Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s04e32 Episode Script

9061-005 - The Big Cufflink Caper!

[theme song.]
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power They're the world's Most fearsome fighting team We're really hip.
They're heroes in the half shell And they're green Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder attacks These turtle boys don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines And that's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool, but rude Gimme a break.
Michelangelo is a party dude Party! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power How about our trench coats, dudes? [Raphael.]
Those old things? We always wear those.
Eh, too itchy.
Who thought those were a good idea? Hey, we've never worn these.
And let's keep it that way.
I've always wanted to try them on.
We can't boogie around the streets without a disguise.
Wait a minute.
Why are we going up to the streets? Yeah.
We've watched every video in the rental store.
And I've used up every weird pizza recipe in the book.
And Shredder's off in Dimension X.
Turtles, let's face it: we are stuck in a rut.
A rut? Dude, we are in a canyon.
Somewhere in this vast city there must be something exciting happening.
Yeah, but wherever it is, it ain't here.
[tires squealing.]
[shouting, screaming.]
What is it you want? Shall I empty out the cash register? Open the jewelry case? No.
We've come for your cufflinks.
[laughing.]
Our cufflinks? Yeah.
Now, fork 'em over and no smart tricks.
[shouting.]
[gasps.]
My cufflinks! They're gone! Even my Captain Equinox cufflinks with the secret decoder! [crying.]
Men with loose cuffs in the opera house.
It's the social scandal of the season.
It seems no cufflink is safe from these brazen criminals as their crime wave continues unchecked, but I'm going to stay on the trail of these bizarre robberies in order to help make shirts throughout the city safe once more and win several prestigious journalism awards.
Boy, is that ever incredible.
Yeah, April's never won an award before.
No, I mean the burglaries.
Nobody can figure out what's going on.
Cufflinks are vanishing all over the city, but why? What could the robbers possible want? I know! They want cufflinks! Could we pretend we've never met? But why steal cufflinks? It's mind-boggling.
It's baffling.
It's-- Incredibly stupid! Yeah, and it's up to us to get to the bottom of it.
Fellow Turtles, I think we've found a way out of our rut.
That's right.
Well-dressed men everywhere are counting on us.
The first thing to do is figure out where the crooks are likely to strike next.
Ah-hah! Here's a likely target.
Gargantuan toy company to give retirement ceremony for top toy designer.
What makes you think they'll strike there? Hey, genius, whenever they retire a guy, they give him a set of gold cufflinks.
Gee, these things are a little tight.
And you're the guy who couldn't wait to try them on.
You can't wear that thing! Man, is this totally not my style, or what? And now, the final touch.
What every well-dressed turtle is wearing.
Why, I have never seen you so well-dressed before.
We are quite the dapper dudes, aren't we? Mm, yes.
But what are you doing? Oh, well, you see, Master Splinter, we thought we'd investigate these cufflink robberies.
Ah, so that is why you are all dressed up.
That's right.
Anyone who tries to steal these babies is going to have to tangle with me.
Can you believe it? And they were the last ones in the shop, too.
Boy, we get all dressed up, and we can't even get in through the front door.
Dude, remember? We're crashing this party.
I wonder what's for dinner.
Whatever it is, I hope it's pizza.
In a classy joint like this? It better be.
Uh, we're with the Halloween products division.
Words cannot do justice to the many fine toys that Everett Wagstaff has invented for this company.
The Chatty Charmane doll.
Can I have a new toy, daddy? Can I? Can I? Can I? Huh? Please? And who could forget the Transfarmers, the robots that turn into barnyard machinery? And of course, the Little Wonder Junior Assault weapon.
[screaming.]
All right, buddy, drop the toy.
Okay, you'se guys, we want all of your cufflinks.
The cufflink robbers! Should we take them now? No, we'll get the drop on them on their way out.
Just hand them over nice and easy, and you'se won't get your shirts ruffled.
Take 'em! Yeah! You cufflink crooks are about to get collared! Whoa! Hey, what is this? Bowling for Turtles? Run for it! Ow! Oof.
Hey, is it me, or is there something familiar about those guys? Those were Big Louis' men.
Don't tell me that gangster's back in action.
That's right, and we've got to find out why he's after all those cufflinks.
How? Call him up and ask him? Nope.
We're going to have to switch sides.
But we're the good guys.
The only way to get at the bottom of this is from the top.
We're gonna join Big Louis' mob.
We still ain't found those cufflinks, Shredder.
What? Big Louis, you incompetent chiseler.
I must have the cufflinks of Cathay! Leave us not lose our cool, Shredder.
My men are-- Your men are not doing enough.
Get me those cufflinks! Boy, what a grouch.
But how am I gonna find those things? [Leonardo.]
How about if we guys take a crack at it? The Turtles! You dirty reptiles.
It's curtains for you.
Relax, Big Louis.
We've had it with the hero racket.
Yeah, we're tired of working for pizza crust.
We want in on the real dough.
You see, we want a part of the big time rackets.
Like cufflinks.
Oh, okay.
But first you boys gotta do a little job to prove you're on the level.
What job? Mayhaps you mugs have heard of a cheap hood named Babyface Cleaver? You mean Babyface "The Beaver" Cleaver? Him and his mob have been giving me trouble on the south side.
I want you guys to go up there and put him on ice.
Put him on ice? Dude, suddenly I have a feeling we're in way over our shells.
You heard me.
I want you to put Babyface "The Beaver" Cleaver and his mob on ice.
We can't do that.
We're the heroes.
What's the matter? Don't tell me you green guys are yellow.
We'll put him on ice for ya [weakly.]
somehow.
Okay, boys.
You heard the big cheese.
We gotta get those meatballs.
Whoa, all this gangster talk is making me hungry.
He said we've got to put Babyface "The Beaver" Cleaver on ice.
And that's what we're gonna do.
Look, it's the Beaver's hideout.
Oh, you mean that incredibly stylish four-story shopping mall? No, I mean that incredibly run-down old warehouse next to the mall.
How come these gangster dudes always hang out in old abandoned warehouses? Because there aren't any old, abandoned luxury penthouse suites.
Who are you guys? What do you want? Big Louis said we should pay you a visit.
Gosh, Beav, what're you gonna do? I don't know, Wally.
Maybe we should grease these goons.
What do you think? Gee, Beav, I'm not sure.
We could get into a lot of trouble, and stuff.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe we should ask dad first.
Maybe you guys should make up your minds while we're still young.
Oh, okay.
Hey, no fair, you guys! We got the toys.
Now for the boys.
Ah, gee, Wally.
Maybe we better scram.
After them! [screaming.]
Whoa! That is absolutely the last time I attempt a Dorothy Hammel impression.
Yaaow! Got you, dude! Michelangelo, I have news for you.
Oof! Your figure-eights need work.
Oh, no, it's a Zamboni machine! No, it's not, dude! It's that thing that smoothes out the ice! A Zamboni machine is the thing that smoothes out the ice.
Uh, boys, can we argue about this later? We're about to be turned into turtle pancakes! Look, a little crack in the ice.
Everybody, hit that spot! Now! Ha ha! So long, boys.
The police will be along in a while to give you a lecture on good manners.
Oh, gee, Wally, maybe those guys don't play fair.
We did exactly what you told us, Big Louis.
We put the Beaver and his pals on ice.
Now, what gives with these cufflinks? We're just after one pair: the cufflinks of Cathay.
What's so special about Chinese cufflinks? Because the Chinese invented explosives thousands of years before anyone else.
Yeah.
So? Well, this one Chinese guy created an explosive so powerful, it could blow up a city! In order to disguise it, he shaped it to look like a ruby.
Centuries later, a munitions expert found it and brought it to this country disguised as one of a pair of cufflinks.
But the cufflinks vanished, and now certain, shall we say "parties," will pay a fortune for them.
Now go find them cufflinks.
Okay, we know why Big Louis wants the cufflinks.
Why don't we just nab him? Didn't you hear what he said about a certain party? We've got to find out who that certain party is.
Whoever it is, he's bound to be the brains behind this caper.
What do you mean, Big Louis still hasn't found the cufflinks? We must be patient, Krang.
Those cufflinks are bound to turn up.
What do you want with fashion accessories, anyway, boss? Yeah.
You'll never get cufflinks to fit on those metal sleeves of yours.
You idiots! One of the cufflinks contains enough explosive to blow the Technodrome free from this lava bed.
[Krang.]
The foot soldiers have been chipping away at it for weeks without putting a dent in it.
We must get the Technodrome free and those cufflinks are just the thing to do it.
We've got to find that explosive before Big Louis and his mysterious backers do.
Yeah; whoever possesses those cufflinks could rule the world! Isn't that just about the silliest thing you've ever heard? But dudes, where do we look for them? Hey, I've got a hunch.
Ever hear of Pietro Calzone? The Pizza Tycoon? Owner of all those Calzone's pizza parlors? Delivery guaranteed within six hours or else your pizza is cold? Yeah, that's him.
I've read somewhere that he's an avid antique collector, especially of cufflinks.
That's right! He's supposed to have the largest collection in the world! And I'll bet that's where we find the cufflinks of Cathay.
To the Calzone mansion, Michelangelo, and step on it.
April, why are we going to the Calzone mansion? Because the man's a cufflink freak, and I'm betting that's where the robbers will strike next.
[tires squealing.]
I don't like this, dudes.
Me neither.
I much prefer French Provincial architecture.
No, I mean breaking and entering.
It's totally against the turtle code! Are you kidding, Michelangelo? The fate of the world is at stake.
And besides, we forgot to bring the Turtle code book.
Uh, guys, we're not alone.
April, what are you doing here? I was just about to ask you the same thing.
No fair.
We asked first.
April's figured it all out.
This is where the crooks are going to strike next.
Uh, yeah, I'd say that was a distinct possibility.
Uh, there's just one problem, April.
What's that? We're the crooks.
You? What do you mean? Big Louis is after a cufflink that contains a powerful explosive, and we've gotta get it first.
You two had better beat it.
This could get dangerous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe they're right, April.
No way! We're staying right here.
This is news, and we're gonna cover it.
Whoa, this is my kind of place.
Whoa! A giant pizza cutter! Stay on guard.
The house is probably loaded with booby traps.
Killer pizza trays? Heavy duty.
Boy, this guy's even more hung up on pizza than we are.
Yeah, what's he gonna do next? Spray us with tomato sauce? Ya! I had to ask.
Whoa, dudes, check out all the cufflinks.
Confederate cufflinks.
[Donatello.]
Greek cufflinks.
[Raphael.]
Ancient Egyptian cufflinks? [Donatello.]
And the cufflinks of Cathay! That's it! Not so fast, boys.
Big Louis! What are you doing here? We just thought we'd drop by to make sure you didn't double cross us.
We got 'em.
Shredder! I've come for my cufflinks.
You always were a slave to fashion, Shredhead.
The Turtles and the cufflinks, both mine for the taking! Yeah.
This is one of those extra-special red letter days.
Unless you happen to be a turtle.
Give me the cufflinks now! Nothing doing, chrome for brains.
[cocking guns.]
On the other hand, what's one little old pair of cufflinks, more or less? [door opening.]
What in the world's going on here? [in unison.]
They're trying to steal the cufflinks! Oh, yeah? Ow! Oh Anchovies? Blech.
My best suit! It's ruined.
Never mind that.
Get those turtles! Hey, they're gone! I've got a feeling we shoulda used ropes.
Come on! We've gotta get those cufflinks far away from here.
Come on! Something's up! [lasers firing.]
The Turtles are getting away.
Perhaps, but these two won't.
[Shredder laughs.]
[April screams.]
Only one of the cufflinks is explosive.
The other one is just a plain old ordinary ruby.
We're going to have to figure out some way of destroying it without blowing up the city.
We need some place where we can think.
I know just the spot, dude.
After all we just went through, how can you even look at a pizza? I don't want to look at it; I just want to eat it.
According to my analysis, the compound in this cufflink is destabilizing.
It's not as explosive as it once was.
But Shredder could still analyze the formula and duplicate it.
Right.
Turtles, we have got to destroy the ruby cufflinks.
Wow! It's April's minicam! "We have the newsgirls.
"Come to the taffy factory at midnight and bring the bufflinks.
" Uh-oh.
We don't have any bufflinks.
They must have run out of C's.
They mean the cufflinks.
And it's almost midnight now.
That doesn't leave any time to substitute fake cufflinks.
So, like, what'll we do? We'll just have to improvise.
Improvise? Against those goons? Is there a script doctor in the house? Boy, for a taffy factory, this place sure is dark.
Uh, dudes? Check it out.
April and Irma, about to be dunked in a vat of taffy! [Donatello.]
Talk about coming to a sticky end.
The Turtles! Oh, thanks goodness.
Hang on! We'll save you! Not until you give me those cufflinks.
Freeze, Shreadhead.
One of these cufflinks is a dud, but the other one can blow us all to kingdom come, so nobody make any sudden moves, or I might drop it.
I want that cufflink, turtle.
Then go get it! Argh! Lower them in! [screams.]
Let's take these turkeys.
Yi-ha! Oh, what a way to go.
Yeah.
My dentist warned me to avoid between meal sweets.
Cowabunga! [Irma screams.]
Gee, that was a soft landing.
Not for me, it wasn't.
[Shredder.]
The cufflink, it must be in one of those candies.
Bebop, Rocksteady, go find it.
Boy, this is going to be fun.
You Turtles is washed up, you hear me? You're going to need to wash up when we get through with you.
[shouting.]
This isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.
All right, you dirty reptiles, it's curtains for you, see? Taste hot taffy, Big Louis.
Oh! I don't feel so good.
Yeah, my tummy's starting to hurt.
Hey, I found it! Then let's get out of here.
Krang, the portal! They got away again.
So, what else is new? So, which cufflink did Shredder get? The explosive one, or the dud? Gee, you know? In all the excitement, I'm not sure.
The Turtles are far too clever to give you the real cufflink.
That's obviously a fake.
What do you mean? It's the one they hid in the vat of taffy.
That doesn't prove diddly.
They wanted you to get that one.
They would never let the real one out of their possession.
They fooled you again.
Those repulsive reptiles! You wretched turtles! [Donatello.]
Huh? Shredder! How dare you trick me by giving me the explosive cufflink! Trick him by giving him the explosive one? You know, I think old Shredder has finally flipped his chrome plated lid.
At least we can return this to Pietro Calzone, even though it's just a plain, old ordinary ruby.
Yeah, it's probably only worth Gee, maybe I should clean it up a little before we return it.
Hey, I know! I'll try out my new automatic buffing machine.
Uh, Donatello, are you sure that cufflink's not explosive too? Of course, I'm sure.
[explosion.]
Are you okay? What happened, dude? Don't tell me that cufflink was explosive too? Uh, no.
But I think my automatic buffing machine still has a few bugs in it.
[laughs.]

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