SurrealEstate (2021) s01e08 Episode Script

Baba O'Reilly

Previously on SurrealEstate
We worked the Jackson house.
Class three shape-shifting demon
that bounces from person to person.
Both the Travis's,
the victims of tonight's incident,
were clients of the
same real estate firm.
Something followed us home.
How did it get up here?
It found a host.
- Did we get it?
- It rests in pieces.
What's wrong?
Now take us home.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Listen people ♪
Go put on your dancing shoes ♪
Come on, people ♪
Chase away these blues ♪
'Cuz tonight, yeah ♪
You know we gonna have ♪
It's time for me to go.
- How's he taking it?
- Not good.
Him and Megan got into
a huge fight earlier
and clients have been calling,
pulling their listings all morning.
it was Antonia Hablanis moving
her listing to Livingston-Kent.
And the Kims have decided not
to list with us because, uh
personal reasons.
Rita Weiss is probably putting her
sign in their front yard as we speak.
Unless Bob Livingston has already
sprayed it with his musky odor.
And already the vultures gather
and feast upon my flesh.
Aleister Crowley.
Any clients that they
could take from us,
we didn't deserve to keep.
Can you run by and get our signs?
You know, we could be
huge assholes about it.
These people signed contracts.
We will take satisfaction
in being the grown-ups here.
And in the thought of Bob Livingston
having to disclose to prospective
buyers that a lady with goat legs
goes clip-clopping down
the upstairs hallway
every night at twelve-oh-three.
We in trouble, or what?
Look, it's late. I need to think.
We'll circle back tomorrow?
- We're in trouble.
- First Travis.
Now this Jackson thing.
Two high-profile incidents
resulting in death
and drama in less than a year.
None of this is Luke's fault.
Tell that to Luke.
tell it to Luke.
That's all it is.
Your release was too high.
Ball didn't have time to
connect to the floor enough
for the friction to take
hold to create the desirable
30-degree trajectory into the pocket.
You really know how to suck the
fun out of everything, don't you?
So, how are things going?
Oh, let's see
I'm an industry pariah,
clients are firing me left and right.
Responsible for domestic violence
and the death of innocents.
Well, you still have your health.
- You gonna bowl or what?
- Ah. Wrong shoes.
Dad, what if I'd never been like this?
What if I'd never been
able to see these things?
Talk to them?
What if I'd just been born a normal kid?
Who are you calling "these things"?
Nice one!
See what happens when you
find a direction of impact
to distribute the kinetic energy?
The answer, uh,
to your question is, uh
You were a normal kid.
And if you weren't,
I'd've loved you every
bit as much as I did.
Your mother probably
still would have left us.
Wasn't you, Luke.
It wasn't even me.
It was her.
She said I was a
disappointment and a failure.
Now, that doesn't sound like her.
I knew her, Luke.
I knew her in the good times
and, God, they were good.
I loved her a long time.
Long after she left us.
Can't say for sure I ever stopped.
Well, that must not have been easy.
She was in pain.
But she was never cruel.
People change.
Hey, you.
They told me you'd be here.
Used to do a bit of bowling myself.
So, let me guess:
Zooey thought I needed a pep
talk and you drew the short straw.
It's wrong that you're blaming
yourself for Travis and Jackson.
Those things are gonna happen
with the kind of houses we sell.
We are good, you and I.
We're good at the fundamentals.
Marketing. Sales. Staging. Financing.
- Hand-holding.
- We're damn good.
These horror shows,
they make up a relatively
small percentage of our listings
and our revenue.
They account for most of
the time and aggravation.
I'm tired, Susan.
What are you saying?
Maybe it's time to cut bait.
Make the safe, smart play.
Just take on the regular listings,
leave the other ones to
October 31st, where they belong.
That would impact everything.
Allocation of resources. Staffing
Well, Phil could continue
to do our title work.
Probably lose August
to some place like NASA.
Or Hasbro.
Zooey'd probably stay on for a while,
for the dental and free office supplies,
but she'd get bored and she'd
You need to think this through.
I feel like
Like we-we're doing some good.
Real, existential good.
If you're done, I'm gonna lock up.
I just have one more.
Hey, it's Megan. Your move.
Hey. Uh, it's just me.
I know your class
schedule is really insane.
Was just hoping to see you again
if you want to see me.
Ah, anyway, give me a
call. Or, even better, uh,
text me when you want
me to come over, okay?
We're a guitar and a sheet cake away
from being a support group.
Luke has a lot on his mind.
Hey, y'all. Let's make this quick.
Just got off the phone with
a Lisa Neal in New York.
She got our name from Tessa Green.
Word of mouth. The best advertising.
Ms. Neal's aunt Nellie
recently passed away.
They didn't know each other; last
living relative type of thing.
Anyway, she wants us
to clean up the place
and liquidate it for the estate.
- Natural causes?
- Sounds like it. She was almost 90.
Natural causes sounds
like a nice change of pace.
So, I grew up in the neighborhood.
When I was a kid, I used to make
some extra money mowing their lawn.
I never met Ms. Neal
she never went outside
as far as I know
and I'd always find a couple of bucks
stuck to the mailbox with a clothespin.
Years later I found out it was
my dad putting out money for me.
Felt sorry for the lady.
Your father sounds like a fine man.
He was.
Anyway, it is a nice,
normal place and I'm
going to make it my project
for the next couple of days.
We can hire people.
I just need to be busy with something.
I have a feeling this house
is going to be pretty
heinous on the inside,
so have Shelley Disposal
deliver a dumpster, would you?
Pass my calls along to Susan, okay?
I will check in once in a while.
I am late for a showing.
Uh, wait!
My tools are still in your
I need to check my M.E.D.'s
screening algorithm.
I never should have
missed that second Roadie.
How could you know?
Roadies never travel in even numbers.
- Hey, Zooey.
- Hey.
Megan's on the phone.
She's looking for Luke.
I'll take it.-
Megan, hi.
I need Luke.
He's tied up right now.
Is there something I can help with?
It's a problem with the house.
A big problem.
I just finished a
showing not far from you.
Do you want me to stop by?
Huh. I, uh
Wonder how I got here?
Calibration is perfect.
Problem must lie in the M.E.D. which
is still in Susan's trunk
along with my acoustic propagation
sound-scope and my nanny-cam.
Some technologies
require no improvement.
So, I dug into this
nice, normal Neal house.
It's built by Nellie's
parents back in the 50's.
She would have been about 16 then.
She inherited the place
just a few months later
when her parents died
in a freak accident.
I become apprehensive when the words
"freak" and "accident"
are used concurrently.
I tracked down the police report.
They each fell out of two
different attic windows
at the same time.
Wow. And what are the odds?
Over the years, police have
taken multiple complaints:
garbage, weeds, varmints, et cetera.
Social services registered seven
visits in the last three years.
All attempts to remove
Ms. Neal from the house
- 'Til she got the big remove.
- Yeah.
Face up on the porch.
It was the first time anyone
can remember seeing her outside.
This seems like information
Luke should know.
He's turned his phone off.
God, what happened?
That's the thing. I don't know!
I woke up in the library.
It was a mess, just like this.
Someone was in the house!
Just awful.
I mean, you don't
think it was your ex?
No, I don't think he's capable
of this kind of irrational
crime of passion.
Did you change the locks?
Does anybody else have a key?
Only my real estate agent.
I think we can rule him out.
Maybe you should call the cops.
I mean, what if it's some creepy person?
Or, worse yet, what if it's not?
You need to get out of here. It's time.
Well, I found a place I love.
Luke has it under contract,
pending inspection, title search and
Where is Luke?
- You haven't talked to him?
- Mm-mm.
- Oh, come on!
- What?
This says I missed
12 messages from Luke!
Where have I been?
What is going on?
I need to go to my car for a quick sec.
I will be back.
Took you guys long enough.
We hit a lot of red lights.
Must be inside.
Who the hell are you?!
Who are you?
Um, what is this place?
I've never seen it before.
Yeah, no, I'm out of here.
Or not.
I mean, I guess we go
- That way?
- Yeah, let's do that.
TEEN AUGUST Hello, is anybody here?
I was just on my way
to not going to school
and then all of a sudden, I'm here.
I was going to church
for choir practice.
What's your story?
I was fixing the tractor.
It kept stalling, I'm pretty
sure it was the fuel line.
You're a farmer?
I live on a farm. It doesn't define me.
This is a top-of-the-line Commodore 64!
It hasn't even been
released to the public yet.
Man, I'd love to mess with this thing.
Uh, if only I had some
Can we please just keep moving?
You guys go ahead.
What are those?
Only my favorite candy of all time.
Moby Dick.
I always wanted to read this.
The fish did it.
You know, all my favourite
things in one room.
Congratulations on your
low threshold for happiness.
This room's creeping me out.
Oh, hello.
Oh, sick.
All right, shit waffle.
You really want a piece of this?
Bring it, bitch! I will
- What is that?
- He sounds pissed.
No! No!!!
Sad Girl!
Altar Boy!
Come on. We should all stick together.
I am gonna reach through that screen
and kick your pale ass.
Oh, no. I don't think so.
Eat hot smoking death!
Shit waffles!
People of Earth! Welcome!
Voicemail again.
Did you guys have some kind of a
Disagreement after the awards?
Did we? Why is that night such a blur?
I remember watching
you up at the podium.
You looked so great.
Strong and powerful, yet humble.
Cut it out!
And the next thing I
remember, I was here.
Alone, passed out on the couch.
And the place looked like this.
Well, I have no idea what happened.
But if it happens
again, we're gonna know.
This is August's bag. Amazing stuff.
Don't touch this. You
know what that can do.
Here we go.
If somebody or something
is creepy-crawling you,
this hidden camera's gonna
catch them red-handed.
I'm gonna look for a place to hide it.
Get ready to lose.
I am losing.
I don't like it.
Stop moving!
I don't like pain. It hurts.
I thought farm boys were
supposed to be tough?
I need a touch of herbal anesthesia.
Don't forget your old friend.
- How old are you?
- 16.
I'm 16 and I've never
heard that word used
in anything other than ironic context.
What year were you born?
what about you?
What about me what?
When were you born?
Sad Girl's checking IDs.
Yeah. Same.
'98, '65.
But we're all 16?
What if we're dead?
- Wait what if this is hell?
- Naw.
The weed's too good.
It's the house.
It's the house!
It-it brought us all here
and-and made us 16 and it
It's giving us everything
it thinks we want.
Yeah, you got books and-and
sugary jumper cables.
You got old computers and weed.
And Mallomars and
- You got piercings.
- Yes!
All right, so think of
something else you want.
It knows me.
And I think
it likes me.
It seems to be
telepathically reading our desires
and then leveraging
them to keep us here.
Does anyone want to play Foosball?
Oh, hell, yes.
Oh, yeah.
This is motion-activated
to record anything
that moves through the front hall.
So, you and Luke might want to
control yourselves so we can,
you know, keep our PG-13 rating.
Could you, uh, put that thing away?
Gives me the creeps.
Sure took care of those Roadies, right?
Just like the Jackson kid's drawings.
Three Roadies?
Uh Megan?
The hell?
What happened to all my hardware?
No way.
This place is faking it.
Yeah, no. I'm outta here.
Vos volos nimis!
Okay. This may work with
somebody else, but
Shi Noo!!
I just have to have her ♪
She puts up a fight ♪
I keep jabbing at her ♪
with her lustful combinations. ♪
I become impatient ♪
Where is Sad Girl?
Probably giving herself a tattoo.
like when I caught my case an ♪
I'm gonna go check on her.
She says bye to me ♪
This house,
it's a feast!
So much pain and
confusion and heartbreak.
You took two of my lives,
but now
I'm home.
Oh! Ah!
Oh. You want this back?
- Ah.
- You okay?
- Yeah. You?
- Yeah, I think so.
- You hit hard.
- Oh. You're sweet.
Oh, dear.
I can't find Sad Girl.
Did you check her room?
It's not her room anymore.
And I think she was
right about this place.
It's giving us stuff to-to try
to keep us here, but it's
- None of it's real.
- All of my screwdrivers are the same size.
And, have you noticed,
your score hasn't changed
in the last 20 minutes?
That sucks.
All my books, no matter
what the title is,
every page is page 339 from Moby Dick.
Is it an important page?
It deals with blubber removal.
Well, there you go.
I can't live in a world where
the books only have one page!
volos nimis!
Vos volos
That's Latin.
It means "you want too much".
Too much what?
Help! Help! Ah! Grab my hands!
Grab my hands, please! Please!
Man, this is bullshit!
Am I back to myself?
Back to your creaky mid-thirties.
I forgot how much 16 sucked.
I was getting too young for this shit.
Ah, you, too. Come on, Altar Boy.
So, any ideas on what just happened?
We call it a glamor of some kind.
That house makes you happy and secure,
gives you everything you want
except it keeps you 16 forever.
But only in the house.
And something was off.
The glamor, it wasn't perfect.
All my piercings disappeared.
My books only had one page.
It appears the house isn't strong enough
to properly service a party of four.
- There can only be one.
- Like Nellie.
The house is holding
auditions for her replacement.
And Luke just made call-backs.
- We gotta get him out of there.
- Mm.
Ah, okay. I got no other plans.
Skipped a generation.
The house thinks the
thing I need the most
is a lively round of golf
with my middle-aged self?
Who you calling middle-aged?
You look a little weathered, dude.
I got one word for you.
It's an important one
and it's one I'll hope
you'll remember in the years to come.
It's a pretty sweet
gig you got here, right?
- It's okay.
- Okay?
This house gives you everything
you want, when you want it.
You're not going to get that
good a deal out there, Luke.
Trust me.
I know.
Now, out there,
you're on your own.
You want something?
Good luck!
You start needing people, they need you.
You get attached, bonded
and it gets complicated.
And one day you just
You lose them.
Like Dad.
Something happens to Dad?
Life happens to him, buddy.
Death is a part of life.
Usually the quiet part.
So, here's the pitch:
You stay here and none of it happens.
None of the complications,
none of the muss, the fuss,
scary nights, the sad goodbyes.
So, what do I do?
You make the safe, smart play.
You tell this house
this is all you want.
Out loud?
You think this house can read your mind?
Well, right.
But, yeah.
You say it out loud.
So, how do we convince
someone who is inside the house
who doesn't know that
we're outside the house
to leave the house?
Yeah, a bit of a conundrum.
Well, we all went in
through the front door,
but we all got ejected
through the window, right?
So, the window is the way out, okay.
Okay, so,
what if I call Anthony?
I'm pretty sure he can remove
the entire window frame,
otherwise, he'll have to use
glass cutters and very carefully
cut around the ornamental glass,
- unless it's thermal pane
- Stand back!
That's another way to go.
What's going on?
- What happened to my friends?
- Friends?
Those weren't your friends.
You have no friends!
You have ghosts
and demons.
Things that whisper at
you from under your bed.
You have work 24-7, and
that is all you have,
you motherless freak.
You are going to be alone forever, Luke.
Alone with the screams
and the whispers. Busting
your ass, never a vacation.
Burnout city.
Or you can say the words
and stay here forever.
Just say,
"This is all I want."
This is, ah
This is all, um
But, see see the thing is,
I want more.
I hear the voices and
I want to talk back.
I-I see these things,
these people
who are lost, and
I want to help them find
whatever's out there to find.
M-maybe that's
God, or
Maybe it's just
Or, uh
Maybe it's a miniature
golf course, which,
by the way,
this is not.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Dad, are you even here?
You never had a family.
- Stay with me!
- I was being honest.
A guy like you
Like us
who doesn't see the world
like everybody else
It is tough out there.
A lot of people are
going to push you away.
Mom was just the start.
Or we could stay here,
never give them the chance.
Don't go out there, Luke.
You'll be sorry.
What'd Dad always tell us?
"Ships are safe at harbor."
That's not what ships are for.
- Everybody okay?
- Luke!
- Bud!
- I believe so.
What happened in there?
The glamor, the illusion.
I tore it open.
I don't think anybody's ever
called it on its bullshit before.
Certainly nobody with your unique
perspective, Luke.
Sometimes it is a gift.
I guess it is.
Is the house back to normal?
What's he doing?
What he does.
Glamor is broken.
- Are you okay? Where you been?
- We'll talk later.
well, since you're all here,
I need to tell you about
a decision that I've made.
I've been thinking that it
might be time for us to go legit.
Just like any other
residential brokerage,
just a little more fashion-forward.
But now I've decided
This thing'll blow over.
We gotta be who we are.
No faking it.
We are built for a particular job.
Now, I want you to go home tonight.
Rest up, hydrate,
because we are going to come
back to the office tomorrow
ready to kick a whole lot of ass
and close a whole lot of escrow!
Hells, yeah, we are!
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