The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s03e10 Episode Script

Pirate Booty

1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[Puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
3x10 - Pirate Booty [Puss humming.]
He's Puss He's Puss in Boots And when the sun does shine He's going to look so fine [continues humming.]
[all gasping.]
[soft grumble.]
Please, remove yourself.
You are blocking the sun.
I said, you are blocking the sun By the 12 toes of Felina! Sky pirates! [gasps.]
Skyrates! Ooh, I love pirates.
But will they be friends or foes? [pirates laughing.]
[shouting menacingly.]
Darn it.
[pirates shouting and laughing.]
[man gasps.]
[people shouting.]
[woman screams.]
Huh? [pirate shouts.]
I love being young again.
[laughs triumphantly.]
Out of my way! [pirates growling.]
[pirates groaning.]
[whimpering grunt.]
Pirates of the skies! You will never pirate San Lorenzo, for we are its defenders.
Senior Puss Squad, to me! - En garde! - Ne'er-do-wells! Senior Puss Squad? What the? Okay, you two, over here.
Okay, just stay.
And you you here.
Ready? Ready? Okay.
What be I looking at? The Senior Puss Squad.
We are working on the name.
[rumble overhead.]
Who else dares set foot in San Lorenzo? Arr! Did ye say "San Lorenzo"? Yes.
San Lorenzo.
Agh! We be in the wrong place.
I be the worst captain ever.
I be so sorry.
So say we all.
Wait! Why have you come here? We be in search of treasure, aboard the good ship Queen James with our captain, Two-Eyed Alonso.
Two-Eyed Alonso? [gasps.]
There was, uh an incident.
That is really very disturbing.
At any rate, I accept your [groaning.]
What is wrong, Capitán Two-Eyed Alonso? I'd rather not get into it.
It be personal.
What ye be looking at? How could you be sad? You are a pirate! A master of adventure.
Oh, I would love to be a pirate.
I've never even heard you mention pirates, Puss.
I have friends who are not you, Dulcinea.
Well, we be off to find the treasure of San Losano.
The treasure of San Losano? Yes.
You can see how we got confused.
"San Lorenzo," "San Losano.
" They be right next to each other in the big book of treasure places.
The treasure of San Losano.
Ooh! I know this treasure.
It contains the Crown of Souls, which can be used against das Blutwolf by [gasps.]
- Oh.
- The Crown of Souls? Ah, foolish, foolish, Uli! I have opened mein big mouth again.
You heard nothing.
Nothing! Sorry for the pillaging.
Won't happen again.
Dulcinea, I must travel with these pirates to obtain the Crown! You just want an excuse to do pirate stuff, don't you? Yes.
- Pirates, take me with you! - Meh.
I accept your gracious invitation.
What shall we do while you're gone? I do not know.
Protect my room.
That will give you some good bonding time, eh? Capitán, wait! A sleepover.
Jolly good! We have pillow fights.
And summon ghosts in mirrors! And sleep indoors instead of out here like filthy, disgusting animals.
I know what I said.
They seemed nice.
You say that about everyone.
Why, yes, I do.
Thank you for noticing.
[blows raspberry.]
[Puss straining and panting.]
Whoa! Ha-ha! [giggles.]
So tell me, how does the boat fly? [growling.]
Probably best not to ask questions.
This is amazing! What else is there? Show me more.
Felina's whiskers! Is that the wheel that steers the boat? Aye, it is.
But there be plenty to see before the wheel.
Quickly, show me, please.
- Cannons.
- Beautiful.
- The mast.
- Very impressive.
- The sail.
- Yes, yes.
- Whatever! I want to steer the boat.
- Ah-huh.
You must petition the captain if you seek to command the ship.
Oh, Two-Eyed Alonso! May I steer your boat? I don't care.
- Is that a yes? - Hard to say.
Captain isn't up to captaining much these days, really.
Not since he lost his beloved parrot, Bonky.
Oh, it was a great tragedy, that.
So it was a yes? Also, he lost the map to the Treasure of San Losano to a ship of deadly skeleton pirates.
Not a good day.
I am calling that a yes! I will be wonderful at this.
[all groan.]
Whee! [pirates screaming.]
Oh, I can't wait to get back to indoor living.
Does Puss's room have walls? I love walls.
[thundering footsteps.]
[clears throat.]
How Golem fit in little kitty room? The soul of the Great Sorcerer Euclenides, inventor of the shrinking spell.
[male voice.]
I did other things too, you know.
I was a very graceful dancer.
No one cares, dear.
Aha! [higher voice.]
Golem adorable now! [laughs.]
You all laughed at me when I had my soul bottles shipped to San Lorenzo.
But who's laughing now? [Goodsword chuckles.]
Oh, my dear.
That's not why we were laughing at you.
Come, we will have the greatest adventure of all.
A slumber party.
[Golem giggling.]
[all groaning.]
Ha! See here, landlubber.
Ye cannot come on this ship and do as ya please! And another thing Captain be acting like a captain again.
You cannot take the wheel and execute a Twirling Colleen.
You'll spin us into oblivion, you will! [squeaking.]
You tell him.
Yes, yes, yes! The Twirling Colleen can only be for the captain and only for emergencies! [Puss chuckles.]
I am not the one who is making the mopings and left the wheel wide open.
Technically, this is your fault.
If you are ready to be captain again, please, take the wheel.
You're right.
I be stupid and worthless.
You be the captain of the Queen James now.
I am so sorry you are sad, Alonso.
But I am just so excited to be the captain! [laughs exultantly.]
But, Captain, this landlubber tabby doesn't know his aft from his elbow.
What if he commands me to spend all me time at the prow? I couldn't do it.
I be an aft-man.
Who cares? I don't care.
Nothing matters without me beloved parrot, Bonky.
[gasps, sobbing.]
Could be that when Alonso sees how badly a land tabby captains the Queen James, he'll snap back to his old captain-y self.
- [all.]
Arr! - A tidy plan.
[Alonso sobbing.]
Oh, woe is me! Pillow fight! [groaning.]
[all laughing.]
[Duchess grunting.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, Señorita.
This is not a fight.
It's a party.
[all laughing.]
[El Guante Blanco.]
I never had so much fun in my life.
Is Duchess okay? I I [sobbing.]
[men grunting.]
Front and center.
Straighten that blade.
More spit and polish on that sword.
Very nice, very nice.
I like this one.
Four inches from your chest! You are all competent swordsmen but there is more to fighting than swords.
There is cat fighting.
Behold! [clears throat.]
[hissing and snarling.]
[sword clatters.]
Oh, Captain, this tabby be worse than being seasick in a high wind.
He be trying to turn us all into cats! Perhaps it'd be better if you took charge again.
Captain In Boots hasn't lost a treasure map.
He hasn't lost his parrot, a pirate's truest friend.
And he still has all the eyes he came aboard with.
Puss in Boots! You'll be a better captain than I ever was! [sobbing.]
[imitating meowing.]
Well done.
Next lesson.
Please don't make us do that.
Sail-ho! Ship off the starboard bow.
To your positions! Y'arr! [sobbing.]
Somebody do something.
You are the oldest.
What? Who are you calling "old"? We all old.
But you most eloquent.
So you go.
But I [groans.]
There, there, now.
We all miss someone.
You miss Artephius and I miss the Thriffith.
And I have lots of someones I am missing too.
Golem miss nobody.
Only hugs.
What we're trying to say, Duchess, is embrace the friends you have, not the ones you miss.
But it's you.
You guys are my best friends.
Surely that's not true.
There has to be someone else.
A childhood friend? Your mother? Your father? That's just it.
I actually can't remember that far back.
Tell me about it.
There's a lot of nights I can't remember.
That's not what she's talking about.
Golem hug.
This is the greatest slumber party ever.
[Golem rumbles.]
How long shrinking spell last? [all grunting.]
[pirate 1.]
Arr! [pirate 2.]
Y'arr! [all growling.]
I'm excited to say this, I am saying it.
Fire the cannons! [laughs.]
A direct hit! That is what you get, empty ship, for hovering too near to ours.
[door creaking.]
The ship be empty.
Ha! She's ours.
That ship be really familiar.
Give me that.
[Puss shrieks.]
I knew it.
That be the Bone Crew! Fighting them be a path to certain death! [skeleton crew screeching.]
Well, that is a coincidence, because fighting me is also a-that.
I will handle this.
Ha-ha! [screeching.]
I will not handle this.
Captain Tabby, are you all right? [pirates screaming.]
[Puss grunting.]
[skeletons screeching.]
The map! Aah! Oh, Bonky.
I be coming to join ye.
Oh! Aah! [pirates clamoring.]
[all screaming.]
[pirate yelps.]
[grunts, screaming.]
I'm wounded, I am! [yelling.]
Ow, ow, ow! Ow.
[yelling, grunts.]
[both groan.]
[skeletons screeching.]
[skeletons screeching.]
Arr! Captain Kitty.
A word, if you please.
Captain Alonso.
Straight away, sir! En garde! Pirates be pirates, kitty.
What did you say? I am valiantly fighting skeletons and you have a tendency to mumble.
I said pirates be pirates.
Ya can't turn them into kitties.
What are you talking about? [both meowing.]
I be a cat, I do.
What have I done? I have been a fool.
I joined this adventure to be a pirate, but instead, I tried to make pirates be me.
Arr! That be what I just said! Perhaps the true path lies somewhere in-between.
A little bit Puss and a little bit pirate.
Join me, Alonso, and let us save your boat.
Aye for Bonky.
Take the wheel, me furry mate.
I'll handle the rest.
Men of the Queen James, your captain has returned.
To arms! [all screaming and grunting.]
Furry First Mate, execute the Twirling Colleen.
[skeletons screeching.]
Now, mateys.
Fire! Fire! Fire! It worked.
We are saved! The map! [grunts.]
[all gasp.]
Arr! Drop the anchor.
[gasps, grunts.]
Me map! It's returned to me.
You really are a very good captain, Alonso.
But I too am good at pirating.
Look! The X marks the treasure! Who but a pirate would know this? Yes.
Now we know exactly where the treasure be.
But we have one small problem.
We have no idea where we be.