The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e09 Episode Script


"Fear me, if you dare, vile monster," for I am Puss in Boots! "And none may challenge me!" Whoa.
That is what I said to the fearsome two-eyed Cyclops of Bonegate Castle.
A two-eyed Cyclops? They're twice as dangerous as a regular one.
A terrible storm raged as I cautiously approached the gates.
That were built of bloody bones.
The bones of those who tried to steal the treasure of the Cyclops! The two-eyed Cyclops.
Twice as dangerous! - The monster bellowed in fury! - He swung his mighty axe! But Puss was too fast for him.
I think they've heard this story before.
- The possibility exists.
- Shush! The giant Cyclops could not reach the daring Puss in Boots Who hung onto his back with incredible style and flair.
The Cyclops called for his guards, but they did not come.
And, uh, why not? I don't know.
That's not part of the story.
Jack! Jack? Grand entrance! Whoa.
How did you get into town? You're exactly the kind of person the Sphinx is supposed to keep out.
I had but to answer a riddle.
That is really not much of a security system.
Getting back to your story about the Cyclops, if you want to know why the guards did not come, you have but to ask Jacques Sprat! That still sounds like "jockstrap" to me.
They did not come because they had been heroically dealt with by me! Jack, you cannot take credit for my defeat of the Cyclops.
Those guards were asleep! Oui, and I heroically did not wake them up! You never mentioned that Jack was with you in that story.
Because he did nothing! He filled his sack with the gold while I fought the beast.
- This is true.
- Do not try to deny it What? I did nothing, Puss.
I never did anything.
Can you ever forgive me? Please say no.
Please say no.
- Yes.
- What? I cannot stay angry at you, Jack.
You are my oldest friend.
Hello, Goody Two-Shoes.
He forgives me.
Ha! It's Dulcinea, and I don't! Puss, lately I have spent much time meditating on my life, and I have realizing something.
I am a terrible adventurer.
Look at this.
I don't even carry a real sword.
Adventuring is not for me, mon frère.
Oh, no, no.
But after much consideration and a detoxifying coconut-water fast, I have found my true calling.
Shoveling dung? Ah, close.
I have become a businessman.
I am going to open a holistic gymnasium right here in San Lorenzo! A place where one may exercise both mind and the body.
Huh? I will bring health and well-being to all of San Lorenzo! Now you cheer.
- Puss! - Whoa! You can't trust Jack.
Remember last time with the monster? He's gonna take advantage of you.
Fear not.
No one takes advantage of Puss in Boots! Wanna buy a magic pickle? - I will take two.
- Oh, boy.
Would you do me a favor, mon ami? When I visit you before, I did not have the chance to see that which San Lorenzo is famous for, it's legendary treasure house! I knew it! You have come to steal our treasure! Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I have given that up! But I miss the sight of gold and jewels.
I still appreciate the ethereal beauty of treasure.
The sparkle of sunlight on the gold of pirate booty.
Let me gaze upon your golden booty.
I am uncomfortable.
If you do not trust me, just stand at the door.
No one is faster than your sword.
I have seen you slice the pants off a fly.
I remember that.
What kind of tailor sews the tiny fly pants? I will never be as fast as you.
How could I possibly escape your lightning, uh, reflexes? You could not! C'est magnifique! Touch one coin and you taste my blade, which is a very bad taste.
Once I would have been tempted to steal all this, but no more.
And are those enchanted artifacts? I assume that you know the mystic powers of each item.
Uhh, of course.
I know them all like the back of my hand, which I can tell you without looking is furry and predominately orange.
Uh, what is this curious cup? Cup? Um, that is the Enchanted Goblet of Loch Lomond.
It, uh, creates invisibleness, is what it does.
Ahh, and what of these très jolie boots? Boots? They seem out of place.
Eh, they are from cobbler elves! Yes, the elves, they cobble everywhere.
Ah, really? They are not, uh the Seven League Boots? The what? You really have no idea what these are, do you? Whereas I know everything about them, including the fact that they shrink to fit! Jack! Take those off at once! Or you will stab me? Where? Here? Or here? I am sorry, Puss, I have played fast and loose with you.
I am fast and you lose.
Ha! Jump around all you want, Jack Rabbit, but you will not get past the lightning sword of Puss in Boots.
The world's biggest fool.
Jack took a whole chest of gold? Yes.
And I was powerless to stop him.
Don't feel bad, Puss.
I mean, sure, you failed to protect the town, and everyone's mad, and Jack totally beat you, and and So, don't feel bad.
So he took the chest? Did he get anything else? What about the mystic goblet that creates invisibleness? Wait.
I got that right? Puss, that treasure is the source of the magic that used to protect San Lorenzo.
If any of it is missing, we'll never be able to reactivate the spell.
What else did he take? Just the chest and a pair of red boots that made him incredibly fast.
Ugh! Those were the Seven League Boots! Legend has it that whoever wears them is so fast, he becomes invisible.
I know, I know.
I saw them in action.
There is only one thing I can do.
I must steal the boots back! Jack may have speed, but I have the brains! Recent events would indicate otherwise.
He could be anywhere.
How will you find him? With brains! Fact! Jack is lazy and would not carry the treasure chest far.
Fact! He is inordinately fond of caves.
He says that they are the nose holes of Mother Earth.
Conclusion! Jack is in the nearest cave! Behold the power of logic! So, where is the nearest cave? I should have asked, but I got caught up in the moment there.
Good morning, Jack.
I know you are in there.
Return the treasure or I will slice you up like the tiny britches of a fly! Ha-ha, I laugh! You cannot touch me.
You are as slow as the escargot.
No, no, no, no.
You cannot catch me, Puss.
Ooh, did you break anything? If so, I have some glue.
The boots stopped, but the villainous Jack Sprat did not! He smashed into the rocks, defeated by Puss in Boots! Ah, do you have to call me villainous? Yes, I do.
In fact, I am going to describe you as both villainous and flabby! No! Whoa! What? The chest! - What was that? - Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh"? Why did you say uh-oh? Oh, well, you're going to be so mad.
Jack, I am already mad! Well, there's a slight chance that, by using the Seven League Boots, I may have awakened, uh, something.
El Torbellino del Diablo! The Devil Wind.
You did this, Jack.
You brought forth this demon! I know I should not have stolen your treasure, Puss, but in my defense, I really wanted to.
It is shooting coins! - What does it want? - It is driven by a lust for gold.
It can smell treasure.
So, it loves gold and it is full of hot air.
- Please don't say just like me.
- Just like you.
The Devil Wind is the source of the Seven League Boots' power.
When the boots are used, the wind rises up and seeks out treasure.
Stupid wind! I am not treasure! Wait.
It seeks treasure? The Thieves' Market! Stay back! Go away! Hey, wind! Over here! You love the treasure, eh? Well, there is treasure that way! Can you smell it? Hmm? Go get it, boy! Go get it! Puss! After all I have done, you have saved me! Do not flatter yourself.
The Thieves' Market will keep it occupied for a while.
The Devil Wind will come seeking San Lorenzo's treasure.
And by the time it does, I will be ready.
A jail in a cantina.
Jacques Sprat approves! Ha-ha! Can I order a drink? - No! - Yes! All right, but put it in a dirty, filthy glass.
Have you ever disliked someone the instant you first saw them? No, but many people tell me they have this experience.
- I'm sure they do.
- Aw, little Goody Two-Shoes.
You big stupid jerky jerk! You messed everything up! Come here, so I can hit you! In the face! Control yourself, Goody Two-Shoes.
My name is Dulcinea! And I am a very nice lady.
There is only one way to stop this Devil Wind from stealing San Lorenzo's treasure.
I will become Puss in Different Boots! You cannot master the Seven League Boots in an instant! My years of meditation put me in tune with the balance of nature, but you won't be able to control Please.
I wear boots all the time.
You might want to rethink your plan.
I just need a little practice.
I am okay! Ha-ha! Ready, set Go! - Oh! - I believe I am ready.
And just in time.
The Devil Wind comes.
Oh, good.
It's bigger now.
Señor Wind, return to me now that which is not yours, or taste the blade of Puss in Boots! You tasted it.
You really just sucked it right up in there.
Now that I think about it, I am not sure how one fights a wind.
No, no, no, no! Uh, I did not think that through.
Well, this is all very unfortunate.
Unfortunate? You did this! You brought this demon to our town! Can't you at least apologize? - I am sorry that I - You're not sorry! Come on.
Let me pull his head off! Just a little! Dulcinea, while I think it is good that you are getting in touch with your anger, I feel that you may be taking it too far.
Listen to me, Puss.
I know how to defeat the Devil Wind.
But you have to let me wear the boots.
No! If I let you put them on, I will never see you again, which actually sounds pretty good right about now! The only way to stop the Devil Wind is to use its own power against it.
To unwind the wind by running around it in the direction opposite its spin.
Puss can do that! Oh, it requires very precise calculations of every force vector.
But who is this fourth Victor? Okay, maybe Puss can't do that.
Puss, if you try to do this without an understanding of force vectors, you will not survive.
I cannot tell a lie.
I do not know what you are talking about.
You'd better do something soon, Puss.
The Devil Wind is here! It's about to break into the treasure house.
If we lose the treasure, we'll never be able to reactivate the spell that protected San Lorenzo.
We must defend the treasure at all costs.
I can do this.
Let me have the boots! Please, I want to fix this.
I know you have no reason to trust me, but you have to trust me! Trusting you is what got us into this situation! But perhaps I could trust you halfway.
You're absolutely bonkers! This rope is just in case you were thinking of escaping, my friend.
How are you gonna run like that? We will run together.
Two hearts beating as one.
Twice as dangerous! Bonne.
We will be like the Yin and the Yang.
You are the Yin, by the way.
The Yin is the lady one! You are the Yin! No, you are! Okay, good luck.
- Together.
- Together.
- Whoa! - What are you doing? Ow! Little steps.
Little, tiny, baby steps! - No, no, no, no, no, no.
- This way! Look at me, mon ami.
Take a deep breath.
Hold it.
Now let it out slowly.
Feel the air as it blows across your lips.
We are that wind.
It is the dance that we do with Mother Nature.
Now, step.
Whoa! It is not working.
We are not making enough wind! Then we must get inside.
Whoa! Faster, Jack! Together! Like the Yin and the Yang! You are still the Yin.
No, you are! Ah.
I have had dreams like this.
We did it, Jack.
Together we vanquished El Torbellino del Diablo.
And that is how Jack Spratt and Puss in Boots working together, saved the day.
Like the Yin and the Yang.
He was the Yin, by the way.
No, you were the Eh, all right, I'll take it.
Jack Spratt, in light of your role in saving San Lorenzo which you endangered in the first place you are free to go.
Then it is time for me to be seeking new adventure in my inimitably roguish style.
I'll just take these as a souvenir! That made me so happy.