Tacoma FD (2019) s04e07 Episode Script

Big Trouble in Little Belgium

It was a good battle.
- Aye, it was.
- Aye.
Mmm, this stew is great.
- I love it.
- Aye.
- It warms your belly.
- Aye.
Hagrid, close your legs.
I can see up your kilt.
- Hey!
Can you see the bag or the pipe?
- Both!
Oi, what are you doing?
I'm trying to make a musical instrument
from a sheep's bladder and a bone.
You're out of your mind.
- Listen.
- Aye.
It's fookin' beautiful.
And it captures our heritage perfectly.
Aye. We can play outlaw tunes on it.
We need to come up with a name for it.
How about Bagpipe?
Do you think I'll be famous?
Fook no.
Bagpipe. [LAUGHS]
It's stupid. It'll never catch on, ever.
Don't make me come over
there and blow your bag.
My bag won't make that
sound when you blow on it.

[GASPS] Whoo! Ha ha ha.
This is really coming along.
I think I'm a natural.

Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
Check it and see ♪
I got a fever of 103 ♪
I'm hot-blooded ♪
Did you guys know it's actually illegal
- to take sand from the beach?
- Yeah, right.
- No, it's true.
In some cases, it's
punishable with jail time
or up to a $100,000 fine.
That is definitely not true.
Why would I make something like that up?
'Cause you always make up stuff
based on bits of things that you hear.
Like when? Name one
time I've done that, Granny.
You told us that polar bears
and grizzly bears have sex
and give birth to pizzly bears.
- Oh, my God. Google it.
I don't have to, because it's not true.
Well, then maybe you should just
believe me because I'm your friend.
That's not how friendship works.
Too old-fashioned for you,
just believing in a friend?
Hey, Cap, what are you reading?
"A Prayer for Owen Meany."
I've tried reading
this book three times,
and I can never get
through the first 70 pages.
- But this time, I'm gonna do it.
- Why keep trying?
Well, apparently, it's
the greatest book ever
with the best ending in history,
so I feel like I have to.
Let me know if I can help.
- You want to read it for me?
- I've read it twice.
It's great. You'll love the ending.
You showing me up?
No, I

Oh, god.
That's loud.

What's good, Macchiefy?
I got myself some pipes.
That's what they call these, pipes.
You gonna play "Danny
Boy" on those things?
Ooh, I might. [LAUGHS]
This is a time-honored
part of the Irish culture.
Yeah, well, so is having
12 babies per family
and getting sunburned at the beach.
But we don't need to
lean into that, do we?
Okay, you know what?
It's part of the firefighter life too.
And when I learn to play these bad boys,
I'm gonna play at your funeral.
[LAUGHS] Carry on.

- I say he pops it.
- Noice!
The "Tacoma Tattler" just
dropped the photo of us
from after the Pellettieri
dairy farm fire,
And we look cool.
Ah! Noice, indeed.
Whoa, Lucy, what the hell?
- What?
- What are you doing
- with your hands?
- Representing the 2-4.
No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.
That's a gang sign.
You know that, right?
- Yeah, the station 24 gang.
What up?
- Mm-mm.
- No, stop. No, it's not.
It's a real gang sign.
It's the 82nd Street Boys.
What is that, a boy band?
No, it's not, actually.
It's the sign for the 82nd Street Boys.
They're a very dangerous street gang
in the Little Belgium
district of Tacoma.
And that crisscross pattern,
that's the Belgian waffle
don't make that sign.
This is a solid bit.
It's not a bit, you guys.
This is exactly what
we're talking about, man.
There's no Belgian street
gang with a hand waffle sign.
Yes, there is.
They're called the 82nd Street Boys,
and you better pray they don't see you
making that hand sign down there,
Or you're fucked, Lucy. I'm serious.
- This one?
- Oh, my god. Stop it!
Stop it! Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Actually, you know what? Go ahead.
Go flash it on the
street. See what happens.
Somebody's gonna get the last laugh.
- It's not gonna be you.
It's gonna be the
streets of Little Belgium!
- It's your funeral.
I respect your commitment
to the bit, Ike.

Mm, mm, mm.
- Sounding good, Chiefy.
- Thank you.
I don't mean to blow my own horn,
But I am crushing these
public domain songs.
That's a good one. Oh, man.
That's a good one.
So, um, I was just wondering if you
could play those a little bit softer.
Sorry, one volume only:
Loud. [LAUGHS]
So in that case, would you mind
if I just close this
door a little bit so
Mm, it's better for the acoustics
to leave the door open.
Okay, the thing is, the
bagpipes are really loud,
and I'm finding it
difficult to concentrate.
Maybe you could just take a break.
Why don't you take a
break from concentrating?
Terry, do you remember two years ago
when I tried to learn
how to play the guitar
and you banned me from
playing in the station
- 'cause you said it was too loud?
- Come on. You were gonna quit anyway.
That is not true.
You never stick to anything.
It's like that book.
How many times have you
tried to read that book?
I know how to read books, Terry.
This one just happens
to be my kryptonite.
The station closed down
for more than a year.
You could have taken the
time to learn the guitar then,
but you didn't, did you, hmm?
Exactly. Dismissed.
No. I'm un-dismissable.
Okay, now I'll leave because I want to.
Good. Go.
You know what? I just changed my mind.
Now I think I'll stay.
And now I'll go.
Good. See you.
Hey, don't close that door.
Hey! All right, fine.


- What's going on here?
- Some kids pranked us,
plastered the station with waffles.

It's not a prank.
Sure as hell ain't kids.
It's the 82nd Street Boys.
They must have seen the
photo. Now they're angry.
We better make some
pancakes and hit 'em back.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You think that's funny too, huh?
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Why won't you
- take this seriously, Lucy?
- Because these are kids
playing a prank, or
it's you playing a prank.
Either way, a Belgian street gang
that does drive-by waffle
attacks doesn't exist.
Let me tell you something. I've
seen a million waffle tags in my day,
and this one is particularly brutal.
Okay, Ike, prove it.
I'll prove it to you right now.
- Right now.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Huh?
- Hey, hey, hey,
- hey, hey, hey.
- Whoa, stop it.
Surprise. Surprise.
Ikey's got a tattoo,
- a gang tattoo!
- Huh?
'Cause I was a member of
the 82nd Street Boys, Luce.
- Whoa.
- They're real, and they're coming!
And there's not a damn
thing you can do about it.
I grew up in the French
sector of Little Belgium.
- But you're not Belgian, right?
- No. No, no, no.
But my father was a chocolatier
in a Belgian chocolate shop,
and we lived close to his work,
So I was there all the time.
Your dad makes chocolate?
He died of exhaustion
on Valentine's Day.
That's a different story.
Man, the 82nd Street Boys
ran those streets back then.
They had their fingers in everything,
from the bicycle bazaar
to the beeper kiosk at the mall,
which are, of course, now
the cell phone case kiosks at the mall.
I was about 13 years old.
I was hanging around
the Belgian food market.
Tried to steal some fresh waffles.
The owner caught me,
Monsieur Richárd.
He also happened to be a
leader of the 82nd Street Boys.
Instead of punishing me,
he actually offered me a job.
Started out as an errand boy,
and then before I knew it,
I was cutting sandwich
meat at the butcher counter.
Richárd was like a father to me.
And even though I wasn't Belgian,
in a couple years, they
opened up the books, and
he asked me to be in the gang.
Took a blood oath.
But the night of my beatdown,
I realized I didn't want that life.
So I fled Little Belgium.
Never been back.
So you were waffling
about joining the gang?
Yeah, I I got out, like I said.
Sounds like you got
out "syrup-titiously."
Okay. That's funny, yeah.
I don't actually understand your jokes,
but I know I don't like them.
Why have you never
brought this up before?
I've told you this a million times.
You never told us you were
in a Belgian street gang.
I absolutely did.
Did I ever tell you I was
in a Belgian street gang?
I told you I was in a
Belgian street gang, right?
I was in this Belgian street gang.
Did I ever tell you guys I
was in a Belgian street gang?
Did I ever tell you I was
in a Belgian street gang?
Yeah, man, the 82nd Street Boys,
they were some badass dudes.
I'm not trying to show you my nuts.
It's a tattoo. It's a gang tattoo.
I was in a gang called
the 82nd Street Boys.
I do not remember that.
Hey, you know what's
awesome about Little Belgium?
The French Fry Emporium.
Oh, and Brussels sprouts
depot is mad sick.
Oh, the smurf store.
You know the smurfs are Belgian, right?
Guys, why are you not scared right now?
I don't know, maybe 'cause
it's just Little Belgium.
Just Little Belgium?
Welcome to the jungle, Luce.
If you don't make amends with
the 82nd Street Boys soon,
they're gonna send
you the final message.
And if they send you the final message,
it's too late for you already.
What's the final message?
It's a lion's paw in a mayonnaise jar.
- Boy, stop.
Is the jar empty, or is the
lion's paw In actual mayonnaise?
It's an empty jar.
The lion's paw is in a jar.
Sorry, I just thought they
dipped everything in mayo,
like they do with french
fries and oysters and waffles.
They don't dip everything in mayo.
That's an ugly stereotype.
- Please stop perpetuating it.
- Ike!
Now, you know damn well they do that.
Okay, yes, maybe with the
oysters and the french fries
and stuff like that, but
certainly not with waffles.
I mean, come on.
Not with waffles!
Okay, okay.
How do I make amends so I don't get
[MOCKING ACCENT] the final message?
You just have to apologize.
Ike, you got to give it up.
I know that this is a prank.
Please, apologize before it's too late.

What's up, Chief?
Hey, Captain.
I'm just mastering "Oh! Susanna."
What do you got there, an accordion?
Actually, Terry, it's an organetto.
I was so inspired by you that I decided
to get in touch with my
Italian musical heritage.
And I bet I learn how to play this thing
before you learn how to play that.
Mm, well,
I'm guessing you're
just here to annoy me,
so let's hear it.
Well, no, I just got it, so
Well, I just got this, so [CHUCKLES]
Fine, fine.
Feast your hear holes on this.
My hear holes are still hungry.
Hold on a second.
It's supposed to make sound, right?
There's definitely
gotta be a switch here.
Maybe you need to charge it.
I guess I thought it
would just come to me
on account of me being Italian.
Now you know as much
about the organetto
as you do about playing the guitar.
[CHUCKLES] Why don't you come back
when you can get it to make noise?
That'll be sooner than
you think. [LAUGHS]
If you'll excuse me.
Okay, brb.
That means be right back.
It means bye.
[CHUCKLES] Sucker.
All right, Susanna.
And a-one and two and three and four.

These boots aren't really shine-able.
Doing a great job, man. Keep it up.
Thanks, Granny.


- Mm.
- Whoa.
- Who put that lion's paw there?
- Not me.
- Not me.
- Not me.
I put it zere.
Oh, shit.
Hello, everyone.
I'm Gerkens Richárd.

Hello, Ike.
Hello, Monsieur Richárd.
And Lucy McConky.

So quick to use our secret hand signal.
You probably belittled us,
made fun of Little Belgium,
laughed about waffles,
joked about za smurfs.

Well, zis is not a joke.
And we are not za smurfs.
Now do you believe me?



Eddie, this is ridiculous.
Why are you going out of your way
- to stymie my bagpipe playing?
- I'm not stymieing anything.
- I'm just trying to master the Swiss alphorn.
- No, you're not.
You're out here making
noise to stop me out of spite
because my passion for the bagpipes
is greater than your
passion was for the guitar.
Wrong. It's because you
stymied my guitar playing.
You stymied yourself.
You're a self-stymier.
New year's day, 2020.
You asked me if I had any
New Year's resolutions,
and I said, "I think I'd like
to learn to play the guitar."
And you went, "Pfft.
Yeah, right. Good luck with that."
Because every New Year, you
have some new resolution.
One year, it's juggling.
Then it's running marathons.
Then "I want to do
magic." then it's hypnosis.
Then "I'm gonna ride a unicycle."
And you never follow through on it.
Well, maybe instead of pfft-ing me,
you could offer me some encouragement
- like a real friend.
- You don't care about that.
You just want to stop me
from playing my bagpipes.
Well, it's not gonna happen!
Oh, you're storming away?
Fine, I'll storm away too.
Ike, Lucy, come sit, please.
Very good. Ha ha.
[QUIETLY] Okay, listen carefully.
Belgians are easily offended.
They find backslapping
or yawning offensive,
so please don't do that.
And never, ever confuse them
With French or Dutch people, okay?
I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Ike, let's talk.
[WHISPERING] Don't say anything at all.
Ah, would anyone like a Brussels waffle?
I would love one, Gerkens.
Good choice. [LAUGHS]
We have two types of waffles in Belgium,
the Liège waffle and
the Brussels waffle.
Did you know that, Lucy?
Uh, no.
The Brussels waffle has larger squares
and deeper pockets.
It also doesn't soak the syrup in
like the Liège waffle,
so it is crispier.
And you can have it for
breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
It is one of the many aspects
of Belgian culture which I love.
- Sounds versatile.
What I don't love
is when people make a
mockery of Belgian culture.
When I saw za photo,
I knew that za girl was mocking us.
Gerkens, that was an honest mistake.
She [LAUGHING] had no idea.
Yeah, l-let me explain.
So we're in Station 24.
- And I had a two and a four.
- Merde!
- And
- Oh, my God.
Well, just trying to show him.
Stop. Please stop.
I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.
may never know za truth.
And that's fine, because
I'm not here for her.
I'm here for you, Ike.


Guess what, Terry.
I found the instrument,
and I've already mastered it.
A vuvuzela?
That's not even a real instrument.
Okay, first of all, it's "vuvu-zela."
- That's what I said, "vuvu-ze-la."
- "Vuvu-zela."
It doesn't matter.
I want you to stop playing the bagpipes,
and there's no way you can endure this.
The "vuvu-zela" is undefeated.


Oh! That was incredible.
Two great sounds that
sound great together.
Why didn't we do this
from the beginning?
Terry, when we work together,
we make beautiful music.
Hey, would you want to do a duet
of "Yankee Doodle" with me?
I would love to play "Yankee Doodle."
One and two and three and four.
You were like a son.
I let you in za gang even
though you weren't Belgian.
Zen you betrayed me
and ran away like a thief in the night.
In time, I forgot about you,
which was difficult for me
because I loved you so much.
Zen [CHUCKLES] I saw za photo.
[LAUGHS] Za photo.
And you know za rule
Zat you can't leave the 82nd Street Boys
without a pe-nance.
So I'm here
for my pound of flesh.
I'll rejoin the gang. I can just rejoin.
It's too late, Ike.
You know za rules.
High or low?
What does he mean by high or low?
Tell her, Ike.
Price to leave the gang's
a thumb or a big toe.
What? No.
This is all my fault.
Please do not hurt Ike.
It's fine. Thanks.
It's okay.
Every man's gotta face
his past at some point.

What's dat?

Where is dat coming from?

When I was a child in
Brussels [LAUGHS]
my mother and
father used to bring me
to watch RSC Anderlecht
football club play.
Ze smell, the smell of french fries,
Mayonnaise, vinegar,
and Belgian beer was in za air.
Za crowd was roaring.
And of course, the
bagpipes and "vuvu-zelas"
playing the Belgian national anthem
together za whole time.
Oh, God. [LAUGHS]
It is the best memory
of my mother and father
and being a boy in Belgium.
Oh, yes.
Ike, just now when
your friends honored me
by playing the Belgian national anthem,
it brought me back.
I forgive you. [LAUGHS]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much, Gerkens.
You are welcome.
Hey, by the way, this is not
the Belgian national anthem.
This is "you are my sunshine." yeah.
No, no, it is the
Belgian national anthem.
No, no, it's "You Are My Sunshine".
- We got the songbook right here.
- It's right here.
"Public Domain Songs." right?
- No, no, no, no!
- No, it
Ah, it's the Belgian
national anthem, 100%.
- Yeah, yeah.
Ike, who's this guy,
your trainer? [LAUGHS]
Oh, this is Gerkens Richárd.
[LAUGHS] What up, pickle dick?
- Pickle dick.
- No, Pickle Dick,
that's a different guy. We
make fun of him sometimes.
- We have him in here.
- No, no, we're talking about
this guy gerkens,
pickle; richárd, dick.
- Pickle dick.
- No. No, uh
He's a Belgian crime boss.
Yeah. Very good friend of mine.
I used to cut bologna for him.
- Belgian crime boss?
- Yeah.
Are you kidding me? That's baloney.
[MOCKINGLY] I am going to make you
an offer you can't refuse. [LAUGHTER]
Sorry, pal. We don't even know you.
- We're just kidding.
- Yeah, we're totally kidding.
- We're totally kidding.
- Yeah, totally kidding.
Hey, we're gonna keep
playing, guys, all right?
So have fun. One and
two and three and four.
Don't worry about them. I'm just
so glad we resolved all our stuff.
Well, it is not completely resolved.
I need you to do one last job.


You said a pound and
a half, right, Ma'am?
[LAUGHS] Great.
I'll be right with you, Sir.

Magnifique. Oh, my God.
You're a very generous audience.
- Best audience so far.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Gerkens,
what kind of job did you have Ike
do? Was it something important?
No, I just needed someone
to cover the Sunday shift.
It is the hardest shift to cover.
- Oh, yeah.
- Right?
- Tell me about it.
- We know.
Hey, what kind of a name
is Gerkens anyway
French or Dutch?
Neither. It is Belgian.
Ah, what does it matter?
It's all the same anyway, right, pal?
- He's kidding.
He's kidding.

All right, "comin' round
the mountain" on eight.
- Ready?
- BOTH: And one and two
and three and four and five
and six and seven and eight.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode