The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e07 Episode Script


1 Ah.
This is most pleasant.
Why do I not do this more often? Oh, hello, Babieca.
Have you always had that horn? No, Puss, I'm a beautiful unicorn now.
Ha ha ha! Wonderful! Is this a dream? Of course not.
If it were a dream, would I be able to fly? Ha ha ha! Whee! Aaaaah! Intruder! - What is it? - There's a crack in the floor! What? What? Something's under the bed! What? I think I saw my shadow move.
My shoe! A hangnail! My tummy hurts! There's a spider in my room! You cannot keep doing this every night, Mr.
- I have not slept in a week.
- It crawled in my mouth! I see no spider.
Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! There it is again! What's wrong, Puss? It is the mayor.
He has kept me awake every night this week with his terrified screaming.
The man is consumed by fear.
Maybe the mayor wouldn't need you so much if you could teach him to be brave.
I already tried that.
I see.
Bravery is not something you can teach, Dulcinea.
It is a conviction, a philosophy of living.
It is the feeling you get when you stare down your enemy and vanquish them with ease.
Puss, that's it! What? You just have to arrange for the mayor to defeat an enemy as fake as that sword, and he'll believe he's brave.
That might work.
But I thought you did not approve of lying.
Lying? It's not lying.
It's It's helping, by pretending.
Everyone else calls it lying, but okay.
I will hire some thieves to pretend to attack.
Oh, and I'll write the script! When do we get paid for this? After you let the mayor beat you.
Everyone knows what to do? Sure, we read the script.
It's my best work.
I need to get some sleep.
Mayor? Mr.
Mayor, if I could - What? - Ah, Puss in Boots! What can your mayor do for you? I have some concerns about the fountain.
Oh! Did it come to life? Is it eating people?! No.
See? Right there.
It has a leak.
I don't see anything.
Prepare to die! Bandits! Stay back! All of you! Well, well, well.
If it isn't - " Mayor Temeroso.
" - Mayor Temeroso.
We are bad guys.
And we are going to use our hands to hit you in the faces.
Puss! Save me! - Puss in Boots! Oh, no! - Oh, no! Aah! I'm frightened! Ohh! Now you will feel the wrath of Puss in Boots! Yaah! En garde! Aah.
Frightened noises.
Kick! Ohh! Oh, no, no, no.
I've become unconscious.
Puss! Angrily fight me like a man.
No, no.
You say it angrily.
Angrily fight me like a man! So? And? Oh.
A Sweetie Boy doll.
At last! Why do you want that thing anyway? It's not weird.
Maybe I collect them.
None of your business.
We have to convince the mayor that he beat the thieves somehow.
Huh? Mr.
Mayor, you did it! You're the bravest man who ever lived! Uh who's what? You defeated all these bandits with your bare hands.
And then you fainted from, uh, an excess of bravery.
That is hard to believe.
The thrilling tale of how the mayor beat the bandits, illustrated by Toby, that's me.
Here we see the bandit leader.
Toby, why is he a frog? I'm good at frogs.
So, the bandit leader demanded you fight him.
You I guess this duck is you I'm good at ducks, too.
You struck him with your mighty fist.
He went flying.
The other bandit frogs attacked and you leapt into the fray, smiting them relentlessly with your wings.
Until they could fight no more.
And then there was pie for some reason.
I got hungry.
Can this really have happened? Mr.
Mayor, a child's hastily scrawled drawings do not lie.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
So it is true.
I am a hero.
Yes, yes, hero, hero.
Give it up for the mayor.
- You're great, Mr.
Mayor! - What a great hero! Speech, speech, speech! Citizens, today I have saved you all! You're a hero.
You're a hero! Yes, I suppose I am a hero.
You're the greatest hero ever.
You're the greatest hero ever! I am the greatest hero ever! You're the bravest and strongest hero of all time! And your fists are like mighty cannons sent by heaven to protect the world from evil! You are right! Go forth and crush the evildo I will do this! Oh, look at that! I am no longer Mayor Temeroso.
Hmm? I am Temeroso, brave hero of the western desert! Citizens of San Lorenzo, I hereby appoint your new mayor to be Puss in Boots! - Can I sleep in the office? - Yes.
Then I am the mayor now.
Farewell forever, San Lorenzo! I am off to fight evil! Temeroso, away! Well, that got out of control fast.
Finally, I can get some sleep.
Puss! Puss! Dogs! We can't let the mayor do this.
He's not a fighter.
He'll get himself hurt.
You're asleep, aren't you? Oh, my.
I guess it's up to me, then.
Bravest man who ever lived Stronger than el oso He doesn't hide in barrels anymore They call him Temeroso Mr.
Mayor! I came to find you and to say come back to town.
Dulcinea, I cannot.
I must crush evildoers, and that is a hero's job.
But could you go with me? I don't know the way to the Thieves' Market.
Well, I don't know.
I Whoa! Now he is the greatest But he used to be just so-so Temeroso Temeroso They call him Temeroso Well, seems like a good time to be heading home now, while you're still alive.
I must clean up the Thieves' Market.
I will heroically make it the No-Thieves' Market! Illegal gambling? Ho ho! Go fish.
Not on my watch! Read a book, why don't you? What he's saying is that the book will, uh, teach you to gamble better.
Even if we can't read? Especially if you can't read.
It's okay, buddy.
I'll read it to you.
You're a good friend.
Mayor in Boots? Why did no one tell me being the mayor involved work? Señora Zapata says you're behind on paperwork for the orphanage and you're a lazy, no-good waste of fur.
Okay, bye.
Excuse me! Hello! I have a problem! Aah! The gods of sleep despise me! Greetings, purveyor of vice.
You're closed.
- Huh? - Forever! Did you see that? I hit a bad guy with a bottle.
Oh, uh that's a magic bottle.
It, um grants wishes? What? I fill this bottle myself.
Don't hurt my friend, and I won't tell anyone you're serving goat pee.
Yeah, okay.
Being the mayor is so much work.
Nice job, Mr.
Only 9,000 pages left.
The less I sleep, the more the clock speaks.
It is funny.
Heh heh heh.
Hey, Mr.
Can I tell you a secret? Of course you can.
I can read your thoughts.
Ha ha ha ha! I knew it.
You sly old dog.
Get out of my head already! I have to get the mayor back.
I am looking for a friend of mine.
Big fellow, very intense.
Ugh, that guy over there.
Sneezing in my town? Nice try, buddy! Life in prison! Mr.
Mayor? Puss, my old friend! How are you? I think I have forgotten how to sleep, but I am eager to prove myself wrong.
Listen, how about you come with me and resume your also-very-heroic duties as mayor? Oh, that is hilarious.
Me? Mayor? You almost got me there.
- Uh - Puss! So glad to see you.
The mayor is definitely not going to get himself killed unless we get him out of here right away.
Dulcinea! Is that man bothering you? What man? It is El Moco! Ugh.
Aah! Aah! You leave that lady alone! What lady? Hello! But she's way over there! Don't talk back to me! You dare challenge me? I am El Moco, the bandit king! And I am Temeroso, brave hero of the western desert! Señor, you have embarrassed me publicly.
Normally, I could not allow this to go unpunished.
But I think you may be mentally unbalanced, so I will give you one more chance.
Run away now and it will be as if this never happened.
I am Temeroso! So be it.
Our friend here does not know what he's saying.
He was kicked in the head by a snake.
I was not Go, Babieca! Puss, that bandit Ah, I'm sure he will forget about this by morning.
I will literally never forget this.
Uhh! Where are you taking me? I have much more evil to thwart.
There is a food vendor back there whose meats are stored less than the minimum three inches off the ground.
Mayor, it is time we told you the truth.
You are not a hero.
What?! Of course I am! I defeated a horde of bandits.
I hit a man with a bottle.
I have a hat.
You did not defeat those bandits.
We hired them and staged the attack in hopes that it would make you less fearful.
I am so sorry.
Is Is this true? We only wanted to help.
So it was all a lie.
I should have known.
I am not Temeroso, brave hero of the western desert.
I am just plain old Temeroso, nobody of the nothing.
So, everything is back to normal? You are the mayor, and I am the hero? Yes.
Are you all right? I am fine.
Now please leave me.
I have work to do.
All is right with the world once more.
At last, I slumber peacefully, dreaming of unusual sideways gravity.
And unicorns! Ha! The protector of San Lorenzo is nothing but a sleepy little kitten.
Yeah, and it was so easy getting into town.
All we had to do was answer a riddle.
Temeroso? Temeroso? I have to come to tear you in half, the hard way.
That is, from top to bottom.
It is much more difficult.
It's hard to get a grip.
Puss! Puss, wake up! Someone bring me Temeroso, or I will burn this town to the ground! I am here.
I have only one thing to say to you.
Please don't hurt me! My blood smells very bad, and it is so sticky.
You'll never get it off.
You are nothing but a pathetic coward.
Let's loot this town.
You won't do a thing to protect your town, will you? Not a thing.
I will do this! This weakling is no threat.
This town belongs to El Moco now.
I declare myself the mayor of this town.
What? Mayor? Which I hereby rename Mocoville! Mocoville? I don't think so.
San Mocolindo! Or maybe Hey! Dogs! Come on, Puss, we can take them.
Hello, barrel.
Are you talking because the mayor is in you or because I am still dreaming? The first one! Let's get him! So, will you fight me like a man? I will.
Like a man in a barrel! Hah! Ha ha! Hmm.
I hate that guy.
El Moco has been defeated by a barrel! It is witchcraft! Run! Where are you going? I have not even done the spinning-through-the-air thing yet.
Mayor, you did it! You really are a hero! - I am? - You are.
Uh, no, I am not a hero.
I'm a barrel of potatoes! Mr.
Mayor No, no, no, no, no! I don't want to be a hero.
Heroes get yelled at and punched.
Please, can we just go back to how things were, where I'm the mayor and you're the hero? - We can, on one condition.
- What is it? That no one wakes me up for 24 hours.
Thanks for dreaming me a flying unicorn again, Puss.
No problem, Babieca.
- And guess what, Clocky? - What? Now I can read your thoughts.