TallBoyz (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

Hoop Hoop Hooray!

1 PETITE STOMACH: It's your boy, Petite Stomach.
[heaves.]
I hear a lot of people out here speaking my name.
[scoffs.]
I'm the most influential creator of my generation.
[scoffs.]
Everyone's stealing from me, especially that Butcha C fool.
[scoffs.]
Guy never had an original idea in his life! [beeping sounds.]
Oh, now he's trying to hop on, huh? All right.
Come at me! BUTCHA C: Hey, yo! You better keep my name outta yo' mouth! PETITE STOMACH: [scoffs.]
Yeah, shut up, you dusty-lookin' fool! BUTCHA C: Oh, I better I better bring my crew! I'm gonna bring my whole crew PETITE STOMACH: [laughs.]
Your whole crew? PETITE STOMACH: I seen your crew, huh? I sees 'em! Hoo! BUTCHA C: I'll see you soon, fool! I'm a see you real soon.
PETITE STOMACH: Oh, yeah? I'm a see you down at that ice wine festival, huh? BUTCHA C: Oh, the one in Davenport County - at 9 pm, bitch? - PETITE STOMACH: Yeah, that's the one.
BUTCHA C: Yo, remember, this is an outdoor ice wine festival, so there might be d-d-d-drip, d-d-d-drip, d-d-d-d-drizzle! So bring an umbrella.
PETITE STOMACH: Damn right.
I'm gonna bring two, and a family member because I get 50 percent off if I bring a guest.
BUTCHA C: I'm gonna crush you like you can crush your own grapes at this ice wine festival in Davenport County.
- PETITE STOMACH: [scoffs.]
- BUTCHA C: Brrap-pa-pap! - PETITE STOMACH: Idiots.
- BUTCHA C: Brrap-pa-pap! [both making noises.]
PETITE STOMACH: How'd we do? WINE REP: Absolutely great.
Thanks for the promotion, fellas.
WINE REP 2: Just one thing, you forgot to mention our sponsors.
BUTCHA C: Oh.
And a big shout-out to our bitches over at Niagara County rose for sponsoring.
PETITE STOMACH: Oh, Niagara County rose, backslash ice, for 10 percent off.
- Brrrap! - BUTCHA C: Brrrap! - PETITE STOMACH: Brrrrap! - BUTCHA C: Pa-pow-pow! PETITE STOMACH: Zip! TallBoyz - S01E07 Hoop Hoop Hooray! - VANCE: Oh, excuse me.
- WOMAN: Excuse me.
- TIM: Oop.
- VANCE: Oh.
- Sorry.
- TIM: No problem.
My head was down.
VANCE: [exhales.]
TIM: [whispered.]
Bitch.
- VANCE: Huh? - TIM: Hm? - VANCE: Uh, what was that? - TIM: Hm? VANCE: Uh, you said something.
TIM: No, you said, "What was that?" VANCE: Before that.
TIM: Uh I said, "All good?" VANCE: All right.
I'll see you later.
TIM: Yeah, that's right.
- Walk away before - VANCE: Huh? TIM: Yes? VANCE: Well, you definitely said something that time.
TIM: Nope.
[laughs.]
VANCE: If you have something to say, - just say it to my face.
- TIM: Oh, no.
It's just that you're a good guy doing a hell of a job.
VANCE: Whatever, you coward.
TIM: You call me a coward, you bitch.
- VANCE: Yeah, you heard me.
- TIM: You heard me.
VANCE: Don't test me, man.
Don't test me.
TIM: I will end you! VANCE: Oh, big man, big man, you're gonna flip stuff now, huh? TIM: Oh yeah, I'll flip you if you don't frickin' VANCE: Be a big man.
Big guy.
GULED: Guys, guys What's going on? This kind of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable in the workplace.
You, stop.
Talk things out.
TIM: Well, it's just, no one replies to my e-mails in this office, and I feel like I get no respect.
VANCE: I'm so big.
Everyone thinks I'm so mean.
So I got to overcompensate all the time.
GULED: To move forward, I think we owe each other an apology.
- TIM: I'm sorry.
- VANCE: I'm sorry.
GULED: Strong communication, fellas.
I'm proud of you both.
Okay, let's get back to work.
TIM: Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna head to my desk.
VANCE: I'm hungry.
I got to eat that lunch.
BOSS: [over PA.]
Attention, employees.
There's a fire on the fourth floor.
- Please evacuate the building.
- [alarm sounding.]
TIM: Not that any of you will listen to me GULED: I will fight that fire, and you two.
TIM: Stupid fire, I'm gonna kick your ass.
SERGEANT: Gralt, you're my eyes and ears on the ground.
What's your 20? GRALT: In the East Wing, Sarge.
Headed towards the hostages, now.
SERGEANT: Find them and get out.
That's an order.
[muffled cries and gasps.]
- GRALT: I'm getting you out of here.
- TIM: Wait.
Look.
[bomb beeping.]
GRALT: Sir, it's worse than we thought.
- There's a bomb.
- SERGEANT: My God.
Gralt, you got to disarm it.
GRALT: I don't know if I can do this.
SERGEANT: Gralt, you're the best we got.
Lives are at stake.
GRALT: Okay I guess I could try.
SERGEANT: How much time you got? GRALT: Six years, four months, 25 days, 54 minutes.
TIM: Hm? - GRALT: I'll do it.
- SERGEANT: Great.
Plans are in motion.
I pulled some strings at Northern University, got you into their electrical engineering program.
You could learn all the skills you need to disarm that bomb.
I'm counting on you.
GRALT: I won't let you down, sir.
SERGEANT: We're all counting on you.
TIM: Wait Where are you going? [muffled cries.]
Are you gonna take the tape off my friends' mouths? GRALT: Pumps explode.
I got to stop 'em.
- VANCE: Mother's milk.
- TIM: Oh, yeah.
VANCE: The bomb.
The bomb! [electrical wires faulting.]
TIM: Your calculator! Your calculator! [bomb beeping.]
GRALT: We did it.
TIM: You figured out how to diffuse the bomb? GRALT: No, we beat the Tigers.
VANCE: Can you go study now, please? GRALT: You're right.
[dance music playing.]
TIM: [laughs.]
Woo! [laughs.]
Yeah! GRALT: My earliest class is 8:30, but I got a spare, so it's pretty good.
SERGEANT: Gralt! Progress report.
GRALT: Okay, guys, keep it down.
It's my sergeant.
Things are going well, sir.
SERGEANT: Is that a party? GRALT: No, just a couple of friends, sir.
We're taking a break from studying.
SERGEANT: Dammit, Gralt! You need to disarm that bomb.
It's your case.
GRALT: No! It's your case! SERGEANT: Gralt? Gralt? Ugh! Where did I go wrong? GRALT: [moaning.]
TIM: The Sergeant just wants what's best for you.
GRALT: I was just doing it for him.
- Not for me.
- VANCE: What about for us? TIM: Let the boy choose his own path.
GRALT: I just want to make everyone happy.
TIM: Then, why don't you start with yourself? GRALT: [gasps.]
I got to clear my head.
VANCE: The bomb! SERGEANT: Damn it, Gralt, where are you? There's only a minute left! GRALT: Ah, the old warehouse.
My old friends.
SERGEANT: Where the hell have you been? GRALT: I took a gap year, sir.
It was very enlightening.
VANCE: Look who decided to show up.
- TIM: Welcome home.
- How was it? GRALT: Tibet was crazy.
You have to go.
VANCE: I'd love to go, you know? But I'm attached to a literal bomb! GRALT: Right.
SERGEANT: Gralt, lives are at stake.
GRALT: Sir, in my travels, I learned the essence of human bravery is to never give up on anything.
And to always cut the red wire.
[triumphant music.]
SERGEANT: You did it! - [thud.]
- [bomb starts beeping.]
GRALT: What's happening? The numbers are going up! SERGEANT: Oh, yeah, that's how much you owe on your student loan.
The interest is gonna kill you.
- GRALT: [sighs.]
- TIM: Hm VANCE: This place is great.
They got the TV, you know, private fireplace, rich guy chairs TIM: Wow, that is amazing.
WAITRESS: Thanks.
It's home-brewed.
- Did you decide on food? - TIM: Do you have menus? WAITRESS: No, we only serve baked lasagne and cheeseburgers.
VANCE: Those are my favourite foods.
TIM: Does the burger come with fries? WAITRESS: Actually, the burger comes with smaller burgers.
VANCE: That's my favourite side.
- TIM: We'll take two.
- WAITRESS: Great.
And here's the remote.
VANCE: They give you the remote.
TIM: Yeah, this place is okay, I guess.
VANCE: [exhales.]
I've always wanted a haunt.
You know, somewhere where everyone always knows your name.
Like that television show, Knight Rider.
I'm telling you, man.
No, I'm singing you The atmosphere is beguiling And the food has got to be smiling I'm telling you, bub I love this pub WAITRESS: We got a teepee lover out there.
CHEF: [scoffs.]
Hey, what do you call a black Indian? - WAITRESS: What? - CHEF: Runs From Cops.
WAITRESS: [laughs.]
TIM: Maybe we should go.
VANCE: If I leave without paying, we'll see it as all 1.
3 million Indigenous people leaving without paying.
And the food? And the TV? You got to believe me It's in 4K HD TIM: [sighs.]
VANCE: Have a drink and eat some grub, 'Cause I love this pub CHEF: Must be welfare cheque day.
WAITRESS: [laughs.]
Stop.
VANCE: Except for that racist shit, of course I sing to hide my discomfort TIM: Okay, it's clear you're uncomfortable, all right? And now you're forcing rhymes.
- VANCE: You're right.
- TIM: Let's just go.
VANCE: Let's teach him a lesson.
Two beers.
25 percent tip.
TIM: Vance, what are you doing? 50 percent.
That'll show 'em.
- [both laugh.]
- VANCE: Yeah.
TIM: Those idiots.
[both laugh.]
WAITRESS: Only 50 percent tip? Wow.
[audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: Hello, Toronto! [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: Hello-o-o, Toronto! [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: How we feeling, Toronto? [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: Toronto, I can't hear you! [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: Hello-o-o, Toronto! [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: If you're feeling good, let me hear you say, "Hi!" AUDIENCE: Hi! BRANSTON: Hello, Toronto! [audience cheering.]
- [drumsticks tapping.]
- [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: Good evening Toronto! [audience cheering.]
BRANSTON: All right, let's do this song.
- Here we go.
- BAND MEMBER: Let's do this.
BRANSTON: I'm gonna need you to start this off.
- Count me off! One - AUDIENCE: Two - BRANSTON: Three - AUDIENCE: Four - BRANSTON: Five - AUDIENCE: Six - BRANSTON: Seven - AUDIENCE: Eight BRANSTON: Eight! Hello, Toronto! Woo! [audience cheering.]
All right, thank you.
You've been a terrific audience.
- Goodnight! - [audience cheering.]
FAN: I was actually there when they recorded this.
Best concert of my life.
- Hello, Toronto! - BOY: [gasps.]
GULED: [laughs.]
That's the first song.
It's called, "Hello, Hello.
" Ah Still holds up.
FRANCO: So, all my relatives are meeting me.
And, I'm like, "I don't know who these people are.
" TARA: Oh my god! FRANCO: And they know my name.
It's weird.
TARA: You're so brave.
FRANCO: It was intense, but I'm glad I got to go back to Vietnam.
TARA: We had a Korean foreign exchange student in Uxbridge had a really big crush on him.
FRANCO: Cool.
So have you been on this dating app a while? TARA: Yeah, um, but I've kind of swiped right through all the Asian guys in the city, so FRANCO: Oh, interesting.
I'm in.
I usually don't go on dates with white girls because they're less likely to swipe right on me, but today I'm on a date with someone who has TARA: Oh, I love Jay Park.
FRANCO: yellow fever.
I'm being fetishized in a weird positive way.
Usually doesn't happen to me, but when it does, I can expect K-Pop references, stories about teaching - English in Asia, and - TARA: Anasayo.
FRANCO: Bad Korean.
I'm Vietnamese, but I guess I'll go with it.
Hey, don't judge me.
The system was broke when I got here.
Don't hate the player.
Hate the game.
You have no idea what I had to go through to get here.
I had to watch all of Romeo Must Die, and not even get to see Jet Li and Aaliyah kiss.
That one really hurt.
So, tonight, I'm doing this for Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Ang Lee, and all my Asian brothers who have been rejected because of their race.
And besides, what's so bad about being fetishized? TARA: I love Asian penis.
FRANCO: Okay, maybe you're right, but I'm still gonna go home with her.
And it's not because of her skin colour.
It's because of the content of her character.
TARA: Really? What's my name? FRANCO: Uh, I'm gonna say Margin? TARA: Wow, It's Tara.
FRANCO: So close.
TIM: Amazing quality.
GULED: HD, yeah, you can see all the points being scored.
TIM: Oh, there you are, Vance.
I'm was worried you were gonna miss the big game.
VANCE: Miss the big game? Who do you think I am? My father? Guys, guess what? I got approved for that bank loan today.
TIM: Whoa, congrats.
- ALL: Shh.
- [laughter.]
GULED: Man, I love our secret handshake.
FRANCO: Right? It's the only public display of affection that's cool to do with your boys.
- TIM: Well, that and kissing.
- FRANCO: Yeah.
GULED: Very true.
Oh, yeah.
VANCE: That's a good one.
TV MOM: Kids, the pizza hoop's here! - KIDS: Hoop, hoop, hooray! - [laughter.]
TV MOM: It's the only pizza you can eat your way out of.
TV DAUGHTER: Go, Mom, go! NARRATOR: The Pizza Hoop! It's better than a bowl of soup.
MOM & DAUGHTER: Shh.
NARRATOR: Feeds one hungry guy or a large group.
GULED: Did you see that? VANCE: Yeah, uh, Pizza Hoop's the only pizza that you got to eat your way out of.
FRANCO: No, they just did our secret handshake.
TIM: Well, how could they even know about it? That's impossible.
GULED: Unless someone leaked our secret shake.
VANCE: [scoffs.]
Guled! What, you jumping to conclusions? [laugh nervously.]
That's a coincidence.
FRANCO: I doubt it.
VANCE: Anyway, I got to I got to hit the hay.
[yawns.]
Goodnight.
- TIM: It's 4:30.
- VANCE: Okay.
GULED: And he still has the remote.
You don't think he did it, right? - FRANCO: He did it.
- TIM: Yeah, absolutely.
GULED: Just wanted to make sure.
Okay, good.
VANCE: Let me go right to the right song Uh, guys?! Someone's in the apartment! VANCE: [whimpering.]
TIM: Guled, did you put a plastic bag in there? GULED: I didn't want him breathing on this.
I put my oranges in it.
VANCE: [gasps.]
I saw the other side.
- Why would you do that? - FRANCO: Shut up! We're asking the questions around here.
TIM: Yeah.
Did you leak the handshake? VANCE: Yeah, but how did you know it was me? TIM: Well, the fact that you can't keep a secret - to save your life.
- VANCE: I can too! GULED: What about the time you told the whole neighbourhood I wet the bed.
VANCE: That wasn't me.
That was all Franco.
FRANCO: [gasps.]
I told you that in confidence! GULED: My point exactly.
VANCE: Fine! But you guys got to understand, it's just that, like, you know, I've never been approved for a bank loan before.
Well, Tim's my best friend, and Guled's my best friend, and Franco's my best friend, except Franco told everyone that Guled wets the bed.
BANKER: [laughs.]
Oh, wow.
I don't know any of those people, but you seem like a very honest man.
I'd really love to approve this loan for you.
But I just wish there was some sort of symbolic gesture of trust that we could both share.
VANCE: How do you feel about secret handshakes? BANKER: Hm.
VANCE & BANKER: Shh.
VANCE: I felt awful after we shook.
You got to believe me! - I'm really sorry.
- TIM: It's all right.
I mean, he only showed one person.
VANCE: Well, actually VANCE & WOMAN: Shhh.
WOMAN: Oh my God.
So cute.
VANCE: I am so sorry for your loss.
VANCE & WOMAN: Shh.
VANCE: Shake and make peace.
- [cameras clicking.]
- KOREAN LEADERS: Shh.
GULED: You're hopeless.
VANCE: Guys, I know I made a mistake, but we can fix this.
[sighs.]
TIM: You know, he's right.
We can fix it.
GULED: Yeah, probably.
VANCE: Shake on it? FRANCO: Who was supposed to tie him up? REGGIE: Is it bad? - SAM: It's bad.
- ADAM: Yeah, pretty bad.
REGGIE: If anyone has anything to say, now is the time.
ADAM: Um See you later, Reggie.
SAM: Well It's been a privilege serving as your commander, but it's been an honour to call you my friend.
REGGIE: See, that's nice.
Real nice.
My freaking guts hanging out of my body, and the last thing you want to say to me is, "See you later.
" ADAM: Well, I had to say something.
REGGIE: Oh, you had to say something to me before I'm dead.
Wow.
ADAM: I-I didn't mean it like that.
REGGIE: Like what, Adam? Because Sam was pretty clear on what he meant.
Surprise, surprise, Adam.
You're not even listening.
ADAM: Oh I just I just made a new friend.
SAM: Oh, end of the line.
REGGIE: I know you.
You shot me.
He's here to pay his respects.
SAM: [gasps.]
GULED: [whispering inaudibly.]
REGGIE: Now, that's a goodbye.
GULED: [humming Amazing Grace.]
ADAM: Guys you hear what he said? 'Cause I didn't catch a lick of that, so He was, like, almost whispering, so Do you guys think we all get a paper crane? No? Can I take yours, when you're dead? REGGIE: No, it's my crane.
ADAM: I'm just gonna take it off your body.
REGGIE: No, don't take it off my body.
ADAM: Fine.
I won't take it off your dead body.
REGGIE: Why are you winking? Why are you winking? ADAM: That was to him.
Not not to you.
REGGIE: Goddamn it, Adam, show some humanity! The guy that shot me had a more meaningful goodbye than you did! You've been my best friend my whole life.
And I don't want to go to dead angry at you.
So before I'm gone forever, are there any words, memories, anything at all you'd like to say to me before I go? - ADAM: Have a good summer.
- REGGIE: You know what, I I told you about this guy.
SAM: Why'd you say that to me? What, are you kidding me? ADAM: I know what will make you feel better.
This works for my little cousin.
It's called a raspberry.
Here we go.
- ADAM & SAM: No! - [loud raspberry sound.]
SAM: Stop! TV MOM: Pizza Hoop.
TV DAUGHTER: It's better than a bowl of soup.
[cheering.]
NARRATOR: The Pizza Hoop It's better than a bowl of soup.
TV DAUGHTER & MOM: Shh.
- LAWYER: Well yes.
- FRANCO & GULED: Shh.
LAWYER: The similarities are uncanny, but unfortunately, you can't copyright a handshake.
TIM: But we invented it.
GULED: Yeah, it was a cool thing just between us.
Now, everyone and their grandma's doing it.
VANCE: Normally, I'd be happy to see folks doing stuff with their grandmas, but this is bullshit.
LAWYER: Well, it's not all bad news.
I filed a cease and desist against Pizza Hoop, and they've come back with a very generous offer.
FRANCO: How many zeros we talking? LAWYER: Zero zero's.
- GULED: [sighs.]
- VANCE: Hm.
LAWYER: However, they will drop the countersuit if we drop the lawsuit.
And as compensation, they're giving you a free Pizza Hoop.
- ALL: Yeah! - Woo-hoo! Pizza! [all cheering.]
- Pizza Hoop! - GULED & TIM: Shh.
LAWYER: Bup, bup Legally, you're not allowed to do that anymore.
TIM: But I thought you couldn't copyright a handshake.
LAWYER: You can't.
Corporations can do whatever they want.
FRANCO: [dejectedly.]
Pizza Hoop ALL: [dejectedly.]
It's better than a bowl of soup.
LAWYER: Okay, now get out of my office.