The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s03e03 Episode Script
Ugly Duckling
El Gato! 3x03 - Ugly Duckling Puss.
Puss? Puss! What should we do now? - Do? Should? Now? We? - To get Uli back? Because he has information? That could save us? Uh This is the part where Puss says something so heroic and awesome that I forget to breathe and get louder and higher pitched until I I'm alive.
So, we need a plan to rescue Uli.
And I think we're gonna need some help to Help? I do not need help! I never need help.
I am The One! From the prophecy! I will make a plan to rescue that goaty-man from the underground prison alone, like a true heroic hero.
You tried that already.
A few minutes ago.
In case you forgot, it didn't go so well! It went okay.
"When it's hard to do yourself, you can always ask for help.
" Help? Ha! I do not even know how to spell the word.
Hmm, uh, H-U-E-L Hm, okay, quick little re-write here.
What are you writing? How about this? "When it's hard to do yourself, you can always ask for assistance.
" I do not know.
That seems quite similar to help.
- Guidance? - Nah.
- Aid? - Ah! No.
Hmm, advice! - Uh Okay.
This, I accept.
- Phew.
There is only one person who could advise me, and that person is a cat.
And that cat is my mentor, El Guante Blanco! The dowsing rod says he should be right around here! Do you know who you're dealing with? - El Maestro? In danger? - You're not going anywhere! Hmm Back, villains! Puss! Oh! Let's get out of here! We'll be back! Maestro! Are you all right? I am fine.
You did not have to Nonsense.
It is my honor to protect you.
Ah! Dulcinea.
You are even more beautiful than I had recalled.
Oh.
Okay, okay, that is enough hello-saying.
Ha-ha.
Same old Ginger.
So, what brings you here, my friends? Uh Uh We came to uh You can do it, Puss.
Maestro, there is a situation in San Lorenzo, and - I need advice! - Yay! That was wonderful, Puss.
Yes.
It was, wasn't it? Oh, Ginger, uh, I would love to help Advise.
- But, I am afraid I cannot.
- What? You see, I have a big fight coming up.
The biggest ever.
Fight? You? No offense, Maestro, but aren't you a little Old? Ginger, you should see your face.
No, not me.
Her.
My friends, I introduce to you the Ugly Duckling.
Oh, that's not very nice.
That's okay, it's just my name.
I go by Ugly Duckling or plain ol' Duckling for short.
Just don't call me Ugly.
Maestro, you have a new protégé? I have had many since you, Ginger, but none as good as Duckling here.
Really? Her? Nice to finally meet ya, Mister.
I've heard so much about you.
"When Puss in Boots unsheathes his sword, step aside, or you'll be floored!" Oh! Neat rhyme.
Yep.
I love rhyming.
It's my thing! "Fur of white, and eyes of blue, you're a neat cat, this is true!" Oh! That one was about me! Me! Ah, yes, yes.
Well, Ugly Duckling.
In order to prepare you for your little fight, how about a sparring match against a real competitor? Me.
Well, I don't know, Ginger.
Oh, it'd be an honor! I could probably learn a thing or two.
This is just for fun, little duck.
Do not feel bad when you lose.
Hi-yah! That was just a warning shot.
Stay out of my way or I'll gut you like a fish! Nice work, Ducky! Someone is a little rusty.
Rusty? I am not rusty! - She cheats with those enormous feet! - Puss! You don't like my widdle feet? Aww, fiddlesticks.
Oh, it's okay.
He didn't mean it.
I did! I did mean it! And stop with that "my widdle feet" business.
Come on.
I don't know what's gotten into him.
Huh? It's okay, Ducky.
Don't listen to him.
I demand a rematch! No, Ginger, please.
Duckling's big fight is coming up.
I cannot risk tiring my best protégé ever! Best protégé ever? She has to win the big money.
Big money! El Guante, you're fighting for money? A whole boatload of it! Yay! So many reales.
All of the reales.
Reales on reales on reales! Enough reales to finally Lot of reales! Never mind.
Fighting for money? Come, Duckling.
Your training must continue.
Come, come.
That doesn't sound like the El Guante Blanco I fell in love with.
Uh, read about.
What? I don't know, stop talking.
Best protégé ever? To win a fight of this magnitude you will need speed.
Ha-ha! Huh? Whoa! Agility! Intimidation eyes.
Gah! And mastery of the culinary arts! - Dinner is - Served! - Puss? - Dulcinea! I did not see you there.
For I was busy mastering the art of the nunny-chucks.
Hmm, I don't think that's how nunchucks are supposed to work.
I do not either.
But if I am to show the maestro that I am his best protégé ever, I must master all of the fighting arts.
As well as the performing arts.
Behold! This is The Dying Swan.
Puss, I know that you don't like the duckling.
- Because she is the worst! - Oof! But which is the most important? Beating her or saving San Lorenzo? They are both the most important.
You see how that's not possible, right? Do not question me.
Now, I must sleep.
Because those nunny-chucks did make little bruises on my head.
Ugh.
"When the sun says its final good night then you know it's time for night.
" Oh, the Duckling makes rhyming look so easy.
You told me you would have it today! Remember, if you cross me, El Guante Blanco, you cross the one I represent.
The Scarlet Panther.
They say the Panther can kill with but a glance.
I have seen it.
It is gross! I promise, I will pay.
Do you pinky promise? Pay up! Or face the Panther's wrath! Dulcinea! Uh How long have you been there? Who was that? What's going on? - Oh, nothing.
No one.
An old friend.
- He didn't sound very friendly.
Oh.
He was just joking about being friend He's a jokester, that Oh, funny, I'm Oh, look at the time.
You're not wearing a watch.
Well, then it is time to buy one.
You're right.
Goodbye.
Where are my boots? Duck! Why do my boots have the squishy toes? Oh.
I don't know.
I guess last night I may or may not have mistaken your boots for the potty.
What is wrong with you? It's your own fault, Puss.
"Leave your boots unattended, one might poop in them.
" That does not even rhyme! It's a haiku, dumb-dumb! Read a book! I am no dumb-dumb.
This is the last straw, Duck.
I challenge you to a duel! All right.
It's your funeral.
Poop in Boots.
Gah! That is not my name! You have defiled my boots, stolen my maestro, and been generally the worst! I will fight you, I will beat you, and I will prove once and for all that I am El Guante Blanco's best protégé ever! What are you waiting for Ugly? Don't call me Ugly! El Guante? I was just, uh eating? You don't have any food.
Because I ate it.
What is going on? You've been acting so strangely.
And what is in that book? Oh, do not read it.
It is my diary? This isn't a diary.
It's a ledger.
And you owe a lot of money! It is true.
I am indebted.
I owe reales on reales on reales! But how did this happen? All my life, I wanted to build a great dojo.
I used my life savings to build the best dojo the world had ever seen! But, it caught fire.
So I borrowed money to make another dojo.
This, too, was destroyed.
I borrowed and rebuilt again.
And again, and again! I couldn't keep my head above water.
I finally had to give it up.
If Duckling does not win this fight today so that I can pay back what I owe, the consequences will be no bueno.
Why didn't you tell us? We would have helped you! Help? A hero does not ask for help.
You really did teach Puss, huh? Hi-yah! Where does she keep all those knives? Maybe we call it a tie? I don't wanna fight you.
I don't wanna fight anyone.
I hate fighting! That is perfectly timed news.
But, Duck, why are you a fighter if you hate fighting? Uh, because I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good at it.
I would have used just one "really," but okay.
And because El Guante Blanco needs me to fight.
He owes money to some nasty bad guys.
The more I fight, the more he can pay them back.
You must really care about the maestro.
He's the only one who's ever believed in me.
I was an outcast living in the streets, and he took me in.
If you do not wish to fight, what do you want? I wanna be a poet! Ah, yes, the rhyming.
If poetry is your heart, then you should put down your ducky dukes and do what you love.
You really mean it? You really get me.
I'm done fighting.
Forever! Thanks for your help, Puss.
Well, everyone needs help sometimes.
And if I can ever help you Everyone but me! Puss in Boots never needs help! Now go forth and poet-ize! I will fight instead of you.
Um, excuse me! The championship fight is about to start.
The challenger is here.
What up, playa? The ninja pigs are the reigning champions of the fighting circuit.
Which one of them is fighting? It took all four of us to fill out the application, so we count as one.
That seems fair.
Okay, Duckling, this is it.
The big leagues.
Just do what I tell you.
Stay low, shoulders down, win! No! I will fight for you, Maestro.
And these pigs will go running, wee wee wee, all the way home.
Eh.
Okay! Last man standing wins all the reales! Let's have a good, clean fight! Or a terrible, dirty one.
I'm okay either way.
Begin! En garde! Whoa, whoa, whoa, kitty-cat! This is a fisticuffs league! That means no weapons.
You think I cannot fight without a weapon? Ha! I think this is yours.
Hi-yah! Ow! I hate the feet.
Feet are his Achilles heel.
Along with women, leche, and naps.
Ooh! Ducky, what are you waiting for? Get in there! I'm sorry, Maestro.
I'm done fighting.
What? Come on, we're gonna kick your butt! But, you love fighting.
No, you love it! I was never into fighting! I wanna be a poet.
I have this.
I have this! - Why did you not say so? - I have this.
You're the only person who's ever been in my corner.
I didn't wanna disappoint you.
No, I have this! Whoa! You could never disappoint me, Duckling.
- You want some more? - Come, get some, Puss! Oh, no, no, no, no, no Whether you are fighting or poet-ing, I will always be proud of you and your big heart.
Tickle fight! - Tickle fight! - Lamar, get off! Duckling, I release you.
Aww, Maestro.
Three! I am so sorry, Maestro.
- Two! - Not so fast! The Duckling's back! Quake in fear, or face my quack! Ducky.
Guess I got one more fight in me.
That is perfectly timed news.
Would you like any help? Maybe just this once.
No fair! Now there's two of you! And four of you.
Oh, yeah.
Fight time! The winner! Your debt is paid.
Let this be a lesson to you all.
Fighting solves everything.
Okay, bye.
So, Ginger, you wanted advice? Yes.
We have a goaty-man in a moley-jail and we must get him out! Ah, yes! Jail-breaking is one of my specialties.
I will help.
I mean advise.
Duckling, will you come with us? Thanks, but uh, it's time for me to go live the life of a poet.
Goodbye, Maestro.
Goodbye, friend.
Oh, and I didn't really poop in your boots.
It was just mud.
That is a relief.
Maybe a little poop in it.
Yeah, all is forgiven.
Well, off to start my poet-ing.
"Goodbye, cruel world of vicious fighting.
I go to do what I love writing!" Adiós, fluffy warrior.
See? It's not so bad asking for help.
Everything turned out great.
Great? I was beaten severely! I am seeing double.
And I think I can smell colors.
I should see a doctor.
Yes.
For help.
Very intensive medical help.
I'm so proud of you, Puss! And worried.
But mostly proud.
Does anyone else hear ringing? Oh, the colors.
Their smell is so salty.
Puss? Puss! What should we do now? - Do? Should? Now? We? - To get Uli back? Because he has information? That could save us? Uh This is the part where Puss says something so heroic and awesome that I forget to breathe and get louder and higher pitched until I I'm alive.
So, we need a plan to rescue Uli.
And I think we're gonna need some help to Help? I do not need help! I never need help.
I am The One! From the prophecy! I will make a plan to rescue that goaty-man from the underground prison alone, like a true heroic hero.
You tried that already.
A few minutes ago.
In case you forgot, it didn't go so well! It went okay.
"When it's hard to do yourself, you can always ask for help.
" Help? Ha! I do not even know how to spell the word.
Hmm, uh, H-U-E-L Hm, okay, quick little re-write here.
What are you writing? How about this? "When it's hard to do yourself, you can always ask for assistance.
" I do not know.
That seems quite similar to help.
- Guidance? - Nah.
- Aid? - Ah! No.
Hmm, advice! - Uh Okay.
This, I accept.
- Phew.
There is only one person who could advise me, and that person is a cat.
And that cat is my mentor, El Guante Blanco! The dowsing rod says he should be right around here! Do you know who you're dealing with? - El Maestro? In danger? - You're not going anywhere! Hmm Back, villains! Puss! Oh! Let's get out of here! We'll be back! Maestro! Are you all right? I am fine.
You did not have to Nonsense.
It is my honor to protect you.
Ah! Dulcinea.
You are even more beautiful than I had recalled.
Oh.
Okay, okay, that is enough hello-saying.
Ha-ha.
Same old Ginger.
So, what brings you here, my friends? Uh Uh We came to uh You can do it, Puss.
Maestro, there is a situation in San Lorenzo, and - I need advice! - Yay! That was wonderful, Puss.
Yes.
It was, wasn't it? Oh, Ginger, uh, I would love to help Advise.
- But, I am afraid I cannot.
- What? You see, I have a big fight coming up.
The biggest ever.
Fight? You? No offense, Maestro, but aren't you a little Old? Ginger, you should see your face.
No, not me.
Her.
My friends, I introduce to you the Ugly Duckling.
Oh, that's not very nice.
That's okay, it's just my name.
I go by Ugly Duckling or plain ol' Duckling for short.
Just don't call me Ugly.
Maestro, you have a new protégé? I have had many since you, Ginger, but none as good as Duckling here.
Really? Her? Nice to finally meet ya, Mister.
I've heard so much about you.
"When Puss in Boots unsheathes his sword, step aside, or you'll be floored!" Oh! Neat rhyme.
Yep.
I love rhyming.
It's my thing! "Fur of white, and eyes of blue, you're a neat cat, this is true!" Oh! That one was about me! Me! Ah, yes, yes.
Well, Ugly Duckling.
In order to prepare you for your little fight, how about a sparring match against a real competitor? Me.
Well, I don't know, Ginger.
Oh, it'd be an honor! I could probably learn a thing or two.
This is just for fun, little duck.
Do not feel bad when you lose.
Hi-yah! That was just a warning shot.
Stay out of my way or I'll gut you like a fish! Nice work, Ducky! Someone is a little rusty.
Rusty? I am not rusty! - She cheats with those enormous feet! - Puss! You don't like my widdle feet? Aww, fiddlesticks.
Oh, it's okay.
He didn't mean it.
I did! I did mean it! And stop with that "my widdle feet" business.
Come on.
I don't know what's gotten into him.
Huh? It's okay, Ducky.
Don't listen to him.
I demand a rematch! No, Ginger, please.
Duckling's big fight is coming up.
I cannot risk tiring my best protégé ever! Best protégé ever? She has to win the big money.
Big money! El Guante, you're fighting for money? A whole boatload of it! Yay! So many reales.
All of the reales.
Reales on reales on reales! Enough reales to finally Lot of reales! Never mind.
Fighting for money? Come, Duckling.
Your training must continue.
Come, come.
That doesn't sound like the El Guante Blanco I fell in love with.
Uh, read about.
What? I don't know, stop talking.
Best protégé ever? To win a fight of this magnitude you will need speed.
Ha-ha! Huh? Whoa! Agility! Intimidation eyes.
Gah! And mastery of the culinary arts! - Dinner is - Served! - Puss? - Dulcinea! I did not see you there.
For I was busy mastering the art of the nunny-chucks.
Hmm, I don't think that's how nunchucks are supposed to work.
I do not either.
But if I am to show the maestro that I am his best protégé ever, I must master all of the fighting arts.
As well as the performing arts.
Behold! This is The Dying Swan.
Puss, I know that you don't like the duckling.
- Because she is the worst! - Oof! But which is the most important? Beating her or saving San Lorenzo? They are both the most important.
You see how that's not possible, right? Do not question me.
Now, I must sleep.
Because those nunny-chucks did make little bruises on my head.
Ugh.
"When the sun says its final good night then you know it's time for night.
" Oh, the Duckling makes rhyming look so easy.
You told me you would have it today! Remember, if you cross me, El Guante Blanco, you cross the one I represent.
The Scarlet Panther.
They say the Panther can kill with but a glance.
I have seen it.
It is gross! I promise, I will pay.
Do you pinky promise? Pay up! Or face the Panther's wrath! Dulcinea! Uh How long have you been there? Who was that? What's going on? - Oh, nothing.
No one.
An old friend.
- He didn't sound very friendly.
Oh.
He was just joking about being friend He's a jokester, that Oh, funny, I'm Oh, look at the time.
You're not wearing a watch.
Well, then it is time to buy one.
You're right.
Goodbye.
Where are my boots? Duck! Why do my boots have the squishy toes? Oh.
I don't know.
I guess last night I may or may not have mistaken your boots for the potty.
What is wrong with you? It's your own fault, Puss.
"Leave your boots unattended, one might poop in them.
" That does not even rhyme! It's a haiku, dumb-dumb! Read a book! I am no dumb-dumb.
This is the last straw, Duck.
I challenge you to a duel! All right.
It's your funeral.
Poop in Boots.
Gah! That is not my name! You have defiled my boots, stolen my maestro, and been generally the worst! I will fight you, I will beat you, and I will prove once and for all that I am El Guante Blanco's best protégé ever! What are you waiting for Ugly? Don't call me Ugly! El Guante? I was just, uh eating? You don't have any food.
Because I ate it.
What is going on? You've been acting so strangely.
And what is in that book? Oh, do not read it.
It is my diary? This isn't a diary.
It's a ledger.
And you owe a lot of money! It is true.
I am indebted.
I owe reales on reales on reales! But how did this happen? All my life, I wanted to build a great dojo.
I used my life savings to build the best dojo the world had ever seen! But, it caught fire.
So I borrowed money to make another dojo.
This, too, was destroyed.
I borrowed and rebuilt again.
And again, and again! I couldn't keep my head above water.
I finally had to give it up.
If Duckling does not win this fight today so that I can pay back what I owe, the consequences will be no bueno.
Why didn't you tell us? We would have helped you! Help? A hero does not ask for help.
You really did teach Puss, huh? Hi-yah! Where does she keep all those knives? Maybe we call it a tie? I don't wanna fight you.
I don't wanna fight anyone.
I hate fighting! That is perfectly timed news.
But, Duck, why are you a fighter if you hate fighting? Uh, because I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good at it.
I would have used just one "really," but okay.
And because El Guante Blanco needs me to fight.
He owes money to some nasty bad guys.
The more I fight, the more he can pay them back.
You must really care about the maestro.
He's the only one who's ever believed in me.
I was an outcast living in the streets, and he took me in.
If you do not wish to fight, what do you want? I wanna be a poet! Ah, yes, the rhyming.
If poetry is your heart, then you should put down your ducky dukes and do what you love.
You really mean it? You really get me.
I'm done fighting.
Forever! Thanks for your help, Puss.
Well, everyone needs help sometimes.
And if I can ever help you Everyone but me! Puss in Boots never needs help! Now go forth and poet-ize! I will fight instead of you.
Um, excuse me! The championship fight is about to start.
The challenger is here.
What up, playa? The ninja pigs are the reigning champions of the fighting circuit.
Which one of them is fighting? It took all four of us to fill out the application, so we count as one.
That seems fair.
Okay, Duckling, this is it.
The big leagues.
Just do what I tell you.
Stay low, shoulders down, win! No! I will fight for you, Maestro.
And these pigs will go running, wee wee wee, all the way home.
Eh.
Okay! Last man standing wins all the reales! Let's have a good, clean fight! Or a terrible, dirty one.
I'm okay either way.
Begin! En garde! Whoa, whoa, whoa, kitty-cat! This is a fisticuffs league! That means no weapons.
You think I cannot fight without a weapon? Ha! I think this is yours.
Hi-yah! Ow! I hate the feet.
Feet are his Achilles heel.
Along with women, leche, and naps.
Ooh! Ducky, what are you waiting for? Get in there! I'm sorry, Maestro.
I'm done fighting.
What? Come on, we're gonna kick your butt! But, you love fighting.
No, you love it! I was never into fighting! I wanna be a poet.
I have this.
I have this! - Why did you not say so? - I have this.
You're the only person who's ever been in my corner.
I didn't wanna disappoint you.
No, I have this! Whoa! You could never disappoint me, Duckling.
- You want some more? - Come, get some, Puss! Oh, no, no, no, no, no Whether you are fighting or poet-ing, I will always be proud of you and your big heart.
Tickle fight! - Tickle fight! - Lamar, get off! Duckling, I release you.
Aww, Maestro.
Three! I am so sorry, Maestro.
- Two! - Not so fast! The Duckling's back! Quake in fear, or face my quack! Ducky.
Guess I got one more fight in me.
That is perfectly timed news.
Would you like any help? Maybe just this once.
No fair! Now there's two of you! And four of you.
Oh, yeah.
Fight time! The winner! Your debt is paid.
Let this be a lesson to you all.
Fighting solves everything.
Okay, bye.
So, Ginger, you wanted advice? Yes.
We have a goaty-man in a moley-jail and we must get him out! Ah, yes! Jail-breaking is one of my specialties.
I will help.
I mean advise.
Duckling, will you come with us? Thanks, but uh, it's time for me to go live the life of a poet.
Goodbye, Maestro.
Goodbye, friend.
Oh, and I didn't really poop in your boots.
It was just mud.
That is a relief.
Maybe a little poop in it.
Yeah, all is forgiven.
Well, off to start my poet-ing.
"Goodbye, cruel world of vicious fighting.
I go to do what I love writing!" Adiós, fluffy warrior.
See? It's not so bad asking for help.
Everything turned out great.
Great? I was beaten severely! I am seeing double.
And I think I can smell colors.
I should see a doctor.
Yes.
For help.
Very intensive medical help.
I'm so proud of you, Puss! And worried.
But mostly proud.
Does anyone else hear ringing? Oh, the colors.
Their smell is so salty.