The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s03e08 Episode Script

Coin Toss

1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
[Puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
3x08 - Coin Toss [panting.]
[grunts.]
[groans.]
[Toby.]
Glass of leche, Puss? [gulps.]
[glass shatters.]
Aren't you excited, Puss? You really did it.
- What? - [all.]
Yay! - Way to go, Puss.
- What did I do? You defeated your 1,000th thief.
"Happy 1,000th thief, Puss in - Boo"? - Did you know that we ran out of room? Hmm.
Has it really been my 1,000th thief? [overlapping shouts.]
[grunts.]
End of the road, kitty cat.
[shouts.]
[bell dings.]
[grunting.]
[shouting.]
[bell dings.]
[all shouting.]
[laughs.]
[grunts.]
[bell dings.]
[bell dings.]
[bell dings.]
[shouts.]
[shouts.]
[bell dings.]
[shouts.]
[grunts.]
[bell dinging.]
It is true.
I must have forgotten in the rush of excitement.
A thousand thieves.
What a monumental achievement this is.
Of course, there is only one way to commemorate an achievement that is truly monumental.
Free drinks for everyone.
[all cheering.]
[grunts.]
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! No, they are not free, Puss.
Someone has to pay for these.
And someone shall.
Me.
[shouts.]
You're serious? But you've never paid for a drink in your life.
Are you feeling all right? Let us not get carried away.
I would not say that paying for my drink makes me a hero.
Nor would I.
You handed out 30 drinks and paid for one.
I'll tell you what.
I'll forget about the whole thing if you can guess heads or tails.
Heads or tails? How do you mean? You know like how coins have a picture of a head on the front and something else on the back? And then you guess which side is facing up? It's a thing.
But there is no way to know.
Your challenge is impossible.
Just guess.
Tails.
No.
Heads.
No.
Yes.
Tails.
Heads.
Heads it is.
Good job, laddie.
Wait.
Where are you going? You must explain this sorcery.
I saw the whole thing.
It was incredible.
- How did he know? - Yeah, how did he know? Yes! We've got to know what the secret is.
Must be some sort of trick.
You mean, none of you have ever heard of tossing a coin? [Pahuna.]
Games of chance? Boy, San Lorenzo really was cut off from the outside world.
Well, you just take a coin, toss it, and then you guess.
Heads or tails? Uh Tails? Woohoo! And tails it is.
[all.]
Hooray! What a rush! Pajuna, you've opened my eyes to a whole new world.
- [man.]
Give me one.
I gotta have one.
- [woman.]
I want one.
I want one so bad.
- [woman.]
I'm so excited.
- [man.]
Coin-toss.
Coin-toss.
[man.]
I can't wait.
[woman.]
I'm wearing my lucky hat.
[man.]
Heads.
Tails.
Heads.
Tails.
I haven't seen the cantina this busy since Goldilocks' book signing.
Aah! Don't tell me the ending.
Pajuna's game is just what San Lorenzo needed.
I hereby declare today, and all days, Coin-Toss Day.
[sniffs.]
I smell coins being tossed.
Come.
Let us win all of the coins.
[Mayor screams.]
[grunts.]
And also do some thieving on the side.
Do you think this could be a problem? Nah.
How much trouble could three little thieves cause? [thief.]
This way.
[thief 2.]
I love games of chance.
I love games of chance.
I'm a very sore loser.
[screams.]
Thief swarm.
Thief swarm! [Artephius.]
A little help, here? I don't know how the mayor works this thing.
So, here's how coin-toss is played at the Cow and Moone.
I toss your coin, and if you guess it wrong, well, I keep the coin.
[low murmurs.]
How does that work for us? But if you get it right, you get a ticket.
[excited chatter.]
I like those.
They're like square tickets.
Yes.
I love tickets.
Also, what is a ticket for? I'm glad you asked, laddie.
The tickets can be exchanged for things.
Uh Like what? Like what? Like [both gasping.]
[Pahuna.]
One of these.
[all gasp.]
[excited chatter.]
Leche libre! That's right.
Just 100 tickets get you an entire glass.
Oh, my.
I am in love with this game.
[excited chatter.]
- Call it, Puss.
- Heads! Tails.
Sorry, laddie.
This was a fluke.
Heads.
[exclaims.]
Heads it is.
Yeah! I always win! I have 200 tickets.
Nice going, laddie.
That's gonna get you a dead fish.
Yay! What are you going to do with a dead fish? Who cares? It's free.
[laughs.]
Myself, I plan to win the biggest prize of all.
The Sweetie Boy Doll.
[chuckles.]
Yes, I will get the Sweetie Boy.
Pajuna, hit me again.
Mm? [groans.]
Oh, this is ridiculous.
How are all these thieves getting up here? Ooh! 2:30 Coin-Toss Shuttle.
Last stop, San Lorenzo.
Sphinx, you can't bring all these thieves into town.
It's not safe.
Supply and demand, or whatever.
I mean, if I didn't fly them up on my back, someone else would.
No one else can.
I know, right? Hilare.
Later.
Why is no one protecting San Lorenzo? Where is Puss in Boots? [burps.]
[up-tempo piano music playing.]
[man laughing.]
[laughs.]
Oh, yeah! [laughs.]
[man sobs.]
Yeah! Tails.
Tails.
Puss wins again.
[all cheering.]
Oh, baby.
Come to papi.
And another round for all of my best friends.
[all cheering.]
How did this happen? [grunts.]
Ooh! Can we help you? I'm looking for my friend Puss.
Hold your arms out, please.
Tails! Puss wins again! [all cheer.]
I am on a hot streak that cannot be cooled.
Pardon the interruption, Mr.
Boots, but this woman says she knows you.
Puss, have you seen what's going on out there? It's chaos.
Ah, yes, Dulcinea.
Most excellent to see you.
Have a leche, on me.
[clears throat.]
- Puss? - Oh, tails.
Heads.
[all gasp.]
- What? - She made him lose.
She is bad luck.
What? I don't know what you're talking about.
Whoa! [Dulcinea.]
Puss! What do you say, Puss? Double or nothin'? Oh! How exciting.
[laughs.]
- Now you're talking.
- All right, all right.
Pajuna, my friend Puss! hit me with another toss.
[all cheering.]
And stay out! [screams, grunts.]
[both laughing.]
[growls.]
That coin-toss sure is a rough game.
Artephius.
These thieves are terrible.
We have to figure out some way to get rid of them.
Don't you worry, Dulcie.
I'm on it.
[cawing.]
[shouting, grunts.]
I love coin-toss more than anything, but it is so hard.
If only there were some sort of, I don't know, school for coin-toss.
Because that is a thing I would definitely go to.
Ooh, Artephius! That gives me an idea.
Me, too.
We create a fake school that promises to teach thieves how to win at coin-toss.
But once they arrive, we lock 'em inside and teach 'em how to be decent humans.
I was gonna say we should bake cookies, but your idea is so much better.
We'll also bake cookies, though.
What do you think? The sign inside or out? [grunts.]
We are here for the free lessons.
Teach us how to win.
Now.
Welcome, students, to Miss Dulcinea's Reform School for Wayward Thieves.
What? Gentlemen, today is the first day of your new life.
[Puss.]
Heads.
Tails.
Sorry, laddie.
[Puss grumbles.]
You win some, you lose some.
I've lost them all.
That was my last coin! [grunts.]
All right, laddie, move aside for tossers who can actually pay.
Are you sure? [giggles.]
[sighs.]
Call it.
Tails! No! [yelling continues.]
[whinnying.]
[grunts.]
[panting.]
[grunts.]
What has happened to me? Am I diseased? Get the disease out of me.
Eh, Puss, maybe you ought to step outside and get some fresh air.
Maybe you ought to step outside and get some fresh you.
I do not have a problem.
You have a problem.
Hello.
My name is Puss in Boots, it is good to meet you.
Now we are friends, so please let me have all the coins.
Stop looking at my Sweetie Boy Doll.
Only I may win him.
It is my destiny.
I just need more coins.
[laughs.]
My good friends.
Samberto, Jonnifer.
Mr.
Thiefy Man.
These are not real names.
[laughs.]
It is like old times, yes? Say, have I told you of the time my friend Tom Thumb and I sailed Beat it, loser.
You're ruining everyone's good time.
How dare you? I am the greatest coin-tosser who ever lived.
En garde, sir.
[screams, grunts.]
[groaning.]
[sighs.]
"Spend your money as you choose, but wager not, lest you should lose.
" [all snoring.]
[grunts, yawns.]
So, when do we get to the free coin-toss lessons? Come on.
There's a whole world out there.
Don't you see that coin-toss is a waste of time? I'll tell you what's a waste of time.
Your stupid school.
I'm out.
No.
I won't let you throw away your life.
[growls.]
Then I have no choice but to take yours.
[thief growls.]
Capo ferro.
[grunts.]
[screams.]
You were saying? [laughs.]
A cat beat you with a broom.
You have won our undying respect with your display of violence.
Well [clears throat.]
thank you.
Now, where was I? [all.]
Coin-toss is bad.
[thunder rumbles.]
[thunder crashes.]
Felina! Why have you abandoned me in this desert of despair? [Toby laughing.]
Apple.
[grunts.]
Toby, ol' buddy, ol' pal of mine.
[thunder crashes.]
[screams.]
Stranger danger! [grunts.]
[Puss yells.]
[grunts.]
[groans.]
[Puss straining.]
[grunts.]
Huh? Puss? I didn't recognize you 'cause you smell like desperation.
[groans.]
It is I.
Now, look here.
Do you have some coins I can borrow? For a friend who will not play coin-toss with them.
And also, who is definitely not named Puss.
[munches.]
Uh, yeah, I have a few coins that I earned once.
See, there was this old woman [Puss laughs.]
What an amusing story.
Now give me your coins at once.
Hey! Scram, cat! Take a hike, see? Come on, Toby.
Don't look back.
[grunts.]
Hmm? Ah, the moon! The cruelest coin of them all, forever out of reach! [shouts, groans.]
Do not worry, you handsome devil.
We will be back on top in no time.
[thunder rumbles.]
[laughs maniacally.]
[all.]
# And thus we will resist all vice # For virtue is so much more nice [claps.]
[laughs.]
And now, a passage from the book.
"When you've sung a lovely song, you deserve a nap that's long.
" [all.]
Yay! Nap time is my favorite.
Coins! Come on, give them here.
[men growling.]
It's okay, thievies.
Puss, please.
You're interrupting my pupils' nap time.
[laughs.]
Let us sell these pupils of yours to the highest bidder.
We will have more coins than we will know what to do with.
So shall it be! Miss Dulcinea! He is a player of the coin-toss.
- He has no place among us! - Back, you derelict.
[yells, grunts.]
- Did we do good, Miss Dulcinea? - Well, I applaud your fervor, but we must always have sympathy for others.
Our beloved city has become a cesspool of vice.
- We must protect the innocent.
- From now Coin-toss is the culprit.
We must crush it where it lives! To the cantina! We shall unleash a righteous war! [all shouting.]
Ooh! Oh, my! [up-tempo piano playing.]
[all chattering, cheering.]
[all gasp.]
Hear ye, scoundrels of the coin-toss! This cantina is a den of iniquity! We are here to shut it down.
Crusaders, attack! [shouting.]
What are ye doing, laddies? Stop it.
[screaming.]
[gasps.]
Pupils! Stop this at once! Don't destroy Pajuna's cantina.
Is there more to that rhyme? Please? [chaos resumes.]
Coins.
[sniffs.]
I can smell the coins! Their tinny fragrance calls to me! Ooh, must get the coins to play the game, to earn the tickets to win the Sweetie Boy Doll.
Must get the coins.
Hello again, handsome.
If you were me, which you are, where would you look for the coins? Yes.
The treasure house! [thunder crashing.]
[Puss.]
Puss in Boots, what has become of you? Your hunger for coin-toss has destroyed everything you hold dear.
[chortles.]
No.
This does not sound true.
Just look around you.
[shouting.]
[thunder crashes.]
What have I done? [growls.]
[thunder crashes.]
[up-tempo piano playing.]
[grunting.]
[groans.]
Oh! Whoa! It is Puss in Boots, the old coin-toss champion.
The Fallen One.
Bandits! As protector of San Lorenzo, I will not allow this cantina to be destroyed.
Well, then tell these goody-goodies to stop ruining our fun.
- [man 1.]
We're not going anywhere.
- [man 2.]
And there are more of us.
But we have right on our side.
And we will not stop fighting until coin-toss is eradicated.
So, we are at an impasse, eh? Well, then, it would seem that the only solution is for me, Puss in Boots, to singlehandedly Toss a coin.
[low murmurs.]
Puss, I propose that you toss a coin for the fate of San Lorenzo.
Tails, coin-toss can continue.
Heads, all thieves must leave town, forever.
We agree.
We never say no to a coin-toss.
It's a real problem.
Well, we do not agree.
Coin-tossing is evil.
Yeah, but it's also really fun.
And this is the biggest wager ever.
- I have been convinced.
- We agree! But I have just overcome my obsession with coin-toss.
To toss a coin now seems so very, very wrong.
I think we can make an exception just this once, Puss.
You can even use my coin.
[sighs.]
All right.
Felina, help me repair the mess that I have made.
Let it be heads! [all cheering.]
[both groan.]
Phew! Everyone, wipe your feet before you get on.
And don't touch my wings and stuff.
A great victory! Once again, the day has been saved by Puss in Boots.
And Dulcinea.
Mm? Check the coin.
A coin with two heads.
Dulcinea, you cheated.
I am shocked.
And outraged.
And extremely impressed.
But why would you, of all people, have such a coin? You don't know everything about me, Puss.
Excuse me.
Well played, my friend.
Well played.
[man.]
Señor Puss? We just wanted to say thank you, Señor Puss, for saving the town.
And to show our gratitude, here are all of our tickets.
[gasps.]
[fanfare music playing.]
Pajuna, I have come to claim what is rightfully mine.
Sure thing, laddie.
You earned it.
[giggles.]
I do not know what to say.
I am speechless.
I have never been so [Puss retches.]
What was I thinking? This is nasty.
[Pahuna.]
Puss.
You forgot something.
[exhales.]
Good afternoon, friends.
Say, what is this you are doing with the pieces of paper? Playing cards.
Read 'em and weep.
Oh, my.
I am in love with this game!