The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s02e01 Episode Script


1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[Puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
2x01 - "Dragon" I am Puss in Boots, and I believe one solitary truth.
When it comes to being a hero, there is no such thing as too much helping.
Trouble lurks! Protect me, Felina.
Ha! [mosquito buzzing.]
En garde! [buzzing continues.]
Back, mosquito! Leave this man alone.
Hold still.
Ah-ha! [buzzing stops.]
Victory is mine! I am needed elsewhere.
[mosquito buzzing.]
What is the soup of the day? [overlapping chatter.]
Hold your horses, Old Pajuna's goin' as fast as she can! [Puss.]
Help has arrived! I will distribute these beverages for you.
[mug shatters.]
[Toby straining.]
I can't get this carrot out! Surrender, carrot! Ah! Help is on the way, amigos! [grunting.]
Puss in Boots will eat a raw eggplant.
He does not care.
Puss in the Boots! What is wrong with you? What? I am helping.
Helping? If you want to help, you can go to the market and buy some lard.
Unless purchasing lard is too small a task for a hero such as yourself.
Ha! There is no such thing as a small task.
Only small heroes.
One of which I am not! [whistles.]
I go! Hah! [man grunts.]
[horse neighing.]
Here is a coin, in exchange for which I demand your largest container of lard.
Much bigger! Bigger! [Puss straining.]
- Hey, did you hear about the dragon? - A dragon? Yeah! He's ferocious! It guards a massive hoard of golden treasure.
It has wings like this! And teeth like that! And breath of fire! I heard it burned down three villages in one day.
That's 21 villages a week! A thousand and ninety-five a year! Whoever will save us from this dragon? [chuckles.]
[clears throat.]
- [man.]
I will! - Huh? [glass shattering.]
I will ride into the desert and slay the dragon single-handedly.
And when I do, I will claim its treasure, making me, El Moco, the wealthiest bandido who ever [Puss.]
Not so fast! [man shouting.]
Run! Run! El Gato.
[Puss laughs.]
If anyone here is going to slay a dragon, it will be me.
But unlike you, I do not slay for treasure.
I slay for justice! Yah-ha! Would somebody please put my lard on ice? Thank you! [sniffs.]
Faster, Babieca! Faster! We have justice to deliver.
Like a mail carrier who delivers justice instead of letters.
[horse neighs, snorts.]
If I do not return from this heroic mission, tell all whom you encounter tales of my legend.
Feel free to embellish.
[ominous music playing.]
Dragon! I have come to slay you! [creature growling.]
I am Puss in Oh.
[groans, coughs.]
[sneezes, whines.]
You are the dragon? [playful grunting.]
Oh, you are not such a bad guy, are you? [growling softly.]
You are just a big softy.
[El Moco.]
Dragon! Time to die! [dragon whimpers.]
Fear not, amigo.
No harm shall come your way on my watch.
Move aside, gato.
That dragon has a date with my sword.
Well then, it must be date night in wherever we are, because my sword has a date with your throat.
Oh, really? Yes, really.
[both grunt.]
Ha-ha! [groans.]
Dragon, not now.
[both grunting.]
[chuckles, groans.]
[El Moco moans.]
Let me out of here! I'll tear you apart! Ha! No chance! You stay there and think about what you did.
[El Moco.]
I'm going to kill you! [whimpering.]
[El Moco.]
Let me out! [nickering.]
Hello, Babieca.
[dragon moaning.]
[dragon grunts, moans.]
I will send someone to claim El Moco.
He has a very large bounty on his head.
Yes Well, farewell.
And you are not as awful as everyone says.
[dragon whining.]
No, no, you cannot come with me.
[growls softly.]
Nice try.
But I am the master of making that face.
See? [moaning.]
You stay.
[kids chanting.]
We want lard! We want lard! Can I have a salad? I told you, we are out of lard! Then maybe we ought to eat you! [Puss.]
Did someone say lard? [galloping hoofbeats.]
Yay! Oh, thank heavens! [screeches.]
Puss in the Boots! Look out! [dragon moaning.]
He followed me home.
Can we keep him? [Puss.]
and then I locked El Moco in the treasure chest.
[mimicking El Moco.]
"Let me out, I cannot breathe! It is so dark in here!" [laughs.]
It was classic me.
I don't understand.
You see, the treasure chest had a latch and No, I mean, why is that here? Oh, yes! The dragon.
Well, I rode out with the intention of delivering justice, but when I arrived, I was met with this old, sickly creature.
Why, just look at him.
So sad and scraggly.
I must help him.
Look at that face.
Who is a good dragon? Who is a good dragon? You are the one that is a good dragon.
Can we name it? How about Dragon Toby? That is no name for a mighty beast such as this.
We shall call him [sighs.]
Now all I can think of is Dragon Toby.
Dragon Toby it is.
Yay! You cannot keep a wild dragon here! They are dangerous! [neighing.]
Oh, you say that about everything.
I do not! Yeah, you kinda do.
You said it about me, and I'm as sweet as pie.
Back off, Hamsack! [squeals.]
[Artephius shouting.]
Back, foul beast! Leave us be! [imitating bird cries.]
You all underestimate the friendship between a cat and his dragon.
There is nothing to fear! The fates have conspired to bring Dragon Toby and I together, and I intend to nurse him back to health.
Because that is what a hero does.
I know just what you need.
Pajuna has the most hearty and restorative leche a sick dragon could ask for! [groans.]
Wait here.
I will return.
Did you see the size of that dragon? [excited chatter.]
Boy, he is so sick.
[overlapping chatter.]
This isn't frothy! [man.]
You'd better make that a double! - Puss.
- Pajuna, my old friend! [chuckles.]
How are you? [groans.]
Busy as a cow with two udders.
[laughs, snorts.]
Two udders! An amusingly folksy expression.
So I need a favor.
[breathing heavily.]
This should be enough leche, even for a dragon.
Hi, Puss! Ah, Artephius.
I am glad to see someone in this town taking a liking to Dragon Toby.
Yep! He pulled me down to the ground, and because I have a healthy fear of death, I let him.
[dragon growls.]
Does the good boy want some leche? Look, like this.
[dragon whimpers.]
It's like they say, Puss, "You can lead a dragon to milk, but you can't make him drink.
" Whoever said that never met Puss in Boots.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
[Puss exclaims.]
[upbeat song plays.]
Just a cat and his dragon It's not at all braggin' A pair as old as time itself Like a dog eatin' a cabbage Or a cabbage carryin' baggage Or a duck way up high on a shelf Just a dragon and his cat Nothin' weird about that Go together like trousers and cheese Like a bottle of panthers who have all the answers To questions of Dutch elm disease Talkin' about a cat and a dragon is a very normal thing It's not at all very strange Are you really understanding? Aww! [horse neighing.]
Like a baby with a mustache Or a princess also with a mustache It's the greatest thing you've ever seen Yeah, it's the greatest thing you've ever seen Yeah, it's the greatest thing you've ever [people cheering.]
# Seen # San Lorenzans, rejoice! We have healed our dragon.
Three cheers for us! - Hip-hip! - Hooray! - Hip-hip! - Hooray! - Hip-hip! - Hoo [snorts, screeching.]
[screeching, grunting.]
Okay, boy, easy does it [growling.]
[screech echoing.]
[people screaming.]
[grunting, panting.]
Puss in the Boots! [nervous chuckle.]
It is all right, he is just happy to be healthy.
I am certain he will not keep this up for long.
Fairly certain? [grim music playing.]
Okay, that is enough, Dragon Toby.
[clears throat.]
Um, Puss? Oh, hello, Dulcinea.
Just taking the air with Dragon Toby.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Some people in town were thinking that maybe it's time you bring Dragon Toby A treat? A treat for good boys? back.
What? We cannot bring him back! It would break my the orphans' hearts! It was their idea.
He tore up my pickle patch! All that hard work, gone! I think he wants to eat me.
And he stole my whole green and scaly bit.
Without it, I'm nothing.
I admit, he has been a little over-exuberant since he started feeling better, but all he needs is some basic obedience training.
Here, watch.
Dragon Toby, sit.
[people screaming.]
I will work on it.
[Se?ora Zapata screams.]
Dragon Toby, no! [Se?ora Zapata screaming.]
[screams continue.]
It is all right, Se?ora! I have you! Dragon Toby, stop! [both scream, grunt.]
[both screaming.]
Felina! [crashing.]
[Se?ora Zapata groans.]
Did you see that? He listened! That dragon has to go! [sighs.]
[melancholy music playing.]
You are a good boy, Dragon Toby.
But it is time for you to go.
Ready? [everyone straining.]
[dragon grunting.]
Easy does it.
Steady! [growls.]
[everyone grunts.]
Okay, everyone, grab the rope.
Dragon Toby! Sit! Sit! [dragon roaring in the distance.]
What is that? That is a very large dragon.
It ain't so big.
Lemme at 'im! No, you take Dragon Toby to safety.
Leave that to me.
[everyone screaming.]
[dragon roars.]
You are a terrible driver! [screams.]
[Puss continues screaming.]
[horse neighing.]
Um, hello.
Excuse me, hi.
Which one of you stole my baby? You mean Dragon Toby? He is no baby! He is old! [chuckles.]
His name is Ephraim.
He's one! What? If he is a baby, why did he not say so? Because he's a baby! Ma'am, I'm awfully sorry for the confusion.
We were only trying to help.
See how much healthier he is? [growls softly.]
Well yes.
And because he seems to like you, I won't, you know, incinerate all of you.
You're welcome.
[nervous chuckles.]
And you shouldn't stick your nose in people's business.
Come on, sweetie.
We're leaving.
[growls softly.]
Farewell, Dragon Toby Ephraim.
You have been a good friend.
Who is cutting onions? [sniffs.]
You are getting onion waftings all over my eyeballs.
[horse neighs.]
[horse neighing.]
I don't do that, do I? [sniffs.]
What she said, the sticking of the nose thing? [coughs.]
[horse nickering.]
[mosquito buzzing.]
The mosquito! He has returned.
I told you back, winged villain! [grunting.]
Safe and sound.
And that's the last time Mama leaves you alone.
[El Moco.]
Puss in Boots! I can hear you.
Let me out of here so I can rip you apart! I will unleash a volcano of rage! [dragon growls.]
Uh, never mind.
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]