packages.
I just I farted in your office.
What? But if somebody is taking packages from a charity, that's a horrible person.
Yeah, I mean, unless they're doing something equally charitable with the packages, but, you know, that would be really hard to know.
Well, the next bus is gonna get here in 20 minutes.
What am I gonna give these women? Why don't we just give them some cash? I'm happy to contribute.
I've got Glenn, don't worry about it.
I'll go figure out how to not send them away empty-handed.
If you ever fart in my best friend's office again, it will be the last fart you ever fart.
I got you this.
This is a map of the night stars over St.
Louis where we met.
That's ah, wow, that is so useful to anyone in St.
Louis, really.
I just I just oh, you just make me feel so electric since you started flirting with me.
I mean, that is just No, no, no, no.
I'm so sorry, Judy.
I just this I think there was a misunderstanding.
- Oh.
- I was only being friendly.
I was definitely not flirting.
I guess I felt that that was understood because we're obviously! I mean, not obvious, 'cause you know, you're gorgeous really, for your cohort.
He was just doing it for charity.
So you'd round up.
Oh, oh oh, you did this you did this to me for 57 cents? - Oh, I feel so stupid.
- No.
Oh, my God, is this what catfishing is? No, no, no, no, it's not.
- Catfishing is - No, not the time.
- What? - Tell you later.
Sorry for the wait, ladies.
Here you go.
Zephra cares.
You can wait till you're on the bus to open those.
There's just tape and some loose grapes in here.
Oh! Ooh.
You got the antioxidant package.
Grapes are so important for the skin, and skin is so important for the face.
Then how come I didn't get any grapes? Well, all of the packages are different because because the female experience is not a monolith, am I right, gals? I mean, we don't all eat grapes.
Right? This hairbrush is clearly used.
Did you go through my desk? You haul us down here just to give us a bunch of junk? What is this, some kind of a joke? No, I promise you, this is You think you can treat us like crap just because you have a nice job and a nice coat.
Ladies, it's not like that.
That coat is from Ross.
I found the thief.
It was Cheyenne.
She took the care packages.
I'm telling you, somebody just put this in my locker.
I haven't stolen anything in, like, a really long time.
Okay, I'm sure that there's an explanation for this.
My employees are not criminals.
Well, actually, some of them are, but everyone deserves a second chance.
This is not the point, Amy.
It wasn't Cheyenne! And I know that because I have a hunch.
I have a very good hunch.
Wait, it was Glenn.
He's lying right now because he stole the stuff.
Not so dumb now.
I figured it out.
It was obvious to everyone, huh? - Yes.
- Pretty obvious.
- So obvious.
- Yeah, we all got that.
- Yeah.
- Fine! I gave them to the staff.
Why? Glenn, what were you thinking? Our people are struggling, Amy.
Okay, you know what? Just you're gonna have to get the packages back.
Well, you almost pulled off a Robin Hood, except you gave to the poor by stealing from the really poor.
He's picturing the fox Robin Hood.
I'm picturing the man one.
Your total is $23.
Would you like to round up for charity? - Sure.
- What's 13 cents, right? I'd rather not comment on your finances.
You didn't have to come.
I told you to forget about it.
I did, but then I remembered again.
Hey, Jerry.
Sandra told me you tried to make her do stuff with men for money.
What oh, oh.
Earlier today? No, that was that was just talking.
Let me make myself perfectly clear.
I don't like that.
Jerry, please calm down.
I've never seen him this angry.
If you ever mess with my marriage again, I will hate it.
Got it.
Sandra, could you bring home some magazines? Bye, Jonah.
Bye, Jer.
Take notes, Jonah.
That's marriage material.
And yes, he reads magazines.
So probably doesn't look great for the profile that we were robbing the homeless, huh? I mean, robbing the homeless is probably not exactly how I'll frame it, but, you know, it's kind of a nice story.
Coworkers helping each other.
One big Zephra family.
Um, Cheyenne, could you come over here for a second? Oh, yeah, sure.
I would actually love to get just, like, a quick shot of Amy handing you one of the care packages, you know, just, like, helping an employee in need.
Oh, I'm not in need.
If you wanna talk to a sad person, you should go find Justine.
Yeah, we probably don't need a photo.
It'll just take one second.
Oh, wait, so that's gonna end up online, like, with my face on it and stuff? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think maybe you don't wanna post those 'cause of, like, optics, right? I mean, it could come off that Zephra employees get paid so little that they rely on charity to Oh, I don't really think anyone's connecting those dots.
Plus you guys look so awesome, right? Cute.
She took so many photos today that one probably won't even get posted.
It will Amy.
I'm gorgeous.

Previous Episode