TallBoyz (2019) s02e08 Episode Script

Who's Guarding the Angel?

1 Thanks for letting us tag along, Guled.
- I've never been to a unit auction before.
- It's easy! You just bid on a locker and sell the contents for more money.
It's how I make money.
Gather round, gather round, come around.
We are ready for our next lot, and for this one we have something very special indeed.
This unit is the oldest on the lot.
- Oh! - Wow! Now, this unit is so old that the lock, due to its age, shall not be cut.
Whoa I gotta get that! It's probably full of treasures.
Bidding starts at $20.
- Oh, $3,000! - Sold! Yes! Mmm! Guled, where'd you get three grand from? - It's our rent money.
- Guled! What the hell? I'm sorry, I just got excited.
I think we all did, actually.
I didn't wait for more bids, and I really should have.
But there you go.
We'll make it back.
I'm sure whatever's in there will practically sell itself.
Holy shit! Oh Uh, what did we buy? I thought it'd be like Indiana Jones but without the racism.
But it's just the racism! Racism! Why is it always racism?! Confederate mugs - A Confederate sewing kit - What? Huh, a run-of-the-mill sleeveless tee.
- Oh! - Wait, is this the pen John A.
MacDonald used to sign the Indian Act? Why I oughta Look, a vial of Trudeau's tears.
Whose locker was this? It just says "D.
" Maybe it's Daisy Duke from Dukes of Hazzard? Ah, it couldn't be.
This dress is way too modest.
That's a Klan robe! Oh my God! Ew! I can't believe I spent all our money on racist memorabilia! How can we sell any of this? Well, I do declare! Did I hear you all were interested in sellin' this here Confederate treas uh, I mean - trash? - Um My name is Remington Reginald Racisté, Confederate Historian.
Now, let's call a spade a shovel.
Spade? I reckon I'd be willin' to pay y'all double.
Double? Oh I'll give you boys a second to talk it over.
Thank you.
Stop saying thank you.
What, he seems like a trustworthy dude! On appearance alone, I can't think of anyone less trustworthy! Wait, but is that because you just got food poisoning from fried chicken last week? I like it pink! Think of all the good we could do with $6,000.
We could pay our rent, twice! We can't profit off this stuff.
I got a bad feeling about this guy.
Or maybe we're stereotyping him! We are the superior race! - Ooh - Okay, but the money! Focus on that! Well, boys what's it gonna be? Um We gotta do the right thing! I know someone who loves racist memorabilia! This is antique, but I'm sorry, our museum's already overstuffed with racist artifacts.
Please, just take it off our hands.
We got so much of this stuff, sometimes we just let it sit in storage lockers and rot.
I don't know why I thought these thieving, harbouring museum bastards would be able to help us.
Well, here's some good news.
We just got an email from our landlord.
He sent us an e-vitation! Oh, nice! - Franco, that says "eviction"! - Oh.
Well, howdy, boys! Wait, did you follow us here? Heavens, no! I just find these old statues make me randy.
But it's a good thing I did show up, because it looks like you boys just swam up shit's creek - with your mouths open! - Eugh.
But maybe I can lend a hand.
Hey, hey, hold it down! Hold it down! Hey, listen.
You tryin' to be balanced but you off like a wink! ♪ You tryin' to go down hard, but you're a daiquiri drink! ♪ Should call you Molly Ringwald 'cause you pretty in pink! ♪ All right, all right! Damn! That's embarrassing because we've associated pink with femininity, and we don't like that! All right, all right, that was Mal Gun Glockshells bringin' the heat.
This is Rap Time Battles.
Up next, Nard Bars! Are you ready for some action? ♪ Yo, go kill it! Yup! Yo, yo, you wanna make fun of my hair? ♪ Well, you look like a toddler coming outta daycare! ♪ Whoa! Lookin' wheezy, queasy, ♪ startin' to displease me! ♪ Go home to your parents, have 'em feed you grilled cheesy! ♪ Want some ketchup with that? Whatever, I'm saving on rent! Did he prepare for this? Yo, Nard Bars is the king of pre-rap research.
He gets invasive! But that's nothing like what you did in '04! ♪ Took off your clothes and ran through the corner store! ♪ Wait, how did you get that? I hired a private eye to get your address.
♪ He found it in the paper, thanks to freedom of press! ♪ He's got interns? Yo, they're getting college credit and valuable job experience.
Whoo-whoop! I found out your real name.
♪ Arthur Alistair Attenabay.
♪ It rang a bell, so I broke into your foyer! ♪ Okay, now, that's definitely a crime! How long are these rounds? Yo, they're unlimited! Went into your dad's study, ♪ searched his shelf, ♪ but then in the process, I found a picture ♪ of myself? ♪ What? That's when it hit me! ♪ Your dad is Dr.
Wayne Attenabay, ♪ a scientist known to clone full-blown DNA.
♪ It's shocking to say, but like me, ♪ you're a genetically engineered baby! ♪ What ? You don't have to feel alone when you suffer.
♪ The beaker was our womb, so you're technically ♪ my brother.
♪ Wow! Uh Time! Woo-hoo! That's a lot of information to process! This is Rap Time Battles.
Your turn, Glock.
All right, uh Uh Yo, yo I'm trying to rhyme, but it's so hard.
Hey, you don't have to.
I always felt so alone.
I'm happy to know I have a brother.
I ain't the only one.
We got more brothers and sisters.
- What? - They're all in this room.
Wow! I set up this whole rap battle for you to meet them.
But I made out with her! If you were born at Crossways Genetics between 1977 and 2003, visit the website on the screen, as we are preparing a class action lawsuit against Dr.
Wayne Attenabay.
You shouldn't play God, y'all! All right, up next, we got Dr.
Wayne Attenabay! Yo! My name's Dr.
Wayne! I feel your pain.
♪ The charges are true, but I can explain.
♪ Late one night in my laboratory ♪ No, no, what are you Shut up.
♪ They must be linked somehow, which doesn't make any sense Separate crimes, but they gotta be connected We're useless! I don't get it.
We're just missing something, all right? We can figure this one out if we put our heads together.
We're just so close on this case! That's it! What's that? That's brilliant! Close this case! No, you can't close this case without solving it! - But Captain! - "But Captain" nothing! You know what you two are to me? Your best case-crackers.
You're my only case-crackers.
And now you want to give up! Thanks, Captain.
That's exactly what we need to hear.
Okay, Captain, we got it.
We give up! No, no, no, no.
It's like you're not even listening! You have to follow this case all the way through.
"Through" We're all through.
We quit! You can't quit.
Promise you won't quit! - We promise.
- That's not enough.
I want you to promise with your hands over your badges.
- We promise.
- Wait a minute.
Hand over your badges And guns! You son of a bitch, you did it! I didn't do anything.
- Okay, you're fired.
- But we wanted to quit.
Looks like you hotshots finally got fired, huh? The Captain actually did it.
Wait a sec The Captain actually did it! What? And I'm gonna pin it on you! What are you doing here? I'm sure you already know.
You didn't think that we'd remember that we forgot our jackets.
It's chilly out.
We wouldn't wanna catch a cold.
Maybe we should defund the police.
Where am I? What year is it? Oh, goddamn it, this thing only tells time! IDs, IDs, IDs Pearce Nolan? A laptop "Press Play"? Hello, Pearce.
This is you, from before.
If you're watching this, you just woke up from a nap.
It's okay.
- Have a glass of water.
- Whoa! You are just jet-lagged.
Where am I? Tattoos Maybe the tattoos have the answer.
"Dude, you're getting a Dell"? That's such an old reference! A laptop Hello, Pearce.
If you're watching this, you fell asleep watching the first video.
First video? Just relax, and it will all It'll all make sense.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no! Stay awake, stay awake! No, no, don't fall as Okay, quick, before I fall asleep, you're Pearce Nolan, you're a sleep-deprived - travelling laptop salesman.
- Okay ? You use laptops to keep track of your memories because they're more readily available to you than pens.
If I fall asleep, just watch the third laptop.
Where is it? It's in the drawer.
Look, ahh "Press Play.
" Pearce is sleeping.
That Pearce is sleeping Oh my God I know who I am.
A man who needs a nap.
I don't get it.
When did he make the first video if he didn't make the second? Also, this ending makes no sense at all.
Vance, what do you think? Tim's my favourite.
Okay, now that's an ending! Mm - So much money! - Whoa.
I've never seen so many hundreds before.
Oh, I'm so glad Remington took all that crap off our hands.
I'm even happy he paid us double! I'm surprised I convinced him to throw in a bucket of chicken.
Yeah, maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
Do you love the past and want a place that honours it? Well, look no further than Racisté World, the only fair that celebrates our heritage.
Hoo-yeah! Whoa, I've never seen his name written out before.
What a violent use of the accent aigu.
Come on down and take a spin on the Fairest Wheel, only for those of the fairest of skin, of course! Huh? If you're lookin' for a fright, check out the House of Affirmative Horrors, where you'll be haunted by a diversity hire.
Eugh! Yeah, there is only ever one.
That's a lot of pressure to put on a person.
Stop by our Segregated Soak Station, where we got a state-of-the-art whites-only water park.
And for those other races, there's the Lazy River! Oh, man, he just ruined lazy rivers for me! You'll see treasures like these, that I bought from some tall gentlemen for next to nothin'! What have we done?! Grand openin' this Friday! Guys, that's tomorrow! We need to do something.
We can't let him get away with this.
And we should bring the chicken too, in case things get hungry.
I mean, ugly.
He can't go left! He can't go left! - Open, op - Ahh! I told you he can't go left! Uh, oh, oh, oh He can't dribble.
He can't dribble! Nobody even wants him here! Yo, what's up with this guy, man? There was a recent death in his family that he hasn't coped with yet! Wait, what?! I told you he hasn't properly grieved.
This fool's repressed! Ey-ey-ey Wait, how does this guy know about Nana, man? That's personal.
Dude, it's just run-of-the-mill trash talking.
It's like when I said I had sex with your mom, even though we didn't.
But you went on a date.
Yeah, we did everything else.
- Get back to the game, man! - Okay.
He can't guard me.
He can't guard me! Yo, can we switch? He's afraid of confrontation! Yo, I'm not scared, man! I I O'Neal's just a better defender than I am! It's clear this guy lacks confidence and has low self esteem! He's constantly hiding behind others as a way to mask his own insecurities! - Are you hearing this?! - No! Kobe! - Ah, dammit! - Slam! Come on, dude, what's goin' on? Dude, I I just feel like super vulnerable right now! Just focus on you.
You got this.
- Okay.
- Over here.
Let's go! He had dreams of being a Broadway singer! His family and friends fully supported him! You guys hearing this? But his own crippling anxiety got in the way of him fully believing in himself! I'm done with this! He cries in bed every night as he pathetically ponders, "When will this painful cycle end?" It ends now! Yeah! Ha-ha, in yo' face! Eat it! Eat it! Ha-ha, what do you have to say now, punk? Huh? Huh?! The talent was within you all along.
Oh my God! You're an angel! Wow! Thank you, Mr.
Angel! Without you, I never would have realized my self-destructive tendencies - Who's guarding the angel?! - Hang time! Ahh! He lacks focus! Oh my God - Holy crap.
- Oh, Jesus.
What the This place looks like Tucker Carlson's wet dream.
Quick, the grand opening's a few hours away.
They can't have a Confederate theme park if they don't have Confederate artifacts! - Mm-hm! - Let's get to work, boys! Fuck you, John A.
MacDonald! Ugh, ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick! Being inside this park is like being inside of racism.
Well, it's not just that.
I think I got food poisoning from the chicken again.
- Are you still eating it pink? - Well ! Looks like this cat caught himself some rats in a sticky trap.
Oh, yeah? Well, these rats Run! Well, it seems like these rats have not yet figured out this maze! Why do you keep calling us rats? I'm afraid you done lost this one, boys.
- That's what you think.
- Gadzooks, no! Stay back or we burn it all! Trevor! Everett! Stand down and stand by.
And say goodbye to the original print of "Birth of a Nation"! Well, then what are we gonna play on loop at the Cinecircle, Vance? And say "Ta-ta!" to Hitler's sketchbook.
Wait, Guled, wait! Please, spare the book.
I'm willing to pay y'all $40,000, enough for y'all to live rent-free for at least a year.
- Rent free? - Yeah! Those two words together are so beautiful.
You know what? You can go to hell and eat my ass! - Oh-ho-ho! - Yeah! - Well, I never! - And you never will, 'cause this friendship is built on solidarity, trust, and that one summer event that we don't talk about that changed our lives.
I just got over that.
Did he say something about eating ass? To solidarity! Yeah! Damn.
I thought that was gonna be pretty cool.
Guess you done lost this time, boys! Your fire done petered out! Well, you know what? Your chicken sucks! And we only ate 11 pieces.
Whoa! One of the secret herbs and spices must be kerosene! Run! It's paprika! Gadzooks, no! - Guled? - What's up? How many times do we get to see something so hateful get completely destroyed? I just want to enjoy it for a sec.
What do you think they're gonna build next? Probably something really beautiful.
Like condos.
Yeah, starting in the low 2 millions? Yeah! We're gonna need a place to live.
I never paid the rent.
Ugh! I guess we're homeless now.
Kind of looks that way.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode