The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s01e13 Episode Script


[cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
1x13 - "Star" [panting.]
[Esme groans.]
[horse whinnies.]
[woman screams.]
Dulcinea! The town is in total chaos and I sense that you know why.
Who? Me? You can't prove anything! [thumping.]
We are friends, and friends tell each other what is going on when there are a series of bizarre, seemingly unconnected occurrences.
Oh! I wish I could get away from all this! Where did she go? Dulcinea! [bandit.]
Hey! Oh, my! [bandits growling.]
Dulcinea! Hmm.
I think we need another mattress on top, long-ways, to give it a little extra pizzazz.
First pig named Toby to the top wins! [grunts.]
Hello! I'm here and ready to help! What a lovely, yet dangerous fort! Oh, hey, Toby! Do you want help down from there? I don't need any help! [whimpers.]
Oh, well, all right then.
Kid Pickles, let's go over your blueprints.
Never hurts to have a second pair of eyes! Nah, that's okay.
I don't need anyone! Whoo! Oh, okay.
Well, I've got ooh, phew, just so many other things to do, like, like this one thing, and then there's this other thing 'Kay, see ya! [Cleevil laughing.]
"When you're needed not at all, it can make you feel quite small.
" Yes, Booky.
Quite small.
Whoa! [grunts.]
Gentlemen, you mess with the cat, you are going to get the claws.
He called us gentlemen! Ooh, I can't wait to tell my mom! Puss, do you ever feel like you're not needed? No.
Why do you ask? Is someone spreading awful rumors about me to the contrary? Show yourself, rumor monger! No, it's just that, now that the orphans are getting older, I-I feel like they don't need me anymore.
Ah, I, too, would feel something if the people of San Lorenzo no longer needed me to protect them.
Uh, sadness, maybe? Or hunger? Yes, I think hunger.
Do not worry, Dulcinea, there is a surefire way to fix this problem.
Yes! Go on.
That was as far as I got.
Dulcinea, I hate to see you so sad.
How about tonight, I join you in your favorite evening pastime? [sighs.]
Reading bedtime stories to the flowers of the garden.
Oh, really? You mean it? Yes! And I will even write all of the stories myself! I will use all of the words! So many words! Oh, Puss, that is so sweet! Just nothing too, you know, spicy, okay? I write what I know, and what I know is muy caliente.
I go! [woman.]
Can I place an order, please? [man.]
Make it a double please.
Thank you.
Pajuna! The Cantina is packed! Can I help you? That depends.
Can you make milk with your cat parts? No.
Also, eww.
Don't knock it till you've tried it.
All right, who'll have a milk shake? [customers hoot, cheer.]
There must be someone out there that I can help.
- Hello there, Mayor! - Huh! Good evening, Mayor.
I mean, hello.
I didn't realize you make the barrels that you hide in.
Uh, yes.
There would be no barrels if it weren't for me! And where would you cower in fear if there were no barrels? Right.
Well, maybe I could help you! I've never made a barrel, but I've made pinecone bird feeders.
I just love it when the birdies peck the seeds out! They're like, "Ooh, seeds!" [pecking.]
I am sorry, but no.
The barrel maker, he is a lone wolf.
Nothing personal! [howling.]
[horse neighs.]
- [Dulcinea.]
Artephius! - Where? Oh! Hiya, Dulcinea! Do you need any help with whatever that is? Oh, you mean, my macramé owl kite? Uh-huh, yes! That! I would be honored if you would let me help you! Sorry, kid, can't let you board the macramé train.
The secrets of macramé are not for mere mortals.
Ooh, scary! Oh! [sighs.]
I just want someone to need me.
Oh, so pretty! [gasps.]
I've never seen a star twinkle blue before! Could it be a wishing star? [gasps.]
But maybe? I wish that flower were alive! Wow! I said a thing and it happened! "Official Secret Star Wisher.
" - [gasps.]
Me? - [male voice.]
Yes, you! [gasps.]
A talking medallion! I'll call you Goldy and wear you around my neck like best friends do when one of them is a necklace! [male voice.]
No! Up here! Starry? Hi! I'm Esteban! I'm your wishing star! I've been waiting thousands of years for someone to wish on me.
- You have? - Yup! [Esteban.]
A wishing star needs a wisher, otherwise he can't help people! Wait, you like helping people? [Esteban.]
You betcha! It's all I've ever wanted! I like helping people, too! [both.]
Oh, my gosh! we have so much in common! I can tell we're going to be best friends! [Esteban.]
Best friends forever! [gasps.]
So now what? I just make wishes? Wishes to [gasps.]
oh, oh, become the most helpful person in San Lorenzo? [Esteban hesitantly.]
Uh-huh, but remember, I'm a secret wishing star.
If you tell anyone about me, all your wishes will go away, and I'll go to sleep forever and never be able to help anyone ever again.
A life without helping! That's terrible! [Esteban.]
Good thing that'll never happen! Now, let's make with the wishes! [giggles.]
[Pajuna humming.]
Back, beasty! Back! [grunting.]
All right, Esteban, keep your eyes open for anyone who might need our help.
[Esteban gasps.]
Who's that? Is he a mystic warrior? [coughs, hawks.]
Oh, that's Puss! But shh! Keep your voice down.
It's okay, you're the only one who can hear me.
See? [yells.]
My name is Esteban! [Puss gagging.]
Huh, magic sure is nifty! [retches.]
- Hello, Puss! - Hello, Dulcinea! I was trying to catch a couple more thieves.
The two I caught earlier seemed very lonely.
Oh, I have something else to tell you.
The most exciting thing happened, I got a - [Esteban screams.]
No, no, no! - [Dulcinea.]
I see no hat.
Well, it's very small.
Okay, bye! Sorry about that! It's just that Puss and I tell each other everything.
- [Dulcinea.]
It's our thing.
- [Esteban.]
Oh, it's okay! Sometimes friends almost send friends to eternal slumber by accident.
Why is that strange man trying to fit into a barrel? Suck in that gut, Temeroso! [grunts.]
Oh, hey, Mr.
Can I help you with that? Ah, we've been over this.
Lone wolf? Works alone? How-how-howl! Oh, okay.
I guess I "won't" help you then! I don't know what the fingers mean.
I wish the mayor had a barrel that would fit him perfectly.
Hah! That's easy! Wish-zam! [gasps.]
Fits like a glove! It worked! [giggles.]
I am super good at this! [gasps.]
[grunts and screams.]
Am I man or barrel? [crying.]
Come on, Owlexander! Fly! Fly! Aww.
Oh, hi, Artephius! Looks like you could use some H-E-L-P! Why did you just spell "ham"? No, I was I was asking if you needed some help.
Oh, that's too bad, I'm starving.
[stomach growling.]
Anyway, can I help you with your kite? Oh, you can try, but the owl kite only takes commands from me, its master.
Would you mind looking over there for a quick sec? Sure.
Oh! A wall! [exclaiming.]
I wish Artephius's kite would fly! [Esteban.]
One flying kite coming up! Wish-zoop! [laughing.]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! You're welcome! You didn't do anything.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I didn't.
Yeah, you didn't, though.
Maybe I didn't.
But maybe I did! All right, then maybe thank you! [giggles.]
Wow! This is amazing! [Esteban giggles.]
We're magic! [continues giggling.]
Whoa! [Artephius.]
I should be worried about this! Whee! You and me, Esteban! We're a perfect pair! [Esteban.]
Like a pair of peas! Yes! We're just like peas! Magic wishing peas, who are also friends! [horse neighing.]
Please, Julio! I must get this yarn to market! Mush! Don't worry, Señora Igualdemontijo! I can help you! Do you know anything about horses? Not even a little! I wish her horse would giddyap! [Esteban.]
Wish-zap! [Igualdemontijo gasping.]
Thank you! Thank you, Julio! You're welcome, ma'am! And the name's not Julio, it's Dulcinea! San Lorenzo's Official Secret [Esteban screams.]
Chair! Yeah, chair.
That works.
Okay, well, have fun with your horsey stuff! [neighing.]
Oh! Oh! [screams.]
My yarn! No! I am ruined! Left! Left! No, your other left! I have two lefts? I'm a monster! [screams.]
- Yay! - [Señora Zapata.]
Children! Clean up this mess! It's time for bed! All right, troops, you heard her! Let's pack it up! Aww, I wish someone else would clean up after us, like when we were little! Oh, Esteban, the poor children.
I wish I could do everything for them like when they were younger.
Wish-zowie! [cooing, babbling.]
Why are they all acting like babies? [Esteban.]
You said, "Like when they were younger.
" That's not what I meant! Dulcinea, I have written a tale for flower story time.
Phooey! I knew I was forgetting something! Let me just say, I hope the flowers' petals are not too delicate! My tale is spicier than the legendary Volcano Death Pepper of Saraqusta! I will find you one day, Volcano Death Pepper! I will find you and I will eat you! No pepper is too spicy for me! [chomping.]
Puss, I'm sorry, but I have to cancel flower story time tonight because of uh, reasons! [laughs, coos.]
Uh, Dulcinea, Toby is doing that.
Oh, they're just playing a game! A fun, fun game! [giggles.]
Oh, funny.
[babbles and burps.]
Are you fibbing to me? Your eye is twitching.
It is not! You are lying! And you have never lied to me.
Are you in trouble with the law? You can tell me! Hm? Hm? No! [Esteban.]
Look away from his eyes! They're so compelling! [gasps.]
I wish there was something to keep Puss busy! [Esteban.]
Wish-zomp! [gasping and screaming.]
Señora Igualdemontijo, I will save Ooh! [meows.]
I am suddenly busy! But we are not done here! [children cooing, babbling.]
Boy, I really mucked this one up! Oh, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
We'll just fix it with more wishes! I wish the kids were older! [Esteban.]
Wish-zooby! Oh, my hip! [exclaiming in pain.]
My aching scales! My grandson never calls me! Oh, no! Now they're too old! [screaming and yelling in distance.]
Um, Esteban? I think we may have gone a little overboard.
[screaming and yelling continues.]
Um [Artephius screaming.]
Dulcinea! I must speak with you! [gasps.]
Esteban! I wish you would keep him busy again! [Esteban.]
Wishing is fun! Wish-zowie! How did you escape? The key is safely in my boot! I can tell because every step is incredibly painful! The door just opened and we walked right out.
Hah! Like I'm going to believe the lies of common thieves! En garde! [grunting.]
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go help Dulcinea.
What! What is this deviltry? [both gasp.]
[mumbling in amazement.]
[grunting and growling.]
[screaming continues.]
Oh, my! Esteban! All of our wishes went wrong! [Esteban.]
Don't worry, I can fix it with - More wishes? - More wishes! [yelling and screaming.]
Why won't you stay down? [crying.]
I don't know! I don't wanna fight no more! Will this never end? Incoming! This is a horrible nightmare.
I wish the mayor wasn't in the barrel! [Esteban.]
Wish-zoink! Help! I'm scared of heights! Also horses, and glue, and puppies, and small rocks, yogurt.
I wish Artephius' owl kite wouldn't fly! [Esteban.]
Zoot! [screaming.]
[all groaning.]
[Igualdemontijo screaming.]
Dulcinea! The town is in total chaos, and I sense that you know why.
Me? You can't prove anything! [thumping.]
We are friends, and friends tell each other what is going on when there are a series of bizarre, seemingly unconnected occurrences.
Please don't tell him! Oh! I wish I could get away from all this! [Esteban.]
Wish-zap! Where did she go? Dulcinea! Hey! Oh, my! [whimpers.]
I'm ruining everything! If only there was something I could do to make it up to San Lorenzo.
If I could make one big wish, something really important, something that would help everyone in town Ooh! [screaming.]
The Great Mage Sino! If I could restore your spell that separated San Lorenzo from the world, the town would be safe forever.
I'd be the helping-est helper San Lorenzo has ever seen! Esteban, I wish San Lorenzo were separate from the rest of the world again! [Esteban.]
Wish-ziminy! [grunts.]
[wind howling.]
What is going on? Oh, I'm too old for this! You said it, Kid Pickles.
Ah, Adult Pickles? Old Pickles? The name's Sergeant Pickles, 44th Cavalry! I fought for my country! It's like I'm falling in every direction at once! What is going on? [Esteban.]
Dulcinea! [Dulcinea.]
Oh, my! You're so big! [Esteban.]
I don't think we can fix this with more wishes.
I'm just no good at it! - Oh, we just need one wish to go right.
- Wait a minute.
Wish? Dulcinea, do you have a wishing star? There are many tales of wishes, but they all end the same way.
You must give it up.
But he's my friend! [Esteban.]
Dulcinea, he's right.
You have to tell everyone about me.
- You'll go away forever! - You have to help your friends.
You're my friend! I can't! Dulcinea, all you wanted was for someone to need you.
And now, a whole bunch of floating someones need you.
You have to do this.
Even though I can only hear one half of this conversation, it is very touching.
I'll miss you, Esteban.
You can still talk to me.
I just won't answer.
Everybody, listen up! I have a wishing star! [Esteban.]
Bye! [explodes.]
Esteban? Are you there? [Puss.]
Dulcinea, I know you are down, but we have something that might raise you up a bit.
Go ahead, Esme.
We made this for you.
"The Star of San Lorenzo.
" For me? But why? I know you have been worried that no one needed you anymore, but we do.
We all do.
You help us in the most important way of all: you brighten our lives like a star.
Yeah! You always read us bedtime stories.
And the flowers, too! And hug us every time when we are scared.
And let us steal food from your room without you knowing! - What? - Nothing! Group hug! [all laughing.]
I had the strangest dream that the town had been thrown into chaos.
I did not know what to do.
I had a dream like that, too.
Good thing that's all it was, just a dream.
[children giggling.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]