The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s03e12 Episode Script

Parrot Booty

1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
[Puss yowling.]
El Gato! [yowls.]
3x12 - Parrot Booty [Puss.]
Any time that I decide I am going to seek a hidden treasure, that treasure does not stay hidden for long.
For I, Puss in Boots, am the world's greatest pirate, and therefore, the world's greatest treasure finder.
And I sense that the treasure of San Losano is right over there.
[bird squawks.]
Mmm, looks a bit like a treasure, kitty mate.
If that treasure were shaped like a codfish.
Oh.
Why am I not good at pirate stuff? I should be a natural pirate.
I have an innate love of adventure, I am the world's greatest swordsman [gasps, screams.]
and I have conquered my fear of the ocean.
So, why does the nuance of being a pirate still escape me? [screaming.]
And also why have we not moved from this spot for hours? [sighs.]
'Cause there be no wind, mate.
What of your giant sail though? Could it be that it is merely pointed in the wrong direction? Uh, we could shift it around a bit, I suppose.
All right, lads, let's hoist the mast, brace about, and heave the capstan aft of the mainsail.
And whilst we do it, let's sing about it.
[upbeat song plays.]
We hoist the mast, we brace about We heave the capstan aft of the mainsail Your shanty is amusing.
Full of pirate words I do not understand.
Wait.
Perhaps that is how I can become a real pirate.
By learning what it is we do? Well, this be a mast, mate, and we could use some help hoisting it.
No, no, no, no, no.
By composing my own shanty.
Clearly, that is the one and only key to true pirateness.
To the composing room! [grunts.]
Does he know that be the toilet? Ugh.
Cut the deck.
[exclaims.]
Friends, with Puss in Boots gone, we must not sit around idly.
[Goodsword.]
The Bloodwolf's arrival draws nearer every day.
We owe it to San Lorenzo to keep our skills sharp.
Ha! And that is why I have devised this! Our official San Lorenzo Senior Puss Squad Bloodwolf battle formation! [Goodsword.]
The O.
S.
L.
S.
P.
S.
B.
B.
F.
, for short.
But you could've just said that without destroying my cards.
I have a flair for the dramatic.
You are one who understands this.
How dare you? I know nothing of dramatic flair.
[clattering.]
Nothing! [smashes.]
[snoring.]
Treezy, look how peaceful they are.
Oh, I agree.
There are no words.
[creaking.]
[El Guante Blanco.]
Senior Puss Squad, go! Hai-ya-ya! [grunts.]
[roaring.]
[all screaming.]
It's all right, children.
Execute the O.
S.
L.
S.
P.
S.
B.
B.
F.
[laughing maniacally.]
[children screaming.]
[rumbling.]
Destroy Bloodwolf! [children screaming.]
[shouting.]
[all whimpering.]
[screams.]
[all gasp.]
[sharp inhale, sighs.]
[Goodsword.]
We were only trying to help! Oh, really? Were you? Tell that to the orphans.
[sighs.]
Okay, look.
We appreciate you being here to help No need to thank us, my lady But maybe you could do it without terrifying the children! We shall make it up to the orphans.
This, I swear! [bird squawking.]
Ya! She be still as a stopper knot.
And Captain Alonso be no help as long as he remains depressed about his poor departed parrot.
Shh! Don't say the P-word.
Maybe we can get his mind off Bonky for good.
The boat, it remains still.
But while you loafers have been out here literally doing nothing Oi! I heaved the capstan aft of the mainsail.
Hey! I have made great progress on my shanty.
Would you like to hear it? We don't really need to hear it.
I am Puss in Boots A bloodthirsty pirate If you step in front of my cannon I will fire it Whoa! [screams.]
[explosion.]
I find lots of treasure And I never share it I am strongly considering Getting a parrot - Don't say the P-word.
- [Alonso.]
A parrot? Don't do it, kitty mate.
It'll only break your poor heart.
Oh, Bonky, I do miss you so.
Come on now, Captain.
Don't be sad.
Say, why don't we all sing along with old Puss? I'll never sing again.
[sobbing.]
Never! [groans.]
Scurvy tabby! Our proud and valiant captain be off blubbering like a heartsick walrus, thanks to ye.
Now we'll never find the Treasure of San Losano.
But we must! We need the Crown of Souls, you see, which I will use to defeat the Bloodwolf, because I, Puss in Boots [all.]
am the one from the great prophecy.
[groans.]
Step aside.
I myself shall navigate us out of this dire pickle.
Hm.
Does this clock tell us when the wind will start blowing again? [grunts.]
I be a bit territorial about me compass.
She be a delicate one.
I only wished to know how it works.
Well, it be simple.
Ye just take a map, - determine where ye be - Hey! - set a course - Yeah.
[chuckles.]
check the wind then we'd simply reel in the starboard braces.
Starboard braces! [yowls.]
And use the compass to set a course for east-southeast.
East-south [sniffles.]
Bonky always liked it when we'd set a course for east-southeast.
[sobbing.]
I need a moment.
[shouts.]
Land ho, dead ahead! An island! Well, keep it in your sights, lads.
Don't let it get away.
[Alonso continues sobbing.]
An island! Huzzah! On this island there is treasure And grave danger without measure How do ye know there be danger? Because there is danger wherever I go It is like a law of nature [sword clanging.]
Hmm.
[grunting with effort.]
[strumming lightly.]
It is pirate time It is pirate time Because piracy is not a crime [stammers.]
But, uh, piracy is a crime, mate.
[pirate 1.]
Our mum was put to death for it.
Really? There is so much to know.
And my brain begins to ache from all of this composing.
Puss, if you're not too busy right now You're right.
This is no time to quit.
I must stay busy composing my shanty so I may become a pirate like you.
Thank you, Pirate Joe! Oh! Oh! [groans.]
Not my name! [hissing growl in distance.]
[growling continues.]
Ye reckon this be the spot, Captain? Well, according to the map, there be a coastal boundary to the west and an ibis with boundary issues to the east.
[gasps.]
[squawks.]
That be mighty specific.
[sighs.]
Yarr.
This be the spot.
Men, the Treasure of San Losano be right beneath our blooming feet! [Puss.]
# Once I have finished all my verses # I would like to learn Some maritime curses Puss? Do ye reckon ye could I hope you are not proposing A distraction from my great composing Oh, this is good.
I should be writing these down.
Shush, matey! This be a mysterious island, and the jungle be full of who knows what.
Ghosts, perhaps.
Or fearsome beasts.
Or the ghosts of fearsome beasts.
[grunts.]
[clangs.]
Uh [gasps.]
[gasping.]
[Puss.]
The Treasure of San Losano! I have found it! What do you mean, "I"? We be the ones who Open it! Open it! [blade clinks.]
[screeching nearby.]
[birds chirping.]
Pete.
[whimpering.]
[Alonso.]
What say ye take a look? [soft rattling.]
[Alonso.]
So? What be it? [all sigh.]
[stammering.]
Ske ske ske ske [screeches.]
[screams.]
Skeletons! [skeletons growling.]
[screeching.]
[sighs.]
I suppose you'll be taking us to your leader now? [squawks.]
No need.
Their leader [squawks.]
is here.
[door opens, creaks.]
[all.]
We are sorry for scaring you! [children screaming.]
You get an apology.
You get an apology.
[screams.]
And you get an apology.
And you get an apology.
[children screaming, clamoring.]
Golem sorry, too! [screaming continues.]
There, there, children.
[children whimpering.]
It'll be all right as soon as the shock wears off.
I think.
What in the world were you thinking? We simply thought that for our apology to have the proper je ne sais quoi, it ought to be dramatic.
And surprising.
Which is why we did it in the dead of night.
Like murderous thieves.
Sometimes, people just not ready to hear apology.
We do not have much experience with children.
They are so much like people [chuckles.]
yet smaller.
Oh, that will not be a problem.
Because you are banished from San Lorenzo! [shouts.]
Get out! What? No! No! Madam, how dare you? - Are you questioning me? - No, ma'am.
Get out of town! [sighs.]
[gasps.]
Bonky! You're alive? Oh, I thought you were lost at sea! [squawks.]
Lost at sea! Lost at sea! [clears throat.]
[deep voice.]
Lost? No.
I escaped.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Bless me pirate soul.
Ye can speak.
Like eh, really speak! [higher voice.]
Really speak! Really speak! [squawks.]
[deeper voice.]
You didn't care about me.
That's why I faked my death.
Should we not be here for this? Yeah, sounds right personal.
I stole your treasure map, Alonso, and I also took this shiny ring.
The one I got from those black cats? That is because birds like shiny things.
No! I took it because, unbeknownst to Alonso, it controls a skeleton army.
[sighs.]
You must have really hated me to go through all this trouble.
[squawks.]
Yes, I did.
And I still do.
Ohh! If you were so unhappy, why did you never tell him? Friends shouldn't have to tell friends that sitting on someone's shoulder and being force-fed sea biscuits is no fun! Though, in fairness, I do love sea biscuits.
They're a real treat.
[higher voice.]
Treat for Bonky! Treat for Bonky! [squawks.]
[deeper voice.]
Incidentally, do any of you happen to have any sea biscuits? Oh, Bonky.
I be so sorry.
Come back to me, my dear friend.
I'll build you a tiny chair, so ye do not have to sit upon me shoulder.
Oh, and I'll let you steer! And you can have all the sea biscuits you want.
But we only get three a day.
Well Um No! I'll just stay here with my skeleton army and shiny treasure.
[giggles.]
All right, so I like shiny things.
Don't judge me.
So, does that mean we can leave? Yes.
Just as soon as my skeleton army burns you at the stake.
Skeletons, burn them! Burn them! [skeletons growling.]
[shrieking.]
[snoring.]
Ah, it's just not the same around here without the Senior Puss Squad.
No kidding.
It is so boring.
Golem sorry! Uh, yeah, I liked it better when the Senior Puss Squad did it.
[straining, groans.]
And now, that big, bad Bloodwolf is gonna get us.
- I'm scared.
[sobbing.]
- Hey! Hey, guys, let's just go to the garden and kick some rocks.
[Dulcinea.]
Sphinxy? [groans.]
We have to make this right.
[sighs.]
Seriously? Give me, like, five more minutes to finish my catnap.
Mmm.
[Sphinx snoring.]
[squawks.]
Skeletons! Burn them! Burn them! Puss in Boots, ye must do something.
Oh-ho-ho! Now, you want me to sing.
[growling.]
No, we want you to fight! Ah, yes, that does make more sense.
Ugh.
[gasps.]
[gull squeaking rhythmically.]
Wait a minute.
Does music compel you skeletons to dance? La, la-la-la-la La-la, la-la, la-la Ah! So, it is the rhythm that gets you.
Like me, you enjoy a good beat.
You have never seen pirates So fearsome before On our fine sailing ship Through the heavens we soar We like to go pirating All sorts of places We spend lots of time Reeling in starboard braces Hey! Stop dancing! Execute our prisoners! We cause lots of mayhem Wherever we go Me and Alonso and old Pirate Joe This be the worst rescue ever.
[grunting.]
[growling.]
I cannot believe I be about to say this, but [yelling.]
keep singing, Puss! I do not remember any of the other verses.
I knew I should have written them down.
[growling.]
He be Puss in Boots He's a fine buccaneer When men hear his name They all tremble with fear Today we found treasure We had sought for a while So I think it high time We be leaving this isle [all.]
# So, free all the pirates And beat all the bones # Then take all the treasure Right back to our homes Get them! Kill them! Smash them! [snarling.]
Get them! [growling.]
[screeching.]
[grunting.]
[panting, grunts.]
- Kill them! - Ugh! [groans.]
[squawking.]
[grunting.]
Have at you! [grunting.]
[gasps.]
[growling.]
[exclaims.]
[all grunting.]
Have a nap! [groans.]
[grunts.]
Yeah! [skeleton screams.]
[grunting.]
[squawking.]
Ah! Whoa! Give me it! Give me that ring! [continues squawking.]
[slow-motion shouting.]
[clanging.]
[pirates shout.]
Huzzah! [squawks.]
Ouch! [Puss.]
Get back here! [Bonky squawking.]
[screeches.]
[snarls.]
[chuckles.]
For your crimes against the good ship, Queen James, I, Captain Two-Eyed Alonso, sentence you to walk the plank.
Any last words? You You're joking, right? Goodbye, friend.
[squawking.]
[screaming.]
[squawks.]
I'll be back.
And next time, I'm stealing your sea biscuits.
[higher voice.]
Sea biscuits! [squawks.]
[growls.]
Ye knew he was gonna fly away, didn't ye? You can't prove that.
[sniffles.]
[snarling.]
[creaking.]
[Puss.]
The Crown of Souls! Thank you, my friend.
And I have something for you, as well.
Now, no one but you will control your destinies.
[growls softly.]
Say, do you need a place to live? Did you know I miss the Senior Puss Squad? They were my only friends.
Hey! You really miss Golem and friends? [Goodsword.]
We don't frighten you anymore? [gasps.]
Yay! Hey, a friend who terrifies you so much, you pee yourself is still a friend! [scoffs.]
[Goodsword.]
We apologize for scaring you, little ones.
But we promise you this.
Your days of being frightened by outsiders are over forever.
[Puss.]
Good news, all! I have brought some outsiders to live in San Lorenzo.
[screeching.]
[all screaming.]
[Toby groans.]