The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e11 Episode Script


[cat meows, purrs.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[Puss yowling.]
El gato! [yowls.]
1x11 - Mouse [humming.]
[scurrying footsteps.]
Halt! Who seeks to enter San Lorenzo must answer me this riddle.
[wind blowing.]
Whoa! Like, what are you [screams.]
Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
And it's soup! - Soup is awesome! - It's like food, but water.
Okay, kids, I'm supposed to show you what I do.
Would you like a demonstration of alchemy or macramé? [all.]
Alchemy! Are you sure? Macramé has knots! [all.]
Alchemy! Eh.
Have it your way.
This Career Day tour was such a good idea, Puss.
The children can get an idea of what they want to do when they grow up.
They cannot all be dashing adventurers in elegant footwear.
And now I'll turn this ordinary house frog into stone! [all.]
Ooh! [croaks.]
Ha! [kids.]
Aw! [croaks.]
[Kid Pickles.]
It's exactly the same! No, it isn't.
See? Over here? There's kind of a grayish bit.
It's, like, two percent stone.
Aren't you, little fellow? [croaks.]
Hello exactly the same froggy.
Hmm I'm going to have to practice that stone spell.
Next, I'll show you how to get rid of those nasty hiccups you get every time you look at a cloud.
Yay! [confused mutter.]
You don't get the hiccups from clouds! Sure you do.
Especially on Tuesdays.
In ancient times, Tuesday was called Cloud Hiccup Day.
Major thoroughfares would close until the sun came up on Wednesday.
And that's why Wednesday is called Sunday.
All right, children, it's time for the next stop on our Career Day tour.
Bye, Artephius! [door closes.]
Does it bother you, Artephius, that people do not take you seriously? Why would it? It might make you feel like a little bit of a laughingstock, no offense.
But I love making people laugh.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Well, technically medicine is the best medicine, but laughter's cheaper! As long as you are happy, my friend.
Now I'd better work on that stone spell.
Let's see.
Stone spell.
Ha! I had it under M for "Maybe I'd like to turn something to stone.
" [Pajuna humming cheerfully.]
[continues humming.]
Ah! - You have been eating dandelions.
- [kids.]
Yay! That was great, Pajuna.
Just magnificent.
[clicks tongue.]
So, children, why don't you come around behind the bar and you can milk me? - Yay! - No.
No! [chuckles.]
That's a little icky.
Oh? Says the lady who takes a bath with her tongue! Let's go! Who wants to go see the mayor's office? He has a desk and a chair.
I could tell them about my old job! I was an assassin for the Duke of Umbrage before he was deposed [squeaking.]
Hmm? No, no, no.
[heart beating.]
[squeaking continues.]
No, no, no! [squeaking.]
[heartbeat quickens.]
Thank you for your time, Pajuna.
But I was gonna give them a demonstration of strangling techniques.
Thank you! I would be interested in that demonstration.
It's so cute, I want to squish it! [kids.]
Aw! Aw.
Oh, he is adorable.
Did you know that mice eat with their feet? [Kid Pickles.]
He's like a pickle, but a different shape and color.
Aw! Look at him.
He eats bread just like I eat bread! [chomping.]
What are you all [squeaking.]
doing? [heart thumping.]
[hisses, yowls.]
Whoa! [slurps.]
What do you think you're doing? Oh I was not doing anything.
I'll take that mouse.
Someone needs to protect it from this barbarian! What? How could you hurt a defenseless little creature? You misunderstand.
I was just greeting it with enthusiasm.
Some of my best friends are mice! Really? You don't want to eat him? [smacking lips.]
No, no, no.
Not at all.
I in no way consider him either an inferior species or tender and delicious.
[yowls, grunts.]
Come on, you wee creature.
I have some nice fresh cheese for you.
It's my own recipe! First I drink a jar of olive juice Come along, children.
It's time to go to the mayor's office.
Maybe I should just go check on the mouse.
Puss! [Temeroso.]
White goes in the central file, pink in the backup.
When you're done stamping the changes, you fill out a 23A and attach it to the white copy.
Are there any questions? Are you ever going to stop talking? [laughs.]
No! [clearing throat.]
Uh, thank you, Mr.
Was that not a wonderful presentation? If we say yes, do we get to leave? Yes.
- I love it! Yes! - It was fantabulous! The next presentation will be much more interesting.
I promise.
I hope so.
I was bored stiff! Well, I guess that wraps up Career Day.
[Kid Pickles.]
What happened to her? [Vina.]
Something's wrong with Pajuna.
It's weird.
What happened? Stay calm, everyone! I am afraid our friend Pajuna has been turned to stone.
[all gasping.]
That's terrible.
How could something like this happen? Is Pajuna going to be okay? How are we gonna get milk out of her? Do not worry.
I will find a way to fix this.
Hey, everyone! Hi, Pajuna, how you doing? I saw some fresh lemons at the market.
You could make lemonade.
Well, not the way you make milk, though.
I think Pajuna's mad at me! Can you not see that she has been turned to stone? Wait.
Have you been practicing your stone spell? Well, yes, but [yells.]
There! There's the demon who did this to Pajuna! There! [squeaking.]
Are you Are you pointing at the mouse? No, I'm pointing at that fiendish abomination from the depths of the netherworld.
Artephius While some may see mice as nasty, vile beasts fit only to be used in casseroles, or fried with a little onion, or rolled in flour and - What was I saying? - Perish, foul creature! [groans.]
Hey, why does everyone want to hurt the little mousie? It's not a mouse! It is - Fartholomew Fishflinger! - Fartholo-who Fish-what? Fartholomew Fishflinger! An evil sorcerer of tremendous power! Clearly, he has stolen Pajuna's soul, thus turning her to stone! Yea, his terrible Ooh, clouds! [hiccups.]
Stupid cloud [hiccups.]
Oh, stupid cloud hiccups! You are being ridiculous, even for you.
Obviously your stone spell misfired, and you're trying to blame it on this poor little appetizer.
Mouse! Fear not, Puss! [hiccups.]
I will find a spell to turn Pajuna back to Well, what was she made of before? Wax? [hiccups.]
Was it wax? She was made out of Pajuna! You won't get away with this, Fartholomew.
I know what I have to do! [hiccups.]
[continues to hiccup.]
I'm going to follow him to ensure that he does not make matters worse.
Can you take the children to the orphanage and keep them safe? Yes, of course, as soon as they're done playing with the mouse.
He's so soft! Can I keep him in my pocket so I can pet him forever and ever? [squeaking.]
Toby is cuddling the mouse.
How very acceptable.
Can't you just admit you want to eat the mouse and then not do it? No, no, no.
I am fine with the mouse.
Puss, I know what it's like.
I'm a cat, too.
You hate the mouse.
I - Kind of.
- But you want the mouse.
I - Kind of.
- I feel the same way! But I control myself.
I will do so as well.
Just don't let the children know, okay? They love the little guy so much.
[inhales sharply.]
Come along, children.
Back to the orphanage.
- Can we take the mouse with us? - He needs us to keep him happy.
Oh, I'm not sure that's a very good idea.
[Puss growling.]
Or let's take him with us! Yay! And keep him safe from anything that might hurt him.
I think that would be best.
I will keep an eye on Artephius.
[Artephius humming cheerfully.]
Are you No.
And you? No.
Hmm [mumbling.]
Ah! Clouds! [hiccups.]
Darn it.
[Artephius hiccuping.]
What is he doing? [shrieking.]
A statue of Señor Igualdemontijo has appeared mysteriously! I'm afraid not, Mr.
Señor Igualdemontijo has been turned to stone.
Oh, well, that is different.
Hmm, Artephius cannot have done this.
He has not left my sight.
Ah, hello, mouse.
I see you have parted company with the children.
That is close enough, little fellow.
Abomination! Artephius! It is just a mouse, about which I have only the most positive feelings.
No, it is a terrifying mon Hey, it scared my hiccups away! You do not need to blame the mouse, my friend.
I have been following you, and I know you did not turn Señor Igualdemontijo to stone.
But someone did.
And I must find them! [male voice.]
Hello, old friend.
- I'm going to eat everyone's soul.
- Ahh! I'm gonna put every single soul in this town in my tummy, and there's not a thing you can do about it! [giggles maliciously.]
Get away! Stay back, you despicable horror! Ahh! Oh! Artephius, you're going to watch me destroy everyone you care about.
You're gonna suffer for what you did to me.
I had to do it! You were Wait, what did I do? Wait, don't tell me.
Did I borrow a book and not return it? [yells.]
You turned me into a mouse! That was my second guess.
I was on the verge of conquering the world.
The world! And then you turned me into this.
That does sound like something I would do.
Once I've eaten every soul in this town, I'll have enough power to return to my human form.
And then and then I will give you such a slap! Fair enough.
And then I will conquer the world! Why? Where would you put it? Mmm, enjoy the show, old friend.
I'm gonna fill my little tummy with the souls of everyone you care about.
You will be sadder than anyone has ever been.
And that will make me so happy! [giggles maliciously.]
Stop him! Stop that cute little mouse! He's an evil sorcerer, here to destroy us all! [laughing.]
No, don't laugh.
This isn't like my usual nonsense.
This time it's serious nonsense! Show yourself, foul demon! Where are you hiding? You are no match for my cunning cat senses.
Ah-ha! I have found you! And your ugly hat.
Mayor Temeroso! I see he got you.
And everyone else, it would appear.
Who could be behind this? No.
No! No! [pants.]
Dulcinea I swear, I will return you to normal.
I will return all of you to normal! [screeching.]
Isn't she supposed to be asking us a riddle? Maybe the riddle is that she's not asking a riddle.
- Whoa! - Hmph.
I know, right? Really makes you think.
So go into town and steal stuff? Go into town and steal stuff! Whoever is responsible for this, show yourself and face the wrath of Puss in Boots! Wow.
Are they having a statue sale today or something? Villains! Surrender at once, or I will make you pay! What? [grunts.]
Luiz, no! Huh? Ah! I was right! I should have eaten you when I had the chance.
Silly kitty cat.
I am the mighty sorcerer Fartholomew Fishflinger! [giggles maliciously.]
And I'm going to put your soul in my round little tummy.
[giggles maliciously.]
You're not gonna like it.
- That'll hold him for a minute! - Artephius - I am so sorry I did not believe you.
- It's okay, Puss.
Now drink this.
It's the elixir to make Fartholomew vomit up all the souls.
Then, why do I have to drink it? - You're not gonna like this.
- I already do not like this.
Well, you drink the elixir, Fartholomew eats your soul, then he vomits up all the souls! - You want me to let a mouse eat me? - Eat your soul.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No gato on the menu today.
You have to.
If we don't get the souls out before he transforms back into a man, they'll be trapped in there forever! Puss, I know I make a lot of mistakes, but you have to trust me.
Okay! I'll be nice! I'll be nice! For San Lorenzo! [gulping.]
[Artephius yells.]
Kitty cat's soul, say hello to my tummy.
[Puss groans.]
[Fartholomew giggles maliciously.]
- Where am I? - Oh, no, he got you, too! Puss! We've been stuck in here! It smells like cedar shavings and old Gouda cheese.
It is all right.
Artephius gave me a magic elixir.
We have nothing to worry about.
We're counting on Artephius's magic? I have complete faith in Artephius! Mostly.
[giggles maliciously.]
Look at me! I'm a flying mouse! I've got plenty of energy to resume my true form now.
Artephius, you can't defeat me.
I just remembered something, Fartholomew.
Something I forgot long ago.
And what's that? Kung fu! Oh, you have got to be kid Hai-yah! Ow! Ooh! Oh, now you made me mad.
Mad from my adorably pointed nose down to the tip of my sweet little tail.
Hai-yah! [shouting.]
Oh! [groans.]
Yoo-hoo-hoo! [groans.]
Whoa! [groans.]
[giggles maliciously.]
Silly Artephius.
I'm better than you at everything.
- Not macramé! - Especially macramé.
I can do the Korean Triple Chrysanthemum reverse square knot.
- You are the supreme master.
- I know.
You can't beat me.
I am the mighty Fartholomew Fishflinger! I don't have to beat you.
I just have to keep you busy for a minute.
Oh, good luck keeping me busy when you're dead! [giggles maliciously.]
You're gonna be so dead! Wait! Something is happening! [giggles maliciously.]
[stomach growling.]
Uh-oh [Puss screaming.]
I'm queasy in my little round tummy.
[Puss screaming.]
[all yelling.]
[screams and groans.]
Ah! [humming cheerfully.]
Huh? You saved us, Puss! [kids.]
Yay! After that, I won't be able to eat another soul for years.
But one day, I will have you all in my furry little tummy.
And you will taste so sweet! [giggles maliciously.]
- Get him! - Now you want me to catch the mouse! Hurry! [yowls.]
Aah! Where did he go? [Artephius.]
It's okay, Puss.
From now on, we'll be prepared.
We'll keep our eye out for that boy and his magic lamp.
Yes, we will What? [all cheering.]
- You saved us, Puss.
- You're our hero! No, the real hero is Artephius.
Without him, none of us would be here.
Artephius, my friend, I apologize.
You were right all along.
From now on, I will believe everything you say.
Well, that seems like a terrible idea.
Ooh, but does it mean you believe me about the clouds? No, that is just foolishness.
You see, nothing is [hiccups.]
Uh-oh I'm still scared of the mouse.
He's not gonna come back, is he? [hiccuping.]
This won't stop me! [slurps.]