TaleSpin (1990) s01e22 Episode Script

A Spy in the Ointment

[male voice]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Let's begin it.
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Friends for life through
thick and thin with another tale to spin
All the trouble we get in
with another tale to spin
Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Spin it, my friend.
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Spin it, let's begin it,
bear and grin it when you're in it
You can win it in a minute
when you spin it, spin it, spin it
Ha ha!
So spin it
TaleSpin! ♪
[Baloo] Ha-ha! There it is, Kit.
Be it ever so narrow,
there's no place like home.
Took that a little fast,
didn't you, Baloo?
Yeah. But I won't tell if you won't.
Uh-oh. Tell that to them!
[Baloo] Hot diggity, a she-cop!
Watch old Baloo sweet-talk
his way out of this ticket.
Well, afternoon, officer.
My! Your peepers sparkle
like your badge.
Flattery will get you
five to ten, hotshot.
Let me see your pilot's license.
Officer, couldn't we overlook
a speeding ticket just this once?
Well, how about if I take seven orphans
to the Parnum and Piccadilly circus?
I'll buy my mother a ticket
to the air police ball.
Deal. No speeding ticket today.
Then what's this for?
Driving with an expired license.
Oh, good. You're back, Baloo.
I need you to deliver these red herrings
to the Sherlock Retirement Homes.
There's a teeny-weeny problem, Beckers.
- What?
- I, um
I can't fly. My pilot's license expired.
How could you?
Of all the idiotic, stupid,
imbecilic, moronic things to do!
Calm down! I'll renew my license.
No problem.
You'd better, or I'm out a pilot
and you're out a job.
Come on, Lil' Britches,
let's head over to FLAP.
- Yeah.
The Federal Licensing Agency for Pilots.
Well, filled up your gas tank,
Miss Cunningham.
That'll be $120.
What? Why so much?
Gas prices have doubled.
Haven't you heard?
How am I supposed to stay in business
with these prices?
Who's responsible for this?
The big boss. Mr. Khan.
Hey, where you goin'?
Tell Mr. Khan that he no khan do!
[male voice]
Stop, stop! You can't come in here.
Mr. Khan sees no one.
He'll see me!
No yes-man is gonna tell me no.
It's all right.
Let Miss Cunningham speak her piece.
First of all [gasps]
May I have a glass of water?
It's a long walk across your office.
I bet you're here
about the high gas prices.
Why, yes.
Mr. Khan!
Another oil tanker's been hijacked
and disappeared, sir.
Pirates again?
Afraid so, sir.
Oh, that Don Karnage!
He's making it impossible
for the public.
Prices will have to go higher.
Yes, but high prices
make it difficult for my business.
How am I supposed to
come up with extra money?
Oh, I don't know. It's always
the little guy who suffers most.
I suppose I could check my sofa
for loose change.
Sorry if I bothered you, Mr. Khan.
No, no, I'm sorry, dear.
Deliver a telegram to Don Karnage
congratulating him on
the successful hijacks.
Hold on to your goggles
and scarf, Lil' Britches.
I'm gonna get my license renewed so fast
they'll give me a speedin' ticket!
Your examining officer will be
Mr. Throgmorton.
Hold the anchovies!
Not Ralph "Love to flunk 'em"
- You know that guy?
- I know he's trouble.
Old Throggie was my driver's ed teacher.
Today, Baloo, we're studying
the ABCs of driving.
Great! What do you say
we get the XYZ outta here?
- What do you think you're doing?
- Uh, driving?
This isn't driving.
This is unorganized chaos!
Start again.
This time, proceed alphabetically.
Oh, yeah, right.
A: Accelerate the accelerator.
- Check.
- [honks horn]
Uh, B
In my book, "honk the horn"
comes under H, not B.
Uh, I was hopin' "Blast the beep-beep"
comes under B.
Minus five points.
Now, put the car in reverse.
Y-You want me to back up?
Yes. Now go ahead.
What? G-Go ahead or back up?
Go ahead and back up!
Uh eeny, meeny, miney, mo.
I said back up!
You said go ahead!
I say That's another five points.
[Baloo, recounting] I'm telling ya,
Lil' Britches. He got me so nervous
I didn't know my right from my left.
- Turn right on the next street.
- OK.
- I pledge allegiance to the flag
- What are you doing?
This is how I tell left from right.
Right goes over your heart.
But you missed the street!
You are the most idiotic,
stupid, imbecilic
- You left out moronic.
- moronic driver in the world!
But look on the bright side, teach.
You got a free car-wash!
OK, but that was then and this is now.
You're the best pilot in Cape Suzette.
- In the country.
- No way.
In the world!
You left out "universe."
Right. So what are you worried about?
You know, kiddo
When you're right, you're right!
You must be Baloo.
- Ready for your test?
- Yup. Let's get this show on the road.
Uh In the air, that is.
"Baloo." Hmm, something
familiar about that name.
Oh, common, very common.
You know. Smith, Jones, Baloo
Begin with the pre-flight
check-off list.
ABCs again, huh? Well, lemme see.
A Check aileron.
B. What starts with B?
Propellers start with P, not B!
Yeah, yeah, but they buzz. Heh-heh!
You just lost five points, mister.
Um A, B, C, D.
X, Y, G?
Baloo! Now I remember.
[Rebecca] Oh, dear, oh, dear.
What if Baloo doesn't pass?
What will I do?
Where will I find another pilot?
Do you want the good news
or the bad news?
Let's get the bad news over with.
Fine. Gas prices went higher.
I know that! What's the good news?
You won't need any gas.
'Cause I can't fly.
- No license.
- Oh, no!
This is one fare
without the bear necessities.
I can't believe this.
First the price of gas goes sky-high.
Now my one and only pilot is grounded!
March right back to FLAP
and take that pilot's test over again.
Oh, what's the point? I'll never pass.
I'll never fly again.
But you have to. I need you!
- Where are you going?
- I have to get my busing license.
Why do you want to drive a bus?
I don't. Gonna bus tables. Or somethin'.
I gotta make a living somehow.
[engine revs]
Trying another profession, I see.
Heh-hey, it's a gas.
I make 15 cents an hour
and all the axle grease I can eat.
Besides, I flunked the busing test.
Crashed a dessert trolley.
- Fill 'er up.
- Right away, here I go.
Swing your partner, dosey-do.
Ahem! The proper way to check out
a vehicle is to do it
Let me guess. Alphabetically?
First, A for air in the tires.
B for brake fluid. Then coolant,
dipstick, electrical, fan belt
And then gas!
Not in the radiator!
Well, d-don't blame me.
It's you and your ABCs.
Oh, yeah? Then why are you
pumping water into my tire?
You dipstick! Look what you've done.
I want this man fired!
At least this is one job where
I won't bump into a Throgmorton.
OK, kiddies. Buckle your belts!
No! Buckle belts starts with B.
First comes A.
Airplane altitude announcement.
Say, you're not related to
Nah, can't be.
No, no, no, not the control stick!
You have to do B for belts first.
I'm not wearing my seat belt.
B isn't for backwards, it's for brake!
Hold on, kideroos, I'll stop you!
I want this man fired!
[Baloo] Second floor, ladies lingerie.
Third floor, cribs and bibs.
It's him, Grandpa! The man
who scared me on the airplane ride.
- I should have known!
- No, I should have known!
No, no, no! No, I don't wanna ride.
- I'm scared!
- Now, Kathy dear, calm down.
Elevators are very simple to run.
First you A, announce floor. B
What have you done?
Of all the stupid, imbecilic
- [Baloo] You left out "moronic."
- moronic things to do!
[both] We want this man fired!
[Louie scats]
Hey, cuz. Why the long face?
- You lose something?
- Yeah. My confidence.
Ha-ha! Then you've
come to the right place.
I hope so. I got a note to meet Becky
here. Any sign of her?
Is it is my birthday already?
No. It's a pepper-upper party.
Yeah! We're here to remind you
what made you a great pilot.
Like the time you lost the air pirates
in that dogfight over Lhasa Apso,
[Kit] You were hauling the Doggy Lama's
secret spicy chicken recipe.
But the air pirates couldn't keep their
sticky fingers off the goods.
What are we gonna do, papa bear?
Give up the recipe?
And let the bad guys get the secret
herbs and spices? Never!
Hold on, Lil' Britches!
[Kit] Lucky for us you knew a secret
hiding place in the mountain range.
[Baloo] Yeah! I lost the Lhasas
with a loop-the-loop.
[Kit] It was the first time
anybody ever made a three-point landing
inside a volcano.
Yeah. It's still known
as the Krakatoa touchdown.
Hey, man. What about the time you did
that crazy takeoff from Itsy-Bitsia?
Remember? We went to get a load of
cocktail umbrellas for my club.
[Baloo] Yeah. But the natives were up in
arms 'cause the rainy season was comin'.
Look out! They've got
maraschino cherry bombs.
It's time for us to get gone.
Solid gone!
Right. But there's only one way to go.
See, Baloo?
You are the world's best pilot.
Yeah! And don't forget
your famous pelican dive.
Wildcat, that's nothing to be proud of.
Sure it is. Don't you remember?
Baloo was speeding toward the ocean
and he crashed in the ocean.
And we had to dredge the ocean
to get the plane out.
Gee, Baloo. That was a really
stupid stunt, wasn't it?
Way to go, Wildcat!
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
The engine stalled.
We all have our off days, Baloo,
but you'll get it right someday.
Now, are you gonna let some
stuffy little examiner scare ya?
Keep the coach out of the cockpit?
Stop the sky king?
Positootly not.
I'll show that alphabetizing buffoon.
Attaboy, Baloo! You can pass that test.
Uh, could somebody give me a lift?
Don't worry, Throggie.
This time I'm gonna get it right.
I even worked on my ABCs.
Watch. Altimeter, check.
Brakes, double-check.
And C for let's climb!
Hey, did you hear about the time
I landed in a volcano?
- Or the time I took off backwards?
- Can't say I did.
I do remember reading about
your pelican dive, though.
Waterlogged your plane for a week.
- What's that?
- My confidence?
No. You're out of gas!
Why didn't you check the fuel gauge
when you got to F?
Because I checked the flap adaptor.
Which is fine.
That will be a comforting thought
when we crash and burn!
You absent-minded,
fuddle-headed, crazy
Can we cut to moronic
and get on with this?
Now, hold tight. Gonna squeeze
the last bit of gas out of this tank.
Aw, shoot. That woulda been a perfect
pelican dive if I wasn't out of gas.
[Throgmorton] What a desolate place.
Nothing here but trees and
- Gasoline barrels!
- Gasoline barrels?
Talk about your bare necessities!
- Just like my tum. Empty!
- This one, too.
Let's make like Hansel and Gretel.
Maybe we'll find one that's full.
- What are you doing?
- Shh!
[whispers] Air pirates.
[engine overhead]
[gasps] Air pirates?
What are you doing here?
I have a I have a
I have a telegram from Shere Khan.
A telegram? For my wonderful self?
No. I'm sorry.
This is a regular green-wrap telegram.
But I am Don Karnage,
pirate extraordinaire!
I deserve the best.
How about a singing telegram?
B-b-but I don't sing.
It doesn't rhyme!
I think that you do
and I think that it will.
Sing it. Rhyme it!
This is our chance. Come on.
[messenger sings] Congratulation
You deserve an ovation
Your hijacks have been slick
Geddit? Oil?
Don't be thick ♪
Bravo, bravo! You sing fantastically!
Well, if that don't beat all.
Khan is creating his own gas shortage!
That's not how to roll a barrel.
First you A, tighten your abdomen.
Then B, bend your knees.
Oh, brother!
[pirate] The barrel!
They're stealing our stolen stash.
[Baloo] Get inside. I'll fill the tank.
Hey, you're in the pilot's seat.
That's right. I'm the one
with the pilot's license.
Sit down. We're leaving.
A, check aileron. B, back-flaps.
Will you just get to G for go?
[angry cries]
To the planes, men!
There you are, Baloo.
A textbook-perfect takeoff.
Great. Now how about
a textbook-perfect dogfight?
'Cause here come the air pirates!
There's nothing in the manual
about dogfighting.
That's 'cause I wrote the book
on that subject, teach.
Do somethin', fast.
My plane's turnin' into Swiss cheese.
Let's see. A, alert authorities
Ixnay on the adioray.
B What's B? I can't think.
B is for Baloo!
License or no license, I've gotta save
the Sea Duck. Not to mention us!
[Throgmorton] What are you doing?
- What's he doing?
- Pelican dive, don't fail me now.
We're going too fast.
Less throttle! Less throttle!
Uh-uh. That's the mistake
I made last time.
More throttle!
Of all the stupid, idiotic
brilliant maneuvers!
[Baloo] Ha-ha! It worked!
And it would have the first time, too.
- First time?
- When the Sea Duck sank.
My engine stalled
'cause I cut the throttle.
Which is just what happened
to our pirate pals.
What you did was A,
absolutely terrifying.
B, breathtakingly scary.
And C, C
Quite simply the best flying
I've ever seen.
Really? You think so?
Let's go back to Cape Suzette
and get your license renewed.
You mean it?
You may not know your ABCs
from your XYZs,
but you're an A pilot in my book.
Aw, thanks, teach.
Now, about my grade in driver's ed
Well? Well, what happened?
This happened!
I passed with flying colors.
- All right!
- We knew you'd make it, papa bear!
I also discovered the reason
for the gas shortage.
The pirates and Shere Khan
had a little deal goin'.
What? We've gotta do something.
Already done.
The air police should be
on the case right now.
I do hope old Khan takes it well.
Take another telegram to Mr. Karnage.
A singing telegram, sir?
No. Not this time.
Let us go, men.
Before the air police arrive.
A telegram for Mr. Karnage.
Telegram for Mr. Karnage!
Oh? You will sing for me again?
Well, not this time, sir.
But this one is special.
It is ticking! I love this part.
It is a gift for my magnificent self.
- A watch, perhaps. An alarm clock?
- Not exactly.
Another tale to spin
Another tale to spin
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh
[Baloo] Ha ha ha!
TaleSpin ♪
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