Tacoma FD (2019) s04e01 Episode Script

Pirate World FD


ALL: Happy birthday, dear Ella ♪
- Bah-gah!
- ALL: Happy birthday to you ♪
Bah-gah! Now, go for it, Ella.
- Hey, no, no, not silly string!
- Hey, no, no!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! [SCREAMING]
Get this thing off of me!
- I don't want to die!


Everyone, stay back.
All right, he's good!
He's good, he's good!
Okay, pal, let's get you up.
- You all right in there?
- Whoo, hey.
Everything's fine.
Nothing to see herrre.
It's just a parrot who
got a little bit charrred.
Oh, whoa, whoa, it's okay, it's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
- This happens every month.
- Every sign a waiver?
- Did y'all sign a waiver?
- Oh, no. It-it's okay.
He's okay. He's fine.
He's fine. He's fine.

Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
Check it and see ♪
I got a fever of 103 ♪
I'm hot-blooded ♪

Oh, man.
I'm really never gonna
see my puppets again.
You okay?
The fiery mascot really
brought back bad memories.
The smell of burning felt
really turned my stomach.
Aw, I know it's painful, but
it'll get better with time.
It's been 14 months.
When is the hurtin' gonna stop?
- Hi, Gampy.
Is that my favorite
fire-fighting pirate?
- Tell the Commish I said hi.
- Gampy, Ike says hi.
- Who the hell is Ike?
- You know Ike.
I work with him.
Oh. Uh, hello, sir.
That's one of the idiots
that burned down my station!
It's it's not Ike.
- Tell him it's not stop.
- Stop what?
You're looking at someone else.
This isn't Ike. Lucy!
Turn the phone around.
- What's the matter with you?
- Oh, oh, oh. Sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Say it was a different Ike.
What's up, Gampy?
What happened to the mascot?
- Oh, Petey the Parrot, Chief.
- I don't care. What happened?
Costume caught fire. Silly string.
- Fucking silly string.
- It's worse than glitter.
You guys are supposed to monitor
Candle-lightings at birthday parties.
We had two heat-exhaustion calls.
And that stupid dickhead parrot
was supposed to wait for us.
Chief, can I speak to you?
Uh, we got to go check
Davy Jones' locker.
His torches might be
burning too hot, so
I don't need an excuse. Just leave.
- Sorry, Chief.
- [CLEARS THROAT] Okay. Great.
- Chief.
- What happened today
- At the birthday arrrchipelago?
- Silly string fire.
Ah, fuckin' silly string, huh?
[CHUCKLES] nothing good comes from it.
- And, uh, where was your crew?
Well, we had multiple
heat-exhaustion calls.
And Paulie jumped the
gun on the candles.
- He was supposed to wait, so
- Paulie who?
The parrot. Paulie the parrot.
- It's Petey.
- Oh, my bad.
Petey is my nephew.
So how do I explain that to his mother?
Well, hopefully his mother
is one of those parrots
- that speaks English. [LAUGHS]
- Really?
Do you mind if we parley, Terry?
I'm starting to get the impression
That you don't like this job.
- That's not true, sir.
- You don't know the mascot's name.
- Pete the Parakeet.
- Petey the Parrot.
Pirates have parrots, not parakeets.
What's the difference?
I don't know, actually.
This is a special place, Terry.
I need someone who's gonna
loot and plunder with me
on this voyage.
Well, I will loot and plunder
with you on the voyage, sir.
Good, 'cause life is too short
to do things you don't
want to do, Terry.
And I'm sure you don't want to make me
make you walk the plank.
- What?
- I'm joking. Oh, come on.
Sometimes I can make a pirate
joke, too, you landlubber.
- [CHUCKLES] hey.
- Right?
Just batten down the hatches, hmm?
- Not a joke.
- Okay.
Hey. What did skipper say?
Dead men tell no tales.
Ha ha! "Weekend at Bernie's," yeah.
I got some good news from Gampy.
The rebuild on Station 24 is done.
- Good for the TFD.
- That's not all.
Turns out they're understaffed.
He said it would be a headache
to pull people from other stations,
so I suggested he take us back.
Ha! Yeah right. He would never do that.
- He said yes!
- Oh! Stop lying.
- What?
- Yes!
We're all going back to
station 24, just like that?
[CHUCKLES] it's almost too easy, Luce.
What about Andy? Is Andy coming back?
No, no, definitely not
he's working full-time
for his uncle's carpet company now.
I thought he didn't love that job.
No, he's in the showroom now,
and apparently it's pretty low-key.
Oh, is that what he's looking for?
- Something low-key?
- Low-key's cool.
So, Dad, what do you say?
- Best of luck to you.
- Oh, come on.
- You hate this job.
- I don't hate this job.
Is this about uncle Eddie?
Eddie has nothing to do with it.
We can get him to come back, too.
It's not about Eddie!
Besides, I hear he's
got a new job, so
Okay, well, Gampy said
we can go to the station.
So why don't you come with us
and see what they've done to it?

- Wow.
- BOTH: Whoa!
- Unbelievable.
- This is amazing.
- Son of a bitch.
- This is our station.
- Shiny!
- [CHUCKLING] Oh, baby!
A lot different than
when we last saw it, huh?
Yeah. There's actually a roof.
- Look at this
new workbench, washer-dryer.
Granny, what's wrong, man. You okay?
I just got a little shiver
remembering my puppets, you know?
Just take it slow, man.
Lot to take in. [CHUCKLES]
Aw, man.
What the hell?
Didn't the door used to be here?
Oh, I heard for structural reasons,
they had to move everything
a few inches to the left.
Yeah. No, I've heard of that.
That makes sense.
You can kind of tell.
- Whoo.
- So?
- It looks good.
- Yeah?
We should burn down
our station more often.
- Hey, you guys!
Look at this.
Whoa! They redid everything.
Are you kidding me?
Look at the kitchen! It's brand-new.
- And new chairs! Whoo!
Wait, there's a vibrating button.
Ha. Eddie always wanted one of those.
I'm gonna go look around.
- All right.
I'm gonna go check out the bunk room.
It really is a game of inches.
Certainly seems like there's
more space around here.
- Oh!
- Granny, why didn't you save us?
You let us burn!
Shame! Shame!
- What?
- Uh, it's just
I'm really impressed
with this new fridge.
Hey, guys.
There's a great new captain's office.
Eddie would love it.
Oh, and there's actually a
bidet in the chief's bathroom,
which I know he'd want to use.
Yeah, but what did you think?
[SIGHS] I think I miss the place.
I'm coming back to station 24.
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
- Awesome!
On one condition.
Eddie comes back, too.
He was my right-hand man after all.
Let's go get uncle Eddie.
- All right!
Whoo! Getting the team back together!
- Whoo! Oh.
- Oh, Jesus.
Wait, this was a push
before, though, right?
His blood pressure's dropping.
We're losing too much blood.
I know, I'll give him my blood.
- Will that work?
- Absolutely. I'm o-negative.
Don't go to the light!
Rhonda, this isn't how it works.
Research says people
don't know how it works,
- so it's okay.
- Yeah, but if she gave him
a person-to-person
transfusion like this
- the chances of her killing him
are remarkably high
like, he's gonna die.
People don't care, Eddie.
All right. Uh, let's cut.
Uh, can we get nick up in here
- with some more soot, please?
- Okay.
Ed Penisi, technical consultant.
Hey! What's up, guys?
Oh, cap, when you said you were working
for a different fire department,
this is not what I pictured.
Looks like a TV show or something.
It's the new Rhonda Shimes
spin-off of "Pittsburgh FD."
It's called "Pittsburgh FD: Seattle."
- It's pretty good.
- Oh, cool.
- Huh?
- Oh.
Whoo. Look at uncle Eddie.
You've gotten so big time.
Yeah. Little more sitting around
than I'm used to, but
I'm not complaining.
Hey, Captain Eddie.
Thanks for the tip
with the helmet earlier.
- I owe you one.
- Yeah, you got it, Cassie.
Wait, Cap. Who's that girl?
I think I know her.
Oh, that's Cassie
Carrison, the lead actress.
She's a crossover from
"Pittsburgh FD: Austin."
- No way. Cool.
- Oh, that's why.
She's huge in Australia.
- Was she in "Dugglywumps"?
- Yes.
And also she was on that
Australian soap opera
"Great Barrier Reef Housewives"
or something like that.
I don't know. Oh, thank you, Hannah.
I love this gig
best gig I've ever had.
Wild horses couldn't drag me away.
- This is free?
- Every day.
Cap, this job is "noyce."
So, anyway, the station's ready.
I'm gonna go back, and I was thinkin'
we shouldn't go back
without our captain, right?
You expect me to leave all of this?
- They lent me a convertible.
- Oh, wow.
Thanks, Hannah.
You should see the station, though.
Your office is redone.
There's vibrating buttons
on the lounge chairs now.
Oh, and I have a bidet in my bathroom.
You can use it whenever you want.
I have a bidet in my trailer.
Cap, this is so awesome.
- I can't believe you
- Ike, zip it.
- No, I know. I-I
- Lucy, he's right.
I love it here.
I get to pitch Rhonda Shimes ideas.
I'm learning all kinds of new things.
Points! Points!
- A little warning, pal.
- Yeah.
That actually was the
warning "points."
That means watch your back,
something's coming through.
Listen, I was saying,
it would be great if you came back.
My father fired me.
We could get him to change his mind.
He owes me an apology.
He's not gonna apologize to you.
Then I'm not coming back.
Hey, Eddie, can you help
me get these suspenders off?
- I can't figure them out.
- I'll be right there, Cass.
- Cheers, legend.
- Cheers, big ears.
[SCOFFS] Actors, am I right?
- Wow.
- Take it easy.
Eddie ♪
[CHUCKLES] Okay, best job ever.
Ike, shut up.

He wants an apology from his father?
- There's no way.
- There is a way.
- You got to grovel.
- You want me to grovel for him?
If you want to get him back here, yes.
That's what I did to get us back here.
Hey, sometimes it's worth it.
Did you see his ass?
[LAUGHS] I know, right? It's huge.
- What's in there, pudding?
[SIGHS] Oh, man.
- Granny
- Hmm?
You okay, man? You seem tired.
I just haven't been
sleeping well lately.
I think we've got something
that's gonna cheer you up.
Okay, Granny, Ike and
I got you something
to make you feel more at
home in the new station.
Come on.
Come on, you didn't have to do this.
Eh, it's an present. Come on, man.
I didn't even get you guys anything.
- Nah, just open it.
- Don't worry about it
Come on. [CHUCKLES]
[GASPS] Oh, my!
A brand-new Fireman Bob puppet?
- Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Granny
Don't let him burn, too, asshole.
I can't take it anymore.
I see dead puppets.
Granny, wait. Granny!
Are you fucking crazy?
Wolf Boykins is the one
who blew up the station.
And Eddie was the captain on duty.
- And I was the chief.
- And I ain't apologizing to you either.
The only reason you're coming back
is because of my perfect,
angelic granddaughter
used her sorcery on me.
Dad. May I call you Dad?
Eddie wants to come back.
How about you apologize to me?
- For what?
- For quitting.
- No way.
- Grovel.
- I'm sorry for quitting.
- Say you'll never quit again.
I will never quit again.
"Thank you for making me chief
because I married your daughter."
I am not saying that.
You want Eddie back, you'll say it.
[SIGHS] Thank you for making me chief
because I married your daughter.
I accept your apology.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Groveling is not a
good look on you, Terry.
So you'll apologize to Eddie, though?
You're so pathetic that,
yes, I will apologize.
- As long as he apologizes to me first.
- For what?
- For burning down my station!
I'll see what I can do.
Damn it! Come on!
This meteor's too hot!
It's melting the forceps.
His oxygen's low. We need to hurry!
Damn you, meteorite!
Rhonda, technically, if
a meteor hits somebody,
they would die instantly.
And, of course, if they survived,
anything hot enough
to melt those forceps
would burn right
through his chest cavity.
Thanks for that, Eddie.
Hey, I hear the beef-jerky
truck Just showed up.
- Why don't you grab something?
- Come on!
- Where do they keep coming from?
- Okay, sure. Yeah.
Take me next time!
Yeah, buddy, I will take
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, Terry. Hang on a second.
Mango Habanero bag, please.
- You want some beef jerky?
- Yeah, always. [CHUCKLES]
Let me get that.
Hey, I told you,
everything's free here.
- A truck full of free beef jerky?
- Mm-hmm.
- You really do have it good here.
- That I do.
Listen, the reason I
came here is to tell you
that your father has
agreed to apologize to you.
- He did?
- Yeah.
- Jerky.
- Mm. Thank you.
- Wow.
- Provided
you apologize to him, too.
- For what?
- The station burning down.
Not gonna happen.
Hey, hey, what do you
mean "not gonna happen"?
What are you talkin' about?
Hey, I humiliated myself for you.
Not my problem.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey! Don't you walk away from me.
Hey, it is your problem.
Terry McConky, this is Rhonda Shimes,
creator of the show.
- Oh.
- The Terry McConky?
Eddie's always going on about you.
"Terry this, Terry that."
Rhonda, uh, my wife, Vicky,
and I very much enjoy your programs.
We've watched all 32
seasons of "Grey's Academy."
- Yeah, so
What's happening, Eddie?
The air bottles have run out of air.
- Hang on.
- Oh.
Damn it, Eddie, I went in
there and ate crow for you.
He did the thing where
he makes you repeat
what he says, even
though you don't want to.
- Oh, I hate when he does that.
- I did that for you!
- Good. You should have.
- What does that mean?
- All right, all right.
Did you ever think that
maybe you're to blame
- for this, too?
- Me?
You quit.
You didn't help me because you had
one foot out the door to pirate world.
I had nothing to do
with you getting fired.
That was between you and your father.
Yeah? Well, I'm not coming back.
And you can thank yourself for that.
You know, Eddie, the only bigger ass
around here than you is your ass.
- Hot points.
Hot points you!
I'm going back to pirate world.
- That your mate?
- No, he's not my mate.
Ah, damn it.
- What's going on?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- There he is.
- Thanks for coming, man.
- We know you've been struggling,
so we wanted to connect you to
your ghost so you can lay it to rest.
We're gonna have a séance.
You guys, I don't need a séance.
Come on, please, sit down. Join us.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Fine.
So we're gonna connect to your puppets.
- This is gonna be for the best.
- This is a wa-gee board.
Apparently it's magic. We
haven't tried it yet, but
Never done this before, so, um
We're just gonna dive in.
Three, two, let's go.
Fireman Bob, if you're out there,
we seek to connect with you.
BOTH: Are you here
- With us?
- Right now?
Okay, uh, my arms feel
like they are just floating right now.
Granny, this is freaky.
I swear to god I am not
moving this thing at all.
Uh, Y?
- Y.
- This is
A little scary and pretty exciting.
I think it's trying to spell something.

D? What does "yed" mean?
- D?
- Hey, you guys.
- You know what?
- You said for sure.
We don't need to do this. It's okay.
Why don't we talk to
Fireman Bob directly?
Yes. There is another way.
- Granny, if you'll indulge us one more time.
Fireman Bob, we are here to connect
and just are gonna keep
our eyes closed in prayer
and and love and deep
understanding and all things
If we open our eyes, and
we say three, two, one.
- Oh, god!
- It's okay, Granny.
It's okay. It's okay.
He's here to forgive you.
Do you think I'm a crazy person?
- No.
- Do you think I need forgiveness
from a burnt puppet?
You've been seeing ghosts, Granny.
Ugh, look, I've been
struggling with my memories,
and that's understandable.
But it doesn't mean that I think
that my puppets are ghosts.
That's insane.
Wait, wait, wait. Not in front of him.
I mean, we want to keep
him in this dimension.
- We don't want
- Okay, look.
I appreciate what you
guys are doing, all right?
But most of all, I'm just glad
to be back here with you guys.
I love you, all right?
I'ma be all right.
But did you have to go and
burn a perfectly new puppet?
- We had good intentions.
- I know you did.
Thanks for coming, Granny.
Oh, well, you blew that.
I told you the puppet was a bad idea.
He's really freaking me out, actually.
- Yeah. Let me get rid of it.

I like what they've done with the place.
Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me!
What the hell are you doing here?
told me they were doing the big
ribbon-cutting ceremony
for the new station.
She said they had
the big scissors waiting for me.
I've been "parent trapped."
She said she found my recipe-nisi book
And that it didn't burn in the fire.
- Was that a "parent trap"?
- It was.
- And your book did burn.
- "Parent trap."
I don't appreciate being
"parent trapped," young lady.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves.
Dad put himself out there,
and you both crapped on him,
and now he's gone, and
you're gonna fix it.
- Gampy, apologize.
- No way.
You set an example right now.
Sorry I fired you
when you burned down my station.
- Okay.
- Close enough.
You, apologize.
- No way.
- Apologize!
Okay. Jeez.
I'm sorry you think I
burned down the station,
- when you know it was Wolf Boykins.
- Close enough.
Now figure out how you're
gonna get my dad back here.
- Whoa.
- Wow.
She really knows how to get to me.
Jeez, your ass is huge.
What? It's muscle.
Thank you, Jeff.

Are churros free?
For me, it is.
Seems like a pretty good place to work.
There some reason you're here?
So I was thinking about
going back to Station 24,
and I was wondering if
you wanted to come with me.
- Did you dad apologize to you?
- Yeah. Lucy tricked us.
- "Parent trap"?
- Yeah, a good one.
Good for her.
All right, Terry
- What are you doing?
- Terry McConky
- Oh, Jesus.
- Will you make me
the happiest fire captain in the world
and say yes to coming
back to Station 24 with me?
Say "Terry, you're the best chief ever."
- Ha ha ha ha. Okay, we're doing this?
- Yeah.
Terry, you're the best chief ever.
"Terry, you won the
shrimp-eating contest in 1997."
Terry, you won the shrimp-eating
contest back in 1997.
Say "Terry, I will never
have sex in your office."
Terry, I will never
have sex in your office.
That's a lot to promise.
Think you can live up to it?
That's how much you mean to me.
And, yes, I do.
- Eh, get up.
- Ahh.
Ah. Oh, my god.
That's so weird. How did that happen?
Yeah, I figured.
- Friends?
All right, peace
offering. Have a churro.
- It's [SPANISH ACCENT] churro.
- Yeah, churro.
- That's what I said.
- No, no. Choo-ro.
Chor-o. That's what I'm saying.
Okay. And thank you. I accept.
Although I probably shouldn't,
'cause I got to dump
some junk from my trunk.
I was gonna say that.
You're lookin' a little haunch-y.
It's very haunch-y.
Here you go, parrot.
Yeah, thanks, bubble butt.
What did you say?
- Oh!
- Okay. All right.
Wow. Your ass really packs a wallop.
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah. Let's get out of here. Here.

- Hey, look at this guy, huh?
- Whoa-ho-ho.
The old uniform makes
your butt look smaller.
- I know it. Slimming.
- Oh.
Man, it feels good
to be back in uniform.
- You look good, too, Chiefy.
- Thank you.
Hey, aren't Rhonda Shimes
and "Pittsburgh FD: Seattle"
- gonna miss you?
- Ah, who cares?
They never listened to what I said.
- I think I was just eye candy.
Box alarm, Engine 24, Rescue 42,
- respond on the box.
- Let's do it.
Priority one, to 29th Street and Lotus.
It's a pull. Ah, I'm getting it.
- Oh! So close.
- Come on.
Hey, who's gonna be the
technical consultant on that TV show?
Ah, well, it just so happens
I found them a replacement.
I think he's gonna be perfect for them.
And Eddie really recommended this guy?
Not sure why.
Now, here's a tip from
a real firefighter.
So there I am I'm on the 60th floor
- by myself.
- Hold on, mate.
- There's no buildings that tall in Seattle.
- Not important.
So I'm up there on the
60th floor by myself
Wait a minute.
Didn't you work in Tacoma?
You guys are really getting
hung up on the details.
The point I'm trying to make
is when you deliver that line,
it's got to be epic.
- Can I give you a line read?
- Sure.
The only way that fire's gonna win
is over my dead body.
And scene. Huh?
Great, yeah. Perfect.
- Points!
- Oh! My scapula!
Yeah, can we get an
ambo for dingo over here?
It's Wolf.
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