The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s03e07 Episode Script

Copy Cat

[cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
[Puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
3x07 - Copy Cat I am Puss in Boots! What I want, I take.
What I need, I get.
And what I desire, I acquire.
That last one is no less true because it rhymes.
In fact, it is more true.
What I desire right now is information.
And you are going to give it to me.
Ja, so you have been saying, Herr Boots.
But I am still not going to tell you anything about Das Blutwolf.
[Puss chuckles.]
But you are.
You will tell me all of the things! [Uli.]
I will tell you none of the things! Seventy percent of the things? Zero percent of the things! Talk, goaty man! Enough of your voice sounds.
I will drown them out mit my bleatings.
[bleating loudly.]
Well, um Two can play at this game, goaty man.
[inhales.]
[both bleating loudly.]
Ugh! [Pajuna screeches.]
That is it, laddies.
He started it.
I don't care.
[bleats.]
Uh-hmm.
Some of us actually have to work in here! I am working! Interrogating Uli is a crucial task and I will allow nothing to distract me from it.
[door opens.]
Puss, whatever you're doing, prepare to be distracted from it.
We would like to ask you to ride for our team in the annual San Lorenzo horse race.
Yes, fine, whatever.
Now go away, I am busy.
Woo-hoo-hoo! Did you hear that, fellas? He said, "Yes, fine, whatever.
" [all three cheering.]
Yay! - Hey, Puss, old buddy, old pal.
- What about this? For every fact you tell me, I will give you one chocolate cookie.
Ohh! Die schokoladenplatzchen.
Nein! I cannot be bought with the sweetmeats.
[growling.]
Puss, the orphans have something they'd like to request of you.
I am very busy.
Yes to whatever it is.
We want you to ride for Team Orphanage in the annual San Lorenzo horse race.
Yes, yes, I shall do it.
Now please, I am really very busy.
Did you hear that, guys? He said, "I am really very busy.
" [orphans cheering.]
Yay! Puss, uh, real quick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you agree to ride for our team? Yes, this is true.
I am riding for your team in the annual horse race.
But Puss, you just said you were riding for the orphans' team.
In the annual San Lorenzo horse race? Yes, that is correct.
I am.
Now talk, you goaty fiend! Or I will What? Throw me in jail? Once again, I have done the outsmartings of you.
[growling.]
[Dulcinea.]
Puss.
Aah! [Puss grunting.]
[sighs.]
What if you just let Uli go free? After all, he does tend to run his mouth quite a bit.
Hm - I have decided, Uli, to let you - [bleats.]
I have been made free! We must keep a close eye on him.
It may take hours, or even days, but hopefully, he will let something I am nearly as excited as I will be once Das Blutwolf shows up and destroys everything.
Unless the Crown of Souls is Gasp! [Both.]
The Crown of Souls? Schweinehund.
So you have done the outsmartings of me.
Enough of your trickery.
Woop! I am free now, und I am going to wreak evil havoc all over your little village.
[bleats loudly.]
[maniacal laughter.]
The Crown of Souls, eh? Letting Uli go is going to work out just fine.
Now, if there's nothing else, I Hm? What? [Dulcinea.]
Okay, so, one last time.
Who is riding for Artephius's team? - I am! - All right.
Now, who is riding for the orphans' team? I am.
[sighs.]
You see how my plan works here.
Huh? Huh? Clearly, I can be here and here.
I just have to, uh Uh Wait, I had this all worked out.
I, uh Hm? Ohh.
Wait.
Why does this third horse look like a cat? Oh! This is terrible! I am compelled by my code of honor to ride for Artephius's team as I originally promised.
What have I done? Oh, Puss, you just made a mistake.
It's okay to admit you made a mistake.
[clears throat.]
"When mistakes are made by you, admitting it is what to do.
" Nonsense.
Puss in Boots does not make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Just explain to the orphans you already promised Artephius's team and accept their disappointed weeping.
No! I cannot disappoint them.
I will not let them see defeat.
[Puss.]
Help me free myself from this cruel trap of logic, Felina.
The problem is there is only one of me.
Well, there is something we could do about that, Puss.
I could conjure you up an exemplicus.
Yes! Do so at once.
Also, explain to me what an extend-a-Puss is.
An exemplicus, a magical duplicate of you who could ride for the orphans while you ride for us.
[Pajuna.]
Hang on.
Are you suggesting that you create a second Puss? Like a twin? Well, more or less.
No, laddies, that's a bad idea.
Because sometimes a twin will turn out to be evil and it'll charge at you with its horns and you'll have to battle it to the death in order to save the life of your secret lover who's actually a prince.
How do you know that, Pajuna? It happened to a friend of mine.
Eh, Cahuna.
Who is not me.
[horse neighing and galloping away.]
Okay.
Pish posh.
That warning sounded very abstract.
It was actually pretty specific.
Nonsense.
We are talking about a twin of me.
How could that be bad? Artephius, copy this cat! Nearly done, Puss.
Whoa! [tearing.]
Ow! Sorry.
To make an exemplicus, I need a piece of fur from your belly.
[tearing.]
[exclaims.]
And from 41 other places on you.
[retching.]
And you are certain that this twin me will not turn out to be evil? Hm.
Just as certain as I am that chickens come from the moon.
What? So, uh [grunts.]
Yee [gasps.]
Huh? [clears throat.]
Good day, my twin.
[chuckles.]
[clears throat.]
As the original Puss in Boots, I welcome you to San Lorenzo [grunts.]
[deep inhale.]
Hello, friend.
Is it time for lunch now? No.
I love you in my heart place.
[groans.]
Okay, okay.
Um, I thought you said this thing was going to be an exact copy of me.
Eh, more or less.
Hm.
Much less.
A whole lot less.
Artephius, he is nothing like me.
He lacks all my elegance, my grace, my sophistication.
[humming.]
I see what you mean.
No hat.
How could we expect him to have a chance of beating me in a horse race? What? [sighs.]
Come, my very handsome friend.
I must teach you to be me.
Mmm! [grunts.]
[sighs.]
This may be very difficult.
[concertina playing.]
Ugh! Goat man! Do you have to keep playing that maddening song? No! But I am going to.
I am looking for ways to be evil, you recall, und driving you cuckoo is the evilest thing I can think of.
There are not many good ways to be evil in this town.
But I need to work! I'm preparing the entire post-horse race feast and no one's offered to help me.
Ohh! Then it sounds like I am being even more evil than I have thought.
Fine.
I give up.
Go ahead, play away to your goaty heart's content! You want me to keep playing now? Very well.
Then I will not.
Uh Yes.
I want you to keep playing.
Ja, I heard you the first time.
So I will not.
You cannot make me.
And also, do not sweep the floors.
Ah, do not sweep the floors, you say.
Why don't you try und do the stoppings of me? [Uli cackling.]
For the orphans to have a chance to win, we must mold you into a perfect replica of me.
[munching.]
[muffled.]
Hooray! When is lunch? [upbeat song playing.]
Mmm! [groans.]
[Puss.]
Ahh.
[choking.]
[grunting.]
[Puss shouts.]
[grunting.]
[both groaning.]
[neighs.]
[kisses.]
[chomps.]
[exclaiming.]
[yelling.]
[crashing.]
Aah! Ooh! Yes! [laughing.]
Huh? Oh! [screaming.]
[crashes.]
[Puss Dos.]
I'm okay! [Puss sighs.]
Ugh! Uli, I told you not to polish those glasses.
And when you're done with them, don't polish those glasses.
[flies buzzing.]
Foolish cow! When are you going to learn that the things you are not wishing me to do are just the things I am going to be doing? [laughing.]
No.
Please.
Stop.
Anyway, after those are clean, don't mince these onions, and don't chop up this fish and don't follow the paella recipe in this cookbook to the letter.
Oh, and also, do not double it because we are absolutely not expecting a crowd.
I believe we are ready to practice some real interactions.
How about you try walking into the cantina and ordering a leche? [grunts.]
[humming.]
Hi Oh! Ow! Ouch.
The cantina hurts sometimes.
[grunts.]
[Kid Pickles.]
Gallopin' gherkins! Is that another Puss? Um Children, allow me to introduce Puss Dos.
Hello! He is just the same as me, so he will be riding for Team Orphanage in the race.
But does he know how to ride a horse? "Does he know how to ride a horse?" [chuckles.]
Wait, you didn't answer me.
You just repeated my question back.
Yes, well, uh Ohh! Look at the time, we must go finish our training, only it is more like he is training me because he is so good at everything.
[Puss laughing.]
[Puss Dos.]
Goodbye, small people friends! Okay, that was just weird.
[Puss Dos.]
Goodbye! Goodbye! [Puss laughing.]
Puss Dos.
Please, try to concentrate.
The orphans are depending on you.
Okay, I will try now.
When mounting a horse, you must have style, elegance, and grace.
Now, you try it.
Okay.
Left, right, left Oof! [Puss Dos.]
Ohh.
Horse bottom.
[Dulcinea humming.]
Hello, Puss Uno y Dos.
Hello, different-colored cat.
Ow! I have learned to ride the horse.
Now is sleep time.
[snoring.]
You know, Puss, you don't need to stress yourself trying to fix this.
Everyone makes mistakes.
It's like the book says: "When you've failed, but done your best" [sighs.]
"you deserve a nice long rest.
" Puss in Boots does not take rests.
And he definitely does not admit defeat.
And he most certainly, definitely does not admit mistakes.
But, Puss, I'm sure the orphans would understand if you No! I will not disappoint them, Dulcinea.
This is their big chance to win the race and have their dreams come true.
If I cannot give them even that, how could I show my face? I would have to go live in a barrel like the mayor.
I want to live in a barrel.
[mayor shrieks.]
[Puss Dos.]
Yay! [giggling.]
[Puss Dos laughing loudly.]
[Puss Dos screaming.]
[crashing.]
[Puss Dos grunts.]
I'm okay! [Puss sighs.]
Und one toothpick in each little bitty olive, und there.
I have done everything you have told me not to do.
You must be just boiling with the angers.
[sighs in satisfaction.]
Heavens to Betsy.
You really ruined the annual race feast, Uli.
Well, I suppose it's time to take this mess you've made and bring it outside.
Boy, am I gonna hear it.
Oh! And by the way, make sure you take credit for all this work you did.
Hah! I will not.
In fact, I will give you all the credit.
[laughing.]
How deliciously evil I'm being.
Suit yourself.
Wait a minute.
The she-bull was making the smiles.
Could I have [gasps.]
had the outsmartings done on me? Uli will make this a feast to remember.
A feast of death! [children laughing.]
Hello, person in a blue shirt! Hello, person with two legs! [gasps.]
Hello, woman who owns my small people friends.
Puss Dos, hold still, would you? If I cannot get you to stay on this horse, the orphans have literally no chance to win the race.
Yes, I will hold still forever.
Hello, Mr.
Funny-Looking Old Man! Please, Puss Dos.
Mr.
Funny-Looking Old Man is my father.
Hello, blue color up above! [horse nickers.]
[Puss grunting.]
[straining.]
[panting.]
Stop it.
Why are you like this? Why can you not do as I say? I am sorry, other one of me.
You are angry.
I love you.
I can't be like you.
I can only be like me.
That was a real nice moment, Puss.
Now cut the cute stuff.
You've got a race to win! [Kid Pickles.]
You can do it, Puss Dos! You're gonna beat him.
It's okay if you don't! We'll just be really sad, that's all.
Why isn't he riding Babieca? Because it would not be a fair race.
Babieca is the fastest horse in the world.
Or in any other place with horses.
[horse snorts.]
[gasps.]
Oh.
This is the dangerous part.
On your marks.
[Puss Dos babbling.]
Get set.
[whimpering.]
[shouts.]
Go! [exclaims.]
Hi-yah! [whinnying.]
[cheering.]
[neighing.]
[laughing gleefully.]
[screams.]
[Puss Dos.]
Whee! [continues laughing.]
[neighing.]
[Puss Dos' horse neighing.]
Huh? [orphans.]
Go, Puss Dos! [crowd cheering.]
[Puss.]
Felina, what do I do? My honor compels me to try to win but I cannot bear to see the orphans' dreams crushed.
Please, Felina, send me a sign.
[Puss Dos.]
Hello, Mr.
Mayor! Whoa! [grunts.]
- Bye - It is a sign.
Whoa! [grunting.]
[horses neighing.]
We have a winner! Puss Dos! [cheering.]
[Toby.]
You did it, Puss Dos! [orphans cheering.]
Whee! He is the winner? He did not cross the finish line.
But his horse did.
It's called the annual San Lorenzo horse race, Puss, not the annual San Lorenzo horse-and-rider race.
Then why even bother having riders at all? 'Cause it looks better in the official portrait.
I'm sorry you lost, other one of me.
No, I am sorry.
Thinking I could make someone else into me was a [gags.]
a mis [choking.]
a mista [choking and coughing.]
A mistake! [panting.]
You are my favorite cat who is sad.
Thank you, my dear friend.
And you are the best other one of me I could have ever hoped for.
[Puss Dos.]
Mmm - A wonderful meal, Pajuna.
- Thanks, laddie.
And I made it all by myself.
[clears throat.]
Ja, ja.
Foolish villagers, I have done mein evilest deed yet.
The paella is poisoned! [laughing.]
[all gasp.]
- Oh, no! [spits.]
- Oh, dear.
Ja, I speak the truths.
I have found this in the cantina.
It burned mein little goaty tongue, so it must be poison.
Uli, that's just pepper.
Pep-per? [sniffs.]
This I have not heard of.
It is a seasoning.
It makes food hot and spicy and delicious.
Ach! Mein people do not season food.
We fear flavor.
[all eating noisily.]
Yum! Yum! Aah! [loud munching.]
[man.]
More please.
So, this burning of the tongue? You enjoy it? Yes.
Muy bueno.
[container shatters.]
Ugh! So I have had the outsmartings done on me yet again? To Uli, and his wonderful kitchen magic.
Ha, ha! [all cheering.]
[bleating.]
[Puss Dos bleating.]
[all bleating.]