The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e01 Episode Script


1 [cat meows, purrs.]
[slow guitar music plays.]
I am the wind.
I am the night.
- [fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
- Adventurer! Outlaw! [coins jingle.]
- [screams.]
- Lover! - [giggles.]
- There is no heart I cannot win.
- [Puss yowling.]
- El Gato! [Puss.]
No treasure I cannot find.
My only weakness is hairballs.
I hate those.
I am a nomad, a free spirit! I am Puss In Boots! And I need no one.
[bird of prey screeches.]
[coins jingle.]
- [man.]
- Knife.
One leche for the gentleman.
- Mine! - That's my puppy! You're going to muss his fur! Let go! So what brings you to the Thieves' Market? I seek adventure, Pablo.
It's Raul.
[footsteps approaching.]
- [Puss.]
Oh - La-la-la-la-la [Puss.]
I sense that my next adventure begins with a young lady who is out of her element and may soon require my help.
It's Raul.
- [grunts.]
This leche is sour Pablo.
- Raul! I prefer Pablo.
It is a lovely name.
Now, if you do not mind, I believe someone needs me.
Oh! [Gasps.]
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Oh, hello! Can you direct me to the silk merchant? I need to buy some fabric and I have so much money! You seem to have dropped your coin purse into my hand.
Wha ? Oh.
No, I haven't.
Then perhaps you would like to correct that mistake.
[men grunting.]
- [gasps.]
- What the ? This lovely lady is under the protection of the legendary Puss In Boots! Never heard of you.
Are you sure? Because, as I said, I am legendary.
I have references.
- [man 1.]
It is Puss In Boots! - [man 2.]
Run! Run! [scoffs.]
Cowards! Who's afraid - [yowls.]
- My nose! [Groans.]
[man grunts.]
- Gosh, that was nifty! - Nifty? Why, yes, I am very, very nifty.
I have but two rules: always seek adventure, and always help a lady.
- Of course, I'll pay you for your - No! No, I can accept no payment.
Now come, let me help you find the silk you require.
I want to thank you so much for your help.
I can't believe he sold me all of this for only one coin.
You just have to know how to negotiate forcefully.
- Glad to be of service, Miss ? - Dulcinea.
A lovely name for a lovely lady.
Tell me, what brings you to the Thieves' Market? You seem a bit Oh, hello! Hello! Out of place.
"To feel at home in places new, - a cheerful, bright 'hello' will do!" - [grunts.]
- What? - The wisdom of the book.
Oh, here's my cart.
- [grunts.]
- Hi, Carty! Hello! Have you been a good boy? Oh, yes, you've been a very good boy! [rapid kisses.]
What is this book of yours? The Wee Compendium of Facts and Fun? Isn't it swell? I've based my entire life on it! That explains a lot.
- Won't you let me help you with - Oh, no, you've done enough.
Toodle-oo! - But you won't be safe! - Thank you, I can take care of myself.
- And I have lots of money! - [coins jingle.]
- [man 1.]
Money? - [man 2.]
Money? [grunts.]
- [man gasps.]
- [yells.]
She fascinates me.
And she needs my protection.
[horse whinnies.]
Mystic treasure at the center, lift the veil that I may enter.
Magic treasure at the center, lift the veil that I may enter! [grunts.]
" It was "mystic" treasure.
Why are you so picky? Mystic treasure at the center, lift the veil that I may enter.
Now this is nifty.
Could this be the hidden city of San Lorenzo? With its famous treasure? Beautiful, just beautiful.
- What are we looking at? - The hidden city of [gasps.]
Hello! Did you follow me? I am sorry, señorita.
I only wanted to protect you from the thieves.
There are no thieves here.
Don't be ridiculous.
There are thieves everywhere.
You see? They are still about! Quickly, we must get you to a place of safety! But he wasn't [screams.]
Seriously, I'm in no danger! That is what you said before, my lady! Quickly, in here! - [crashing.]
- [man yells.]
[goat bleats.]
This way! [Dulcinea screams, laughs.]
Whoo! - Oh! Are you always like this? - You mean, amazing? [chuckles.]
Yes, I am! Whoo-oo-oo! Oh! [Gasps.]
What are you - Oh! That was the best! - [chuckles.]
- It was, wasn't it? - Dulcinea! Hello! - You know this person? - Oh! I told you to bring back fabric, - not a cat in shoes! - Puss In Boots.
Oh, this is why I don't send you to the market! I suppose you spent all the orphanage's money? - Oh, no, just one coin.
I - And how did this get in here? We haven't had an outsider in town for years! I followed her to protect her from bandits.
- Hi.
- But I am starting to realize this may not be the den of thieves I thought it was.
We have no thieves here.
I know what the outside world is like.
It's full of thieves and filth and villainy.
Here, it is clean and safe.
He has to go now! Don't be silly, señora.
You know that to enter our town requires two things: You must speak the secret phrase, and you must have a good heart.
Really? Why would we cast someone out with a good heart? We have to welcome him to town! - Right, Esme? - Hi, kitty! We don't like outsiders here, señor.
I'll be watching you.
Uh That was Señora Zapata.
She runs the orphanage.
She's so affectionate, isn't she? Uh [grunts.]
So, this is the famous hidden city of San Lorenzo, eh? Perhaps you could show me around a little? [Dulcinea.]
Oh, of course! Señor Puss, I would like you to meet our leader, Mayor Temeroso.
- Hello! Mayor! - [man groans.]
[voice echoes.]
What's the point in hiding if you point me out to the people? We have a visitor from the outside world.
I know! That's why I'm hiding! The mayor is a big believer in hiding.
I am not the mayor! I am a barrel of potatoes! Uh Hello? - [mayor shrieks.]
- Mr.
Mayor, I am Puss In Boots, and I bow to your superior hiding skills.
It was nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too, señor [stammers.]
said the potatoes! - Artephius! - Uh, bless you? [Gasps.]
Hello, Señor Pussygato! We don't get many visitors here! [Artephius makes kissing noises.]
Hello! I am the Honorable Viscount Owlbrecht Von Owlenbach the Third! Owlenbach, Owlenbach, hooty-tooty Owlenbach! - [laughs.]
- I like this man.
He is unusual.
Artephius operates one of our finest macramé owl shops.
What is this "macramé"? Macramé is just like knitting, only everyone hates it.
- Welcome to our little town! - Thank you.
- How long have you been here? - Well [mutters.]
Artephius has some trouble with his memory.
Oh, it's true! And I have some trouble with my memory.
Am I here? I don't see me.
- You have some - [crashing.]
unconventional people in this town, señorita.
You know what they say, "Everyone knows there's no finer commodity than eccentricity, strangeness and oddity.
" - Mm No one says that.
- Mm-hm! The book.
"Find a horse and paint it yellow, and you'll be a happy fellow"? [laughs.]
See? Aren't you happier now? A little.
Ah! Here we have our treasure.
Of course I have heard of the famous treasure of San Lorenzo.
It is most impressive.
Oh, no, that's just a bunch of gold and jewels and magical fiddle-fuff.
I'm talking about our real treasure.
Dulcinea! - You're back! - Whoa! Is that an outsider? I ain't never seen me one of them.
Kinda funny-lookin', in the facial area.
These are the children I teach at the orphanage.
Ah, I myself am an orphan.
They call me Kid Pickles.
My mother was a cactus.
It's very sad.
Children, I am Puss In Boots! I have but three rules: always seek adventure, always help a lady, and always be good to orphans.
I'm Vina.
- Did you know the Earth is hollow? - I have heard tales of Did you know horses can't smell square things? - I'm not - [softly.]
Did you know I like Toby? Who is Toby? I'm Toby! Señor In Boots! Look, I drawed you! [grunts.]
You're a strong one, eh? I eat a lot of roast beef.
My name is Esme.
I think you're special.
Children! Come here and get away from that deceitful cat! Ugh.
Come on, children.
Dulcinea! It happened again! Toby, get in here! They are certainly full of color.
So tell me more about the gold and the jewels and the fiddle-fuff.
We are sort of famous for it.
Oh [chuckles.]
Ooh [chuckles.]
This is the great mage, Sino.
He was so super.
Sino was the greatest sorcerer of all time.
He created our town as a safe haven for orphans from all around the world.
He filled this building with gold and mystic jewels and magical items from a thousand lands.
He used this enchanted treasure to create the spell that hides us from the rest of the world.
This spell has kept San Lorenzo and the many magical items hidden here safe from harm for hundreds of years.
I am most impressed.
Oh, fun fact: the spell would be broken if even a single coin were removed from the treasure house.
Wait, what? [rumbling.]
Souvenir? [male voice thundering.]
Harken unto my voice! What have you done? Greed has broken the spell that concealed San Lorenzo from the world! [gasping.]
The spell! The spell is broken! Oh! It was that horrible cat! He stole a coin! His greed has ruined us! Seriously, you couldn't mention the part about the spell? [Yowls.]
You have exposed San Lorenzo to the world! Thieves will come for our treasure! We are doomed! Doomed! Maybe maybe no one will notice? [man.]
All right everyone back away from that treasure.
It's ours.
Whoa, that was fast.
[panicked shouting.]
Thieves! Fear me, if you dare! Villains! I'll hit your faces with my finger knuckles! [grunts.]
Wait, is this a fist? Hold on.
Or is this? Is this a fist? Oh-ho-ho-ho! - When I get this [grunts.]
- [sighs.]
Bye-bye, kitty.
- Ha! Last chance to run.
- [arrow clatters.]
[thief growls.]
You are strong, for a cat.
- And you are stupid, for a rock.
- [grunts.]
- [snaps.]
- [groans.]
Those thieves were just the beginning.
I am sad to say that the outside world is filled with such people.
Soon, San Lorenzo will be overwhelmed by all manner of bandits, cutthroats and villains.
- [moans.]
- [man.]
Oh, no! What are we gonna do? My suggestion to you is this: leave this town and let them have the treasure.
No! It is a mystic treasure! It's the source of the magic that has protected San Lorenzo.
As long as it's here, it's possible we can reactivate the spell.
We have a choice: We can fight to protect our treasure, or we can lose our town.
[low murmurs.]
[horn sounding.]
I am sorry about all of this.
Now, everyone who wants to live, follow me.
This way, children.
We can get out of town - before the thieves get here.
- Señor Puss, wait! Where are you going? Away from here, of course.
This place is about to be overrun by thieves! I'm good.
Really good.
Really incredibly really good.
But even I can't take on dozens of thieves at once.
And that is rare that I would admit that.
But you have to help us! "When a mess you've made at night, it's your job to set it right.
" This is about wetting the bed.
Obviously, the book is saying that when you've caused a problem, - you have to solve it! - It is a children's book! Silly rhymes to amuse those too young to know better.
You cannot base your life on this nonsense! And you can't run forever.
Of course I can! I am a nomad, a free spirit, and I need no one! But maybe someone needs you! I know you're an outlaw.
I know you're self-centered.
- I know you're egotistical.
I know - Are you going somewhere with this? But I also know you have a good heart.
Don't abandon us.
[Esme crying.]
Please don't go, Señor Puss.
I've always dreamed of seeing the treasure of San Lorenzo, and then stealing it and spending it on junk! I'm spending my share on macramé owls.
[men grunting.]
This town is under my protection! And you are? Puss In Boots? - Ring any bells? - Not really.
Legendary adventurer? Outlaw? Again with this? Come on! - How many cat adventurers are there?! - [grunts.]
- Hello, Pablo.
- It's Raul! [Growling.]
- Aah! - [grunting.]
You are Raul when I say you are Raul.
Oh [chuckles.]
- No, no! - Who wants a string? I kind of want the string.
How dare you take advantage of my love of string! It is most offensive! [yells.]
- [groans.]
- [moans.]
[grunts, groans.]
Huh? Quit hurting Señor Puss! [Grunts.]
Don't you touch her! [Esme.]
Wee! Puss! This town is under the protection of Puss In Boots! There's only one of him and a dozen of us! - We can take him! - [men.]
Yeah! It is true, I may not be able to defeat all of you, but I can defeat one of you.
If you attack, one of you will not leave this place alive.
So, which of you will it be? Who will not live to spend his loot? He's bluffing.
Come on, the treasure is ours! [growls.]
I, uh I have to go.
I am waiting.
Who wants to go first? - You go! - No, you! - I'm not gonna go.
You go! - No way! Oh, I'm going right now! [bandits shouting.]
- And stay out! - Mr.
Mayor! - You are huge! - No, I'm not! I'm tiny! So tiny.
You can hardly see me.
People of San Lorenzo, I apologize.
I have broken the spell that kept your town hidden from the world.
Perhaps one day, we can find a way to reactivate the spell.
Until then, I dedicate myself to protecting this town and all who live here.
So swears Puss In Boots! [cheering.]
So, was that nifty? Very nifty.
No more running, my lady.
I guess I am stuck here now.
"Though over the wide world you roam, wherever you get stuck is home.
" I believe I am going to like it here.
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]