Teen Titans Go! (2013) s05e22 Episode Script

Tall Titan Tales

1 [ANIMAL SOUNDS] Go! [TITLE MUSIC] T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S Teen Titans let's go ™ª [SCRATCHING] T-TEEN, T-TEE-TEEN ™ª Teen Titans, go! [MUSIC] - Hello there, Titans.
- Uh, what's with the fringe? Ooh! Are you going to the Outdoor Music Festival? Do I look like a dirty music enthusiast? I'm Daniel Boone! The famous American Frontiersman Howdy! who fought a grizzly bear hand to paw, single-handedly settled the State of Kentucky, and was the only man in history who was immune to contagious yawns.
[ALL YAWNING] That can't be true.
No one is immune to yawns.
No one! You are telling the lies.
The lies! I am not lying.
And yet, I am not telling the truth either.
I am telling Tall Tales! I don't think you're qualified to tell tall tales.
Yeah, bruh.
How's about you tell them short tales? [BOTH LAUGH] That's pretty funny.
[YELLS] I am a man of average height! [INHALES DEEPLY] Tall tales aren't literally tall.
They're exaggerated stories about larger-than-life characters that inspire us to believe in the unbelievable.
Like the story about a giant lumberjack named Paul Bunyan, and his big Oh, man, we love the story of Paul's bunion.
- Let us tell this one.
- Yo, sit your fringe-butt down, and listen to this big old tall tale.
Once upon a time, there was this big lumberjack dude.
[GRUNTS] I love being a giant lumberjack.
[EXCLAIMS] BEAST BOY: Now here's the deal, yo.
Our Paulie Paul was a big strong lumberjack, but his boots was too small.
[GROANS] I could chop trees all day if it weren't for these dang boots! I should buy new ones.
[SCREAMS] But they're so expensive.
[EXCLAIMS] BEAST BOY: Now, you all know what happens when you's being cheap, and you wear some shoes that are too small.
The dude got himself a bunion! [THROBBING] Ow! This really hurts.
It's not Paul Bunion.
It's Paul Bunyan.
Right.
That's the name he got because of his foot problems.
That bunion got so bad, Paulie Paul couldn't lumberjack no more.
The only good thing in his life was his favorite pair of warm socks.
At least I still have you, my big green socks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Paul Bunyan had a big blue ox.
Not big green socks! Just listen to the story, bruh! Okay, so Paul was real sad over how his life was turning out.
But what he didn't know, is that his fortunes was about to change forever.
Wassup? Big Green Socks in the house! Ooh! Magic socks? That's right, yo! And check it out! If you want to get them bunions fixed, you need to head west and go see that Good Foot Doctor.
That's a long way to walk without footwear.
[EXCLAIMS] Why don't you just buy some of them boots that fit, huh? Oh, they're too expensive.
I'll just go barefoot.
[GRUNTING] Uh-uh-uh! Why you so cheap, Paul Bunion? BEAST BOY: And so, Paul traveled across the Rocky Mountains, the super hot geysers of Yellowstone National Park, and the cactus-covered deserts of the American south-west.
Ooh, man! I'm never gonna make it to see that Good Foot Doctor.
Hey! Pardon me, stranger, but did you just say you in need of a doctor that gets on a good foot? [LAUGHS] BOTH: The Good Foot Doctor! Tell it to me straight, Doc.
Can you fix my bunions? [EXCLAIMS] Can I make a bad foot into a good foot? Of course, I can.
I'm the Good Foot Doctor.
[LAUGHS] BEAST BOY: And so, that Good Foot Doctor fixed up Paul and got him back on his feet.
Plus, he knew a good boot guy, who hooked Paul up with a fresh deal on some new kicks.
This is an acceptable price.
Sold! So Paul went back to lumberjacking with his big old green socks and his comfy new shoes.
And, as for Paul's famous bunion, it went on to own a used car dealership where the low prices were bun-believable.
[CHUCKLES] - The end.
- Oh, the wonderful tale of the podiatry.
Don't clap for them.
That whole story was bogus.
But are these stories not the lies to begin with? Tall tales! Now, please don't derail this next story about a super-strong railroad man named John Henry, the Steel Driving Man! I know that one! Take a seat, Fringey, and let a tall man tell this tall tale.
So way back in the day, my man John Henry was building a railroad.
This dude was so strong, [MUSIC] he could whack a railroad spike flat with one swing.
[EXCLAIMING] Say, friend, I couldn't help but notice you hard at work.
They don't call me the Steel Driving Man for nothing! Ta-da! Well, I thought you might be interested in purchasing this state-of-the-art steam drill.
This mechanical model can build a railroad in no time flat.
Not interested, dude.
No machine can match these muscles.
[EXCLAIMING] [MUSIC] Perhaps you'd get convinced by a little contest? Hmm.
I'm listening.
You and your hammer versus me and my steam drill.
First to complete the tracks wins.
What do you say? Man versus machine? I say CYBORG: The race was on.
John Henry called upon all of his mighty strength, but he eventually fell behind.
[EXCLAIMING] [STEAM DRILL HORN TOOTS] [EXCLAIMING WEAKLY] Dang! [PANTING] Hoo, doggie! That thing really works.
It's precise, it doesn't get tired, [HORN TOOTING] and it doesn't have friends or family to go home to.
CYBORG: Right then, John Henry knew what he had to do.
Hey, salesman dude, I'm convinced.
[BRAKES SCREECHING] [STEAM HISSING] - Let me buy that drill off you.
- SALESMAN: Sold! [EXCLAIMS] [MOOING] CYBORG: And, boom! [HORN TOOTS] [PEOPLE CHEERING] My dude finished that railroad in no time, thanks to his wise purchase.
He realized that technology and automation were the wave of the future.
So when some evil aliens invaded the Earth, John Henry built five trains that combined to form the giant robot known as Ultrain.
[TRAIN HORNS TOOTING] [MUSIC] [TRAIN HORNS TOOTING] So, of course Ultrain defeats the alien menace, but there was a big explosion.
[TRAIN HORNS TOOTING] John Henry never returned to Earth.
But they say he's still out there defending the galaxy.
And some times, if you listen real close, you can hear him [IMITATING STEEL DRIVING SOUND] [ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY] [IMITATING STEEL DRIVING SOUND] John Henry was not the pilot of a giant train-based robot! He won the competition, with only the strength of his muscles, but worked so hard, he perished right there upon the tracks.
- Your version is not true.
- I know.
That's the point of a tall tale you dum-dum! [SIGHS] I've got one tall tale left to share.
And I would appreciate it if you would let me tell it with no interruptions.
Oh, definitely, we shall be of the silence.
This is the story of Johnny Appleseed [GRUNTS] I shall tell the tale of the apple planting man.
Long ago, there lived a pioneer man named the Johnny Appleseed, who lived very much in the out of doors.
Hello, forest animal friends! [BIRDS CHIRPING] [CHITTERING] [CROAKING] [SQUEAKING] STARFIRE: He spent much time with the animal friends and loved them all.
But one day, Johnny noticed that some animals were making fun of the forest kitty for being the stinky.
[ALL LAUGHING] Please! Do not laugh at the forest kitty.
You are hurting of his self-esteem.
[CRYING] [ALL LAUGHING] STARFIRE: But the animals did not listen.
So Johnny made the plan.
He walked across the lands and planted the apple trees as far as the eye could see.
And just before the apples were ready to fall to the ground, the Johnny gathered them up, and went off to find his animal friends.
[ALL LAUGHING] [MUSIC] Friends of the forest, look! I have brought the apples for the all.
[PANTING] Oh, but you see, these apples are not for the eating.
They are for the teaching! [YELLING] [ALL SCREAMING] We must get out of the here.
[RADIO TUNING] [INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO] [SIREN WAILING] [ENGINES POWERING UP] [ALL YELLING] STARFIRE: When it was all the over, Johnny marked his stinky friend with the stripe, to let the other animals know that he was under his protection.
[EVIL LAUGHTER] Yeah, eat apples.
Eat the apples! [LAUGHING] [FIRING APPLES] And no one ever laughed at the forest kitty cat again, for they knew that the Johnny Appleseed was not the one to be trifled with.
Now, that was a tall tale, Star.
Johnny Appleseed never flew in a helicopter or spray-painted a forest kitty! You know what? Forget it.
This has clearly been a waste of everyone's time.
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, dude.
Friend Cyborg is correct.
We do not need the tall tales to inspire us.
Your leadership inspires us on a daily basis.
Thank you.
You guys really mean that? No, fool! That be another tall tale.
[LAUGHING] [ALL LAUGHING AND CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY] CYBORG: Oh, you should've seen your face! - He is so disappointed! - Howdy!