The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e06 Episode Script


[wind whistling.]
[hooves slowly clomping.]
Halt! [horse snorts.]
Who seeks to enter San Lorenzo must answer me this riddle.
What is the sound of one hand clapping? [groaning.]
[horse neighs and snorts.]
I'm going to accept that.
Whoa, oh! Whoa, oh-oh! I have this.
It is no problem.
I just It is all right.
I I can Uhh! [giggling.]
These pots are defective.
"When you have a heavy load, rearrange the things you hold.
" I do not understand.
Also, the rhyme is, uh, so-so.
VoilĂ ! I do not see how that Oh, very clever.
You see this, children? This is a cat who knows how to use her brain.
[Dulcinea laughs.]
She's so smart, she can spell the whole alphabet.
Brains beat brawn every time.
Well, maybe not every time.
- Every time.
- Hmm, what about in a slapping contest? Where you take turns slapping each other until someone cries.
The winner is whoever has enough brains not to play.
Uh uh [sighs.]
You have a good point there.
Hey, Puss in Boots.
This guy is totes sick.
El Guante Blanco.
El Guante Blanco? El Gua-blah-blah-blah?! Hmm.
He Uh-huh.
I see.
Well, in my professional opinion, this man is a cat.
Of course he is a cat, we know that! But is he all right? Well, he just needs to rest.
But, Puss, he's very old.
Very, very old.
Like, so old! I'm old.
I know old when I see it.
I can't believe this is really El Guante Blanco.
The White Glove.
I grew up reading stories of his adventures, and when I was little I thought someday I'd grow up to marry him.
He was my mentor, the closest thing to a father I ever had.
When I was exiled from San Ricardo, I wandered the desert, unsure of what to do, where to go.
I succumbed to the elements and would have died.
But El Guante Blanco found me.
He saved my life.
He taught me everything he knew: fighting, fencing, that spinning-through-the-air thing that everyone likes.
The day came when he felt he could teach me no more and we went our separate ways.
No one has ever meant more to me in my life than he.
Oh, you still talk too much, Ginger.
You are all right! [grunting.]
Quit your fussing.
[joints cracking.]
- Ohh! - Take it easy, Maestro.
What brings you to San Lorenzo? I have come here to retire.
What? El Guante Blanco cannot retire! [groans.]
I am afraid I must, Puss.
I am old and tired and weak.
I cannot even stand without help.
Uhh! [Panting.]
I cannot raise my sword.
I cannot swing from the rope.
Can you do the spinning-through-the-air I cannot do the spinning-through-the-air thing.
This is serious.
Without my strength, I am useless.
I have devoted my life to adventuring and to training adventurers.
Now I can do neither.
So I have come to San Lorenzo to wait for the end.
But you still have your wits.
Hmm? Mmm.
[joints crack.]
And who is this lovely Oh, my gosh, I'm your biggest fan.
And also Dulcinea.
I am most pleased to Mmm.
I've been reading about you since forever, and I just think you're the greatest.
And when you fought the Mad Centaur of Mount Fear, was he a real centaur or just a guy on a horse? And did he really have golden hooves, and did you fight him He cannot just sit here and waste the rest of his life.
Artephuis, there must be some way we can help him.
He's just too old.
There's nothing we can do.
Well, you know, apart from the obvious.
- The obvious? - Duh! The Fountain of Youth.
Wait, is that a real thing? Oh, sure, I drank from it myself.
Knocked a few decades off.
Got old again.
Too bad you can only use it once.
We must go to it, immediately.
Hang on there, sport.
It's incredibly dangerous.
Otherwise, everyone would do it.
I do not fear danger.
- What about dogs? - Why? Are there dogs? - No.
- Then I do not fear dogs.
Once, twice, thrice I struck the three-headed dragon with mighty blows, one for each head.
It fell at my feet, slain.
Oh, gosh, the story didn't mention three heads.
Yes, well, in the books, they had to tone down my incredible adventures, or no one would believe them.
I would believe anything.
I sense that this is true.
Good news, Maestro.
We are going to take you to the Fountain of Youth.
Will it be fraught with peril? - Yes.
- Oh, Ginger.
You know what I like.
Who seeks to enter San Lorenzo must answer me this riddle! We are leaving, not Were you sleeping? No.
Sphinx, I need you to keep an extra-sharp lookout.
I'm leaving town on a mission of great urgency: to find the Fountain of Youth.
Oh, seriously? Bad idea, bro.
Why do you say this? You do not want to go where the magic fountains are.
You know who guards that place, right? My loser sister Callista.
Ugh, she's totes the worst.
She looks just like me but without the awesome ink.
She must be very beautiful.
Aw, thanks, gross old guy.
Callista isn't cool like me.
She doesn't ask riddles or anything.
She's not, you know, classy.
She just, like, obliterates anyone who comes near her.
I am certain we can handle her.
Oh, also, she breathes fire.
I am fairly certain we can handle her.
Come, Babieca! To the Fountain of Youth! [Babieca neighs.]
Well, this is it, the home of all the world's magical fountains: Fountainwood.
Are there more than just the Fountain of Youth? Oh, sure, there's dozens of them.
Kind of annoying, actually.
They're not labeled and they all look the same, so that's gonna be a problem.
[animal roars.]
I think we have a bigger one.
Who dares enter my realm? [neighs.]
What is the first thing I taught you? Anyone who refers to where they live as a "realm" is dangerous.
Now draw your sword and show her who is boss.
I have the deepest respect for you, Maestro, but I do not think that will work this time.
- Babieca, prepare to run on my signal.
- [neighs.]
Leave at once or be destroyed! We [screaming.]
And that is how you destroy intruders.
Well, I've earned a nice, long nap.
Ah, you should have fought her, Ginger.
I am sorry, Maestro, but sometimes brains are better than brawn.
It's true.
"Make use of the things you know", and you can beat the strongest foe.
" Is she serious with that? Incredibly, yes.
Now that the beast thinks us destroyed, we should have some time before she comes around again.
But we had better find that fountain in a hurry.
And we must be stealthy.
Oh! Let's play travel games.
I spy with my little eye something fountainy.
You see all the sparkles all around it? You see 'em? Yes, it is a fountain, and we see the sparkles, Artephius.
Sparkly is my favorite color! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Artephius! We do not want to draw the attention of Callista.
Oh, right.
Zip! [Puss grunting.]
How can we tell if this is the right fountain? Take a sip and see what happens.
It could turn you into a potato or make you 1,000 feet tall.
But don't worry.
You can undo it, easy-peasy.
You just say, "Release," and all the magical energy will drain right out of you.
Whump! You're back to normal.
Oh, it could be dangerous.
I will try it.
No, no, sir.
No offense, buddy, but you're too frail to take the chance.
Oh, you are right.
I am nothing but a weak, helpless old cat.
That's not true.
You're El Guante Blanco.
Yes, Maestro.
You are the greatest hero of all time.
And we will make you young again! [slurps.]
I could make this look work.
What was the word I must say? - "Release.
" But - Release! Aah! [screaming and grunting.]
That was uncomfortable.
Yeah, I was gonna say you should stand back before you say it.
That magical energy is strong stuff.
Maybe we take turns with this, eh? Fountain of Hair Growth.
Come to the next fountain! My turn! [slurps.]
A little salty, but Waaaah! Release! - Aaaah! Uhh! - [thud.]
Fountain of Reverse Gravity.
Mmm! [speaks gibberish, gasps.]
Fountain of Talking Backwards.
[speaks gibberish, gasps.]
You have to say it backwards.
"Seal ear!" Say, "Seal ear!" Release! [slurps.]
Release! [Dulcinea.]
"Fountain of Invisible Spiders.
" [gags.]
"Fountain of Nausea.
" [Dulcinea.]
"Fountain of Fire.
" [Artephius.]
"Fountain of Itchy Feet.
" [Dulcinea.]
"Just a Regular Fountain.
" Okie-dokes.
I am getting younger! Release! [grunting.]
This is it.
Maestro, this is the Fountain of Youth! Well, to youth.
To youth.
Amazing! [grunting and shouting.]
Ha ha ha! Oh, oh, here I go! Yay! Spinny thing! [shouting.]
Yah-hah! [echoing.]
Yes! [snarling.]
Uh, you might want to be a little quieter.
Ha! I feel like a teenager again.
It is like the old days.
You can only drink from it once, so make sure you don't say, "Release.
" Understood.
I will not say "Re " - No, no! - Ha ha ha ha! You should see your faces right now.
I was kidding.
Everything is fine.
Re Re Ha ha! Got you again! Please, El Guante, I'm afraid Callista will hear you.
Ha ha ha! Top of the wo-o-o-orld! [Callista.]
You again? Intruder! [screaming.]
Foolish mortals.
Now you will pay the price for your trickery when you watch your friend perish! Ha ha! Hello! Let them go, you Oh, too slow! [laughing.]
Whoo! We will save the maestro together.
Puss in Boots and El Guante Blanco To the rescue! But first, we must devise a plan to Plans are for the weak.
We are strong.
We will follow the beast and we will destroy her.
Red of tooth and claw, we will make her rue the day she was born.
Triumph is our destiny! Yes! Triumph and severe burns.
We are not afraid of you.
It's true.
She's not afraid 'cause she's brave.
And I'm not afraid 'cause I don't quite know what's going on.
Your friends will try to save you.
They will have to watch me eat you.
Then they will be eaten.
That is the way of things.
The strong eat the weak.
Puss and El Guante Blanco are not weak! That may be, but I am stronger! Are you afraid now, old man? What? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about jelly donuts.
Now, how do you think they get the jelly in there? I I think they inject it somehow.
Ooh! Well, that is a load off my mind.
Whoo-hoo! Great, now I want a jelly donut.
Well you'll be close enough.
[both grunting.]
Uhh! This would be easier if you did not insist on wearing those ridiculous boots.
I'm sorry, Maestro, but they are my trademark.
Also, they add a bit of height, which does not hurt.
It is good to be back in action with you once again.
It is.
If only our friends were not in danger, I would really be enjoying this.
Now, that Dulcinea [growls.]
I think she likes me.
Yes? I am certain I do not know.
Ha ha ha ha! You are jealous! I can tell.
You are make the scrunchy face.
It is not scrunchy! This is my normal face! [El Guante Blanco.]
It's a little scrunchy.
- Hmm.
- Shh! We are near the top.
What you got there? It's a cookbook.
I'm not gonna eat you raw, obviously.
What's the point of having fiery breath if you eat things raw, am I right? Gosh, I guess I never looked at it from your point of view.
Listen, I have a plan.
There is no plan.
We fight and we win.
We have to use our brains.
"Make use of the things you know, and you can beat the strongest foe.
" [sighs.]
I cannot believe I just quoted from the book.
Now, I will distract the beast while you free Dulcinea and Artephius.
But she will kill you.
Remember me, my friend.
Puss! Hah! Good afternoon, my lady.
- Your wings are quite love Aah! - [Roars.]
It would be polite to let me finish.
Aah! My ears are very sensitive! I know, I am also a cat.
[grunting continues.]
I'll untie Artephius.
Go help Puss! [grunting.]
Uhh! [snarling.]
Aah! Uhh! Whoa! I have waited a thousand years for a worthy opponent.
You flatter me.
I wasn't saying you're a worthy opponent.
I was just generally complaining.
Come on, let's go, while she's distracted.
Ah! Triumph is our destiny.
I don't need fire to defeat you.
[snarling and grunting.]
- [yowls.]
- [screams.]
[grunting continues.]
Ha! You can't win.
You will fall before me.
Your puny strength is nothing before my superior power! You are right.
I will not fight you.
What are you doing? I have learned something today.
I drank from the Fountain of Youth, and my strength was restored.
But my former student has taught me that brawn is nothing without brains.
Oh, so you're gonna defeat me with your brain? - How are you gonna do that? - Like this.
Oh, what, am I supposed to start crying and admit I just want to be loved? No.
Maestro, no! Release.
Aaaaah! Puss! [coughing.]
Did it work? It sure did.
But, Maestro, you are Old again.
But no worse than I was this morning.
Now we had better get out of here before Callista recovers.
Good-bye, crazy cat lady.
El Guante Blanco used the magic blast to blow her away.
And then I called her a "crazy cat lady.
" You see, it is funny because she is a lady cat who is crazy, but that is also what they call women who own many cats.
Heh? Heh? Uhh Just me? Okay.
That is hilarious, bro.
My sister's such a tool.
I want to thank you all for your help.
But, Maestro, we failed.
You are old again.
Oh, it was not youth that defeated the beast.
It was wisdom and experience.
And knowing that I still have those things, my life feels as new as this flower.
Farewell, my dear.
Oh, my.
There is that scrunchy face again.
- I am not jealous! - You have no reason to be.
Think about this.
When were both hurt back there, who did Dulcinea run to? You, my friend.
[horse neighs.]
Ha ha! - [crunch.]
- [groans.]
After our little adventure, I find I am not quite ready to retire.
I think I have a few good years left.
Time enough to find another young adventurer to mentor.
- [horse neighs.]
- Good-bye, Ginger! I am sure we will meet again one day! - Good-bye! Take care! - Good-bye! Good-bye, Maestro.
- Here you go, buddy.
- I am not crying.
I think I am allergic to these flowers.
Really? Ooh! We should go to the Fountain of Decongestion.
I know right where it is.
We could [muffled chatter.]
Not another word.
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]