The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s05e05 Episode Script

Too Many Cats

1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
- [Puss yowling.]
- El Gato! [yowls.]
Ah, me.
My favorite cat.
Handsome, daring, strong, handsome, ingenious, rakish, and handsome.
There is no one in the world quite like me, and that will never change [Puss grunts.]
- ever.
- Hello, other cat whose face is also my face.
[grunts.]
Yes.
Hello, Puss Dos.
To what do I owe the Hmm.
No, pleasure is clearly not the right word.
I am practicing our signature move.
Signature? [gasps.]
You mean, the spinning through the air thing? Uh-huh.
[exclaiming.]
[groans.]
I'm gonna keep doing it until I get it perfect.
No matter if it takes a thousand tries.
Or even a hundred.
Puss Dos, the spinning through the air thing is a complex maneuver.
Also, it is mine! Why not simply practice the things you are good at? Like, good-natured waving.
And saying hello to inanimate objects.
Hello, fountain.
Hello, buildings.
- Hello, sky.
- [sighs.]
No doubt he will one day drown in a puddle of his own making.
[gasps.]
What? Puss Dos? How in the Puss Dos.
How did you get here so quickly? [yells.]
Back, wretch! I am not Puss Dos.
I am Puss the Bold.
Tremble before me.
Puss in Boots trembles before no one.
Not even himself? I said tremble! [distant coughing.]
Whoa! Puss the Bold, real scary, pal.
[continues coughing.]
Heya, fellas.
[groans.]
This guy.
Hey, whoa, how you doing? They call me Puss Coughs-A-Lot.
[coughs.]
Nice to meet ya.
How's your family? They good? Nice to be outta the Netherworld.
Let me tell ya, that place stinks worse than your breath.
Hey-yo! Just kidding, you seem like a nice fella.
[coughs, sniffs.]
Wait.
What is happening right now? How many of me are there? Why are you all so handsome? [female Puss.]
Some might say beautiful.
[captivating music playing.]
[Puss.]
Another me! But a she-me! [growls seductively.]
[gasps.]
- Me? - Call me what you want, sailor.
You look like the kind of guy who could show me where to find a leche.
I am having confusing feelings.
It's getting epic in here.
- Huh? - [Pusses meowing.]
Huh? Arr! - [meowing continues.]
- [Puss gasps.]
What? What is the meaning of all this? I know what of all this the meaning is.
[sighs.]
Oh.
And don't worry.
I'm not about to give you some crazy, nonsensical explanation.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I am.
See, there's a whole bunch of other worlds like ours but just a wee bit different.
And every one has twins of each of us who are different.
You mean, I've got a twin somewhere who's Mean? Yep.
And I've got a twin who's a beloved member of his community? Yep.
And I've got a twin who's Puss? [sighs.]
Everyone else understood this right away.
Anywho, when I conjured up Puss Dos, it caused an etheric pressure imbalance that desynchronized the resonant spin rates of the hermetic realm barrier loop membranes causing all these Pusses to be sucked into the Netherworld.
That is complete nonsense.
So it must be true.
Because magic is complete nonsense.
Exactly.
Did you know that you look like him? And that he looks like him? And So, you are saying this is basically just one big Puss family reunion, yes? Made up entirely of me? [exclaiming excitedly.]
This is wonderful news.
Um, how many of them are there? Who cares? The more the merrier.
Attention, all you me's.
My name is Puss in Boots.
[farting continuously.]
That's the dumbest name ever.
Isn't it, Puss-With-A-Squid? It sure is, Fart Puss.
- Well, I think it's fantastic.
- [Puss clears throat.]
Welcome to San Lorenzo.
Your new home.
Come, let me show you around.
[Puss grunts.]
Right this way.
Puss, don't you think we ought to, you know, ask the townspeople whether they're all right with all these new you's? - What is to discuss? - [Fart Puss farts.]
These are copies of me.
How could that be anything but a big, big positive? But there's so many of them.
And what if one of them is evil? Evil twins are a thing, you know.
It's like the book says "Should your wife bear you a twin, "cast him out, he's rife with sin!" Oh, my.
That's a really terrible message.
Bad book.
Bad.
No.
Wrong.
No dessert for you tonight.
Maybe a little.
[electrical buzzing.]
[chuckles malevolently.]
[neighs.]
Ha! Hello, Pajuna.
Hello, laddie.
Hello, Pajuna.
[coughing.]
[stuttering.]
Hello, laddie.
Hello, Pajuna.
Hello lassie? Oh, let me guess, "Hello, Pajuna?" Tremble before me! Wasn't expecting that.
Pajuna.
Say hello to my magic twins.
They are exactly like me.
Mostly.
Here we have Super-Upbeat Puss.
Oh, my gosh, this is seriously like the nicest cantina I have ever been in.
Catchphrase Puss.
It's getting epic in here.
- Meek Puss.
- [meows in fright.]
Ooh, I didn't know you're gonna do me next.
- Banjo Puss.
- [plays the banjo.]
[exclaiming excitedly.]
Pirate Puss.
Arr, ye' swab.
Framed Puss.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.
- Tiny Puss.
- Hello.
- Invisible Puss.
- [Invisible Puss grunts.]
- Glutton Puss.
- [burps.]
Lookout Puss.
Manly Moustache Puss.
- Skeleton Puss.
- [playing off-notes.]
And dozens and dozens more.
They have come from other worlds - to live with us in San Lorenzo.
- That's nice, Puss, but are you sure they all want to live here? [coughing.]
People are probably missin' me back home and Of course they do.
My home is San Lorenzo, so theirs is, too.
Because they are me.
Me's.
Myself's? I's? But, Puss, aren't you afraid one of 'em might be an evil twin? Statistically speaking, one of you is probably an evil twin.
I hope it's not me.
I'm so sorry if it is, you guys.
Evil twin, shmevil shmin.
These are my best friends, and we are going to spend the rest of our days having outrageous adventures.
Now then I will have a leche.
- Who else would like a leche? - Me! [groans.]
[all Pusses laughing, clamoring.]
[screams.]
[sighs.]
[laughs wickedly.]
- Heeyah! - [thief grunts.]
[all grunting.]
[groaning.]
[all chattering.]
[neighing.]
[Pusses laughing raucously.]
[all slurping noisily.]
[sighs in exasperation.]
More.
Okay.
[groans.]
My friends, come.
Let us sun ourselves lazily in public.
But, Puss of the Boots, our own worlds need us.
Is there not some way we may return home? [laughs.]
You look like me, but your voices are different.
It is endlessly amusing.
Now come.
This is prime sunning hour.
[farting.]
[gasps.]
Puss, we need to talk.
[all Pusses.]
Okay.
Oh, um, Puss in Boots.
[Puss the Bold.]
Why does she not look like us? These Pusses are out of control, Puss.
It's impossible to tell which one's the real you.
Ah, a true quandary.
But, in many ways, are we not all the real Puss? Hmm, that sounded very wise, did it not? Puss, everything is awful with so many you's around.
There are hairballs everywhere.
It's not so bad if we know they're yours but it's gross when they're anonymous.
[coughing.]
Yeah, that's mostly on me.
And I keep mistaking other Pusses for you.
Today, I drew a picture of you, and then I realized it wasn't you at all.
It was all a lie! I didn't have the heart to tell him.
I spent the whole afternoon telling one of the other Pusses about my problems at home.
And I went into a lot of detail.
A lot.
For the record, I totally think you and your wife are gonna work things out.
So you are saying [all.]
There are too many Pusses! [sighs.]
You are right.
Friends, I am afraid you are going to have to leave San Lorenzo.
[Banjo Puss.]
Fine by me.
This town's crazier than a deer tick in a fryin' pan.
Ooh, it's getting not epic in here.
No, do not try to dissuade me.
You must go, make your ways in the world.
Feel free to trade on my likeness if you wish.
You may find it difficult to get credit at certain cantinas, - and for that, I apologize.
- Hey, Bootsy.
What if I could send each of the Pusses back to their original worlds? Wise mage, you can do that? No, but what if I could? That'd be pretty neat, huh? No, unfortunately, to do that, I'd have to be some kind of alchemist.
- But you - No, let him get there on his own.
[grunting thoughtfully.]
Hey, wait! Yay! I knew you could do it.
[Artephius.]
Well, this is it.
It's almost ready.
[Artephius grunts.]
Ooh, hot, hot, hot! [blows.]
All right, here goes nothing.
Okay, Pusses! One at a time, now.
[coughing.]
You showed us a heck of a time, Puss in Boots.
Say hi to your mother for me.
[continues coughing.]
[whimpers.]
One down, 37 to go.
[upbeat music playing.]
[Puss.]
That was fun while it lasted, but it is nice to be the only Puss in town again.
[Evil Puss laughing maliciously.]
Are you sure? [grave music playing.]
Huh? [gasps.]
- There is only one Puss in town.
- [gasps.]
Only one true Puss.
Me! [screaming.]
[grunting.]
Surprise.
[Señora Zapata.]
Puss.
Puss.
- [Puss groaning.]
- [knocking at door.]
[Señora Zapata.]
Puss.
Puss.
Did I Was that a dream? [Señora Zapata.]
Puss! Where is the candy, Puss in the Boots? Esme told me all about how you snuck into the orphanage last night and stole candy from her! What? I did no such thing! Do not lie to me! She saw you with her own eyes.
[crying.]
How could you do this? But, Esme, I promise you [yelling.]
That was my retirement candy! I cannot believe you'd think I would take candy from a baby.
Literally, that is a cliché of evilness.
Worry not.
I will get to the bottom of this theft.
I go.
[heroic music playing.]
[grunting.]
Oh, uh Hello, good townspeople.
What may I do for you? I am in somewhat of a hurry.
You stole my hairbrush this morning.
I saw you.
And now my bald spot is conspicuous.
And I saw you steal my favorite barrel.
Now I have to wear last season's model.
Very unfashionable.
And I saw you steal my wife's skillet.
The one she throws at me.
Thank you.
These accusations are baseless.
I have an embarrassing and yet ironclad alibi.
I have been asleep all day.
- Yes.
- Of course.
Probably, sure.
Hmm So you say.
We'll be keeping an eye on you, Puss in Boots.
[crowd chattering.]
So, someone who looks like me is stealing things, yet we sent all of the other me's back to their own dimensions.
Which means [gasps.]
I have become an evil sleep-walker.
[grunts.]
[distant malicious laughing.]
[grunts.]
So, you are real, as Dulcinea feared Evil Puss! [laughs maliciously.]
You think I am the evil you.
Oh, but the truth is, you are the weak me.
[both grunting.]
[swords clanking.]
You see? I have all your skills, plus one.
What is that? I fight dirty.
[grunts, screams.]
[both scream.]
Puss, are you all right? - [gasps.]
- I'm perfect, mademoiselle.
And how are you this fine day? Ooh! [giggles.]
Oh, Puss.
I [gasps.]
- [Puss grunts.]
- [Dulcinea gasps.]
Puss? Puss? Puss? Yes, yes, there is an evil me, just as you feared.
[both grunting.]
You were right and I was wrong Are you happy now? Honestly? A little.
We will discuss this later.
[both continue grunting.]
I am not evil.
I just don't let anything get in the way of what I want.
That is what people mean by evil.
Oh, I thought there was cackling involved.
Often, but not always.
[sighs.]
I'm tired of this.
Goodbye, Puss.
- [sighs.]
- [cackles.]
Help! My evil twin is trying to kill me! - What? - [crowd clamoring.]
Yes, I mean, no.
He is the evil twin who is trying to kill me! Really? Then why are you pointing a sword at him? What? No! But - I do not - Get him! Yes, my friends.
Cast him out! [man.]
Been waiting a long time for this.
No.
Wait! Can we not talk about this? This is very rash.
No! No, no, no.
Please! - Get out! - [Puss screaming.]
[grunting.]
And stay out, impostor! [grunts.]
But, but [laughing maliciously.]
[mob chattering.]
[solemn music playing.]
Banished.
Ostracized.
Cast out, like some kind of outcast.
How could they all believe Evil Puss over me? He is so persuasive.
I mean, he is evil, but it is kind of hard not to like him.
He says what he wants, with no concern for what others think.
Yes, he has an undeniable charm.
Dulcinea seemed to like him.
[yells angrily.]
I am jealous of myself! Huh? En guarde! Hello, cat who is jealous of myself.
Puss Dos! What are you doing here? Watching you be sad with my face.
The mouth ends should go up.
Thank you, Puss Dos.
It is good to see a friendly face.
Wait.
How would you like to help me stop Evil Puss? Okay.
It will be dangerous.
Okay.
You might die.
Okay.
In some terrible, painful way.
Okay.
Are you paying attention? Okay.
- Good enough.
We go.
- Whee! [laughing.]
Oh, Mr.
Eames, you are very humorous.
Well, thanks, Puss.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, this is how one speaks to one's best friend.
[gasps.]
Best friend? Wait till I tell the others.
Hey, guys! Guess what? Already they like me better than Puss in Boots.
Idiots.
[grunts.]
[crow cawing.]
[Puss.]
Who is the idiot now? Back for more, huh? Did you know, Puss in Boots, that I was the emperor of my world before I was sucked into the Netherworld? And soon, I will rule your world, just as you could, if you didn't make the mistake of caring about others.
Well? Don't you have anything to say? Okay.
You're not Puss in Boots.
I can fight dirty, too.
[Evil Puss grunts.]
Help! Evil Puss is attacking me! - [crowd clamoring.]
- Huh? Get away from him, Evil Puss.
I am the real Puss in Boots.
Eames knows I am the real Puss in Boots.
He is my best friend.
It's true.
Are you joking with this? I mean, on a good day Eames is tolerable, but, you know [sobbing.]
I want that one to be the real Puss.
You know who the real Puss is, Dulcinea.
You can feel the truth, can't you? [stammers.]
I I Did you say, "Can't?" What? Cannot.
[grunts.]
[grunting.]
Do you not use contractions? [chuckles.]
It is kind of my thing.
[sobbing.]
I want him to be the real Puss, but he's not.
Artephius! Send this impostor back to his own world at once.
[all grunting.]
Stop him! [panting.]
[mob clamoring.]
Huh? [gasps.]
There is nowhere left for you to flee, villain.
It is over.
You should have killed me when you had the chance.
No! [fire crackling.]
[screams.]
No! He just jumped in.
Ooh, that could be bad.
This portal is only meant to go one way.
I don't know what would happen to someone who went back through.
He might be in the Netherworld, or he might just be gone.
I am sorry.
He may have been evil, but he was still Handsome and charming.
Not that I noticed.
Obviously, I noticed, because I said something, but it's not like I wanted to date him or anything.
[chuckles.]
[laughs nervously.]
Somebody else talk now.
He could be alive, Puss.
What's to stop him from coming back? We will set a guard on the portal.
Sphinx! [whistles.]
Uh-huh.
I task you with keeping a lookout on the portal to ensure that no one comes through.
I'm on it, or whatever.
[growling.]
It is all taken care of.
Let us hear it for Puss Dos, who helped save the day! Hello, many people.
[all cheering.]
Puss Dos! The only other me San Lorenzo ever needs.
Hmm.
Oh! [snoring.]
Whatever Oh, dear.
[electrical buzzing.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]