Teen Titans Go! (2013) s05e15 Episode Script

How's This For a Special? Spaaaace: Part 1

1 Go! [TITLE MUSIC] T E E N T I T A N S Teen Titans let's go [SCRATCHING] T-TEEN, T-TEE-TEEN Teen Titans, go! [ALARM BLARING] Titans, crime alert! Yep, that's what it is.
[BLARING STOPS] Then it means there is a crime we're being alerted to.
Then, will you please tell it to alert someone else? This isn't an everyday crime alert, - it's a galactic crime alert.
- Ooh, a galactic crime alert.
- Big whoop.
- We ain't gots time for no galactics, fool.
I guess no one wants to battle Darkseid in space.
- Did you say Darkseid? - Did you say space? Did you say battle Darkseid in space? I said all of those things, Titans.
Which means we are going on a [ALL READING] [MUSIC] Captain's log.
411-43-21-11-43-44 [SCREAMS] - [GRUNTS] Whoo-hoo! - Raven, I am your father.
Why are you dressed like bums? - We are dashing space rogues, dude.
- That's right.
Our moral compass ain't exactly pointing north, but we's do the right thing when the time comes.
Now, let's get to our awesome space adventure.
With the laser sword and the magical space wizards.
Hey! This isn't one of those space adventures.
This is a slow-paced, thought-provoking journey through the cosmos.
[BUTTON BEEPS] [YELL ECHOING] He ey! Why's you want to provoke our thoughts? The other kind of space adventure sounds way more fun.
It is.
But those are too exciting for me, as I learned in a galaxy not so far away.
Oh! Oh, my! I can't believe no one's hitting me despite how slow and awkward I am.
Aah! Ever since then, I've preferred my space adventures to be calm, orderly, and follow a strict code.
[SIGHS] Only you could make space exploration boring.
Thank you, Raven.
Now, please, put on your cool space onesies.
[ALL GROAN] There is nothing cool about a onesie, dude.
It's cool.
And it represents a set of ideals - we, as humans, strive for.
- I ain't wearing a onesie.
You will respect that onesie! Very well.
We will wear the unflattering nylon pajamas.
Now, each of these uniforms identifies your role on this ship.
Cyborg, you will handle navigation, Raven will be in-charge of security, and Starfire will handle communications.
- Uh, why's mine red? - Oh, red means you're expendable.
It also hides blood.
- Uh, why is that important? - You'll see.
[SHIVERING] And, as the ship's captain, I have to sit in this comfortable chair - and order you guys around.
Titans - Yes, Robin? Uh, please call me Captain.
- No.
- Understood.
I need a little theme music while I dramatically look out into the cosmos.
What's you talking about, fool? You know, something elegant and inspiring, like [HIGH-PITCHED VOCALIZING] Do it, or I'll turn this ship around right now, and no one will get their space adventure! [ALL VOCALIZING] [GRUNTS] I can't take it! This is supposed to be a fun space adventure.
But you gave us a bunch of boring desk jobs instead.
[BEEPING] Robin, we are receiving the transmission.
Put it up on the monitor.
Ah, Robin, my old adversary.
We meet again.
The pleasure's all yours, Darkseid.
You're on a fool's errand.
It will be your funeral! It will be yours! Oh, boy.
This is intense.
Maybe this kind of space adventure isn't so boring after all.
You are violating galactic code 734-242.
I will not let you move apocalypse into our system, knowing it's going to block all of the wealthy homeowners' views of the galaxy.
Robin, did you seriously drag us all the way out here to settle a simple zoning dispute? Those rich space homeowners are really upset! And if we don't enforce the galactic code, the universe will fall into chaos, and these onesies won't mean anything.
[LAUGHING] Respect the onesies! [GRUNTING] You're not going to get away with this, Darkseid.
[LAUGHS] And what are you going to do to stop me? Should you refuse to back down, I will have no choice but to bring this matter before the Galactic City Council.
[SHRIEKS] You should know I can be very persuasive.
I have much experience in government on the local level.
Then, I will see you at the next galactic city council meeting.
Robin out.
[SCREAMS] Wow! My heart is racing.
I can't believe we're going to a government meeting.
I know! And if we're lucky, they might also discuss tariffs and trade routes.
Even you fans of the other type of space adventure - can appreciate that.
- No, we can't.
[ALARM BLARING] Robin, it appears we have picked up a mom named Lee, on our sensors.
No, it's an anomaly.
Pull it up on screen.
It appears to be some kind of probe.
Yes! Finally something we can blow up! [ALL CHEERING] No one's blowing anything up.
We are going to study that probe.
[ALL GROAN] And write a detailed report.
[ALL SHRIEK] Oh, boy! Now, what this space adventure lacks in explosions and excitement, it'll make up for in intellectual delights! Hmm.
There appear to be some strange markings.
[SCREAMING] Oh, my goshness! Did something exciting just really happen? I think so.
I think something exciting just happened.
- Robin must be the avenged! - We have to kill the probe.
Then, let's get out of these onesies and do some avenging.
[EXCITED CHATTER] [GASPS] Where Where am I? You're home, honey.
[SCREAMS] No, there has been a mistake.
I am a captain of the Titans Tower starship.
You must have had quite the fall.
Maybe your favorite trombone will help you remember.
One second, I'm on a starship, and the next, I'm somehow transported to a primitive planet which hasn't invented space travel.
Well, I'll figure out a way back.
I'm sure whatever happens here is certain to be mildly exciting.
Hey, honey.
I've almost completely given up on returning to my other life as a dashing space captain.
Good, 'cause I'm pregnant.
[CHOMPS] [LOUD CHATTER] [FARTS, BURPS] Will you kids keep it down? I'm trying to practice my trombone.
Sure is hot today.
Because the sun's dying.
Hope it was a good life.
A good life? No.
But, at least I learned to play the trombone.
Stop! You don't know what you're doing.
We're destroying this probe for killing you.
This probe is all that remains of a forgotten alien civilization.
Even though I was only unconscious for a moment, I lived a long, unremarkable life, and was able to learn all about their boring culture.
- So what? Smash it! - OTHERS: Oh, yeah! CYBORG: What? I, uh I can't believe it! Holds up! Are you saying this stupid thing is a music teacher? Well, I guess.
But the deeper meaning of this probe - was to communi - I want to learn to play something.
- OTHERS: Yeah! - It's not about music! - It's about appreciating - Free music lesson! [ALL GROAN] [GROANS] Booyah! I can play bass.
And I master the double-neck guitar.
I learnt to play the jug of the hobo.
[VOCALIZING HOARSELY] And I knows how to play the keyboard, yo.
[GRUNTS] [MUSIC] Stop playing that music! This was supposed to be a momentary intellectual diversion.
We need to get to that space council meeting.
Oh, for real? That's so boring.
Oh, the dull.
The dull, the tedium.
Can we, at least, get there in an exciting way? Ooh! Perhaps we can take the shortcut through the field of the asteroids.
Ooh, that's actually very dangerous.
Dangerous? That sounds like it could be an awesome [ALL READING] Oh, yeah! [LOUD THUD] [GRUNTING] Too exciting.
Can't control the pitch of my voice! Oh, dear, we must turn around.
No way, fool, this is sick! [OTHERS AGREEING] The odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are 85 million to one.
We do not have time for the math quiz, friend Robin.
Our ship is about to explode.
Oh, dear.
Oh! Oh, heavens! [DEVICE BEEPING] Shield's at 50%.
Yo, that is not good, but it's super fun! [ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY] Shield's at 20%.
ROBIN: [WHIMPERING] We're going to die! ALL: Space adventure! [ROBIN SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] Dude, relax.
This space adventure is going to get us killed.
Well, yours was gonna bore us to death anyway.
[GROWLS] [ALARM BLARING] Let us explode them with the booms and the kabooms.
[ALL CHEERING] [ROBIN SCREAMING] [ALL CHEERING] ALL: Space adventure! [LAUGHS] Let's do it again, yo.
Absolutely not! Now get your onesies back on! ALL: Aw.
Remember, Titans, our priority is Darkseid.
So what, we just have to sit here bored? These space adventures are never boring.
This ship has a multitude of gentle, intellectual, sci-fi activities to tantalize the mind.
Follow me.
We can meet our evil doubles in the Reflection Universe.
We are the evil versions of you.
- You can tell by our facial hair.
- Facial hair be so evil, yo.
The mwah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
The sci-fi concept of parallel universes and opposite versions of ourselves.
Tell me that doesn't get you all fired up.
ALL: Pass.
Look at these adorable alien creatures.
Who wants to listen to their soothing purr? [PURRING] Oh, yes.
That's some good purring.
We can study the habits of space babes.
They look exactly like humans but they're green.
- The pass.
- Pass.
I'm actually [CLEARS THROAT] kinda down with that.
Me too.
I is also green as it were.
- The pass! - Pass.
[SIGHS] I suppose no one wants to become immersed in a virtual reality hologram chamber, limited only by your imagination.
- Ooh, that actually sounds cool.
- Really? You think something on this space adventure sounds cool? Oh, yeah, boy, we's love some virtual realities.
Then prepare to enter a world of wonder.
Computer, recreate 19th century London.
[BEEPING] - Come on, man.
- What? You can create anything imaginable, and you pick 19th century London? The London?! [CLOCK BELL TOLLS] I's so mad right now.
This is an opportunity to adopt carefully cultivated personas in order to solve the murder of Lady Hathaway.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] I'm Lord Bismarck Wellington, a moderately successful textile manufacturer.
How about we do something interesting instead? Yo, yo, yo, yo, Computer, listen up.
I wants you to make a fart monster.
Now we're talking.
Ooh, what if we gave him two butts? Yeah, Computer, you heard my man, give me a fart monster with two booties.
[IN REGULAR ACCENT] Computer, do not create a fart monster with two booties.
- BOTH: Aw.
- Now, please.
Everyone, get into character.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Over there is our main suspect.
If we can't stop him, he will get away with his [WHISPERING] Raven, what are you doing? [WHISPERS] [BEEPING] Don't worry about it.
[FARTING] [LAUGHING] [IN BRITISH ACCENT] [HUFFING] What is that? Lady Hathaway is counting on us to avenge her.
I thinks that fart monster's got that covered, bruh.
[FARTING] [ALL LAUGHING] [HUFFING] The hologram chamber is not to be used for low-brow entertainment.
Computer, fire axe, please.
[IN REGULAR ACCENT] Since you refuse to enjoy the slow, thoughtful pace of this adventure, we are just going to sit quietly until we arrive at the Space Council meeting.
[ALL GROAN] [CLEARS THROAT] Dramatic music.
[ALL VOCALIZING OUT OF SYNC] Warp speed, Cyborg.
It's all been building up to this, Titans.
The Space Council meeting.
Are you ready to clash with Darkseid? There's not gonna be any clash, dude.
There will be a clash, all right.
A clash of ideas, and opposing viewpoints.
That's not a clash.
That's talking.
And we's just wants to shoot some lasers into some bad guys' faces! I'll be using a far more dangerous weapon than lasers, words.
The boo, I say.
Boo, boo.
[SNORING] [CRACKING KNUCKLES] The Galactic Zoning Board will now discuss the motion to allow Darkseid to move planet Apokolips into our solar system.
Distinguished members of the Council, I'm here to warn you against a con, the greatest con this galaxy has ever seen.
Darkseid has a reputation for destroying countless worlds, and feeding on psychic despair.
But the real issue is the obstruction of your scenic views.
And if he gets away with this, your property values will plummet.
[ALL GASPING] There is nothing more important to this Council than our property values.
How do you respond, Darkseid? A rousing speech, Robin.
But I have something you don't.
Visual aids! - No.
No! - Lights, please.
Here you will see your vistas, which are very beautiful, by the way, will be obstructed only twice, that's right, just twice a year by Apokolips orbit.
Now, I recognize that this may be a nuisance to some homeowners, which is why I plan to compensate each of them with gift baskets.
[EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT] Do these gift baskets contain pastries? A gift basket with no pastries is no gift basket at all, is it? - Motion approved.
- No! Can't you see it's a con? It's a con.
[YELLS] A con! And now that I've overcome this procedural hurdle, there's nothing stopping me from destroying this galaxy! [EVIL LAUGHTER] [GASPING] I knews we should've shot him in the face with a laser.
Cyborg, teleport us.
[STUTTERS] But things are finally getting good.
Teleport us! Are you feeling bad a whole galaxy is about to be destroyed 'cause you had to have one of your boring space adventures? I really thought I could save the day through subtle intellectual discourse.
Nope, explosions is always the answer in space.
The boom.
The boom, boom, kabooms.
I know that now.
Unfortunately, it's too late.
No, it's not.
We can still stop Darkseid.
It's just going to take a different kind of ALL: Space adventure! [GROWLING] Good luck.
The galaxy is depending on you.
You're, you're not coming? You know what happens to me on those types of adventures.
But your anxiety and cowardice will make the rest of us look cooler, and provide some of that good comedy relief.
It's not a real space adventure without a wets blanket.
Then I'm in.
[ALL CHEERING] According to my analysis, if we can disable the shield, we should be able to destroy Apokolips with a single proton missile.
Oh, but to disable the shield, we have to beam on to the planet.
That sounds very dangerous.
- Oh! Oh, my! Oh, my! - That is the spirits.
[GASPING] ROBIN: Oh, dear.
The odds of getting past those guards are 3,983,444 to one.
- So we's probably gonna die? - Almost certainly.
That sounds super exciting.
Let's do it.
All right.
Great job shuffling around in a panic.
Oh, I, I can't, I can't even [SCREAMS] Come on, we've gotta shut down those shields.
[LASER BUZZING] [GASPS] - Darkseid be coming this way.
- I have an idea.
But it is to take something we learned while being boring and thoughtful.
Find those rebels and destroy them.
[GASPS] [LIVELY MUSIC] It's the Titans, Lord Darkseid.
- Nah, [GIGGLES] it can't be them.
- I'm pretty sure it's them.
Well, the resemblance is undeniable but that kind of musical skill can only be achieved by an uninteresting lifetime of practice.
Keep searching.
- Oh, it worked.
- Now let's power down them shields, yo.
[GRUNTING] [POWERING DOWN] [ALL CHEERING] - Fire the proton missile.
- The boom! [ALL CHEERING] Look at it, look at it.
Oh, wow.
What an exciting space adventure.
We couldn't have done it if we didn't have that encounter with that boring space probe.
I guess there is a place for both types of space adventures.
Cyborg, set a course for Earth.
Shortcut through the asteroid field.