Survival of the Thickest (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

It’s Any Given Sunday, Bitch!

- ["Garden" by Joshy Soul plays]
- Good morning, sunshine ♪
[gasps] I didn't know they had
knock-knock jokes in Italian!
- That was wild.
- Yeah, we have.
The sky was wakin' up to you ♪
The rain might come, the clouds ♪
[Mavis] Yay!
That was amazing.
Just waiting ♪
Oh my God. Can I be your mom?
Whoa! Whoa! You're Messi.
I am. I am Messi.
[Luca] This is so exciting.
It is your name right there
with a picture of someone
who looks a little like you.
Yeah, that is Raven-Symoné.
And that is not so Raven. [chuckles]
Well, I'm still glad I bought ten copies.
- Hmm?
- Aw.
We're in a garden's precious day ♪
Where we grow ♪
Knock knock.
[Mavis] Hey!
[Khalil] Smells good, y'all.
[loudly and slowly]
Luca, my name is Khalil.
[Luca] Khalil.
Io sono Luca.
Mi ha detto che parli italiano.
Yeah, sure.
Parli italiano, no?
Well, I mean
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- Yes.
- Man.
- I'm joking.
- Nice to meet you. This is India.
- India, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Hi, India. Finally! Oh my goodness.
Khalil said not to embarrass him,
but he doesn't trust food on airplanes,
and he never takes a shit in public.
He used to sleepwalk when we were little.
He probably still does.
Oh, it's so nice to meet you!
What the fuck, Mavis?
This is so dope
because I don't have to get you drunk
to get the 411.
- Sure don't.
- Who wants an Italian spritz?
- I definitely need one.
- Yes, please.
Oh my God! Oh my God! Luca!
[Jade] Hey, Mavis!
- Oh my God!
- Are you busy?
Jade, get out!
- You're blindfolded.
- Get out!
Well, listen.
Your mom is here,
and she wants to take you to church.
So is this, like, a bad time or
Does it look like it's a good time?
Well, it was a good time,
and now it's not a good time.
- Should I tell her you wanna come first?
- Get the fuck out.
Have fun, guys.
- Now is your chance to leave.
- Why? I want to meet your mom.
Boy, were you under these covers too long?
Were you not breathing right?
Oh my God, Luca. No, you cannot meet her.
Jump through the wall like Mr. Kool-Aid.
I don't give a fuck, but you gotta go.
You gotta get out.
Okay ♪
One time for the big girls
In the crowd ♪
Hey! Hear me now ♪
Go on, sis, yeah
Show 'em how to work it out ♪
Hi, Mama.
You're early. So early.
Must have found parking. Oh, you're gonna
Hello, Mrs. Beaumont. I'm Luca.
Your daughter's friend.
I don't do that with my friends.
Nobody asked you.
[Mavis] Um
Luca's also from Italy. The country.
So that's cool.
And he works with refugees.
He helps them get their papers,
which is really great.
And, uh, he plays soccer, like, so well.
And his bucatini is delicious.
It's, like, creamy and soft yet hard.
And there's a hole in the middle of it.
I've never seen it like that. It's just
Bucatini's a pasta.
I should've said that.
I should've said that bucatini's a pasta.
Well [chuckles]
It's really nice to meet you.
Go brush your teeth and get dressed.
We're going to church.
From what I heard, you both need Jesus.
[organ music playing]
[mom] Go!
Oh! [chuckles] Beautiful.
- Are these your grandchildren?
- Yes.
Life is so full
with my beautiful grandkids
and my son-in-law.
I call him my bonus son.
[chuckles] Well, I wouldn't know.
My daughter has ungodly relations
with strangers from different countries.
Excuse me. Thou shalt not judge
in the house of the Lord.
That's Corinthians.
Corinthians 7, 24, 365, or something.
Your children are beautiful, ma'am,
so congratulations on winning life.
You're a winner.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
[chuckles] Okay.
- Bye.
- Winner, winner.
Chicken dinner.
[mellow hip-hop music playing]
- [India] Hey.
- [Khalil] Hey.
[India] I made breakfast.
- Chicken and waffles.
- Oh no. My favorite?
- Let's see how it travels though.
- Yeah, we'll find out.
These people hired you to paint
"I love you a latte"
on the side of their café?
[sighs] Listen, I'm only doing it
because they're the only Black-owned
coffee shop in Gramercy Park.
I mean, I low-key hate selfie walls.
And I also low-key hate being a part
of something I hate being a part of.
I get it, but this is still so damn cool.
You are getting paid for your art,
and you're supporting
a Black-owned business.
- These are two of my favorite things.
- Hmm.
I mean, I'm talkin'
perfectly crispy and juicy
at the same time.
Who knew I could find a girlfriend
that could cook?
I'm your girlfriend?
Who said that?
I mean, I don't hate it.
It's just the first time
I'm hearing about it.
No, I was You know
I was What I meant
was that you're a girl.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then my friend.
You didn't hear the pause in there?
There's, like, a hyphen up in there.
You gotta Mm!
Girl, you gonna make me late.
Or, friend, you gonna make me late,
which, let me get to gettin'. Oh man.
Lord, please help my daughter
be more grateful
for the sacrifices
her father and I have made,
like moving to a foreign country,
working night and day
so she could have a college education
she does not use.
And please help these two aging sinners
realize they are wasting each other's time
with this little fling.
They know nothing about each other.
And if they knew more,
the less exciting play time would be.
Oh, Father, please,
wipe this puppy-dog look
off my daughter's face
and bring her back to the reality
that this man will use her up
and fly away.
When are you leaving town, son?
Wow, that was fast.
Was a nice service, huh?
Yeah, one of the best.
[mom] Mm-hmm.
[India] Let me
You got it?
- [Khalil] Yeah.
- Hey!
- [Khalil] Hey!
- Oh, hey, Mavis.
Let me tell you somethin'.
I have had a morning, you guys.
My mom unloaded on me.
She basically said that Luca
is just gonna use me up and fly away.
Her direct quote to Jesus.
He took the wheel.
[Khalil] Mave.
What difference does it matter
what your mom says?
Y'all just having fun, right?
- Yeah, we're just having fun.
- Yeah.
Then he's gonna fly back to Italy.
Not about me though. It's about you two.
It's about Black love,
mixed prints, hot coffee.
As if I couldn't
love you two more a latte!
I can't stop sayin' it.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What are you doing to that wall?
Spraying primer.
I'm about to paint a mural.
Are you supposed to be doing that?
Are you supposed to be questioning me?
I'm not just gonna stand here
and watch you graffiti a wall.
You know what? I am so glad
I charged my phone last night.
Fine, film me,
but I'm still gonna need to see a permit.
Okay, Khalil, just show her the permit.
I'm not showing her shit.
Well, then I'll just call the cops.
Please, call the cops. They're probably
dying to hear from you again.
No, no, don't call anyone.
We have a permit.
- I'm handling it.
- [India] Khalil.
[camera clicks]
Put that down. You know how long
Moroccan Sun's been on back order?
Khalil, where is it?
Look, he was hired by the owner
of the coffee shop to paint this wall.
Really? On a Sunday? In this neighborhood?
What's going on?
I'm a member of the co-op board
at One Lexington.
I'm gonna need to see a permit
for what this man is doing.
And who are you?
I'm the owner of this coffee shop,
and I hired this man.
I don't give a shit what board you're on.
You can leave now.
And fuck you a latte.
I donated to Cory Booker.
[Mavis] Excuse me? You might as well say,
"I have one Black friend."
What that supposed to mean?
And what? You probably
fucked a Black guy in college too?
- Congratulations, bitch.
- Come on.
Happy Black History Month
to you and yours.
You can stop following me.
I said I need a minute.
We just wanna see if you're okay.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
Well, then why is your butt
all clenched then?
I can clench these cheeks if I want to.
I got a hot booty.
Me, Arsenio Hall, and Phil Jackson.
It's true.
Clearly, what that woman said upset you,
and I just want you
to be able to talk to me.
You know what upset me?
- You.
- Me?
Goin' through my bag
lookin' for my permit.
Validating this lady's bullshit.
You just out here making it worse.
Wow! Really? So you only
gotta talk to me sideways once.
Look, India. No, don't go, okay?
Oh my God. Khalil, apologize to India now.
Apologize for what?
- What, the truth?
- [scoffs]
Yo, that shit happened
to all of us today, okay?
Look, I got some good-ass weed
in my purse.
It's the good-good.
We should go smoke on it.
[percussive music plays]
Wait. Wait. How do I
- How do I
- [Khalil chuckles]
How do you get out of this thing?
You guys, help me.
Why would we stop the funny?
Am I out?
- Am I out?
- Yep.
Did I do it?
[both chuckling]
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Hey, I'm sorry
for poppin' off on you earlier today.
I was mad, and I saw red.
You know what?
I'm sorry too.
Look, I shouldn't have insisted
you show that woman your permit.
It's just
I didn't tell you this, but, um
I've been feeling a little anxious
because Cooper
- He's my son
- [Mavis] Yes, your son.
Love that you had a natural birth.
Like, I've seen the size of his head.
- What?
- Um
Well, he was called nigga by a kid
two days ago. Hard "r."
- Shit.
- Yeah.
Okay, so how did little man take it?
Well, Cooper guillotine spin-kicked
his head off
and then stomped on it
till it exploded, so
Damn! The playground
is so violent these days.
It happened while he was playing
an online video game.
Now me and my ex-husband
Henry, yes, your college sweetheart.
The sigma, over 6'2".
You guys grew apart.
You evolved. He didn't.
Sorry to interrupt again. Go on.
Okay, um well,
now we have to have the racism
birds and the bees talk with Cooper.
And Henry wants to tell him
to just beat up anyone who says it,
just like in the game,
but, I mean, violence,
it leads to more violence, you know?
- And he could
- Yeah.
He could end up
you know, and just
It's not his fault.
Racism is not his fault.
And I just don't wanna be
another Black mom crying on CNN.
- Yeah.
- I just
Oh God. I'm feelin' you two so hard.
The good old first time
you've been called the N-word. Oh.
Did I get out?
For me, it was
at my all-white Catholic school.
Oh shit. She 'bout to tell us a story.
I have a story I'd like to tell you
that I think might be helpful.
1991, Central Jersey.
The Midwest of New Jersey.
We're on the playground.
It's in the middle of a kickball game,
and I missed the ball two times.
And the school bully, Scott,
yelled at me in front of all the kids.
"Learn how to kick, you dumb nigger."
Oh, Mavis.
And I was so
young and so shy and polite
that I just said, "Thank you, Scott,"
and ran around to all the bases.
And when I got home,
I told my parents, and my mom said,
"Where's your lunch box?
I'm not buying you another lunch box."
And my dad said,
"Well, congratulations, Mavis."
"They know you Black now."
That's definitely them.
[India] Mavis.
What would you have wanted
your mom to say?
I don't know.
[gentle piano music playing]
'Cause it's still, like, really hard
to know what to do now even, so, um
Maybe they didn't even know
what to do back then.
I think.
It's so hard to figure out what to say
in those moments.
I mean, that shit be comin'
out of nowhere sometimes.
Today, I thought my biggest issue was that
I forgot to wash my fan brush last night.
The next thing you know,
here comes coffee-shop Karen.
And if my son doesn't feel supported,
then I haven't done my job.
Being there for him, knowing his needs,
letting him know
that I am always there for him,
that is everything to me.
[Mavis sighs]
I see you. You see me.
We see each other. That is
I need some air.
I'm gonna go on the roof.
I'm gonna go to the Bloom Bloom Room.
I haven't been there in a while.
I need to see what's good.
Yeah, get up there.
- You Okay.
- [Mavis] Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
- Mave, you got it?
- I got it.
I never had it, but now I got it.
Wait. What's the Bloom Bloom Room?
I grow a garden on the roof.
But there's also a pole.
["I Feel Good" by Pink Sweat$ plays]
Who are you?
Livin' life in color ♪
Everything around me
Looks so beautiful and sweet ♪
Heavenly desire ♪
Everything's so bright
It's like a brand-new movie scene ♪
All the immersive colors ♪
That smells fresh.
Picture ♪
I like it.
Perfect ♪
Hey, Mom?
Ma? Ma.
[sighs] I just
Sometimes I wish that, you know,
you would use kinder words with me.
Like when that boy called me the N-word.
I get it. We're Black. We're Caribbean.
You and Dad are immigrants,
and you really tried
to instill toughness in me,
but sometimes I just wanna feel
comforted and supported,
like this morning.
I just wanted you to say,
"Good luck with Luca."
Because no matter how much
I try to deny it,
your opinion really matters to me.
[Khalil] Mavis.
Put the vape pen down,
and step away slowly.
Okay, you sound very judgy.
You put down the vape pen,
and step away slowly.
[both chuckle]
What's so funny?
Talkin' to a carrot, man!
["What's Luv? feat. Ashanti"
by Fat Joe playing]
It should be about us, be about trust ♪
What's love? ♪
Got to do, got to do with it, babe ♪
What's love? ♪
Oh my God!
It's about trust, babe ♪
What's love? ♪
Got to do with it ♪
Really? I'm just trying to live my life!
It should be about us
It should be about trust, babe ♪
Oh, are you cooking?
I'm actually making a dinner
for Luca and I tonight
because it's gonna be his last night,
and we're gonna have fun,
and I won't be heartbroken.
Is there gonna be enough
for me and Cocaine?
Yes, there'll be enough.
I'm making pesto pasta.
Pesto penne pasta in a pot.
Everything has a "p" in it.
I think I still might be high.
Pie. Pie, pineapple, pasta, pizza.
Uh There'll be enough, okay?
- Mavis.
- Yes?
Being a roommate,
it's a special kind of friend.
Yeah, we don't have history together,
but we have intimacy.
Like, I don't know
what you're going through exactly.
- It's funny you
- I don't need to know.
- Okay.
- To feel you.
To feel you, Mavis.
- I think we should breathe together.
- No.
I have been breathing on my own,
and I'm totally good.
I don't wanna do the breathing thing
with you again. Okay.
And in.
And out.
Did you have Shake Shack today?
[enchanting music plays]
Watch your head.
[India] Okay.
Now this is the Bloom Bloom Room
at its finest.
I didn't know you knew
how to grow vegetables.
It's like a little farmers' market
in here.
There's very few things in life
where you get to see the process
from beginning to end.
Meaningful, colorful.
It's like Mother Nature's artwork.
Now, don't let the kale
and the seasonal herbs fool you now, girl.
I'm a hard-ass nigga when I'm not
teaching old people and kids art.
You know what I'm saying? You feel me?
Khalil, you're good at seasonal herbs,
but you're bad at being vulnerable.
I know.
But I think, you know,
it's actually holding us up.
Like, everything that's been happening
with Cooper and Henry.
I wanted to tell you when it happened,
but I just don't know
if we're at that place
where I'm hitting you with kid stuff
and ex-husband stuff.
Of course. I want you to be able
to talk about anything.
- Do you?
- Yes.
I do.
Because anytime something
even a little bit uncomfortable comes up,
you just make a joke and avoid it.
Like, with the boyfriend-girlfriend thing
this morning.
Why don't we just stop
and actually, like,
talk about what we want?
I just haven't been
in a lot of serious relationships.
I was kind of a lone wolf. You know that.
I'm just trying to bring a little light
to the situation.
All right.
I mean
So what are we saying?
I mean, are we
Do you
Ugh, fuck it.
India, will you be my girlfriend?
- Boyfriend.
- Oh, I like that. Say it again?
- Boyfriend.
- Ooh!
[knocking at door]
Come in!
[Luca] Buonasera.
So, tonight, we're gonna be
making your favorite,
pesto, together.
That's right.
'Cause one plus one equals fun.
That is just so thoughtful.
But you should know
I'm allergic to pine nuts.
I can eat it.
No problem, of course.
I love that you want to make
something beautiful with me.
All it will cause is just hives
and minor actually major swelling.
I couldn't even find pine nuts
in Crown Heights.
I went to the store for pine nuts.
They thought I said penis.
I was like, "Pine nuts."
They were like, "Penis."
They had no idea what I was talking about,
so I'm gonna use a substitute.
Rice Krispies.
Why would you use Rice Krispies?
Because of the crunch.
It's just been a really stressful day,
okay? So no big deal.
You want to go for a walk?
Listen, darlin', to every word ♪
Fresh air is good. This was a good idea.
Long before today, my sweet ♪
Look, I, uh
I'm not trying to have
a super serious conversation
right before you leave.
I don't wanna be thinking these things
and not tell you.
I'm glad you're telling me.
I want to talk about it.
Good. Cool, me too.
So I, um
I don't know.
Sometimes I just feel like, uh
Who's that?
It's just Tony. I'll call her back.
So you, um [chuckles]
Wait a minute.
You have a roommate named Tony.
And then also a really beautiful
female friend named Tony.
Tony is my roommate.
Okay. So
So your roommate is a gorgeous, what,
22-year-old Sophia Loren look-alike?
She's only there temporarily,
and also, it's not how I see her
at at all.
I really wanted my mom to be wrong
about what she said today,
but now that I'm, like, thinking about it,
I don't know.
Wait. Mavis.
I know we haven't known each other
for a very long time,
but your mom is wrong.
I feel so close to you.
I have feelings for you.
Real feelings.
Wow. That is, like, a very perfect thing
to say right now.
I don't know. Maybe it's just too perfect.
Because real feelings
real feelings take time, right?
And watching India and Khalil
go through all these firsts,
like their first fight today,
it's just like
How are we ever gonna do that?
I can't help that I live where I live,
and you're here.
The best I can do is be here right now.
But if you can give pasta
and Rice Krispies a chance,
give us a chance.
Listen, darlin', to every word I say ♪
I left you long before today ♪
My sweet darlin'
Don't even try to sway ♪
Love is lost, I must walk away ♪
I'll text you from the cab.
And the plane.
And the cab in Italy.
- You get it?
- I get it.
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
[Luca exhales sharply]
[door opens]
[door closes]
- [Jade] He made you something.
- Oh God!
Were you there the whole time,
just watching us kiss?
[Jade] Yes.
It's in the fridge.
You should get an OnlyFans. That was cute.
["Shy Guy" by Renée Gros playing]
Rice Krispie pesto.
That is so disgusting.
Oh my God, Khalil. This is so gorgeous!
I can't wait to tell people
that my boyfriend painted this.
I can't wait to tell people
that my girlfriend
was a wonderful assistant.
Okay, enough with the kissy-face.
Let's take a picture.
- Here we go. Let's do this.
- [Mavis] Get in front.
All right, here we go.
Ha-ha-ha! I love it!
- I'm so proud of you.
- Oh, thank you.
All I want ♪
Every morning ♪
It's you I want holding me at night ♪
Boy, your touch ♪
Should come with a warning ♪
Got me spinning
When you're holding me tight ♪
Ooh, I'm floating ♪
Above this little room ♪
Don't you dare go turn off the light ♪
Let me soar ♪
Let me see you ♪
Baby, you're favorite sight ♪
Baby, you're my ♪
Shy guy with your ♪
Side eye and your ♪
Hair tied all up in that bun ♪
Told you I ♪
Won't lie, though you ♪
Might try ♪
I know you know
The time flies when we're ♪
Having fun ♪
All day long, baby ♪
All day long ♪
Laughing in this bed here with you ♪
All day long ♪
Nothing else that I'd rather do ♪
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