The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s05e10 Episode Script

Dances with Dingoes

1 El Gato! And then I did the stomping of that thief.
And then his friend showed up, and I proceeded to do the shellacking of him! Puss! Puss! Puss! Talk about the part where you pounded the next thief real good, Puss! Ah! Cleevil reminds me what happened when the next thief approached.
I pounded that thief real good! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Yay! I am teaching you all real life skills here.
Like how to humiliate your enemies.
Such as, standing atop your vanquished foe is a wonderful way to mock him.
- Can we try? - Uh-bup-bup! Toby, you did not vanquish that thief.
So you may not stand upon him.
Aww! Enough of your back-talk! No standing atop anyone you did not vanquish.
Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Puss! Yay! I can't tell you how inappropriate it is for you to brag to the orphans about beating up thieves.
You're their role model! If they see you being violent, they're gonna emulate that violence.
Dulcinea, what nonsense.
The children are in no way being negatively influenced by my behavior.
- Oww! - I get to stand on him first! Nuh-uh! You didn't even vanquish him.
Oh! Why does everybody always want to vanquish me? Yay! You Are right.
I have made An error! Now, let me hear you say it.
No more Yes! The portal awakens! Who knows what could come out? Let us continue this unpleasant chat sometime in the distant future.
I go! Maybe it's a ten-headed Cyclops! Ten heads, and only one eye between 'em! Or maybe it's some kind of terrible wife monster! Oh, uh which would be great.
I-I'd love that.
Try to be more open-minded.
It's not fair to think that everything that comes out of the portal's gonna be bad.
On the contrary, to be safe, we must assume that we are about to encounter something horrible.
Like a dragon or a Aah! Dog! Oh, hey, that's not so bad! Here, boy! Come on! Stand back, everyone, and I will slay it! Mate, I'm catching some super negative energy coming from your direction.
Why don't you try taking a deep cleansing breath? I will take no breaths! I will never breathe again if I so desire! And where are your shoes? Shoes? You mean foot coffins? I don't think so, mate.
Why do you speak this way? Is this some crude dog tongue? Okay.
Couple of things, mate.
First, I'm not a dog.
I'm a dingo.
That is not a word.
Second, you've got heaps of inner tension.
Hasn't he, guys? - Oh, he sure does.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
You do not talk to them like they are your friends! - They are my friends.
- Hello, friend! My name's Dulcinea.
G'day, Dulcinea! Stoked to meet ya! They call me Sheila.
I was on my way to a big dance festival in Majorca when I got into a spot of trouble with a - Oh, let me guess, a wizard? - That's right! It's always a wizard.
No, one time, it was a witch.
Oh, I can't wait to get there and just dance and dance and dance! You know how sometimes it feels like the music is a part of you and all you can do is dance? Come on then, sister.
Dance with me! Let your inner rhythm take wing! I don't dance.
Everybody dances, mate.
It's just a matter of whether or not you know it yet.
I know it.
I don't dance.
Right, well, we'll work on you, big mama.
How about you, kids? You like dancing, don't you? Sure! Sometimes Puss in Boots dances.
And if we've been really good, he lets us watch.
It's one of his dance rules.
Dance rules? Okay.
There are no rules in dancing.
Ha! But there are! always wear shoes.
Anything else is anarchy.
Gotta disagree, mate! - Dancing is as free as my feet.
- Oh, my.
How'd you kids like to dance a bit? What a wonderful idea! The kids have been exposed to a lot of violent energy lately.
And dance lessons might be just what the doctor ordered.
No problem, mate! We'll have a blast.
Dulcinea! If anyone is going to teach the children to dance, it ought to be me, the greatest dancer in all the world! You want to teach the children to dance? Now that it has been suggested that someone else do it, yes! Really, mate, no worries.
I'll take it from here.
I will teach the children to dance.
This I swear! Children, dancing is like fencing, in that it looks like a lot of fun but is incredibly difficult to learn and takes years of grueling practice and is not fun.
Wow, bit of a tough one, is he? - A bit.
- No, no, no, Toby.
First position means that your toes are pointed out, like so.
My feet don't do that.
Rule number six: feet will do whatever you tell them to do, but they must be beaten into submission first! Cleevil, bad.
Vina, bad.
Kid Pickles Good! What can I say? I got noodly legs.
Esme.
What are you doing? Mr.
Cubbie asked me to dance with him.
Well, you tell him you are not ready for ballroom dancing.
Perhaps next year.
You are a fool, Mr.
Cubbie! A fool! Kids, shape up.
Hold first position.
More like worst position.
Did you know that I hate this? My feet don't do first position.
My feet don't do anything! You know, Puss, I'd be happy to help you teach the kids.
Maybe I could give you a few pointers on how to make it, you know, a little more fun? You give me pointers? Puss in Boots, the greatest dancer in the world, takes instruction from no one! Especially a filthy dog without shoes.
It's just I'm not really getting the vibe that you've quite got the rhythm in your soul, mate.
No, she didn't.
You are not getting the vibe, eh? - That is it, doggo.
- Dingo.
I hereby challenge you to a dance-off! Oooh! - A what? - A dance-off.
To the death.
To the death? Not to the death.
I got swept up in the excitement.
But a dance-off nonetheless! Musicians! Oh, and what a dance-off it shall be! Me, the greatest dancer in the world, versus an impertinent dingo who is not even wearing shoes.
What does it matter if I'm wearing shoes? My toes like the freedom.
It is impossible to dance without proper shoes.
Or to look rakishly handsome.
Or to have good hygiene in general.
Mm, bare feet Blech! Do you understand the rules, Sheila Dingo? There are no rules in dancing! That is madness! Skeletons, hit it! Ha! Your turn.
Whenever you are ready.
Hmm.
Now, that's what I call noodly! I've never seen anything like it.
Dinky-do, mate! Just a couple of moves I've picked up over the years.
Aah! One, two, three, four! Dance, boots! Dance! Oh, yeah, baby! Whoa! She won! She beat Puss! All hail Queen Sheila! Oh, Puss, I'm sorry.
It's just her dance was really impressive.
Puss.
Well, then! Shall we commence with the kids' dance lessons? Oh, yes, absolutely! I know the kids will enjoy it.
And don't worry about Puss.
He can be a little All right, kids, let's get dancing! Are you gonna make us do first position? Here's an idea.
How about you just take the first position that strikes you as a whole lot of fun? Uh dragon position! Señora Zapata position! Toby position! Terrific, kids! So from there, all you have to do is channel the rhythm in your soul! Well, how will we know if we're doing it right? Because the best part of dancing is that there's no wrong way to do it! No matter what mean ol' Puss in Boots tells you.
That's the spirit! Great movement, Vina! Good on you, Kid Pickles! Fair dinkum, Toby! Did you know that I like dancing now? My feet can do anything! Oh! Another leche, Pajuna.
No, two more.
My sorrows are not yet adequately drowned.
I have fallen.
Racking up quite a bar tab there, Puss.
Well, perhaps I could pay it off in dance lessons.
Oh, wait, I forgot.
My lessons are of no value.
Because these days, apparently, dancing is just flopping around wildly as though riding a very confused bull! Mm.
Nothing makes sense anymore! Ow! Puss, everyone's having a great time dancing in the square.
Why don't you come and join them? No, thank you, Dulcinea! I shall instead stay in here where there is unlimited leche for me to enjoy.
Not unlimited.
Oh, Puss, don't be embarrassed.
Not that many people saw your humiliating fall into that bucket.
Let us get one thing straight.
I am not in here sulking because I am embarrassed.
I am in here sulking because that dingo is ruining everything I've worked so hard to teach the children! Have you seen her dance? She looks like a marionette being pulled by ten different puppeteers in ten different directions! Why am I even trying to defend myself and my legendary adherence to classical technique to you? - I go! - Puss, be careful! Ha! Puss! Oh, my! Are you okay? Kindly leave me to my shame.
- But I - Leave me! And left! Left! That's right.
Bigger! Left! Left! Come on, everybody! Really get into it! Well, howdy, Dulcey! Isn't this a pretty sight? The entire town doing the Baile Tremebundo! I'm sorry, the what? The Baile Tremebundo! The dance everyone's apparently been hypnotized into doing? Ooh, I haven't seen it since alchemy school.
The bad kids would sneak out and do it behind the gym! Hang on.
You You know this dance? Oh, sure! It's an evil dance meant to summon the dreaded K'fhoggnarh from the Netherworld.
Super hypnotic! Anyone who sees the dance immediately wants to join in! Oh, no! Artephius, you've got to do something.
You're right! I gotta K'fhoggnarh! Dance! I've gotta do something! K'fhoggnarh! - Puss! Come out! - I shall not! I have locked myself inside with the intention of starving to death out of shame.
Stop being be so dramatic! I am not being dramatic! - Hmph.
- There is literally nothing you can do to make me come out.
Puss, it turns out Sheila the dingo is evil! Because she is a dog! - No.
- Whoa! Uh Now I am confused.
Is she evil and a dog? Or is she evil and not a dog? Or She's got the whole town doing a dance to summon a demon from the Netherworld.
You have to stop her! I will do it! And restore my reputation! You mean save the town.
And save the town! Whoa! Who is leaving buckets everywhere? K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! San Lorenzo! Hear me now! Hey.
What happened? And why am I dancing? Look at my body! This isn't a dancer's body! Oh, my head.
Oh! Come on, children, why don't we step over here away from the demonic dance? You're ruining our dance! Not cool, cobber! All right, everyone, let's get back to it! No! They will not take any more instruction from you! Surrender! Interesting proposition.
But I suggest A dance-off! A rematch? Oooh! Yes.
A dance to the death.
To the death? But no weapons.
Agreed.
Ha! One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One.
Nice moves, but I wasn't talking about your sword.
I was talking about those.
Foot weapons! Surely, you do not mean for me to dance Bootless.
I do.
Unless you're afraid.
This is madness! I am not afraid! If you say so.
Your move, mate.
I accept.
Ahh.
Oh, I can't watch! And dance.
Picked up some new moves, huh, mate? Yay! Huh? - Ha! - Whoa! Puss! Huh? K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! Hmm.
K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! - K'fhoggnarh! - Puss, snap out of it! It's the anklet! Sheila's anklet is connected to the portal! - The anklet? - K'fhoggnarh! K'fhoggnarh! The anklet! Aah! Aah! Aah! Whoa! Aah! K'fhoggnarh! K'fhog - I did it! - Looks that way.
Is it over? It is! Your evil plot has been foiled! Oh, thank goodness.
Thank you, Puss in Boots.
Aah! Make it stop! The anklet.
Keep it away from me! Um, it's pronounced "doughnut.
" No, it's pronounced "anklet.
" - So not a doughnut? - Mm-mm.
Well, you win some, you lose some.
These markings look familiar.
They're the same ones from the obelisk! They're Netherworld markings, mate.
They put that thing on my leg down in the Netherworld, and I was compelled to do evil! Sorry, who's "they"? The minions of the Blind King.
He wanted me to destroy your town by summoning K'fhoggnarh, but I never wanted to be a beast-summoner! I just want to go to Majorca and dance, dance, dance! So this Blind King he has designs on us, yes? Well, I will be ready to battle him! Provided I am appropriately dressed.
Return from whence you came, anklet! Puss! You've seriously got to stop throwing things into the portal.
It's not an evil dumpster.
Oh, I know, but I find it so satisfying.
Hyah! And stay down, rock! All right, then.
Majorca awaits.
Listen, you lot need to prepare yourselves.
Step one is to assume that everything that comes out of this portal is gonna be bad.
Mm-hmm.
All right! On my way, then.
G'day, mates.
Bye! Do not fear, orphans.
I will beat this Blind King! - And when I do - You'll stand on top of him? No.
We will all stand on top of him.
We'll stomp him real good! Shall we?