Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s05e10 Episode Script

9062-012B - Raphael Versus the Volcano

[theme] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power They're the world's Most fearsome fighting team We're really hip.
They're heroes in the half shell And they're green Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder attacks These turtle boys don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude Gimme a break.
Michelangelo is a party dude Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power There.
It's finished.
Congratulations, Donatello.
Exactly what is finished? My latest invention, Master Splinter.
I call it a Healthometer.
You just stick your finger in this hole, and voilà.
It gives an instant reading of your present condition.
I see you're in excellent health.
It's as accurate as a medical exam, and a whole lot less embarrassing.
You are to be commended, my student.
But remember, no machine will ever replace the healing powers of a caring, sympathetic physician.
I know.
That's my next invention.
[Burne] Now, listen up, you two.
These are your assignments.
Vernon, I'm sending you to the island of Poppalua.
The famous Toppapoppalua Volcano is about to erupt! Wh-- Erupt? I absolutely refuse.
Would you rather the volcano explode, or me? [chuckling] I'm practically packed.
What about me, Chief? What's my dangerously exciting assignment? Right, April.
You're covering the story at the Botanical Gardens.
It seems a new species of lily has been discovered by the famed botanist Professor Wilhelm Vanilli.
A wimpy flower exhibit? Chin up, O'Neil.
You might luck out and get bitten by a snapdragon.
Ha ha ha ha! It just isn't fair.
What if Vernon and I switched assignments? Oh! Oh, could we, Chief? That would make me happy.
Forget it! I'm paying you to work, not to be happy.
Now get cracking! [keyboard clicking, beeping] All right! Look out! Get him! Oh, no, babe! Oh, Sensei, what'd you do that for? Recreation time is over.
It is time to assess your physical well-being with Donatello's latest invention, the Healthometer.
Okay, who'll be the first guinea turtle? Don't look at me.
If I'm sick, I'd rather not know about it.
Do not forget the secret of a well-balanced life, Raphael: a healthy mind in a healthy body.
I'll volunteer.
What do I have to do? Just put your finger in that hole.
[whirring] All right! Me next! [whirs, beeps] Excellent! Fantabuloso! Okay, Raphael, your turn.
Oh, all right.
But I still think this is pretty stupid.
[beeping] Ha! "Adios, amigo"? Come on, that's ridiculous.
[long, steady beep] I don't understand it.
There's no way the Healthometer can be wrong.
Yeah? Well, I think I'd like a second opinion.
I'd say you just got it.
I still can't believe it! Vernon is off on some tropical island, covering an exciting volcano story, while I'm stuck here at this mega-boring flower show.
There just ain't no justice.
Oh, why, Miss O'Neil.
I'm Laverne Portside, chairperson of the Flower Lovers Society.
I'll bet you're simply thrilled to be here! Oh, yes.
I'm all aquiver.
[laughs] I know what you mean.
Flower-naming ceremonies can be so exciting.
I've got a few names I could call them myself.
This is Vernon Fenwick, your fearless Channel 6 correspondent, reporting to you from the Island of Poppalua, where the Toppapoppalua Volcano is threatening to blow its top! Oh, by the way, it's the island that's shaking, not yours truly.
We hotshot reporters are used to danger.
I'll be back after I change umbrellas.
And now, fellow members, the moment we've all been waiting for-- And waiting for and waiting for and waiting for-- the naming of our new species of lily.
I hereby christen it The Lady Laverne Lily.
Stop! This is all a fraud.
How dare you name that lily after yourself! I, Professor Wilhelm Vanilli, am the one who spent years cultivating it.
It should be named after me.
Well, I-I know, Professor.
But the Willy Vanilli Lily? It sounds so-- [chuckles]-- silly.
Well, you'll never get away with this.
I'll have my revenge on the entire world, if necessary.
Well, there's a little poison in this ivy after all! That stupid invention of Donatello's.
Huh! Try to tell me I'm in poor health? How ridiculous! On the other hand, what if it's right? I mean, maybe I am sick and I don't even know it! Ah! My forehead.
It's breakin' out in a cold sweat.
And now I suddenly feel feverish.
Now my eyes are going! I can't see a thing! Maybe Donatello's Healthometer was right.
I am not a well turtle.
I got to get back to the lair while I still can.
But, Donatello, you just have to fix the oven.
I was counting on pizza tonight.
Sorry, Michelangelo.
I'm afraid it's on its last legs.
Gee, you mean nothing can be done? Nothing.
I know it's rough, but you're gonna have to say good-bye to your old buddy.
Tell me the truth.
How much time is there left? I'm losing the warmest friend I ever had! Buck up, old buddy.
We've all got to go sometime.
But why so soon? We had so many great pizzas to look forward to! I know.
Life can be cruel.
Then it's true.
I am a goner.
So little time, and such short notice.
Before I head for that big terrarium in the sky, I want to soak up as much earthly beauty as I can.
Oh! You know, except for an inconsiderate few, this world really is filled with wonderful folks.
Move onward, Jack! I mean, people may let you down, okay.
But at least the stars are always up there smilin' down on you! Oh, yuck! Watch where you's walkin', buddy.
That does it.
Since my life is over anyway, I'm going to devote what's left of it to makin' this old world a better place to live in, and to heck with the risks.
Whaah! As long as I only have I'm gonna devote it to helping humanity.
I can't do it dressed like this.
Somehow it lacks, I don't know, dignity.
Hey! Just what I need.
An all-night costume shop.
What can I do you for? Hi, how you doing? I'm looking for a superhero costume.
Nothing fancy.
Maybe in a 38 regular? Superhero costumes are on that rack.
They've all been marked down.
So, what do you think? It's you, all right.
Green is definitely your color.
I'll take it.
You made a good choice, pal.
That fabric is made to last a lifetime.
Too bad I'm not.
Now for the hard part: going back to the lair to-- [gulp]-- say good-bye.
Now I see the trouble.
The wire on the anode capacitator to the synchronous rheostat's slipped off.
Now it's working properly.
I can't wait to tell Raphael the good news.
Hi-yah! [grunts] Leonardo, where's Raphael? [panting] I don't know.
I haven't seen him for hours.
I wanted to tell him my invention had a glitch in it after all.
He's in perfect health.
Too late, man.
The dude's split.
Split? Split? Yeah.
He left this note.
"I've decided to devote what's left of my short life "to do-gooding.
Good-bye, Awesome Foursome.
Hello, Fearsome Threesome!" Signed Raphael.
Oh, this is awful.
Where could he have gone? I don't know, but wherever the dude is, he's practically naked.
[chuckles] Make a fool of the great Professor Vanilli, will they? Years of pruning, grafting, and yes, fertilizing, and for what? To have some biddy steal my thunder? I mean, not naming that lily after me was the greatest mistake the horticultural community could make.
A mistake that the whole world will pay dearly for, I assure you! Now, if I still remember my high school chemistry, this toxic formula should destroy any living plant in exactly three seconds flat.
Uh, 1, uh, 2, uh, 3.
Ho-ho! It works.
And now, it's payback time! Today the petunias, tomorrow the planet.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! I feel so ridiculous in this costume.
Ha ha! Hey, who are you supposed to be, a silly green giant? Lucky for him I'm a good guy, or I'd tell his mother! We have the place surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
What's up, Sarge? The usual thing.
Some gunmen are holding the bank employees prisoner.
Hello? This looks like a job for The Green Defender.
[grunt] Stop! You'll get yourself killed! Besides, it's only money.
Someone else's.
Hyah! Ta-da! Ha ha ha! You didn't count on The Green Defender! Somebody get that weirdo.
Fire away, hotshots.
I got nothing to lose.
[grunting] Wow, you did it! You captured the bank robbers.
Who are you, anyway? Just call me The Green Defender! [grunting] [crowd gasping] All right, step aside, folks.
Make way for the captured felons.
Channel 6 News here.
The the viewers what happened, Sergeant.
Your basic attempted bank robbery, foiled by a weird-looking fellow in a-- Well, in a green cape and a funny green cap.
Did you happen to catch his name? Yeah, he called himself The Green Defender.
Did you say "The Green Defender"? No, I said "The Green Defender.
" Oh.
[Turtle-Com beeping] Yes, Donatello? What is it? April, Raphael is missing.
Did you happen to see him? Sorry, I've been too busy covering the story about some mysterious masked hero who calls himself The Green Defender.
The Green Defender? Raphael! Raphael! April, stay where you are.
We'll be right there.
Great news, fellows.
I think we've located Raphael.
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going.
[together] Turtle power! Folks, it's not a pretty picture here at the Tri-City Towers, where a gripping real-life drama is unfolding.
Because, stranded on on the 30th-story ledge of this historic edifice is the cutest darn kitten you've ever laid your eyes on.
[meowing] Kinda tugs at your heartstrings, doesn't it? It looks to this reporter like that hapless kitten is a gone goose, unless, of course, some self-destructive idiot is willing to risk his fool neck to save the furry little feline.
This sounds like a job for The Green Defender.
What's this? Am I seeing things? Or has that self-destructive idiot actually made his appearance? Ladies and gentlemen, this reporter can't believe his tired old eyes.
Such a display of self-sacrifice and bravery warms the very cockles of my heart.
This is truly astounding.
What incredible bravery.
What amazing agility! What a ridiculous outfit.
Here you go, sir.
See that it gets a good home.
Wait! What's your name, son? They call me The Green Defender! Yoo-hoo.
I'm April O'Neil, from Channel 6? I'm looking for The Green Defender.
As usual, Miss O'Neil, you're a day late and a dollar short.
In other words? You just missed him.
Where could he have disappeared to? Anywhere, dudes.
It's a humongous city.
Well, wherever he is, we're still shy one turtle.
Would you settle for a kitten? [Burne] Well, Vernon, what's taking so long? Where's that blasted volcano footage? Oh, I'm sorry, Chief.
The blasted volcano hasn't, uh, blasted yet.
Doesn't that volcano realize we've got deadlines? There's got to be some way you can speed things up.
I suppose there's always human sacrifice.
Well, what are you waiting for? [volcano erupts] Wha-- Oh! [grunts] What's going on now? This could be it, sir.
The top of Poppalua is smoking.
Well, just don't lie there.
Get it on tape! Forget it.
I'm out of here.
Insubordination in the ranks.
Vernon, you haven't heard the last of this.
I'll be safe in here.
Ouch! It's worse than I thought, Chief.
Dinah's Dynamite Factory is fully engulfed in flames.
I warned Dinah about having their annual company barbecue in here.
Evacuate the entire area! The place could blow at any minute.
Hi, there.
I'm The Green Defender.
Can I be of service? Are you out of your mind? There's over a ton of dynamite in there.
Those odds don't scare me.
No! Come back! You'll be blown to kingdom come! Hey, that's not a problem for me.
I'm headed there anyway! April, where are you? Come in, April! Right here, Chief.
I'm at 5th and Central.
Good, good, good.
I want you to get over to Dinah's Dynamite Factory.
It's about to blow up.
So why don't we just wait here and let it come to us? Some nut in a green cape just ran into the place, and you'll never guess what he calls himself! The Green Defender? How did you know? Just a lucky guess.
Don't worry, Chief.
I'm on my way.
[cough cough] Boy, talk about secondhand smoke.
Wow, the flames have nearly reached the dynamite.
Another few seconds and kablooey! Oh, the automatic sprinklers aren't working.
They must be jammed! There's only one way to turn 'em on.
Yeah, it's risky, but hey, I'm the guy who said, "To heck with the risks," right? Whoo! Good thing I remembered that heat makes things rise.
I guess all those hang gliding lessons from Michelangelo weren't a total waste after all.
Yee-ha! Yeah! Yee-ha.
Quick! Where's the fire? Thanks to The Green Defender, it is being put out.
Is he all right? Where is he? He did his job, and then he disappeared into the crowd, like a true humble hero that he is.
"Humble hero"? Oh, brother.
We've gotta find Raphael.
If he keeps taking crazy risks like this, something tragic is bound to happen.
[Michelangelo] For sure, the dude's luck can't last forever.
[Vanilli] Ho ho ho ho! At last.
The Island of Poppalua.
It looks like the top of Toppapoppalua is about to boom-boom explode, and so am I.
I got to tell you, the world will pay dearly for not naming my hybrid the Willy Vanilli Lily.
Ha! They won't be able to say it with flowers anymore.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! This is Vernon Fenwick, the gutsiest guy I know, risking my life to bring you live, on-the-spot footage of an actual volcano erupting.
Aloha, Vernon.
I'll take it from here.
[grunt] Do you mind? I'm trying to win an Emmy for broadcasting excellence here.
Forget it, pal.
What I have to say is much more earth-shaking than a measly old volcano.
Plant lovers of the world.
It gives me great pleasure to announce that I, Professor Willy Vanilli, have just dropped a canister of deadly chemicals into the Toppapoppalua Volcano! Now, when it erupts, it will spread a highly toxic fume all over the globe! And then, my friends, every shred of vegetation on the surface of the earth will shrivel and die.
I'm talking trees.
I'm talking flowers.
And yes, even broccoli.
I will have my revenge.
Ha ha! Ha ha ho ho! Remember, you heard it here first.
In a few short moments, every living plant in creation will be destroyed.
Is there a man out there foolhardy enough to climb into that lava-filled volcano and retrieve that canister, knowing the impossible odds against him? There may not be a man, but there sure is a turtle.
You called for me, Mr.
Thompson? Yes.
I'm sending you to Poppalua after all.
Poppalua! I can't believe it! That wacko Professor Vanilli has just thrown a toxic chemical into the volcano, and Vernon can't handle the story.
I'm on my way.
Just so you know, this counts as your vacation! It's no use, guys.
If we're gonna find Raphael, we'll have to survey the city from the air.
The Turtle Blimp.
It's gone! [Michelangelo] Wait, there's a note.
It's from Raphael.
"I'm off to save the world's vegetation.
"If I don't return, you'll find the blimp "on the island of Poppalua.
This is my very last final note.
" Sheesh.
The dude's turned into a regular pen pal.
We've got to get there, and fast.
April, we know where Raphael is.
We've got to borrow the news copter.
Sorry, guys.
No can do.
I'm flying it to Poppalua.
There's a major story breaking there.
Poppalua? Well, that's where Raphael is.
We'll go with you! [April] Hurry! I want to make the 11:00 news! Donatello, how long do you figure before the volcano erupts? Hmm.
By multiplying the seismic vibrations of the earth, divided by the temperature of the lava, I've arrived at the definite conclusion that-- I have absolutely no idea.
Well, Michelangelo, have you finished charting our course to Poppalua? No sweat, dudette.
All you gotta do is turn left at New Jersey.
You can't miss it.
[Leonardo] Look! There's the Turtle Blimp! [Donatello] But no sign of Raphael.
[Michelangelo] Look up there.
It's Raphael.
[Leonardo] It looks like he's gonna leap into that angry volcano! Dudes, we gotta stop him.
I just hope we're not too late.
[together] Turtle power! There it is.
The professor's deadly canister.
It's a lucky thing I'm about to check out.
I mean, only an idiot would jump into a live volcano.
Hey, idiot! Didn't anyone ever tell you that smoking volcanoes can be hazardous to your health? Who cares? According to that stupid gadget of yours, I'm on my way out anyway.
That's what I came to tell you.
I found a glitch in the Healthometer.
You did? Yes! You're in perfect health.
Not for long, I'm not.
I've got you, Raphael.
Don't panic.
Panic was the first thing that sprang to mind.
Donatello! Chill out, my half-baked bud.
I got you! Guys, I think the big moment has arrived.
Did you hear that, Leonardo? Come on, let's blow this Poppolua stand.
[rumbling] And so, thanks to the mysterious Green Defender, the world's vegetation has been saved from certain destruction.
As for Professor Vanilli, justice is hot on his tail.
Whoa! Ouch! Eh, whoa! Oh, oh.
[April] For the next five to ten years, he can be found puttering in the penitentiary garden.
I trust, my son, that this has taught you not to jump to conclusions.
Well, actually, it's taught me not to jump into volcanoes.
Would The Green Defender like to do the honors? Ha ha! Gladly.
[karate yells] [cheering] Well, dudes, that's about the unhealthiest Healthometer I ever saw.