TaleSpin (1990) s01e38 Episode Script

The Time Bandit

- [thunderclap]
- [man chuckling]
Spin it!
[men vocalizing]
Let's begin it.
- Ohh-ee-yeh
- TaleSpin
- Ohh-ee-yo
- TaleSpin
Friends for life
through thick and thin
With another tale to spin
- Ohh-ee-yeh
- TaleSpin
- Ohh-ee-yo
- TaleSpin
All the trouble we get in
with another tale to spin
Spin it!
Spin it, my friend.
- Ohh-ee-yeh
- Ohh-ee-yeh
- Ohh-ee-yo
- Ohh-ee-yo
- Ohh-ee-yeh, ohh-ee-yo
- Ohh-ee-yeh, ohh-ee-yo
[rapid vocalizing]
Spin it, let's begin it
Bear 'n grin it when you're in it
You can win it in a minute
When you spin it, spin it, spin it
So spin it!
TaleSpin! ♪
You've got to be here tomorrow night.
It's Louie's first annual
Carmen Merengue Night.
Admission's only five bucks.
And that includes fine food,
fancy friends
and all the fruit
you can pile on your fuzzy head.
[chuckling] Sounds coconuts.
- Count me in.
- Count you out, Baloo.
You lost all your money
at the Tortuga Turtle Toss.
Don't worry.
I'll just sweet-talk sweet Becky
into giving me an advance on my pay.
No problem.
[Rebecca] Are you coconuts?
Today is Thursday and payday is not
till Saturday. The answer is no!
No problem, huh?
Well, I guess you can
kiss Louie's party goodbye.
Says who?
Baloo never misses a party.
But Miss Cunningham said no.
Kiddo, when are you gonna learn?
- No doesn't mean no.
- What does it mean?
It means you gotta cut a corner.
Beg a favor.
Beat the system.
[woman] That was Roseberry Clooney
singing These Tears Aren't For You,
I'm Just Peelin' Onions.
- You're listening to
- Watch a pro at work.
So, Baloo, what brings you here?
- Another favor?
- Oh, Sally, how can you say that?
When was the last time
I asked a favor?
- Last Monday.
- Besides then.
Wednesday before that.
Then the Tuesday before that.
Then there was the big favor
two weeks ago Thursday.
All right already.
I need another one.
A Saturday show
broadcast on Friday morning.
And what favor do I get in return?
Well, let me see.
I'll let you do my laundry.
Think again.
I'll do your laundry?
- Take you on a plane ride.
- Getting warmer.
A date?
Got yourself a favor.
Watch a pro, huh?
Now, remember, Kit, we have to change
all of Rebecca's calendars to Saturday.
- Baloo, I don't think we should.
- Don't be such a spoilsport, kiddo.
It's just a little joke.
And now for the last touch.
A special Saturday edition
I had made up.
[Sally] Can you believe
it's Saturday already?
Where did Friday go?
If time flies any faster,
I'll need jet lag pills.
Here comes Becky.
Keep your fingers crossed,
Little Britches.
- Morning, Becky.
- Morning, Baloo.
- What day is it?
- Why, Saturday.
- And a fine one at that.
- Are you sure?
- Wasn't yesterday Thursday?
- Oh, I get it.
- Trying to kid your way out of payday.
- It's payday already?
I hate to take the loot and scoot
Baloo, did you deliver those telescopes
to Myopia yesterday?
I thought they weren't due till Friday.
Yesterday was Friday.
They were supposed
to be delivered in time
for the arrival of Cleanser's Comet.
And the chinchilla earmuffs
that were supposed to go to Thembria?
- I was about to get to it.
- What?
- I'm docking your pay.
- Becky, I can explain.
- Are you up to something?
- OK, I confess.
It's not Saturday.
I'm just pulling a practical joke
to push up payday.
That's the lousiest excuse
I've ever heard.
It's Saturday.
How much evidence do you need?
You've got two days' of deliveries.
We don't have time to waste.
We? You're going, too?
Somebody's got to apologize to Thembria
for your mistakes.
Who knows what you'll tell them?
I know, I know. You told me so.
[man] Sergeant Dunder,
watch the radar screen for me.
Yes, Colonel Spigot, sir.
Who's to blame for this broken radio?
Why? Is Broadcast Sally on?
Sergeant Dunder!
Need I remind you we Thembrians are only
allowed to listen to state programs?
Broadcast Sally
from Cape Suzette is illegal.
- Against the law.
- I know, sir.
And I never miss a chance
not to listen to her, too.
[Sally] And that was
Chester Grizzly's latest platter,
My Love Crash-Landed
on the Runway to Your Heart.
- Coming up next on this Saturday
- Saturday?
Sergeant Dunder, what day
are you stamping on those papers?
- Friday, sir.
- And why do you think it's Friday?
'Cause yesterday was Thursday.
Actually, I could have sworn
yesterday was Thursday, too.
Why does Broadcast Sally say Saturday?
- Maybe it's a mistake.
- No!
This is a plot by those capitalist swine
in Cape Suzette.
They're trying to be a day ahead of us.
Where are you going, sir?
To show those "creeps Suzette"
they have nothing to fear
but Spigot himself.
- I must speak to you, high marshal.
- What is it, Faucet?
Spigot, oh, mighty mucky muck. Spigot.
Are you contradicting the state?
Oh, never, your potent-ness.
I'll change my name at once.
Wait. I didn't come in here for this.
I recommend we declare war,
your high marshalness.
Oh, and why is that?
Because those Cape Suzette swine
have declared today Saturday.
Everyone knows today is Friday.
People's payday.
Day of the Cleanser Comet.
This makes me furious.
[Spigot] I knew it would.
Let's nip it in the bud.
If we give them a day,
they'll take a week! It's war!
No, I'm furious
we didn't think of it first.
I say we declare today Saturday, too.
But what about the Cleanser Comet?
It's due today. If the people see it,
they'll know it's really Friday.
It's overcast, has been for three years.
- No one will see it.
- What about the people's paychecks?
If the people don't show up on payday,
that's their fault.
No paychecks?
But what if the people protest?
Tell them it's your fault.
My fault?
Yes, sir. Good idea, sir.
Right away, oh, mighty mucky muck.
Sergeant Dunder, today is Saturday.
- And it's all your fault!
- Yes, sir. I knew it would be, sir.
Begin the paperwork while I make
the official announcement.
Attention, all Thembrians.
This is Colonel Spigot.
Perhaps you've heard of me.
[all moaning]
Today is officially Saturday.
Anyone who disagrees
will be sent to prison.
Anyone who complains
will do hard labor.
Anyone who sneers will be shot.
Have a nice day.
[Dunder] Unidentified whatsit
flying on the screen, Colonel Spigot.
- Halt! Who flies there?
- [Baloo] Happy howdy to you, too.
This here's Baloo with Higher for Hire.
- Who might you be?
- Colonel Spigot!
- Perhaps you've heard of me.
- Not that I recollect, Spiggy.
Never mind. Just state your purpose.
We're supposed to deliver a crate
of chinchilla earmuffs to Thembria.
That delivery
was due yesterday, Friday.
Today is Friday.
Wrong, flyboy.
Today is Saturday.
- Friday.
- Saturday.
- Friday!
- Saturday!
- Friday!
- Saturday!
Enough! Give it up, Baloo!
Return to Cape Suzette at once
and apply for a Saturday passport.
Not so fast, Baloo.
I promised I'd deliver these earmuffs
and Higher for Hire always delivers.
- Keep going.
- [Spigot] No. Turn around.
- [Rebecca] Keep going!
- Turn around!
- Go!
- [Spigot] Turn!
- Go!
- Turn!
[Baloo] Swing your partner, do-si-do.
You leave me no choice!
Have the Glorious People's Air Force
shoot down that plane at once.
Can't. All the Glorious People's
ammunition is on back order, sir.
Surely there must be something
we can shoot.
Careful, Baloo.
Bathtubs at two o'clock.
Bathtubs? What are you talking about?
[Baloo] It's a tub attack.
Welcome to Thembria.
Now, march!
Hold it, Spiggy.
- March where?
- To the clink to await trial.
Oh, no. In Thembria it could be months
before we get a trial.
On the contrary.
Trials are the one thing in Thembria
that are swift and expedient.
You'll have a fair trial,
then be shot.
[man] Welcome to
another exciting episode
of the Glorious Colossal
Thembrian People's Court.
Our trial's gonna be on the radio?
Of course.
It keeps the people in line.
And gets good ratings. March!
Today illegal aliens from Cape Suzette
will be prosecuted
to the fullest extent of the law
by the head of
our Glorious Thembrian Air Corps,
- Colonel Nozzle.
- Spigot!
Your Honor, these spies were caught
traveling with expired passports.
- How you are pleading?
- Innocent.
You can't plead the innocent.
In Thembria, you are guilty
till proven innocent.
Your highfalutin-ness, this whole
thing was just a practical joke.
I came up with a scam to make my boss
here believe it's Saturday
so I could get paid early.
But it's really Friday.
And that's the truth.
I am not caring about truth.
The state says it's Saturday.
You are guilty as charged.
However, since this is first offense,
I will be lenient.
Boy is free to go.
I won't go without Baloo.
OK. Big one is free, too.
- That's swell of you.
- Thank you, Your Honor.
- You're too kind.
- Hold it, poopski.
- You are going to firing squad.
- What?
[judge] You are boss, leader of pack.
Big cheese, top dog, honcho.
So buck stops with you.
Court adjourned.
Please to have nice execution.
I've really done it this time,
Little Britches.
You can't just sit here
and feel sorry for yourself.
You've got to save Miss Cunningham.
How? The only thing I do well
is beat the system.
And look how much trouble that's caused.
Then why don't you try something
different, like not beating the system?
You mean, don't cut any corners?
No sneaky tricks or creative schemes?
Do everything on the up and up?
Wait a minute. That's it.
Come on, Little Britches.
We're gonna save Becky.
Totally on the up and up.
Wait, please.
You're making a big mistake.
Up, Dunder.
No. You made the mistake
of crossing paths
with the merciless, tyrannical,
infamous, yet personable
Colonel Spigot. Down.
How long do I have to stay here?
Until your execution paperwork
is filled out.
Oh! In this country
that could take weeks.
For executions we use short forms.
Is that a short joke?
Oh, Baloo.
Help me.
You remember those telescopes
we were supposed to deliver to Myopia?
The ones for Cleanser's Comet? Yeah.
Well, the comet
is supposed to be here on Friday.
If everyone sees it then,
they'll know what day it really is
and Becky will be home free.
But it's always cloudy in Thembria.
It won't be
once I get back the Sea Duck.
I have a flying stunt that will really
clear up this misunderstanding.
Excuse me, Mr. Customs Officer.
I'm here to claim the Sea Duck.
It was escorted in this morning
by your Glorious Air Corps.
Yes. It has been
permanently confiscated by the state.
What? Why?
It is being converted into apartments
for the people.
Oh, no.
[Baloo] We've got to find the Sea Duck
before it goes condo.
My plane.
It's gone.
I have good news, Miss Cunningham.
Don't tell me.
Is it possible Baloo got me freed?
No. For your execution
we're letting you choose your noose.
Take this lovely seersucker sheep shank
or this taffeta timber knot.
You're a barbarian!
Hey, wait a minute. I thought
I was being sent to the firing squad.
You are.
In Thembria you are shot, then hung.
We like to be thorough.
[crowd clapping]
That's the firing squad?
Like I said, we're thorough.
Just stand right here
and we'll get the show going.
- Show?
- You're going on the radio again.
Yes, Rebecca Cunningham,
you're the featured guest on
This Was Your Life.
The radio program
that asks the question,
"Was it worth it?"
No. It can't be.
- What?
- That is the Sea Duck.
What have they done to my plane?
It looks like a centerfold for
Better Homes and Cockpits.
You were born in Cape Suzette,
where you attended a private school.
Here is a voice from your past.
Recognize it?
[woman] I remember Rebecca.
She was such an ambitious little girl.
- Pretty, too.
- Miss Tuttle? My third grade teacher?
That's right.
We flew her to Thembria
especially for this broadcast.
And to think your class voted you
Least Likely to be Shot
by a Firing Squad. [tsking]
Congratulations, ma'am.
You're the lucky winner
of the Thembria Clearinghouse
Snowplow Sweepstakes.
I am? What did I win?
[Baloo] A glorious state surplus
snowplow shovel.
It was custom-made for your lovely home.
Now, turn around and close your eyes
while we get it ready.
[engine starting]
All right. Turn around and say bye-bye.
[Kit] Good job, Papa Bear.
But I don't think this is exactly
on the up and up.
'Course it is.
We're gaining altitude, aren't we?
You recently inherited a courier service
from your father,
where you quickly learned
to enslave the workers.
Please, stop.
Get this over with. Shoot me!
[Baloo] See, I told you
I could clear up this situation.
We'll see that comet for sure.
Wow. The world's first cloud plower.
Uh-oh. And it looks like I'm the last.
Pull up, Baloo!
I'm trying.
I can't get the nose up.
- Why not?
- There's too much nose.
Give me some schnoz throttle.
[engine sputtering]
Well, it's shower curtains for them.
Yeah, and it's curtains for Becky, too.
No one's gonna see that comet now.
Wanna bet? Put on a happy face,
'cause gray skis are gonna clear up.
Now, why does that sound familiar?
[shouting] Yahoo!
The boy's doing me proud.
And now, Rebecca, our last guest.
[Spigot] Miss Cunningham and I
know each other quite well.
Of course, everyone knows me.
Let me guess.
Colonel Drainpipe.
That's Spigot.
For the last time, Spigot!
And now, for a really big show
Ready aim
[inhales sharply, gasps]
Look, it's Cleanser's Comet.
[all] Ooh!
- It is Friday.
- [all] Payday!
- Saved.
- Uh-oh. Someone's in trouble now.
Would it make you feel any better
if this was my fault?
Of course. It's his fault.
I had nothing to do with it.
Baloo, you saved me!
Yep. And you'll be happy to know
I didn't even
have to beat the system to do it.
You mean you didn't cut any corners?
Well, maybe just a little trim.
You didn't pull a scam
or cheat or anything?
Nope. Of course,
don't hold me to the truth.
I won't, but just get me out
of this slush pit!
I am one changed bear.
I think I'll just head over to Louie's
and see how last night's party went.
Think again.
Here comes your Saturday date.
One more favor, Becky.
Just one more.
Make me work tonight.
Free overtime, huh?
I'll do anything. Please.
Oh, after all you've put me through,
you deserve this night off.
- But
- Ready for a night on the town
big bear?
You owe me one, Becky.
You owe me.
[men vocalizing]
Another tale to spin
Another tale to spin
[men vocalizing]
[man chuckling]
TaleSpin ♪
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