Teen Titans Go! (2013) s05e19 Episode Script

Nostalgia Is Not a Substitute For an Actual Story

1 Go! [TITLE MUSIC] T E E N T I T A N S Teen Titans let's go [SCRATCHING] T-TEEN, T-TEE-TEEN Teen Titans, go! [MUSIC] [SIGHS] CYBORG: Man, I miss the '80s.
Thems looks like some crazy fun times, yo.
So the totally the radical.
That's a new show.
It wasn't even made in the '80s.
But it feels like it was.
Look at the big hair, the giant shoulder pads and that sweet, sweet, retro soundtrack.
['80s SUSPENSE MUSIC] Uh-uh, this show is the best.
- This show is terrible.
- What? It's just using nostalgia as a crutch instead of actually being good.
Besides, the '80s weren't even that great.
[GASPS] You take that back! Ooh, careful, bruh, yous be skating on that thin, thin ice.
I would not do the disparaging of the eight and the Os, if I were the you.
- I'm just stating the facts.
- Uh-oh, here we go.
"Facts"? You wanna talk facts? The coolest cars, the best TV shows, the raddest training cards.
Those are the Facts of Life, baby! Facts which prove that the '80s were the greatest decade in human history.
But, the decade also gave us the Cold War, trickle-down economics, and worst of all, jerks.
[ALL GASP] Oh, yes, the '80s were infested with all different kinds of jerks.
Sports jerks, older brother jerks, rich jerks, boyfriend jerks, and the most dangerous of all, karate jerks.
[SCOFFS] Jerks wouldn't bother me.
I'd just kick their butts to some sweet '80s tunes I downloaded.
[BELL DINGS] [GRUNTING] You wouldn't be able to "download" anything.
There was no Internet.
Smartphones didn't even exist.
[ALL GASP] How did the teens of the '80s do the sharing of the information and the emotional Gs? They couldn't.
These were the only phones they had.
They took forever to dial.
[WHIRRING SLOWLY] [ALL GASP] So, how did people buy music if all they had were these garbage phones? It was an archaic process.
[MACHINE WHIRS] [COIN JINGLES] [VIDEO GAME BEEPING] ROBIN: You had to leave your house, go to a mall, find a record store, sift through the albums by hand, and then, make your purchase with this stuff called "cash.
" Everything you just described sounds wonderful.
- You wanna bet? - What kind of bet? - A time-travel one.
- Oh, of course, one of those.
We travel back in time to the 1980s, and all you have to do is buy an album.
If you manage that, then I will agree the '80s were the best decade ever.
But if you can't, you will swear off the "greed is good" generation - once and for all.
- It's a bet! Joy! We will experience the life of the '80s teens.
Hooks us up with a little of that time travel, mamas.
Sure! Like Azarath Metrion Zinthos! [UPBEAT '80s MUSIC] Wow! Look at these pants.
RAVEN: It's totally radical.
[LAUGHING] Dude! You're like totally a nerd, bro.
I know.
Before, nerds were cool, huh? - Radical hair, Star.
- The, like, thanks.
You look the bodacious.
I am loving the snug fit of these '80s jeans.
[ROBIN GRUNTING] [SNAPS] [LAUGHS] This wedgie is going nowhere.
I told you.
The '80s rule.
[LAUGHS] Fresh fashion doesn't make up for the lack of technology.
We still have to find our way to the mall.
No probs, dude.
I'll get us a rideshare.
[BEEPING] Oh, will you? No cell phones, remember? Ugh! How are you supposed to get anywhere without a rideshare? Aren't you forgetting about the most iconic form of travel in the '80s? CHILDREN: Kids on bikes! [GROOVY '80s MUSIC] CHILDREN: Wheelies! Yes, I am loving this workout.
Cardio! Check out this jump.
[GRUNTS] [EXCLAIMS] [SCATTING] Whoa! You gots max air, mama.
[ALL WHOOPING] I totally forgot how much fun this is.
Why did the modern children not partake of the wild, good bicycle riding? Kids still ride bikes.
Just in safe places, like cul-de-sacs or in closed backyards, skate parks, with the elbow pads.
[LAUGHS] Eighties kids was like them free-range chickens, bro.
Still think the '80s were lame, huh? I will admit, the bike situation is much more radical.
But I won't admit defeat until you make it to the mall - and buy that album.
- By the way, where is that mall? [TIRES SCREECH] I'll get directions.
[BEEPING] Oh, right, no cell phones.
Oh, no! I gots no idea where we is or wheres we're supposed to be going, bro.
We are the lost! [ECHOES] The lost! [BIRD SCREECHING IN DISTANCE] No problem.
We'll just use [UPBEAT '80s MUSIC] - A map.
- Whoa, a paper map, like the early explorers used.
Whoa! We's like him Juan Ponce de Leons.
[GROANING] There's just so many corners.
- How will we know which of the roads to take? Where we're going, we don't need roads.
[CHUCKLES] [CLUCKING] [ALL SCREAMING] [ALL YELPING] We need roads! They're a necessary evil! [ALL SCREAMING] [ALL GROANING] This is why kids aren't allowed to ride bikes anymore! Hey, we made it! [GROOVY '80s MUSIC] Welcome to the mall.
[ALL EXCLAIMING] This mall is totally tubular.
I would like totally kill for that girl's hair.
You wish to totally do the killing for the hair?! [SCREAMING] [SHRIEKING] Whoa, chili chill paste, she's just saying she likes it.
Ooh, then I shall return the compliment.
I would gladly destroy your bloodline and take your lovely eyes for my own.
Like, no one's looking down at their phones or taking selfies.
[GASPS] They are making the eye contact, and flapping their vocal cords at one another.
Why's they doing this? There was no social media.
People in the '80s had no choice but to talk to each other.
Isn't that a good thing? Have you had a conversation with a person? Look, Jump City Jams.
You're about to lose that bet.
What's wrong, bro? Go get that album, man.
- I I don't know how! - It's easy.
Just find the genre, then flip through a million records by hand.
Uh Huh? Rock? Glam rock? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Heavy metal? Rap, new wave? [SHUDDERS] Electro, techno, hair metal, arena rock, post-punk, jangle pop, goth rock, synth pop.
[EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION] How am I supposed to find anything?! Hmm, I guess you didn't appreciate how easy modern technology makes everything.
Looks like I'm going to win the best after all.
[GASPS] Ah-ha! Yes! Whoo! I win! [LAUGHS] Admit it, the '80s were the best! I would, but it's not over yet.
- You're forgetting the worst part of the '80s.
- JERK: Hey, nerds! [MUSIC] [GASPS] '80s jerks! I thought I told you not to come around here anymore.
Pretty sure we've never met.
Hey, I'm just trying to buy this album, all right? You mean, my album? [GASPS] You're being the rude for no reason.
Oh, what, you got a problem with our unmotivated hostility? Look, man, we don't want no trouble.
Just give it back.
Or what? - What's that over there? - Huh? Ruuun! [ALL SCREAMING] [MUSIS] Get them! Come on, go, go, go.
[ALL PANTING] [ALL PANTING] We're gonna get you.
[8-bit VIDEO GAME BEEPING] Come back here.
[ALL PANTING] We cannot escape the jerk mans.
They, like, know these roads better than us.
"Roads"? Where we're going, we don't need roads.
- We already tried that! - Just follow me.
That's how it's done! [LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY] Hows are we doing this, bro? - We're superheroes, we can fly.
- I can't.
[SCREAMING] [UPBEAT '80s MUSIC] Listen to those pops and skips.
[POPPING AND SKIPPING] You don't get that on a digital download, my friend.
Congratulations, Cyborg.
I admit it, the '80s were the greatest decade.
Though, uh, I thought there were some issues with this '80s adventure.
The plotting felt random, and everything was sort of rushed at the [UPBEAT MUSIC] MAN: Stay, froggy, stay.
Nice frog.