TaleSpin (1990) s01e11 Episode Script

Bearly Alive

[male voice]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Let's begin it.
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Friends for life through
thick and thin with another tale to spin
All the trouble we get in
with another tale to spin
Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Spin it, my friend.
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Spin it, let's begin it,
bear and grin it when you're in it
You can win it in a minute
when you spin it, spin it, spin it
Ha ha!
So spin it
TaleSpin! ♪
Baloo, what are we doing
buying all this junk?
Aw, Kit, come on. Don't you recognize
rare antiques when you see 'em?
A little polish here,
tighten a screw there
and sell 'em at a big profit.
Maybe even pick up enough bucks
to buy back the old Sea Duck.
Ah! Baloo, no!
We're hauling crystal glasses, Baloo.
Oh, relax, Kit, boy.
Where are you gonna find room for
this stuff? We're loaded to the gills.
There's always room
on the Sea Duck to make money.
[tires screech]
All right, you
Say, let me do it, Mad Dog.
It's my turn.
- All right, where is it?
- Where's what?
- Uh, where's what?
- Get outta my way!
The sea chest of Captain Juan Toomany.
[knees knock]
I just sold it.
It's in that p-p-plane.
Why didn't you say so?!
I hate slowpokes.
[Kit] Boy, the old bird's stuffed
tighter than a Thanksgiving turkey.
Yes, siree.
Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.
- Atchoo-ey!
- [both] Gesundheit.
- [both] Thank you.
- [both] You're welcome.
[both] But I didn't sneeze.
Belay that chatter
and steady this crate down, will ya?
Sounds like a stowaway.
No way, no how is some hitchhiker
gonna tell me how to fly.
Come on, loudmouth, show your face
so I can rearrange it for you.
[voice] Yeah?
You and what branch of the military?
Wait till I get my hands on you.
[French accent] Oh, but
you are beautiful when you are angry.
- I'm gonna!
- [glass breaking]
That's Becky's crystal.
pull your head off and!
Gotta be careful with that one.
use it for a doorstop.
[voice] So's your old man.
Come on out and fight, you chicken.
Why, the chicken is a parrot.
- So when do you serve lunch? [squawks]
- This bird talks as mangy as he looks.
Oh, he's not mangy. He's colorful.
Hiya, kid.
You friends with this pile of noise?
I think he likes me, Baloo.
Careful, kid. That thing's probably
got enough fleas to start a circus.
Is that your stomach or a sub-division?
Gee, Baloo, you think I could keep him?
What's your name, little birdie?
Ignatius. But my friends call me Ignatz.
You can call me "sir."
- [engines zoom]
- Uh-oh. Sounds like we got company.
[Mad Dog] Get that plane down
before we ground it for ya!
- Pirates!
- Don't stand there yammering.
Move that overweight tail section
of yours and fly, boy, fly!
Hey, calm down. This is no time to
Kit! Quick! Get me out of here.
It's too late, Baloo.
Take it easy with that stuff, will ya?
- [glass smashes]
- That's crystal, you know, and
But what's a little breakage
between friends?
We have it.
Oh, the Captain will be so proud of us.
To the planes.
That's all they want?
A junky old sea chest?
No accounting for the taste of idiots.
Why don't you do me a favor
and take this off my hands too?
Ouch! What have you got
to say for yourself, troublemaker?
I'm mortified.
Oh. At least this time
I can tell Becky the truth.
Don't you dare
give me that pirate story again!
But it's the truth, Becky.
This is all coming out of your salary.
Rebecca, have a heart.
When was the last time I lied to you?
- What time is it?
- You gotta believe me, Rebecca.
Tell it to the bird, buster!
Pirates? Hah!
With all the time I'm spending in the
doghouse, I'm gonna need a flea collar.
He's not always like this.
Just when money's involved.
Money? I know where there's
more money than you've ever seen.
- Wealth beyond imagination.
- Are you joking?
It was buried by my former owner,
Captain Juan Toomany.
He didn't trust maps,
so he had me memorize the location.
Wow! Baloo, wait till you hear this!
I thought I was gonna pick up
a few fast bucks.
Baloo, listen. Ignatz knows
where there's a whole treasure.
Kit, I'm in enough trouble. I don't
need help from some featherbrain.
- You're beyond help.
- Ease off, Ignatz.
Baloo, please.
Just listen to him for a minute.
- Well, all right. But just for you.
- Go ahead. Tell him.
Sorry. I don't speak halfwit.
- That tears it.
- That it easy, Papa Bear.
He's just a little bird.
Yeah, yeah. You're right, Kit.
I guess I'll have to figure
some other way to get some moolah.
Like maybe selling
Kentucky Fried Parrot.
[high voice] "I have always depended
on the kindness of strangers."
[bird calls]
Pretty nice for smelly old clothes,
huh, Captain?
Let me get this straight.
This is all there was?
Well, there was this crazy old parrot.
Yeah. But Mad Dog
didn't want any part of him.
You left the parrot?
Yeah. It was my idea.
That ratty old parrot happens to be
a living, breathing treasure map.
I'll do the smacking around here.
Now, I want that oh-so paltry parrot.
Only he can tell me where
Captain Juan Toomany hid his millions.
How do you know that, boss?
The feared pirate Don Karnage
knows all that
a feared pirate needs to know. No?
Besides, I stole his little heart-shaped
diary. Now get me that bird!
Oh, maybe I can find something
in the Want ads,
where I can earn the 500 smackers
Rebecca says I owe her.
Don't worry. It wasn't your fault.
"Own your own Cyrus P Macdonald
podiatry franchise
wherever you see
the sign of the fallen arches."
We can't risk another oopsy.
This time we'll use brains.
- Come on!
- Well, what are we gonna?
[sounds of struggling]
What am I supposed to be?
You're a bird watcher, muttonhead.
Oh, yeah. I love the little birdies,
especially with French fries.
Here. Try to sound
like you know what you're talking about.
Don't come back without the bird!
Oh, Baloo. If you'd just try
and make friends with Ignatz
then your money problems would be over.
It's not that I don't like the bird
it's that I hate him.
He's got an annoying personality
and looks like the losing side
of a pillow fight.
I don't see you winning
any beauty pageants.
[Dumptruck] Oh, my goodness gracious.
Would you just look
at this wonderful specimen of
Would you perhaps be willing to sell it?
Well, we might be willing
to part with it if the price is right.
Baloo, what about the treasure?
Kid, that flying ferret
doesn't know where any treasure is.
He's just looking
for free room and board.
Now, let's step into my office
and talk turkey about parrots.
Kit, please don't let him sell me.
If we could only get Baloo to listen.
Listen, kid,
we could get the treasure ourselves.
That'll solve Baloo's problems
and we'll all be pals.
- You'll show me where it is?
- Sure!
You and me are shipmates.
Share and share alike.
We'll make old fatso happy
whether he wants us to or not.
Oh, Kit? Come on out
and let Ignatz meet his new owner.
I wonder where Kit and the little
rare Norwegian blue have gone off to?
[chuckles] It's kinda late
for the tyke to be out alone.
"Gone to Tucker Forest for treasure.
Don't wait up. Yours truly, Kit."
Oh, Lil' Britches. Say it isn't so.
[plane zooms]
Now what?
The treasure's
buried in Carlsbear Caverns.
Where's that?
It's a big hole in the ground.
Oughta be around here somewhere.
- Let me get my bearings.
- Oh, no!
There they are. After them!
Seize them!
Not so fast, small one.
Let go of that kid, pirate rat!
What are you clumsy feet doing?
Fetch me the nasty bird.
- [squawks]
- I got him! I got him!
Hang on, Kit. I'll be back.
Since the bird has gotten away,
you will tell us where the treasure is.
Baloo told me
never to talk to strangers,
and I've never met anybody
stranger than you.
Cute kid.
- Where's the treasure?
- I don't know.
- You do.
- Don't.
You don't? Ah!
But your feathered friend knows.
You'll never catch him.
Oh, you think not indeed,
my little noisy one?
Well, they say the early bird
catches the worm,
and you are my worm
for catching the early bird. Ha ha!
Oh, boy. We are going fishing.
I love worms,
especially with French fries.
Kit! Where are you, Lil' Britches?
[squawking] Kit! Kidnapped! Pirates!
If anything happens to that boy,
I'll break every bone in your head!
Where is he?
Look, stop wasting time.
I know where Kit is and I have a plan.
You have a plan?!
Listening to you got Kit into this mess.
You not listening to me
got Kit into this mess!
I oughta! I oughta!
I oughta kick myself in the pants,
but my leg's not long enough.
- I volunteer.
- All right.
But if those yahoos
do anything to Kit, I'll
- [Kit laughs]
- Kit?
[laughter continues]
- No, please, no!
- Oh, it's Kit.
Stop! Oh, stop! I'd rather do algebra.
I can't stand it.
We have to do something.
You're in charge, so charge.
Not so fast, twinkletoes.
What we need is a diversion.
Where are we gonna get a diversion?
You think they grow on trees?
Trust me.
[piercing whistle]
Hey, Captain Karnage!
That fat bear's here to rescue the kid!
Hey, are you nuts?
And he's got the bird!
Do not just stand there
like logs bumping. Get me the bird!
That's what I call a diversion.
Ignatz! I knew you'd be back.
I know these guys are a lot of laughs,
but it's time to beat it.
Don't look now, Captain,
but the kid has escaped.
What? Escaped?
Hey, you very ugly pirates!
Stop playing
with the bear and come here.
Had enough, huh?
Well, you're not getting off that easy.
Ah Very good.
You have brought reinforcements.
You two, follow me. The rest of you,
spread out and find that boy.
Take that and that.
Will you stop dancing
so we can get out of here?
Make with the feet!
- What about the treasure?
- Yeah, Baloo?
Kid, that was Don Karnage out there.
But we gotta go back for it, Baloo.
What we gotta do
is get away from those pirates.
I know how we can get away
and get back to the treasure.
Baloo, give him a chance.
He got me away from the pirates.
He got me pulverized.
The bird is bad news.
So take me to the treasure
and I'm out of your life forever.
I promise.
Now you're talking my language.
When I catch that bothersome Baloo,
I tear
him into itsy-bitsy pieces of ugly bear
and then I sew him back together
with dull needles.
Oh, no!
There's Carlsbear Caverns.
That's where the loot's stashed.
Land as close as you can.
They cannot escape Don Karnage,
the Prince of Pirates.
Lucky I had my new ejection seat
What a lousy place for a wall.
[Baloo] Now we're cooking with gas.
Are you all right, Captain?
He's just fine.
After them!
OK. Here's us. Where's the treasure?
We have to go through that tunnel.
Why can't we go this way?
That'll get you there,
but you won't like the trip.
Why don't you let me decide that?
Remember what happened
when you didn't trust me?
I remember what happened
when I did trust you.
Old Juan Toomany hated company.
If you want your young friend back
in just one pieces, give me the bird.
Follow me. It would be
a good idea for you to move.
Once a booby starts a trap,
it doesn't stop.
And leave Kit? Forget Aagh!
- Oh, my aching
- [clinking]
Well, you found the treasure your way.
Boy, oh boy!
Wait till Kit gets a load
Kit! I have to save Kit.
You? You're not even a good diversion.
I'll save him again.
Listen, I don't need you.
Who's been insulting me
since the day we met?
Who's deserved being insulted, fathead?
- Cracker breath!
- Doofus!
[both] The only good thing about you
is Kit!
So what are we waiting for?
Yeah. Let's go see a pirate about a kid.
You had better get
that annoying bird back here
if you ever
want to see sociable insecurity.
Don't see how we're ever
gonna get Kit away from those bozos.
We have to do something before those
idiots trip Juan Toomany's big trap.
That would take somebody really dumb.
- [grinding]
- Right again, Baloo.
Oh! Oh! I hate this part!
Hey! Oh!
- Ow! Ow!
- What is the matter with you?
That's far enough.
All right, you nasty bird.
Either I get the treasure immediately
or something terrible
is going to happen.
Let's make tracks.
Well, so much for the treasure.
[Baloo] Yeah, but I got us out of there
alive and that's what counts.
[Ignatz] You got us out?
You almost got us squashed!
[Baloo] That's rich.
Why, if it hadn't been for me
Gotta be some way I can pay
Rebecca back that 500 smackers.
This what you're moping about,
sweet cheeks?
What? How did you get a hold
of that kind of money?
I just signed on
with the Museum of History.
I'm going to tell the tale of how I,
saved you from a fate worse than death.
We should be glad you've found
something your big mouth is good for.
Listen, Baloo. I know the last thing
you want from me is a favor,
but I figure I owe my buddy Kit
a small token of my esteem.
'Course, what Kit does with it
is none of my business.
See you round. Squawk!
Well, what do you think of birds now,
I tell you, Lil' Britches,
I may never eat fried chicken again.
Another tale to spin
Another tale to spin
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh
[Baloo] Ha ha ha!
TaleSpin ♪
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