TallBoyz (2019) s02e06 Episode Script

All the Focus Is on the Diamonds

1 It's such a perfect day! It so is! I love this kind of temperature.
God, yes, it is.
I would love to meet your mom.
- I think you'd love her.
- I mean, if you think I'm ready to meet your mom, because I feel - totally ready to meet your mom.
- I think so.
It's been one month, but, like, what could go wrong? Here, have this.
Thank you baby! I love it.
- I love you! - Oh! We're gonna have so much fun! Oh my God, yes! Um Excuse us.
Uh, you are excused.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Um Okay, um Why don't you guys just go under? No, you guys go under.
Or just get out of our way.
Are you seriously not gonna get out of the way? You're in our way.
Oh, sorry, can I just get by? Excuse me, but our love is real.
No, our love is real.
Okay, but we're, like, really in love.
I'm just gonna go the other way.
We've been together and in love for four weeks! We've been together for a month! Oh, yeah? Well, we have all the sex! Okay, but we have all the best sex.
Ahh We work out together and never let go of each other's hands.
We bathe together and we never let go of each other's hands.
Maybe one day you'll find true love too.
- No, you will! - No, you guys will! Baby, what's wrong with these people? Baby, I hate these people! Listen, buddy-wuddy, you better make woom for me and my girlfwiend! You better move before it gets ugly-wugly! Because our bond is real, and I'm No, our bond is weal! Whatever, you basic wittle bitch! You don't talk to her like that! Oh my God! Hey! Hey! Wow What just happened? I mean, you all felt that sexual tension too, right? Yeah! I know I did.
Respect the elderly.
- We did it.
- Well, mostly me, but yes.
Now for the hard part.
Raising him.
No, naming him.
Just fill it out.
I don't know what name to put down.
The real question is, do I put down a Vietnamese name or a white name? Because a name isn't just a name.
I'm assigning this kid an identity.
Like, if I name him "Chad," he's gonna be a "Chad.
" If I name him "John," people are gonna call him, "Johnny!" If I name him "Phong" people won't be able to pronounce his name.
The only reason I'm a "Franco" is because my brother was bullied for his very common Vietnamese name: "Duong.
" Or, as it was pronounced by every teacher in Canada, "Dung.
" "Duong" in Vietnamese means strong, male, virile.
In English, "dung" means poop.
Duong had a harder time in school.
But if I give him an English name, am I erasing his Vietnamese-ness? I want to give my child a name that makes him feel proud of where he came from, instead of a name that makes him feel like he should go back to where he came from.
Congratulations! Hey! Oh, he looks like you! Oh, thanks, Guled.
Guled! Goo-led? That's your name, Guled! Yeah Maybe I've been overthinking it.
Maybe I should hope and trust that the world is evolving and that people will too.
I mean, look at "Vance," "Tim," and "Guled.
" They have stupid names and they turned out fine.
- Hey! - Hey, yeah, what? People like my name.
Yeah, what's wrong with our names? Nothing.
And that's exactly it.
I shouldn't give my baby a Vietnamese name solely to prove his Vietnamese-ness, nor should I give him a white name to appease a society that feels inconvenienced by his identity.
I should give him a name that feels right, that feels like him.
So what have you named him? I don't know.
Happy birthday, dear ♪ What's the Vietnamese equivalent for "Chad"? You're my sunshine in a summer sky.
♪ Our love is sweet as pumpkin pie.
♪ You've got me falling for you ♪ Oh-ho ♪ Great.
Can we try it one more time like you're falling down stairs? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa-ohh! ♪ That's the one.
When I say Butcha, y'all say C! ♪ - Butcha! ♪ - C! - Butcha! ♪ - C! J'Onothon! What's good, man? Hey, hey, Butcha C! How you doin'? Ready to lay some heat down with you in the studio today.
It's nuts that we're collaborating for the very first time together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was surprised when you hit me up.
I mean, your music's, like, mad soft, bro.
You know what? I'd call it loving, - but worlds collide.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's not what I was saying, but sure.
- Let's get to it.
- Oh, uh Yeah.
We'll pick it up at the hook.
Let's get some flames burnin'! That's why it's me and my friend, Butcha C.
♪ It's always been love, L-O-V-E, yeah! ♪ L-O-V-E ♪ L-O-V-E ♪ Riding through town, doin' it together.
♪ J'Onothon and Butcha C, we're practically brothers.
♪ Ohh! ♪ Practically brothers? ♪ Nah, screw that shit.
♪ My only family is cash.
♪ Go drop dead in a ditch! ♪ We're not friends ♪ And we don't share a father.
♪ Fuck this J'Onothon dude! ♪ He never offered me water! ♪ Uh, can we can we stop, please? Can we stop the track? Yo, Butcha, that was hot as hell! How do you come up with that stuff? Yo, it just comes to me, man.
- I don't know.
- Woo! Uh Are we cool? What, you weren't feeling it? No.
It's just that, um it sounded like you were gonna diss me on my own track.
Nah, I was just getting lost in the music.
Yo, he freestyles like Wayne.
- Lay off his process! - This guy gets it.
All right, Butcha, you're doing a great job.
J'Onothon? J'Onothon and Butcha C ♪ We're practically brothers! ♪ Oh-ohh! ♪ But factually, I want to smother ♪ this dude with a couch cover.
♪ There's no couches in here.
♪ This studio sucks, though I love the engineer.
♪ Only person 'round I regard as a peer.
♪ It's you and me, baby! It's you and me! The engineer and I are both cool! ♪ I've never met you before today.
By the way, if you're uncomfy, ♪ we can grab you a stool! ♪ Fuck a wobbly-ass stool! ♪ I need back support! ♪ This man lacks rapport ♪ and his tracks are a bore! ♪ Butcha, you're really funny.
♪ We're just messing around like a couple of buddies ♪ Yeah! ♪ I'm sick of your bullshit! ♪ You must be a Taurus.
♪ I spit flames cause my throat like a California forest! ♪ It's dry! ♪ Woo! I offered you water ♪ I'm about to use your blood ♪ to quench my thirst! ♪ Okay, okay, can we stop the track? Stop it, please! Stop! Why are we stopping? 'Cause he threatened to kill me! But did you mean it, Butcha? I dunno Do you at least want some water or something? Maybe just a sip.
Ahh! I feel like a thousand times better.
Man, my bad.
I didn't mean to be so combative earlier.
Great apology, Butcha.
That's why you're the King of Hip-Hop! J'Onothon, I'm gonna need a high note.
Oh, I can help him with that.
Nice, we got it! 'Cause I'm feeling feeling blessed ♪ 'Cause I'm feeling feeling blessed ♪ Welcome to the first episode of Chosen Family Few, the new game show that's nothing like Family Feud.
So to you discriminating friends out there who say, "Well, it sounds like a total rip-off!" We're not.
Okay? We're not.
Well, today I'm here with two chosen families.
On my right we have orphans and hip-hop dance group, the Breakaway Crew! We're family! And on my left, four roommates.
We're not family, but we're really close in proximity.
Let's begin! Let's go! We're gonna eat you alive.
Ooh, shade! All right, we asked 105 Canadians, which is different totally different, so get off my case, Mom what's your favourite thing to put on a hot dog? - A cold leash.
- Good answer! I don't think he meant an actual hot dog.
Show me, uh "cold leash"? Oh, I'm sorry, Vance.
That means it goes to the Breakaway Crew.
Sorry, guys.
He's really in my head.
We asked 105 Canadians, what is something their partner said they could improve on? Popping and locking! Let's see "popping and locking"! Oh, I'm sorry! That's not on the board.
- That means, Roommates - Yes! It's your turn to steal.
What is something their partner said they could improve on? Oh! Being a better listener! Doing chores! Having more career ambition! Uh I am undeserving of love! Let's see "undeserving of love.
" Shocker! We'll be right back! Stupid! Come on, man! Guys, if we stand any chance of winning, we gotta get Vance out of his head.
I have an idea.
It's a little unorthodox, but it just might work.
No, we're not gonna break Colin Mochrie's legs.
Okay, well, then I have an idea.
We're not breaking his arms either! Oh, man.
I just feel like you're shooting things down before you give them a chance.
- We've been watching - I have an idea.
No, we're not gonna breakdance! What are you even doing here? Yeah, get outta here! What the hell? Get out, get! Nobody move! This is a robbery! We want money in the bag! Oh my God Everyone just be cool and you'll all make it home in time to watch your favourite serialized dramas! If only we had a hero that could save us! Never fear, for the cold wind of justice is here.
Oh, you give 'em hell, Mr.
Purple Dude! Actually, it's Major Freeze.
Oh - I I didn't know that, sir.
- Not your fault.
I didn't get a chance to introduce myself.
The cold wind of justice shall reveal It's just that your entire costume's purple, man.
Yeah, it's my favourite colour.
Maybe change it to blue for freezing? All right, feedback noted, thank you.
Yeah, or if you're trying to go with freezing, why not just put a big F on your chest? - That would work.
- Okay! Purple's a problem, I need an F.
Got it! Let's concentrate on the matter at hand? I mean, it's just so obvious that purple was not the colour to go with.
- I mean, am I right? - Yeah, I'm with you.
All right, enough! You're going to jail because justice is here.
Me! I am justice, and by justice I mean Major Freeze! Yeah, more like Eggplant Emoji Guy! Yo, you look like a skinny Grimace! Yeah, you look like a Paleo Barney.
You guys are gonna regret those hurtful but accurate observations.
Hold my gloves.
Give me some tape.
Give me some tape! There.
Happy now? Oh my God, he just farted! It's from the suit! Whatever you say, Captain Fart! Oh! Oh my God! Dude, I kind of wish a real super hero was here to take us out.
Wish granted.
Augh! What's gonna happen to me? - Find out.
- Augh! Oh my God! Thank you, Diamond Fist! Oh, his costume makes sense but mine is unclear? I mean, all the focus is on the diamonds.
But I'm Major Freeze! I'll prove it, look.
Oh my God, why did you freeze that innocent lady? I was trying to prove a point! What, that you hate women? No! No! Gender has nothing to do with it.
It was a random choice.
I'll freeze someone else.
Shit! Why are there so many women around? Oh, excuse me?! That's not what I meant augh! I'd like to open up a chequing account, please.
We're outside Main Street Bank, where both a robbery and a woman-hating vigilante were stopped by the city's newest hero, Diamond Fist.
First of all, I'm not a hero.
I'm a man who cares about his city and wants to keep it safe from creeps like Major Freeze.
Let go of me! You're ripping my costume! Oh my God, his dick is out! Don't look at it! Argh! Don't look at it! It's not part of the costume! Ugh! Welcome back to Chosen Family Feud.
Few! Few no, I I said, "Few.
" Anyway, we're right in the middle of Round 2.
The Breakaway Crew is leading with 150 points! We're family! And with 100 points are the Roommates, who are catching up quickly, thanks to a very specific question.
What is something Vance is good at? So, uh, Franco Uh, what is something Vance is good at? Making others laugh.
- Good answer.
- Good answer.
Good answer.
All right, let's see "making others laugh.
" Great job! Vance, you seem pretty cool and someone I'd like to hang out with.
Mm-hm! Guys Did you pay the producers to change the answers so I'd feel better? Yeah! You're welcome.
That's the most condescending thing anyone's ever done to me.
Hey, Vance Do you happen to know something Vance is good at? Colin, is "being stupid enough to trust his friends" up there? - Oh.
- Good answer.
- Good answer! - All right.
Is, uh, that on the board? Ooh, I guess, um technically that's correct! Well, how about "is good at being friends with jerks"? No, you can't have two answers.
Okay, I have an answer.
"Vance is ungrateful!" How about "Vance doesn't know how much it costs "to bribe producers"? Is that up there, Colin? Put that up there, Colin! I do not put the answers on the Oh, here's another one! "Sometimes he snores!" Yeah, let's see that up there! No, no! No more! It's not your turn anymore! So, the Breakaway Crew gets the steal! What's something Vance is good at? I don't know.
He looks like he's good at hugs.
Good at hugs? They know Vance better than we do! Yes, they do.
Well, it looks like the Breakaway Crew won that round.
We'll be right back.
God, I miss my old job.
Guys, look! They're teaching Vance how to breakdance.
Oh, man, we're only Vance's chosen family, which means he can choose another family at any time! Oh what? We gotta get him back.
Oh, man, you were so scared! Someday I'm gonna leave this place.
Right, George? You can do anything you want, Chase.
Give me some skin.
Take care.
No, you take care.
Chase did leave.
He went to State, and eventually became a doctor.
A month ago, he was at a café.
A couple of men got into a fight and one of them pulled a knife.
Chase tried to break it up.
He was stabbed in the neck.
He died, almost instantly.
Well, I guess I'd better get going.
Oh, hey! Yeah, uh, totally, Virgil.
See you 'round.
I did see Virgil.
He became my best friend, and I was the best man at his wedding.
A month ago, Virgil entered a Pickle Pail.
Oh! Virgil was stabbed in the neck.
He died, almost instantly.
So, were you gonna go home soon? Oh, I figured we could walk together since you live next door.
Nah, you should probably go ahead.
Ah, it's fine.
I can wait.
I'll catch up.
Is something gonna happen to me? - No.
- I don't believe you.
Fine! Troy would have lived, but one unexplained, ironic knife wound to the neck later Ahh, augh he was gone.
Have you got the time? It was that man's time.
Ugh Wha What?! I never had any friends again, but Shit, does anyone? Uh, yes! Many of us have friends.
Can we back to the matter at hand? Let's just say, it was a summer I'll never forget.
You stabbed 24 people in the neck and then wrote a bestselling memoir about it.
Every copy comes with a knife! Oh, you leave me no choice.
Guilty! Where's that music coming from? Stab, stab, stab! ♪ It's coming from me! Stab! ♪ Would you please just talk to us? Look, we don't care about the game anymore.
If you're not gonna be our best friend, then we've already lost.
We're sorry we patronized you.
We should have accepted you for you, like how you accept me for stealing from you sometimes.
You steal from me? Yeah, but I feel really bad about it.
- Oh - Aww! Guys You may have paid off the producers to change the questions and you faked the answers, but you were never faking your friendship.
I'm sorry I got so upset.
I love you guys.
No, that's an incorrect answer, and I really should have cut you off sooner.
Uh I guess you guys win.
Yes! Let's go! Wait until we tell Mom and Dad.
Wait, what, what, what? Mom and Dad? I thought you were orphans.
Uh Mom is in the streets and Dad is in the beats? Dwayne, it's time.
Our parents are alive, and we're all biologically related, medically speaking.
We're literal family.
Then you are disqualified.
That means we win! - Oh! - Yeah! Wait, so you're back on our team? - I never left! - Yeah! Well, that's it for this episode of Chosen Family Few.
The Roommates are going home with $10,000.
Hey, that's how much we used to bribe the producers! Oh, we broke even! - Yeah! - Not quite.
I did break a lamp backstage, so we gotta pay that back.
Well, now it's time for that part of the show where we all dance for no reason.
Come on, losers too! Woo! Stab, stab, stab! ♪ Stab! ♪ Stab, stab, stab! ♪ Stab! ♪ I don't know why I did it ♪
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