Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s07e10 Episode Script

9059-060 - Turtles on the Orient Express

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! They're the world's Most fearsome fighting team LEONARDO: We're really hip.
They're heroes In the half-shell And they're green RAPHAEL: Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder Attacks These Turtle boys Don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be Ninja teens LEONARDO: He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines DONATELLO: That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but crude RAPHAEL: Give me a break.
Michelangelo is a party Dude MICHELANGELO: Party! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! [] [] APRIL: This is April O'Neil, your Channel 6 News European correspondent, coming to you from the famous Gare de Lyon in Paris, France.
Today we take you back to an era of elegance on a special run of the original Orient Express.
Behind a real steam locomotive, we will ride in old-fashioned luxury from Paris to Istanbul.
What's the big deal about a train? She could fly there faster.
The point of a journey is not only the destination, my student.
As in, "Getting there is half the fun.
" Well, maybe so, Master Splinter, but this is one turtle who likes speed.
Hi, guys.
Taking the train? No, thanks.
I've got one at home.
Watch yourself, April.
In every old flick I've ever seen, the Orient Express is full of spies and intrigue.
[] IRMA: Ooh, look at him.
I'm intrigued already.
Rocksteady.
Bebop.
Where are you? ROCKSTEADY: In here, boss.
BEBOP: Ugh.
Can we get out now? It's stuffy.
All right.
The coast is clear.
My achin' back.
Mm.
You gotta buy larger luggage if we're gonna do much of this traveling, boss.
The only reason I brought you two lunkheads along was to carry this.
[BEEPING] Ooh, pretty.
Is it a VCR? No, you jerk.
It's a cellular phone.
This is Krang's fusion supercharger.
It will make this train go faster than any jet.
We will get off the train when I activate the supercharger here, in Bucharest, Romania.
From there, the train will accelerate to escape velocity, launch itself over the Straits of Bosphorus, and crash into Earth's biggest oil fields, causing incredible chaos and destruction.
[SNORTS] Ooh, can we watch? The explosion will release enough energy to open a dimensional warp.
Krang will then bring the Technodrome to Earth.
What do we do, boss? You will make sure there is no one on this train to stand in our way.
Are we all set, Bela? All set, Fritz.
Well, let's go.
CONDUCTOR 1: All aboard! [WHISTLE BLOWING] All except you.
[CONDUCTORS EXCLAIMING] But first we need to borrow your uniforms.
[BOTH GRUNT] What is going on? You are going off.
[ENGINEER EXCLAIMING] I've always loved playing with trains.
Oh, finally I get a relaxing assignment.
Of course, it's only what I deserve.
[ENGINE CHUGS] Oh! [ENGINE CHUGGING] [TSKING] Oh, such a sloppy commoner.
[WHIMPERS] Why me? Turtles, look.
That's the engineer and the conductors.
I sense Shredder's hand in this.
Oh, no.
If Shredder's on the train-- Then April and Irma are in trouble.
Come on, turtles.
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Now what? [PANTS] There's our ride.
A sidecar? [] The train [PANTS] is getting further away.
This looks like a good time to test my new long-range magnet.
It's working.
Can't we get any closer? Uh, no.
It's a long-range magnet.
Do not worry.
We will board the train in Munich.
[] Here's the supercharger, boss.
How fast will it make the train go? About 800 miles an hour.
Well, gee, is it legal to go that fast? If it were legal, we wouldn't be doing it.
Now, get back to the passenger section and collect tickets.
Ooh, look.
We're coming to a city.
SHREDDER: That's Munich.
If I don't stop, it will arouse suspicion.
[BRAKES SCREECHING] Oh.
Oh, I hate pea soup.
I could spill some chicken soup.
I feel ridiculous in these outfits.
You should see how you look.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] [PLAYING LIVELY FOLK MELODY] Well, it's got a good beat, and you can dance to it.
Please, stop.
Do you have a request? Ja.
Do not play ever again.
Hmm.
Not a bad gig.
We're supposed to be looking for Shredder, remember? Yeah, but if we don't find him, we've got great careers as musicians.
[PLAYING LIVELY FOLK MELODY] Ew, I hate oompah bands.
[GRUNTS] There.
Music calms the savage beast, you know.
Uh, these guys ain't musicians.
I know.
I heard 'em play.
The turtles.
Turtles, fight with honor.
[GRUNTS] Okay.
Fight with honor.
But watch your elbow, huh? [GRUNTS] Whoa.
[SCREAMS] A green monster.
Well, uh, actually, I'm very nice, once you get to know me.
Ooh.
Try this tune, shellback.
Yeah.
Whoa.
I can tell you're no music lover.
[EXCLAIMS] [GRUNTS] I knew I should have taken up the piccolo.
[INSTRUMENT CLATTERS] Oh! [BODY THUDS] Is it too late to move this fight outdoors? BEBOP: Anything you say.
TURTLES: Whoa! TURTLES: Ah! I knew we should have taken the plane.
MICHELANGELO: Well, we're flying now, dude.
[TURTLES YELLING] Climb aboard, dudes.
Everybody, hang 10.
Or however many you've got.
We're heading for the autobahn.
Do we have a license for this sousaphone? Hang on, my students.
[HORNS HONKING] Don't be a road hog, dude.
Sousaphones have the right of way.
[GROANS] My ears are popping.
Chewing gum always helps.
Look, below us.
The river Danube.
Oh, good.
I always like to know where I'm about to drown.
La-dum, da-dum, da-dum Irma, I've been looking all over the train for you.
I love Austria.
I was just thinking how lovely it would be to go drifting down the beautiful blue Danube.
[GAGGING] Michelangelo.
[GAGGING] Blow your bubblegum into the horn.
It's working.
The bubble is keeping us afloat.
[WHISTLE BLOWS] We'll catch up.
The train stops in Vienna.
Yeah, but does the sousaphone? Totally bogus, dudes.
The train isn't stopping.
Next stop on the Orient Express is Budapest, Hungary.
We've gotta get there as fast as possible.
Fast, huh? Oh, I think I still have my air-propulsion unit in here.
Let's see if it works.
[TURTLES EXCLAIMING] We got them turtles good, boss.
Uh, yeah.
We tossed 'em right off the train.
For once, you did something right.
Uh-uh.
That was the second time we did something right.
No, you dummy.
That was the third time.
IRMA: April, is this trip necessary? Shut up.
Someone is coming.
Steady, Irma.
We're almost there.
Hide under here, next to the supercharger.
I'm April O'Neil, Channel 6 News from the United States.
Do you mind if we interview you? Uh, some other time.
Go away.
We'd like to know why you didn't stop in Vienna.
[WHISPERS] I'd recognize those ugly legs anywhere.
Bebop and Rocksteady? Ha, ha.
That's all right.
I-I can see you're busy.
Come on, Irma.
Oh, let me just get a nice shot of the two of you.
BEBOP: Ow.
That was my stomach.
[SCREAMS] Mutants.
Seize them.
[SNORTS] Gotcha.
Ugh.
Let go of me, you big, ugly, bug-ridden, half-witted creep.
Aw, I ain't no creep.
Welcome, Miss O'Neil.
You and your friend are just in time to see me turn the Orient Express into the first intercontinental ballistic train.
Tie them up.
We'll put 'em in this mailbag.
Do you girls like going first class? What does a no-class like you care? Put them in the baggage car.
That way, you'll be able to watch the front of the train crash an instant before you do.
[LAUGHING] [GRUNTING] [LAUGHS, SNORTS] Like they say, the chick's in the mail.
[] [SIGHS] We have reached Budapest ahead of the train.
It will not come through for another hour.
We need a way to force the train to stop.
[SNIFFING] Ah.
I smell food.
And I've got major munchies.
[PLAYING GYPSY TUNE] [SNIFFS] It smells like Hungarian goulash.
Bodacious.
A new pizza topping.
Hey, gypsy dudes, how'd you like to go halfsies on a goulash pizza? I'll make the dough.
[ALL SCREAMING] Wait.
We're the famous Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Guess they don't watch much television.
So much for fame.
Hmm.
Maybe we can borrow this wagon.
[TRAIN APPROACHING] [] I can't sleep, conductor.
Give me one of those pillows, would you? I'll put you to sleep, chum.
Oh! That's a great cure for insomnia you got there, Rocksteady.
Maybe I ought to patent it.
Does the man have no shame? [SUPERCHARGER BEEPING] There.
We'll get off the train in Bucharest, and this train will blast off.
[LAUGHING] Those passengers flying to the Middle East won't have to worry about missing their plane.
[APRIL & IRMA GRUNTING] Try to get free, Irma.
We've got to warn everyone.
Oh.
I'd love to get out of this.
The style just doesn't suit me.
[CHUCKLES] I knew you wouldn't mind my joining you.
Isn't it nice to find members of one's own class? I wouldn't know.
We have not found any yet.
[CHUCKLES] Boy, Hungary sure makes me hungry.
[LAUGHING] Boss, look.
SHREDDER: Get that wagon off the tracks.
[BRAKES SCREECHING] Well, at least you won't have to buy breakfast.
[LAUGHING] Now, who'd be dumb enough to park on railroad tracks? We would.
Well, I mean, besides us.
Those gypsies may have boarded the train.
Find them.
Right, boss.
[PASSENGERS EXCLAIMING] Hey, let's see your ticket.
[ROMANY ACCENT] Let Madame Zora read your palm and tell your future, my son.
Uh, gee.
What do you see? I see two women in your future.
[LAUGHS, SNORTS] O'Neil and that Irma dame.
They ain't in my future.
They're in the baggage car.
That's all we wanted to know.
Ooh, the turtles.
Get 'em.
[] I will see to Shredder, my students.
Huh.
Look at that big chicken.
They're running away from us.
I told you that assertiveness training would pay off.
[BEBOP & ROCKSTEADY EXCLAIMING] SPLINTER: You have only engineered your own defeat, Shredder.
Trust you to have a corny line like that, Splinter.
Besides, you're too late.
[SHREDDER EXCLAIMS] No.
[GRUNTS] Too slippery.
Can't hold on.
[] [FEET POUNDING] There you are.
Oh, thank goodness.
Shredder has attached a device to the locomotive that'll turn this train into a missile.
Master Splinter is taking care of Shredder.
Uh-huh.
But who's taking care of Master Splinter? Master Splinter's in trouble.
Come on, dudes.
[GASPS] It is slipping.
Must hold on.
N-no use.
[GRUNTS] Hang on, sensei.
We've got you.
[GROANS] [PANTS] Thank you, my students.
BEBOP: Uh, we would have thrown the turtles off the train, boss.
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah, but they beat us to it and threw us off.
We must catch the train before they wreck the supercharger.
Find transportation.
You expect me to ride a bicycle? Aw, gee, boss.
It was all we could find.
This is so humiliating.
Don't catch your cape in the spokes, boss.
[SUPERCHARGER WHIRRING] Ah, this is a piece of cake.
I'll just attach the power cable, and-- Yah! [BODY THUDS] Ooh.
On the other hand, maybe this won't be so easy.
What happens if you can't disconnect it? Well, when we pass through Bucharest, Romania, this train becomes airborne.
Huh.
We didn't need to take the plane after all.
We had better warn the passengers.
I'll tell April and Irma.
And that means we'll have to jump off the train before it speeds up.
Jump off the train? You're out of your mind.
Don't listen to her.
She just wants a big news item to report.
I'm going to relax on this trip if it kills me.
I've got it.
Shredder forgot one important thing about trains.
They also go backwards.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] When the train comes by, we jump.
Uh, jump where? Onto the train, you dim bulb.
Ready? Now.
[ALL EXCLAIMING] You're too slow, turtle.
LEONARDO: Let's see how Donatello is doing.
It's those darn mutants again.
Can't they take a hint? Bummer.
Shred-Head's got Donatello.
Huh.
We got them turtles now.
Uh-oh.
I got a feeling we're passing through Bucharest.
[BEEPS] [ALL EXCLAIMING] [WHEELS SCREECHING] [PASSENGERS EXCLAIMING] [GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] Master Splinter.
I will try to reach the locomotive from under here.
Keep Shredder busy.
All right.
[GRUNTS] Whoa.
Strike one.
Try again.
Oh, yeah? Well, strike two and you're out, shellback.
Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
Come and get us.
Don't you ever learn? You fell for that last time.
Well, yeah.
Right off the train.
Just keep the turtles from reaching the locomotive before it reaches liftoff velocity.
Right, boss.
They'll never get out of that door now.
[] True, but we don't need a door.
Get them.
You turtles have already lost.
Well, then how come you're trying so hard to stop us? Where is Splinter? He's going for the supercharger.
[BEEPING] Yee-haw.
Get along, little dogie.
[GRUNTS] Oh, yeah? Gee, I wish I'd said that.
Oh, we're speeding up.
We're already in Bulgaria.
In a minute, you'll be in space.
[CACKLES, SNORTS] Oh! [ALL GRUNT] [YELPING] Oh, well.
I can always catch a later train.
[ALL EXCLAIMING] This is not my idea of luxury.
Ha, ha.
On the other hand, my dear baron, you look stunning in ham gravy.
[BEEPS] [TRAIN CHUGS] [BEEPING] [GRUNTS] [YELLING] [ALL GRUNT] [WHEELS SCREECHING] I will finish you once and for all, old man.
[YELLS] We have about 10 seconds before this thing takes off.
Sensei, put it in reverse.
LEONARDO: He can't hear you.
Aw, we must have broken the sound barrier.
Watch out for the sonic boom! Reverse, master! Ah, I see.
Reverse.
[PULSING] Well, without the train for ballast, that supercharger was thrown into space.
It's gone.
Did you enjoy the train trip, Master Splinter? Indeed.
Although I think that the idea of train travel as relaxing is a bit old-fashioned.
[] Ah, great.
While we were out saving your lives, you guys were having a food fight.
Come back here.
Food fight? You are hamburger.
I was just kidding.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] []