Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s07e13 Episode Script

9059-063 - Elementary, My Dear Turtle

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! They're the world's Most fearsome fighting team LEONARDO: We're really hip.
They're heroes In the half-shell And they're green RAPHAEL: Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder Attacks These Turtle boys Don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be Ninja teens LEONARDO: He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines DONATELLO: That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but crude RAPHAEL: Give me a break.
Michelangelo is a party Dude MICHELANGELO: Party! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! [] [] This extraordinarily powerful weapon was used by the Earl of Smothingham in the famous siege of Devon Castle.
[SNORING] [CLEARS THROAT] Michelangelo, wake up.
Wha-- Huh? Is it over yet? I hope I didn't spoil the gentlemen's little nap.
Uh, no problemo, dude.
I can sleep through anything.
Oh, don't mind him.
Go on with your lecture, it's very interesting.
Ahem.
Very well.
As I was saying Oh, this is mondo boring.
I gotta get outta here.
There's my ride.
Come on, Michelangelo, stay for a little history, huh? No way, amigo.
As far as these English castles go, I'm history.
It was April 13th, 1572, at 2:00 in the morning, or perhaps it was 2:30 in the morning.
Cowabunga! I say, what's he doing? Aw, he just caught an early flight.
DONATELLO: Hey, this Duke of Earl Hotel is pretty nice, huh, guys? RAPHAEL: It's alright.
But one hotel sewer is pretty much like another.
That's what you think.
Room service, governor.
Thanks.
Sewer room service? I'm impressed.
I'll have to pass on the pizza, guys, I'm heading down to Oxford to tape an interview with a famous British historian.
So long, April.
See ya at the end of the show.
SPLINTER: Welcome back, my students.
And how was your historical tour? Pretty bogus, sensei.
If I never see another old building it'll be just fine by me.
You should take more of an interest in history, Michelangelo.
Remember, the seeds of tomorrow are contained in the apple core of yesterday.
I've always said that.
Well, let's catch a little modern history on the tube.
Like some cartoons.
Officials at Greenwich Observatory announced that the most advanced atomic clock in the world, capable of accuracy to the millionth of a second, has gone on display.
Wow.
I'd love to go see it.
Hey, you guys want to come along? Sure, dude.
As long as it's not in an old building.
[] Watch out for the laser-beam alarm system.
What lasers? The ones you're about to step in.
MICHELANGELO: Oh, those lasers.
Great.
The switch is across the room.
Never fear, Michelangelo is here.
Ta-da! DONATELLO: The alarm is off.
Good work, Michelangelo.
[BEEPING] You know, this is a real, state-of-the-art device.
[WHIRRING] Whoa.
Hang on.
Whoa! No more fish and chips pizza for me.
DONATELLO: Look at this place.
Everything has changed.
Look, gas lamps on the wall.
Great, another old building.
[BRITISH ACCENT] I'll take that.
MICHELANGELO: Who's that? He's got the atomic clock.
Hey, come back here, you.
I'll stop that dude.
Fools.
You dare to interfere with Professor Moriarty? DONATELLO: Look out, smoke bomb! Yes.
[ALL COUGHING] RAPHAEL: Ow, my foot.
I hate it when they do that.
Hello, hello, hello, what's all this now? LEONARDO: That man is getting away with the atomic clock.
And just who might you be? Oh, we're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
This here's the Observatory.
We can't have turtles-- Turtles? MICHELANGELO: Whoa, gnarly whiskers, dude.
[YELPS] I always said you had a face only a mother turtle could love.
Did you see the way he was dressed? Never mind him, we've got to get the atomic clock back.
[] Now we've got him.
Stop.
Stop, I say.
He's headed for the carriage, Holmes.
RAPHAEL: The clock thief has got help.
DONATELLO: I'll stop them.
By Jove? I say.
He's getting away.
Out of the way.
Oh, no, you don't.
Not bad for a turtle.
Not bad for a skinny Englishman.
[GROANING] My ankle.
Better luck next time, Mr.
Holmes.
[SNICKERING] MICHELANGELO: Bummer.
He got away.
Did he say, Holmes? Mr.
Sherlock Holmes, you nitwit.
And you just kept him from capturing Professor Moriarty, the most dangerous criminal in all of Europe.
Get real, weirdly dressed dudes, this is 20th century.
This is the 19th century.
No way.
This is some kind of trick.
Wait a minute, guys, think about it.
When we were in the observatory everything changed, the gas lamps, the watchman's clothes, and all this.
Who could pull such a trick? Somehow we're in the 19th century.
Uh, I hate to bother you dudes with stupid questions.
That never stopped you before.
But if we're in the 19th century, how are we going to get home? It was have happened just before Moriarty grabbed the atomic clock, when everything kind of swirled around.
You are pursuing Moriarty as well? My apologies, gentlemen-- Uh, mutant turtles, I believe.
Originally: [SPEAKS IN LATIN] A very successful mutation.
Talking turtles.
Incredible.
You're really Sherlock Holmes? Oh.
I'm honored.
Thanks, old chap, but I'm afraid we've no time for pleasantries.
Moriarty is plotting something monstrous and you may be the very fellows to help me unravel his plan.
Would you fellows care to join me in a cup of tea? Sure, if you think we'll all fit.
Ha-ha-ha.
I know it's an old joke, but I couldn't resist.
Wow, 221B Baker Street.
A humble house, but mine own.
Come in.
Those will be the last guests you'll ever have, Mr.
Nosy Holmes.
Truly awesome crumpets, dude.
Only-- Only, what, Michelangelo? Well, they'd be totally bodacious with a little tomato paste and cheese.
HOLMES: Time to move the bust again, Dr.
Watson.
WATSON: Righto, Holmes.
What's he doing that for? [BRITISH ACCENT] Elementary, my dear Michelangelo.
[NORMAL VOICE] Anyone looking at the window will think that Mr.
Holmes is sitting there.
Very good, Leonardo.
Since I've been on Professor Moriarty's trail there have been several attempts on my life.
And Moriarty uses a nasty weapon he calls an air-gun cane.
Silent, but deadly.
Goodbye, Mr.
Holmes.
[LAUGHS] [KNOCK AT DOOR] I wonder who that could be at this hour.
Lestrade, what a surprise.
Well, I see you have company, Mr.
Holmes.
Marvelous deduction.
Come in.
Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard, of course.
We know all about you.
You were in Sherlock Holmes and the Spiderwoman.
A primo flick, compadre.
Trust me, Lestrade and tell my friends about Professor Moriarty.
Well, the professor has been stealing scientific equipment from all over Europe.
And rumor in the underworld is he's going to make something to steal the 20th century.
With the shape it's in, maybe we ought to let him have it.
Earlier this evening he tapped the power of a lightening storm to travel to your time to steal this atomic clock of yours.
[WHISTLES] This dude is clever.
How'd he know about it if it hasn't been invented yet? Principle was known by the early 19th century.
I'll bet Moriarty just figured out where and when it would be, waited for the right moment and grabbed it.
I had planned to go to Oxford to search for his hideout while Watson assisted Lestrade here in London.
But now I need help.
No problemo, dude.
We're your turtles.
[] The air-gun cane.
Down, everyone.
[THUD] There.
He's gone.
Mondo bummer.
Make no mistake, my green allies, Moriarty is a cruel and implacable foe.
[TRAIN CHUGGING] Professor Moriarty used to teach science here at Oxford.
I'll bet his hideout is near the Oxford Science Museum.
That way he has access to the scientific equipment he needs.
[BELLS TOLLING] There they go.
Those thugs.
After them! What are you scoping out, amigo? That one tough got covered with soot on the train roof too.
I'm following his trail of soot.
If I'm right that's the Science Museum over-- Air-gun cane! There he goes.
Down that alleyway.
Where's he go? LEONARDO: Here are some fresh footprints.
Our man must have gone in here.
Well, let's go.
LEONARDO: Hm.
Now to find a secret entrance to Professor Moriarty's lab.
How do you know it's got a secret entrance? Raphael, all these villains have secret entrances to their hideouts.
It's in their contracts.
Gee, this makes me homesick for the sewers.
This wall is the secret entrance.
How do you know? [BRITISH ACCENT] Elementary, my dear Raphael.
[NORMAL VOICE] The groove marks indicate that this wall is slid over it.
And I'll bet there's latch right here.
Elementary, my dear-- Yeah, we know, we know.
MORIARTY: Welcome, my green friends.
Moriarty.
My compliments to Holmes, instead of bloodhounds he uses talking turtles.
Enough chitchat, professor.
Hand over that atomic clock.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
You see, this clock is the final component for my time machine.
You're crazy.
No one can change history.
Oh, but you're wrong.
When I'm through Holmes will never have been born and I will rule the world.
Cheerio, chaps.
Quick, outside.
Look at that telephone.
And that truck.
We're in our own time again.
[CROWD]: Hail! Whoa, sounds like a rock concert.
Let's go check it out.
MAN [OVER PA]: All hail the Emperor of the World.
Emperor of what? His Imperial highness, Moriarty the First.
[CHEERING] This is the 20th century, all right.
And it belongs to Moriarty.
[CHEERING] Don't look now, dudes, but we're in the wrong 1991.
CROWD: Hail Moriarty.
Hail Moriarty.
LEONARDO: He did it.
He changed history.
DONATELLO: Well, it's time to change it right back.
I think he heard that.
Seize those traitors.
Halt and be punished.
Let's get out of here.
[] Split up, they can't get far.
Hey, dudes, over here.
[YELLING] Oh, don't worry, we won't say, have a nice trip.
[ZAPPING] Any bright ideas, glorious leader? Yes, run faster.
[RUMBLING] MICHELANGELO: Now what, amigos? LEONARDO: Jump! They'd done for.
Let's report in.
[PANTING] Being a turtle comes in handy.
Yeah, it doesn't mean you have to like it.
APRIL [BRITISH ACCENT]: Psst.
Over here.
Hurry, before the troopers come back.
Look, dudes, it's April.
But not the April we know.
This is not our world, remember? RAPHAEL: Thanks for saving usApril.
How do you know my name? Well, we met in another time.
How come you're helping us? Anyone running from Moriarty's troopers has to be a friend.
Even someone green.
Come and meet more of those opposed to Moriarty's rules.
Another secret passage? This is becoming a regular spy story.
[BRITISH ACCENT] Stop there.
Let April go, go, go.
Relax, guys, they're friends.
How can anyone such a disgusting shade of green be a friend? Fellows, I'd like you to meet-- We know, Vernon, Vernon.
How is it possible? VERNON: You better explain yourselves, and quick, quick, quick.
We'd be glad to, but it's a long story.
Is this gonna be a flashback? Nah, just a dissolve.
So our only hope of getting back to our 1991 is to find Moriarty's time machine.
You're in luck then, we know where it is.
Way to go, dude, we can use some good news.
Emperor Moriarty keeps the time machine on display at the Imperial Science Museum.
We know a secret way in.
APRIL: It's right above us.
The Science Museum's up there.
[RUMBLING] Is it an attack? Uh, my stomach.
I've got a humongous case of the munchies.
What did he say? He's hungry.
I'm afraid all I have is an apple.
MICHELANGELO: Well, pizza would be better, but thanks.
[CHOMPING] Mondo delicioso, April.
No sense leaving any evidence for Moriarty's troopers to track us with.
I have to warn you, if we succeed you and your friends may never exist.
Well, it'll be worth it just to rid the world of Emperor Moriarty.
Besides, we all know one another in your time.
[CAMERA FLICKERING] [BEEPING] So far so good.
Donatello, what do we have to do? Well, we crank up Moriarty's time machine, go back to our own time, and stop Moriarty before he grabs the clock.
Sounds simple to me.
Ha-ha-ha.
And how do you turtles like my future? About as much as you're going to like yours, Moriarty.
I knew you'd try to get my time machine.
I've been expecting you.
[CLANGING] First, I'm going to have some fun with you.
Then you can spend the rest of your lives chopping stone for my pyramids.
Chop this, Buzzard-Breath.
[YELPS] [] [GRUNTS] You fight well, turtle.
Because I have right on my side.
Don't you just love the way he says those lines? I'll hold them off, amigo, you get to the time machine.
Right.
[BEEPING] I did it.
Now what? Any time now, Donatello.
No.
Stop.
Look out! [WHIRRING] Nice save, Leonardo.
Ah, thank goodness.
The atomic clock is safe.
Clock, schmock, we're safe.
Phew.
Totally awesome trip, dudes.
But is that dude, Moriarty, out of the picture, or what? I'll take that.
Professor Moriarty.
I think that's, "or what?" [] [GRUNTS] Get off, you're squashing me.
Good, let us know when you're nice and flat.
Where'd he go? He must have been pulled back to his own time.
Did he get the clock? No way, dudes.
Good work, Michelangelo.
Sherlock Holmes would have been proud of you.
He'd have been proud of us all.
Hello, hello, hello.
How come he never says hello to me? [CLOCK BEEPING] Oh, no, not again.
There you are, my students.
[NORMAL VOICE] Hi, we've been wondering where you were.
Actually, it's more like when we were.
This sounds interesting.
I think I'll make a tape of this story.
An apple core? What on earth is this doing in my bag? That's not possible.
You see, my students, the seeds of tomorrow are contained in the apple core of yesterday.
TURTLES: Ah, no! What on earth got into them? Perhaps they had too much time on their hands.
[]