The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e08 Episode Script

Golem

[Puss.]
Sometimes a hero must fight.
Other times, a hero must hide.
Let my pursuers seek high and low.
Find me, they will not.
For I, Puss in Boots, am the greatest hider in all the - [Vina.]
There he is! - [gasps.]
[giggles.]
What, again?! These children are remarkably good at this game.
- Yeah! - [laughing.]
[Esme.]
We're gonna catch you, Puss! [Kid Pickles.]
The jig is up, cat! It is not over until you tag me.
- [grunting.]
- Ha! Tag! You're it, Puss! [panting.]
All right, this has been fun, but I have things to do.
But, Puss, would you give us kitty-back rides? Ha ha ha! Whatever you wish.
- And will you tell us stories? - Whatever you wish.
And will you make us some chocolate papaya punch? Well, it is a bit early for Plea-ea-ea-ease? Hmm.
Whatever you wish.
Oh! You must learn to say no, Puss in the Boots.
You'll spoil the children if you give them whatever they want.
Señora, when I was a little orphan kitty, no one ever gave me anything but a mistrustful look.
If I can bring a smile to the faces of these orphans with a game of tag or a little chocolate papaya punch, how can I refuse? Can you even say the word "no"? Say it! Let's hear you do it.
What an absurd question.
Of course I can.
Puss, will you play leapfrog with us? Whatever you wish.
Ooh! Uh, I will demonstrate later.
When you least expect it! [Toby.]
Leapfrog! [Puss.]
Not how leapfrog works.
- [wind whistling.]
- [sniffing.]
Puss in the Boots! Oh, you are baking some kind of sweet dessert for the orphans that will make them wild and hectic and unwilling to leave me in peace with my romance novels! Now, I know you are.
I can smell the cinnamon.
You smell cinnamon? [sniffing.]
Hmm.
Ohh.
And I was just getting to the part where Arturo takes his shirt off.
It is cinnamon.
So, my day of reckoning has come.
¿Por qué? Are you allergic? Children, gather round.
I must tell you a story.
Long ago, I angered an evil wizard.
Something about a fish.
The details are not important.
But that wizard really loved that fish.
[sobbing.]
I mean, seriously, it was kind of creepy.
I escaped, but he vowed revenge.
He created a Golem, a towering monster made from clay and brought to magical life.
[snarls.]
He commanded it to hunt me down and destroy me.
He has followed me ever since.
Always smelling delightfully of cinnamon! Ooh.
There are more of you now.
It was a good story.
And the Golem never caught you, Puss? You were too fast for him? He was too slow for me.
Golems move quite slowly.
So, over the years, whenever I have smelled cinnamon, I have moved on.
[sniffing.]
By the smell of it, I estimate he will be here in San Lorenzo within a few hours.
Does that mean you're leaving us? No.
I am done running.
San Lorenzo is my home now, and I will not allow it to be ravaged by this beast.
I will stay, I will face him, and I will defeat him! [all cheering.]
So, does anyone have any thoughts on how I might do that? [man coughs.]
Giant clay monster? Indestructible? Very large fists for the hitting? Anything at all.
We're brainstorming here, people.
Blue sky! Taking any pitches.
I have an idea! A bicycle you pedal with your hands so you can still use it if your foot falls asleep! What does that have to do with the Golem? Oh, Golem! I thought you said "alternative transportation.
" Let me see.
Well, I studied Golems in alchemy school.
I know all about 'em.
Our own Golem to do battle with the evil Golem! Brilliant! You are certain you know how to make one? It's all right here in this mysterious, eldritch tome.
"Baby's First Book of Evil Spells.
" I am suddenly skeptical.
Just one more dash of arcanum corallinum and voilà! [coughing.]
Behold! A mighty, powerful, unstoppable [Puss.]
Cake? I didn't have baking powder, so I substituted baking soda.
Who knew it'd make such a difference? [Puss groans.]
It is no use.
I have no choice but to slay the Golem before he reaches town.
Slay him? Why can't you just talk to him? Just tell him you bear him no ill will.
Maybe he feels the same way.
It's like the book says: "Biting foes is for the birds.
Problems should be solved with words.
" No, the Golem will stop at nothing until its task is complete.
The only way to defeat this brute is with brute force.
People of San Lorenzo, I must go into the desert to battle the Golem.
In case I do not return, I will now begin to say my good-byes.
Vina.
Our time together has meant so much to me.
May your inquisitive nature serve you well on the path of life.
Did you know trees can smell fear? [sniffles.]
Do not cry for me! I will miss you, bonita! - You, sir! - Huh? Huh? I do not know who you are.
I think you live in that area over there.
Nonetheless, I have many things I wish to say to you as well.
Yeah, this could take a while.
[Puss.]
I have grown to love you like a brother! A brother whose name I do not know! Carlos, maybe? Juan? Roberto? No, no.
Kevin.
[bird screeches.]
[sniffs.]
[thudding footsteps.]
[gasps.]
Hello-o-o? Ooh, you smell so breakfasty.
I'm Dulcinea.
[grunts.]
Ahem.
And you are ? Destroy boot cat.
Oh, yes.
I know boot cat takes some warming up to, but he's actually a great guy.
I bet if you two sat down and talked, you'd find you have a lot in common.
So, uh, what do you say, huh? Oh! Hey! Uhh! Excuse me! Now, you listen here, mister.
Just because you're big doesn't mean you can push people around.
Like it says in the book Oh, where's the part about the rabbit who picked a fight with the ant? Aah! [Gasps.]
- [grunts.]
- Aah! Hmm.
Dress pretty.
Sorry.
Golem not used to conversation.
Golem love embroidery.
Make fabric pretty.
Golem love pretty things.
Sorry, I was told you were just a thoughtless lump of clay.
Golem was at first, but Golem follow boot cat many years, go all over world.
Golem see pretty things.
Art, nature, embroidery.
Oh, you poor creature.
Forced to spend your life chasing Puss in Boots.
In end, Golem think all of us chase something, yes? Sometimes I chase mice.
I'm not proud of it.
And you, Mayor Temeroso, may you continue to lead San Lorenzo with the same discerning skill with which you so expertly choose your hiding places.
[Temeroso.]
I'll try, Señor Puss.
Oh, you are good.
People of San Lorenzo, I must cut this short.
For I dislike long good-byes.
[man.]
We've been here for five hours! So, without further ado, I bid you all Puss, look who I found! [all screaming.]
- The Golem! - It's all right, he's with me.
Dulcinea, be careful! He is a savage, bloodthirsty monster! [people screaming.]
[Golem.]
Pretty village.
Many colors.
Fountain little overdone, though.
Puss, you won't believe it.
The Golem is actually really sweet and gentle.
He's been telling me all about his travels all over the world.
Golem love pretty things.
See? He doesn't want to hurt you.
Creature, is this true? Is true.
Golem not want hurt you.
Hmm.
But Golem must! Villain! Demon! Inhuman beast! Destroy boot cat! It is no problem.
I am too fast for this barbarian.
I can keep this up all day.
Ha ha ha! Uh-oh.
I'd better not keep this up all day.
Oh, Golem, look at what you've done to that pretty building! Golem cannot stop.
Must destroy boot cat.
Must obey order! Here is a new order: stop chasing me! Puss, you think you can command a Golem just by talking to him? [laughs.]
Why don't you just write down orders on a piece of paper and stick it in his mouth? Uhh! There is no need to mock me.
No, I'm serious.
The way to command a Golem is to write down orders on a piece of paper and stick it in his mouth.
Take out the paper in his mouth and he'll stop moving.
[Puss.]
That is ridiculous! Of course! If magic weren't ridiculous, then we'd call it science.
[grunting.]
Behold, beast.
Flowers.
[gasps.]
Ohh.
[groaning.]
It says, "Destroy boot cat.
" Heh.
A marvel of modern wizardry, huh? A marvel? You mean a mess.
Look what Puss' monster has done to the town.
Who's going to repair it? "Repair buildings.
" You're sure this will work? I don't see why not.
This should grow into a pickle tree, right? I don't see why not.
All right, here goes.
Repair buildings.
Hmm.
Golem like.
Fix building much better job than destroy cat.
Okay.
Fix that one.
Is easy.
Golem basically made of mortar.
[snorts.]
- Ugh.
- Eww.
Better.
And you're not going to try to destroy me? Golem have order repair buildings.
No more destroy boot cat.
This good.
Golem like boot cat.
Furry.
Mmm.
[groans.]
What a weight off my back.
I no longer have to run from him.
I am free.
This calls for a nice, cold leche.
[Esme.]
Puss? If you're free, can you play with us? - Please? - Por favor! Ah, well, I guess it would not hurt anything.
Tell me again why Toby has to be on top.
We like a challenge.
Is it my turn yet? Is it? Is it? Is it? Uh-oh.
[straining.]
[Toby grunting.]
I cannot believe this is working.
Golem fix buildings.
You fixed them all? I want to see! - [all scream.]
- [Puss yowls.]
[all cheering and laughing.]
Let's do it again! Then you can swing us around.
And then you can make us some chocolate papaya punch! Uhh! All of that will have to wait.
Puss is a little bit broken and needs to rest.
Golem not broken.
Golem not need rest.
[grunts.]
"Swing the orphans around gently.
" Boot cat sure this safe? I did say gently.
- Me first! - Whoo-hoo! [both cheering.]
[giggling.]
Whee! This is even better than when Puss does it! Yay! I'm learning to love danger! [laughs.]
[girls laughing.]
Can we write down things for him to do? Yeah, we want to make him do stuff, too.
I am not certain that would be Plea-ea-ea-ease? Well, whatever you wish.
- Ah! - Yeah! See, pequeños? Write down what you want the Golem to do.
Anything you would like, just write it down, and I will put it in his mouth.
How do you spell "bonfire"? Puss! Why is the monster chasing the children threateningly? Typically, that is my job.
They are playing tag.
[Kid Pickles.]
Yay! [Puss.]
The Golem is "it.
" - [Golem.]
Tag.
- Aah! Uhh! Whoo-hoo! Does the Golem have teeth now? Yes.
Artephius made him a set.
I thought it would be nice if he could smile.
- [groans.]
- Eeh! I don't know, Puss in the Boots.
Are you sure this is a good idea? For the children to be tiring someone else out instead of me? Yes.
Can it be my turn now, Puss? Of course, Toby, whatever you wish.
Yay! [Dulcinea.]
Puss, maybe letting the children command him isn't a good idea.
If you wrongly use a tool, you will look a perfect fool.
We can trust the kids.
It is not like they are going to tell the Golem to Punch.
Yes, with plenty of papaya, please.
Toby, what did you write? "Punch"! I really want some punch.
Must obey order.
Must punch! - Aaaah! - Toby! Golem, no, no! You are supposed to make punch, fruit punch! [Toby.]
Plenty of papaya, please.
Order not say "make punch," just say "punch"! Golem must obey! - [yowls.]
- [thud.]
Oh, no! Here, Puss! It says, "Don't hurt us.
" "Don't " Oh, dear.
- Now let us discuss - "Hurt us.
" Fantastic.
You do not have to do this.
You're a good person.
I know you are.
Golem not person.
Golem thing.
Golem must obey order.
That is not true.
You were happy.
A thing cannot be happy.
Golem like bring happiness to people.
But now Golem have to hurt people again! Golem, please, I should never have put you to work like that.
[grunting.]
- He's my bestest friend! - Stay away! - Don't hurt Puss! - Whoa! [screaming.]
Golem not want hurt anybody.
Golem not want any of this.
- Children, get away! - [kids screaming.]
Boot cat, stop Golem.
Stop Golem forever.
Not want hurt boot cat.
Golem, these teeth are in the way! Not want hurt! Open your mouth, Golem, wide! Golem can't! [growling.]
[moaning.]
[exhales.]
He has completed his task.
That is how the story ends as it began, with a lifeless lump of clay.
[sniffles.]
That can't be how it ends, Puss.
It's too sad.
I am sorry, but [grunts.]
Write down what you want the Golem to do? Hmm.
What What should Golem write? Whatever you wish.
Ha ha! Say "ahh," my cinnamon friend.
Ahhhhh.
"Be free.
" [Dulcinea.]
Oh! Easy there.
No more hurt us, remember? [laughing.]
Look at sky.
So pretty.
After years of trying to avoid the Golem, now I am sorry to see him go.
I bet we'll see him again someday.
Puss, you saved the day again! You're the best at everything, cat! Especially hide-and-seek.
- Hey, can we play hide-and-seek? - Yeah, and then leapfrog! And then can you please make some punch?! No.
- [gasps.]
- He no'd.
Did you hear that? He no'd.
Yes, I no'd.
Maybe the Golem cannot say no, but I can.
Ha ha ha! No more waking me up from naps to play games.
No more stories until midnight.
And more chocolate papaya punch.
Today is the day I stop letting you kids have so many sweets.
Hey, Puss! What should I do with this cake? [Toby gasps.]
Who am I kidding? I have but one rule.
Never say no to orphans.
[kids cheering.]
[Señora Zapata.]
Puss in the Boots! [gasps.]
Be free.
Ha ha ha ha! [fast, lively flamenco music playing.]