Teen Titans Go! (2013) s04e06 Episode Script

Teen Titans Save Christmas

"Teen Titans Save Christmas" [OPENING THEME PLAYING] [ALARM RINGING] [SIGHS] The day before Christmas.
Remember when we would get excited about that? Well, it's hard to get excited when Santa refuses to give us any presents.
What did we ever do to have him treat us like this.
We kept him from taking over all the holidays.
We were fools to try to stop that jolly fat man.
Now there will be no gifts under the tree and our stockings will remain empty.
It can't be.
BEAST BOY: We's got gifts.
Santa actually brought us gifts? And delivered them early, baby! [ALL EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY] - Coal? - This is coal.
- Santa brought us nothing but - Coal.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ALL: We got coal! All aboard.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING] - Coal! - Coal! - Coal, coal.
- Coal! Coal is the power energizing the world.
ALL: Best Christmas ever! No! No, no! ALL: Santa Claus? Coal is a garbage gift.
Only terrible children get coal.
Everyone knows that.
So you're still mad at us? Of course I'm still mad at you, hence, the coal.
Well, I'm keeping my coal.
I love it.
Wait, how did you get in here? We do not have the chimney.
A little Christmas magic.
[CHUCKLES] Friends.
[WIND WHOOSHING] Just tell us what you're doing here.
I've decided that if I can't have every holiday I don't want any holidays.
And that's right.
Santa Claus is quitting Christmas! Wow! You trying to shock us? 'Cause it didn't work.
Yeah, we don't get presents, anyway.
So what if you quit.
It's not just you who won't get presents.
It's every child in the world.
Whee! [SIGHS] He's right.
No presents on Christmas morning? You monster.
You cannot abandon your duty to the human children.
You don't get it.
It's over, I'm done.
Merry Christmas.
You garbage kids.
[GLASS SHATTERS] [GROANS] Garbage kids! - Is Christmas really gone forever? - No, I have a plan.
All right, I've run the simulations.
Without toys, the children of the world will reach peak - sadness levels by breakfast.
- Scary, yo.
Then we must wish for the Christmas miracle.
No, we are the Christmas miracle.
The Teen Titans are going to save Christmas.
By reminding the world that the holiday shouldn't focus entirely on material goods? By filling in for Santa and delivering all of the Christmas gifts.
Sounds crazy enough to work.
I like it! Glad to hear it, because as our resident engineer, you'll be building the sleigh.
I'll get my wrenches and all that stuff.
- Beast Boy, you'll be our reindeer.
- That's what's up.
[ALL EXCLAIM] Star, Raven, you'll be the Christmas elves.
You'll be responsible for making all the toys - for the good girls and boys.
- We'll work around the clock until our hands bleed.
But what about you? I'll take on the role of the jolly fat man himself.
But you're so skinny dude.
And the facial hair is lacking.
Santa needs a gut and a beard.
You'd make a better elf.
We should ask Sticky Joe to be Santa.
- Howdy! - Just look at this great beard.
And his belly.
So plump.
[EXCLAIMS] He's the perfect Santa, yo.
I am not trusting the holiday to some filthy Bohemian.
Beat it, Sticky Joe! I'm Santa and that's final.
Now, the children of the world are depending on us.
Titans, go! [TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS PLAYING] - Looking good, bro.
- Oh, yeah! Twin turbo engines powered by a nuclear fusion reactor.
This baby's gonna spread Christmas cheer at twice the speed of sound.
[STAR AND RAVEN GRUNTING] Whoa, that's a lot of toys, mama.
Y'all been hard to work, huh? The life of a Christmas elf is one of suffering.
- Our hands are ruined from the toy making.
- BOTH: Ugh.
Who knew Christmas cheer came at such a cost.
Did someone say Christmas cheer? [ALL GASP] Merry Christmas, boys and girls.
Dude, how much weight did you gain? Enough that my belly, jiggles like a bowl full of jelly.
Ho [GROANS] Oh! Your poor, poor heart.
[YELLING] [THUDS] We should get you to a hospital.
[COUGHS] Now let's get these toys in the sleigh.
It's time for the Teen Titans, to save Christmas.
Okay, first house.
Here we go.
Dude, how you gonna get in? Through the chimney, obviously.
[ALL LAUGH] Come on, bro.
- What? - You should perhaps reconsider due to your recently expanded girth.
Why don't you just use some of Santa's Christmas magic? Absolutely not.
I'm Santa, and Santa goes down the chimney.
[GRUNTS] [GROANS] Wo-ho, it's a little tight.
[CHUCKLES] But if I can [GROANS] Just get the leg past the [BONE SNAPS] [ALL GASP] [SOBBING] Wo-ho-ho, that's broken.
Ho-ho, no biggie.
Ow, just need a little help here guys.
I got you, dude, with a little help from the 'ol Christmas shablamo.
Ho-ho, ow, ho-ho, ow.
[GROANING] [GASPING] All right, I'm in.
ROBIN: Two presents under the tree and Oh, my.
[DOG YAPPING] They have a dog.
Hey, there little [SCREAMING] [DOG GROWLING] ROBIN: Ah, get me out! Get me out now! I think this calls for some of that Christmas Magic, yo.
[SECURITY ALARM GOES OFF] Ow, ow, so fun! [DOG BARKING] [SIRENS BLARING] Ha-ha, merry Christmas.
Not bad for your first time, bruh.
Uh, how many more houses do we have to visit? Approximately seven billion.
[BELLS JINGLING] Wait, do you hear that? [WHOOSHES] [THUD] [ALL EXCLAIM] Ho-ho-ho.
What are you doing, Santa? Hey, only Santa says ho-ho-ho.
- Ho-ho-ho.
- No-ho-oh.
- Ho-ho-hooo! - Ho-ho-ho! I'm Santa now.
[PANTING] That's right.
Look at this belly.
Son, you should see a doctor about that.
Blah-blah, I will, after we save Christmas.
I told you Christmas is over.
What do you care? You gave Christmas up.
I knew if the world missed even one Christmas, they'd be desperate to have me back.
But I'd only return if they gave me all the other holidays, too.
FEMALE VOICE: Holiday magic.
Now you garbage kids are trying to ruin it all for me.
[ALL GASP] Ugh, evasive maneuvers.
We can't outrun him.
Elves, battle stations.
- Ka-ka-ka! - Ka-ka-ka! Ho-ho-ho! No.
[ALL SCREAM] We're going down.
ALL: Ugh.
- Anyone have eyes on Santa? - Nothing on the scanner.
Watch your backs, Kris Kringle doesn't go down that easy.
Starfire, Raven, get the toys.
[EXPLOSION] [ALL EXCLAIM] It's over, you garbage kids.
You ruined Christmas, Santa.
I made Christmas and I can destroy it.
And now, Christmas is over, forever, and so are you.
[LAUGHS] [MUMBLES] - Who's that? - No, oh, it can't be.
KIDS: Sticky Joe.
You despicable bohemian.
[COCKS GUN] [EXCLAIMS] Ooh! [LAUGHS] You're the garbage person now, Santa.
Thank you, Sticky Joe.
But all the presents have been destroyed.
[HORN BLOWS] - Beans? - This is beans? - Sticky Joe has brought us.
- Beans.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ALL: We got beans! All aboard.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING] - Beans! - Beans! - Beans, beans.
- Beans! A can of beans for every kid in the world! ALL: Best Christmas ever! [BABY CRYING]