SurrealEstate (2021) s01e09 Episode Script

White Wedding

Previously on SurrealEstate
CARL: So, how you doing?
- I'm an industry pariah.
- ZOOEY: Rita Weiss is probably
putting her sign in their
front yard as we speak.
Responsible for domestic violence
and the death of innocents.
Well, you still have your health.
I've been thinking that it
might be time for us to go legit
but now I've decided: nah.
PHIL: We gotta be who we are.
We are going to come back
to the office tomorrow
ready to kick a whole lot of ass
and close a whole lot of escrow.
SUSAN: Hell, yeah, we are!
PRIYA: Oh, my God!
GUEST: Oh, jeez!
That is fabulous! What
do you think of this?
Do you think he'll enjoy it?
- PRIYA: Oh!
- SUSAN: Oh!
You need to get the
prong on this ring fixed!
It keeps catching.
It's bad luck to take it
off before the wedding.
Not sure that's a thing, Priya.
Well, it should be.
Mm. One hell of a rock.
It's been in Leon's
family for generations.
- And now, so am I!
Who is the, uh, happy, spooky lady?
That's Ruby, Leon's great aunt.
Is she okay?
She has a little dementia
but she's very sweet.
She took care of Leon
after his mom died.
I'm going to see if she's okay.
How's the mother of
the bride holding up?
KAMALA: Oh. Ask her
after a few more of these.
Marty, let's get some more
hors d'oeuvres over there.
We have bridesmaid's
dresses to fill out.
Did you have something to do with that?
Not guilty.
Nobody looks good in frosting.
Lovely wall colours.
The bold blue, invoking
the sea, the sky.
It's a nice house when it's
full of people like this.
Most of the time I'm alone
and it feels like
Castle Dracula meets Ice Station Zebra.
If you ladies don't stop
giving her such ugly lingerie,
I'll never have any grandchildren.
It's good having her home.
Otherwise, I'd just rattle about
these rooms thinking about Dev.
Yeah, we all miss him.
Don't get me wrong.
I couldn't be happier for Priya.
I love
- Leon.
- Leon.
He's smart, makes a good living.
I just wish Dev was here
to walk her down the aisle.
She's been planning this
wedding since high school.
A winter wedding at
the lodge. Candles
pine boughs and snow.
We're Desi. It's unnatural.
I almost sold this
place after Dev passed,
but Priya insisted I hang onto it
so she and Leon could get married here.
And Then what?
I dump this beast.
Find somewhere small on a beach
where people see
pictures of snow and say,
"Jeez, what's that?"
- Hang on. You're almost there.
- Oh.
I just wish it was over.
Only my idiot sister would
think it's a good idea
to arm the bride.
Marty, let's do that ugly, fake,
cake-face thing.
Time to cut the cake, beti.
Cake time.
Oh, wow!
This is lovely.
All right
GUEST 2: Oh, my God!
Who you gonna call?
SUSAN: What does this look like to you?
Like Jack the Ripper meets
the Pillsbury Doughboy.
- MEGAN: Hi, Susan!
- Hey! How's the new place?
It will be great. Some day.
So, I'm just I'm
really worried about Priya.
You know, she's been my best
friend since we were little.
We need to help her.
And then we get to sell her mom's house.
Happily ever afters all around.
What's the story?
Oh, it's a gorgeous winter lodge.
Prime location, oversize lot,
magnificent, handcrafted woodwork.
A legacy property
searching for a new trustee.
I was asking about the
buttercream stigmata.
What's the story there?
Oh! Priya cut it open
at her bridal shower
- and it started bleeding!
- Ew.
Maybe you should just focus
on the wedding right now.
I can multi-task!
I can be a friend
and a bridesmaid and a real
estate agent simultaneously.
This is the kind of
elite listing we need.
Looks like they've stopped the bleeding.
I'll let you know when I
get our name on a contract.
I thought you were a workaholic.
Oh, I once sent her a meeting
invite titled "work/life balance."
She declined it.
- Hey. You forget something?
- RITA: Hey!
Forgot to tell you your face
looks like a rhino's butt.
Rita, I thought, hoped,
prayed you were someone else.
If only. Look, we need
to talk face-to-face.
I'll come by your office
tomorrow, nine o'clock.
KAMALA: You take over.
LEON: Hey.
Hey. It's all right.
We've had a crap few weeks.
It's going to get better.
Leon, I don't know how much
more of this I can take!
First, I fell in the shower
and then the hutch tipped over.
- It missed you.
- But, like, by an inch!
The house is trying to kill me.
Then I murdered our cake.
- You should stay away from me.
- Honey
For your own good.
It's all good.
in a few weeks we'll be married
then we'll be off to Fiji.
And then we'll have a whole,
beautiful life together.
God, I hope so.
Nothing's gonna stop
me from marrying you.
So, I told the guests the cake
had raspberry filling in it
and the heat from the kitchen
caused pressure to build,
so when the knife cut in, it
Is that what happened?
- How's Priya?
- Ach. She's a wreck.
This wedding is going to kill us all.
I heard about her fall.
And her close call with the hutch.
That girl has never
been a prima ballerina,
but ever since those kids got engaged
she's been bumping into
this and falling down that.
And this all happened here?
That's right.
In this house?
What are you getting at?
Maybe it's not Priya.
Or the wedding.
Maybe it's the house.
The people I work with, they have
a very particular set of skills.
I thought you were in real estate.
Yes, but we our agency,
specializes in houses that have some
It happens more than you might think.
Let us help you.
We'll get Priya through the wedding.
Afterward, let us
sell this house for you
and we'll find you a lovely condo
on a sun-soaked beach.
I like you, Susan.
You've always been a
good friend to Priya.
She loved having you over because
you would always clean her room.
The housekeeper always forgot to clean
the top of the baseboards.
Can you still do the things?
Only when I absolutely have to.
I remember having you over
for dinner all those times.
Nobody ever had to pass you the salt.
So, the house.
Can we help you?
Wonderful! I'll put
together the contracts.
I don't think there's any rush.
What are you doing here, Ruby?
Do I know you?
I'm Priya's mom.
Leon's Priya!
She's so lovely.
Are you Priya?
Oh, no. I'm Priya's friend. I'm Susan.
- Oh.
- Would you like to sit by the window?
I thought I was.
Leon says Ruby has
occasional glimmers of clarity
but I've yet to witness one.
Aunt Ruby, can we get you a
glass of wine or something?
There's only more to come.
More wine?
More blood.
I heard
business is in the crapper.
Oh, we've been better.
Well, here's the thing:
I have a property.
Several properties, in fact,
that could
benefit from your particular brand of
You want to hire us?
- On a consulting basis.
- You want to hire us.
For an agreed-upon percentage of
Come on.
You gotta say the words.
- Mm.
- to hire you.
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
You are such a used diaper
full of medical waste.
- So, what's the catch?
- What do you mean?
Well, what you're doing could
be considered in some cultures
a nice thing.
Don't kid yourself.
I have clients.
They have houses with problems
that you and the rest of the
cast of Cabin In The Woods
might be able to solve.
In the end,
I am going to make money.
A lot of it.
If that makes me the
happy little helicopter
that lowers a rope to help
you save you from yourselves,
I'll just have to live with that.
Thank you.
You owe me big time.
Pus dumpster.
- Da-dun-da-dah.
- Hm.
- Just wow!
Do not tell my mom that I showed you.
Oh, it is magnificent.
(HAPPY SIGH) It doesn't suck.
What's going on out there?
Hm, it didn't feel
this snug at the shop.
Susan, I am deputizing you.
Hit me with a Taser if you
see me consuming any sugar
before the reception.
AUNT RUBY: No one hears me!
No one listens!
- Can I help you?
- Oh!
AUNT RUBY: I tried to
fix it, but I can't.
It's okay. You're
you're just turned around.
PRIYA: Susan!
Ah, I'll be right back,
okay? I'll be right back.
SUSAN: Six listings?
Rita gave us six listings?
What's wrong with them?
Oh, just the usual.
I got Phil, August and
Zooey doing the initial prep.
We'll see what's going on here
and we'll divide and conquer.
It's a nice place.
Is the family around?
We pretty much have
the house to ourselves.
When Priya's dad was
alive, this whole front
was planted with marigolds.
He was from Bangalore and wanted
the place to smell like home.
I'll never forget that.
Dev and his marigolds.
Let's go inside.
I get why she wants to get married here.
Some of my best memories
were in this house.
Parties, sleepovers,
watching the NBA finals with her dad.
Yeah, I practically grew up here.
So, Dad kept the faith?
Kamala is Christian
but they made it work.
Dev kept the old ways,
the daily worship.
So, this was Dad.
- You don't think that ?
- Gotta consider everything.
No. Dev loved Priya.
He would never want to hurt her.
Maybe that's not his intention.
So, those are all bedrooms
and the master suite is
at the end of the hall
Aunt Ruby?
Why are you here alone?
Ah. I needed a nap.
Hey, Susan.
Ruby was feeling a little
tired so we left early.
Leon, this is Luke
Roman. We work together.
Leon Baptiste.
Most know me as the groom around here.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
You were talking to the man.
Uh, what man?
The father of the bride.
You were talking in front of the house.
They were talking?
His name was Dev.
Why was he so upset?
LUKE: We weren't actually talking.
There was no conversation.
But he is a presence in that house.
You feel him everywhere.
I will never believe
Dev would want to do
anything to hurt Priya.
These dead souls, they hate change.
They're stuck here like a bug in amber
and a lot of them resent
the ones they left behind
move on with their lives,
change addresses, get married.
Well, what about that Aunt
Ruby person? She raised Leon.
Maybe maybe she's
trying to stop the wedding
to keep him for herself?
And now you're speculating.
If it is Dev
Help him, okay?
Don't dissemble his molecules
with one of August's contraptions.
That is the plan.
Do you mind if I drop
you off at the office?
Gotta help Megan move some things.
Even though I don't want to
believe that you're actually there,
I'd like to share two thoughts.
I'm leaving on my own terms,
in a calm, confident manner.
Not fleeing in terror.
I win. You lose.
And second?
You missed out on a really great kid.
Luke grew up to be this
smart, kind, wonderful man.
Not because of you, but in spite of you.
But I have to believe that it was you
that brought him into this weird,
awful little world full of death and
monsters and things that
don't make any empirical sense.
So, damn you for that.
On to the Rita houses:
we're going to divide and conquer.
Zooey, keep us organized.
It is my entire raison d'être.
Let's do this.
Back together again.
Amazing job, everybody.
PHIL: Come here.
I want you guys to take
another look at this.
So, now we're all about
Priya's place, right?
Absolutely. Are things okay?
So far so good. Leon took
the ring to the jeweler
and had that jagged prong fixed.
You don't suppose that
was it the whole time?
Some sort of jewelry curse?
Sure! Maybe.
Seems unlikely. Probably not.
So, when is the ceremony?
Saturday night.
A Christian ceremony with
some Hindi traditions.
Really charming.
How do you think her father
would feel about that?
Dev was very open-minded.
Hey, Luke. You got a second?
We noticed this when we
mapped out Rita's places.
- They look totally random until
You drop in one more data point.
The Donovan House.
As Donovan gets closer, our
P.K.E. readings get higher.
Now that Megan has relocated
and the house is vacant
in the, uh, corporeal sense,
I'd like to take some
additional readings.
You don't want to go to the wedding.
I've, uh, walked the
aisle with four daughters.
I've experienced four rehearsal dinners.
I've survived four receptions,
restrained myself from
murdering four best men
after four tasteless toasts.
I've done my time.
So, what's tonight?
Tonight is a quiet evening
at home; a family dinner.
Are you invited?
I'm family.
I would really like to check
the energy of that family.
- Can we be your plus four?
- Plus three.
I got homework to do.
They did want me to
find the photographer.
Well, there you go.
You just stop by and take
a couple shots of the fam
with your Kirlian CDC,
have a little champagne
and fried eggplant curry,
- then you're off the hook.
- Ah, I do adore fried eggplant curry.
I need to talk to
Priya about her father.
Ah, no. (SIGH)
- I really think that it is possible
- No, I I don't mean no. I mean,
I'll talk to her. It should be me.
- Lovely. Thank you, ladies.
- KAMALA: With pleasure.
Nothing demonic there.
Yeah, well something possessed
her to buy those shoes.
- Anything?
- Mm.
I'm collecting imagery
on everyone in the family
but thus far I've not
seen anything alarming.
What about her?
All of her numbers are normal.
If anything, a bit low.
Maybe she's in energy-saving mode?
Ooh, God, your boss is
You and he aren't ?
No, no.
No, I'm trying to hit all of the bad
life choices before
I start repeating any.
Any ideas about why these
things keep happening to me?
We'll figure it out. Don't worry.
You know the other night,
when my corset was about to kill me
there was a second I was afraid
you weren't gonna, you know?
Do the thing.
I I'm sorry. It's just,
you know, I-I never liked to
You know, I never told anyone.
You're a good friend.
Well, all of those summers by the lake,
it was pretty cool being the only cabin
that always had a campfire.
Priya, I wanted to talk
to you about your dad
Oh, you know, I hate to see Ruby alone.
Aunt Ruby?
Are you all right?
So many pretty people.
I am just so glad that you're here
to see Leon and I get married.
No, I I'm not, dear.
(LAUGHS) Of course you are.
I'll be here, darling,
but you'll be dead.
- Hey, Priya.
- Hi, Zooey! Is Susan around?
- Hi!
- Hi.
- All righty.
- Ooh.
Increased energy around the shrine,
but nothing unexpected.
Religious iconography always interferes
- with normal energy flows.
- Tell me about it.
It interfered with 20 years of my life.
The greatest concentration of
P.K.E. in the house is right here.
- LUKE: Dad again.
- So, nothing
out of the ordinary on the guests.
Even your friend in the wheelchair.
God, I thought she'd bend the needle.
But these
Are the last photos I took.
The happy couple?
Now, that is weird.
There's nothing on the bride.
Bride is clean.
The groom
is carrying some serious
metaphysical baggage.
Or he's being targeted.
How do you feel about hacking into some
international birth and
death certificate records?
Oh, I love it. It's like
existentially Googling your exes.
Thank you for picking this up for me.
Sorry I couldn't make it less hideous.
So, I, um
I-I tried to talk to you last night but
- things got a little weird.
- Ah, you think?
"You're gonna be dead?" Who says that?
- She's old?
- She's batshit crazy.
I don't care if she raised
Leon. That is not okay.
So, um, we've known each
other since the fourth grade.
Yes, since you sucker-punched
Todd Prentiss for calling me
- a racist name.
- Not accurate.
He saw it coming.
- He was just too slow.
- You were my hero.
God, I think that that's when I
decided that I wanted to be you.
Well, you were way more
popular than I ever was!
- And you were much better at sports.
- Yeah, but when you hit a softball,
it seemed to go further
and, occasionally, change direction.
I know, that's before
you could control it,
but it did give you this air of mystery.
And you had secrets and,
ah, you were so smart.
You know that people used to
think that you were an alien?
Silly Earthlings.
Oh, God, it feels so
good to laugh again.
You know, I'm afraid to go out.
If you guys don't figure
out what is going on
Actually, we
We have a theory.
- (SIGH)
- Okay.
I need to talk to you about your dad.
Did he stiff you on money
you won betting on the NBA?
- Priya
- 'Cuz you really should have said something
when we were settling the estate.
Have you seen him?
- I mean, I think about my dad every day
- I'm not talking about memories.
Have you
seen him?
In the house?
Wait, all of this bad
shit that's been happening,
you think it's my dad?
My dead dad.
That he he's trying
to stop the wedding?
That he's trying to hurt me?
He may not be the
the father you remember.
I'm not listening to this anymore.
Wha Priya! Hold on.
I am aware of your company's
weird little specialty.
You are seeing spooks around
every corner now, aren't you?
- Priya!
- You know,
maybe you shouldn't be at the wedding.
Just stay away from Ooh!
This elevator is perfect.
Zero defects.
You're kidding me?
You don't understand:
what you described
literally can't happen.
Well, the doors opened,
and nothing was there.
- According to ?
- People.
All I can tell you is that
this is a properly installed,
properly maintained medium
for safe vertical transport.
Hm. So you'll be riding it down, then?
I'm off to the Donovan house.
Good luck.
I believe I'll take the stairs.
Hm. Good choice.
Priya, I know you and your dad
had such an amazing relationship.
When we were in high school,
I had that strict 11 o'clock curfew
and if some boy dropped me off
even a minute after 11,
Dad would blink the light
switch three times and it meant,
"I'm not going to embarrass
you with an appearance,
but you need to know that I'm watching.
And I love you."
Dev was a great dad.
And not just to you.
My dad was working all
the time. Traveling
Dev was always there for me.
Me, too.
You okay?
(SIGH) Uh, yeah.
Just curious: what do you
know about the spooky aunt?
Uh, she raised Leon.
He worships her.
- How bad is her dementia?
- She's a little slow on the uptake.
Has trouble recognizing people.
I've just found that
people with dementia
are kind of like the things
we find in old houses:
we just kind of understand each other.
Tonight is the rehearsal dinner?
Yep. (SIGH)
The show must go on!
What the ?
- I thought you were long gone.
- Oh.
Let me help.
Thank you. This is, uh,
the last of my stuff.
We're leaving a bunch of my
grandfather's furniture and books;
some of his art.
Susan wants it for staging.
I never want to go in there again.
I don't blame you.
But you're going inside anyway.
It's my job.
You know,
- I used to be scared of you.
- Really?
That pleases me to no end.
- That I was scared of you?
- That you no longer are.
Luke is a very
Very fine man.
But he is an anomaly.
He walks an odd, often lonely path.
I'm so glad you've chosen
to walk it with him,
for however long.
- It isn't always easy.
- Ahh
Why is it that the sweetest rewards
only sing to us on the
other side of hardship?
That's beautiful.
Is that Shakespeare?
No, just a thought I had this
morning while feeding my cat.
Leave this awful place behind.
Shall we dance?
It's okay.
I'm Luke.
I'm a friend of Priya's.
I can
I hear you
but we're not speaking.
You and me, Ruby
we both have
a way.
A gift.
If being old is a gift,
I'd like to give it back.
- PHIL: Got a second?
- LUKE: You find something?
We are all friends here.
Go ahead.
This is your "something new".
Your father picked it
out just before he
Well, you know.
He knew Leon was the one before you did.
And the death certificates
followed the marriage licenses
by only days, sometimes hours. Luke,
this goes back generations.
The first love
can never be the first wife.
Leon's great-great-grandfather, Isaiah,
was promised to a woman named Johanna.
But Isaiah loved another
girl, named Anora.
But, still,
a broken promise can
be a powerful thing.
There's always been whispers
about Johanna's mother
that she had a-a certain power.
And Johanna
she made a promise that very night
that the first love of all Baptiste men
would die before they could wed.
And so, it has been ever since.
Leon is next to have his heart broken.
The wedding is not until
tomorrow and Priya's still okay.
- So, maybe we can
- Johanna will not be cheated.
Priya must sleep tonight.
But she won't wake up.
She won't wake up.
- Sh, sh, sh.
Sh, sh, sh.
- Oh, dear.
- Ahh!
You people are insane.
- Leon, tell them they're wrong!
- It's a stupid old legend.
Leon, was your mother
your father's first wife?
Of course!
They were going to get
married right after I was born.
She died. That's why
my Aunt Ruby raised me.
- Leon.
- Wait!
M-my grandmother!
She married my grandfather,
and she was his first
His second love.
I'm sorry. I've been studying
your family history all day.
Yours too, by the way. We need to talk.
Okay, but what about my family?
Jesse Baptiste.
Engaged to Renee Pierre.
She died.
A year later he marries
your grandma, Keisha Samaroo.
Your grandfather, Zuriel,
engaged to Felicia Henry.
- She dies so he married
- Oh, okay! Just stop!
Look, I am sorry! I won't
I won't see her again,
okay? So, just don't!
There's another way. You
get married right now.
- PRIYA & LEON: Now?
- KAMALA: Now?
All right. But how?
I know a guy.
I was really your first love?
First and last.
Dearly beloved
The short version, Father. Hm?
Do you, Priya, pledge
to do the things
I do!
Great. Super. So, do you, Leon
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the things! I do!
- JOHANNA: You must not!!
Who's got the ring? Any ring will do!
Priya, your necklace!
Wrap it around his
finger! Use it as a ring!
Look out!
Now that Priya and Leon have
given themselves to each other
by solemn vows with the joining
of hands, I pronounce you
It's Daddy!
I now pronounce you man and wife!
You okay?
You smell that too, right?
Daddy's marigolds.
Nice work, Padre.
Believe it or not, I've worked
worse weddings than that.
It's a bunch of texts from August.
- He's back at the Donovan house.
Megan is gone?
- Afraid.
August doesn't do "afraid".
- Luke!
Okay, buddy. Look at me! Look at me.
Stay with me. Stay with me.
- Yes.
- Luke!
- PHIL: Oh, no, no, no!
- SUSAN: Call 911! Call 911!
PHIL: Stay with me!
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