The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s06e06 Episode Script

One Last Jobs

1 [CAT PURRS, MEOWS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GIGGLES.]
- [PUSS YOWLING.]
- El Gato! [YOWLS.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- [CRASHING.]
- [WOMAN SCREAMING.]
- [MAN LAUGHING.]
- [WOMAN.]
Stop that thief! Whee! [LAUGHING.]
[MAN GASPS, GRUNTS.]
- Stealing a bicycle? Really? - Huh? It's a viable form of transportation! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[MAN.]
Ow! - [MAN GROANING.]
- [PUSS LAUGHING.]
[PUSS GRUNTS.]
Rough break, Furball.
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANING.]
Looked like you could use a hand there, Puss.
Roz! My very great friend who was formerly trying to slay me.
Who said anything about "formerly"? [SHOUTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Ah, just kidding! Or am I? Hmm? Who can say? [CHUCKLES.]
Sometimes even I lose track.
Ah, Roz, this is why I value our friendship so.
It is imbued with a sense of real peril.
So, what brings you to San Lorenzo? I'm here to see a certain someone.
[SLURPING.]
Mmm.
Kind of herbaceous.
You back on the clover again? For probably not the last time, Roz, why are ya here? Let me guess.
"One last job"? One last job! Does this gal know me or what? Yes, ma'am.
Whatever you say.
The mission: rescue someone who's in need of rescuing.
And I can't do it alone.
[PAJUNA.]
Not interested.
- But this job's got everything.
- No.
High-profile client.
International intrigue.
- Nope.
- Freaky magic.
[SCOFFS.]
Definitely not.
And a big payout.
You know, the kind of gig you and I used to eat for breakfast.
Oh I miss those breakfasts.
So you're in.
Aces! No! Look Even if there was a small part of me that was intrigued, it's not like I can leave whenever I want.
I'm a business owner.
Running a cantina is a lot like raisin' a baby.
A giant wooden baby.
[SMOOCHES.]
[PUSS.]
Pishposh, Pajuna.
You must go with Roz on this adventure.
I will run the cantina in your absence.
Puss, there's no way you could handle the responsibility of running San Lorenzo's finest and only cantina.
Nonsense! Any dullard could run this cantina.
As everyone knows, running a restaurant - is the easiest job ever.
- [ALL GASP.]
[PAJUNA GROWLS SOFTLY.]
Sure, Puss.
You're right.
It'll be easy.
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
[LAUGHS.]
I agree with the words you're saying, but your tone confuses me.
[CHUCKLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
You're on, sister.
Porcine and the bovine, together again.
Whoo-hoo! Take her easy, San Lorenzo.
Don't wait up.
I hope you enjoy running the cantina, Puss.
I hope you really enjoy it.
[CHUCKLES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
So here's the deal.
I was hired by a witch to free her sister, who's been kidnapped by these thieves here.
Sister's called "the Piper.
" You familiar with her? Let's just say I might "bee.
" Bee.
Because she controls bees.
[SCOFFS.]
You had to be there.
[LAUGHS.]
"Bee" there.
Mama's on a roll.
Uh, right.
Anyway, these thieves kidnapped her, figuring they'd get into the honey trade.
Now, what say we go in there and pilfer us a piper? Just like old times.
[BOTH.]
Hmm.
[BOTH.]
Ha! You will tell us your secret or face the consequences.
[SIGHS.]
I told you, thief dudes, I can't just "make" you guys honey.
You need bees.
And apparently you're all scared of bees.
I am much less scared than Julio! But you are still somewhat scared.
And this was her point.
[MAN.]
Oh, yes.
More than somewhat scared.
- [CHATTER CONTINUES.]
- [GASPS.]
- [MAN.]
Not quite extremely scared.
- Huh? What are you looking at? - Hello, boys.
- [BOTH SHOUTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- [YELLING, GRUNTS.]
- [ROZ.]
On your left.
Hello, gorgeous.
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa.
Bummer, man.
[GROANS.]
[ROZ GRUNTS.]
[PUSS SIGHS.]
I was wrong.
Running a restaurant is not easy.
It is incredibly easy! All I have to do is pour leche for anyone who walks in.
It could not be simpler.
- Why, a child could do this work.
- Like me? [LAUGHS.]
- No.
- Righty-o! Now, Puss, did I ever tell you about the band of traveling troubadours I used to be a part of? Yep, we were pretty unsuccessful, let me tell ya.
I believe I am supposed to listen to your sad tale and nod sympathetically, yes? This is the painful duty of an innkeeper.
Very well, carry on.
We were called "Bards with Beards.
" And my beard was always the worst of all.
I couldn't hardly grow a thing [PUSS.]
So, there is at least one downside to this profession.
Other than his mindless blather, though, it is the easiest job ever.
Why is Pajuna always complaining? Hmm.
What absurdity.
Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, about 10:30.
Why do you ask? [GROANS.]
[ROZ.]
Mission accomplished.
Wow.
That was quick.
Hey.
I, like, live here.
You guys totally saved me.
Uh-huh.
That's the idea.
Well, thanks for the groovy rescue operation.
I owe you one.
Uh, can we escort you in? To make sure you're safe, is all.
I'd say I got it from here, big mama.
Later! Well, that was fun.
Always good to crack a few skulls.
[CHUCKLES.]
But I should be getting back.
Oh! Actually, uh, that reminds me.
There's this one last job, see.
One last last job.
You in? Absolutely not.
Tiny.
One tiny last last job.
Then that's it.
Promise.
What is it? Oh.
What is it? Sure, well, it's, uh We have to, uh, go into that castle? And, uh, find the stolen thing, and bring it back to the, uh, goblin camp? "That castle"? Seems a bit convenient.
Come on, Juna! It'll be a blast.
[SIGHS.]
[JAZZY SPY MUSIC.]
Just around the next corner.
You said that three corners ago.
This is the one, I swear.
[SIGHS.]
And go! [SHOUTS.]
Hmm.
Probably around the next corner.
Cover me! Cover you from who? Dive! You didn't dive.
And yet, I live.
Roz, what are we even doing here? [ROZ GRUNTS.]
Keep up! [WOMAN HUMMING.]
'Cause I am a witch, I am a witch [HUMMING.]
[HUMMING.]
[GASPS.]
Intruders! - [ROZ.]
Ooh.
- Where's the thingy? Uh uh There! Let's move.
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH SHOUTING.]
- [SIZZLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- [SIZZLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Run! I am so confused.
I am a confused witch.
[EAMES.]
So I said to Carl, "Well, hey.
I may not have a great beard", but at least my lute's not fretless.
" Huh? Fretless? That's a That's a pretty sick burn in the lutist community.
[PUSS PANTING.]
Puss, you have to pay attention to me.
The customer is always right! Eames! I am too busy to acknowledge your pitiful hairless lamentations.
For some mysterious reason, all these people came in at the same time.
You mean dinnertime? Puss in the Boots! We all want to complain about our leches.
This one is too sweet.
And this one's not sweet enough! [SEÑOR IGUALDEMONTIJO.]
Not cabbage enough.
I ordered cabbage.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, one moment.
- Hiya, Bootsy.
- [SNARLS.]
One milk, please.
Also, I should probably let you know my dietary restrictions.
Let's see, I-I can't have seafood.
I'm not doing citrus.
Eggs are out, no cheese, and Ooh! I'm allergic to milk.
Do you mind if I use your outhouse? - The outhouse is for customers only.
- Oh, really? Do you know something? I come in here and spend good money.
I have rights! I'll boycott this place! I'll burn it to the ground! Cow and Moone unfair to customers! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, go ahead.
Use the outhouse.
Oh, thank you, Puss.
Didn't mean to cause a scene there.
Puss in the Boots! Huh? Don't forget.
We want separate checks! [IN SLOW MOTION.]
Separate checks! [SHOUTING.]
No! Man, oh, man.
Heck of a show in there, sister.
Classic "the porcine and the bovine.
" Am I right? Ha! You're not wrong.
Hey, you you know what? Why don't we just leave the, uh, magic kettle over here? I'm sure they'll find it sooner or later.
- Huh? - What are you talking about? We came all this way.
Hey, goblins! We got your thingy.
Uh, hi.
Can we help you? One magic kettle, courtesy of the porcine and the bovine.
A cow says what? Yeah, yeah, happy to do it, nice to see you, no need to drag this out.
Mm-mm-mm.
[KETTLE SHATTERS.]
Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? That it's time for me to go back to San Lorenzo to make sure Puss hasn't burned down the cantina? One more mission.
[SNIFFING.]
Ah.
Smell that? I just caught wind of one last last last job.
Caught wind? How? Well, it was it was in the thing.
The whatever you call it.
Who can say? Hi-oh! [CHUCKLES.]
Come on, admit it, you're having fun.
Well [SIGHS.]
Fine.
What's the last last last job? Uh, I'll I'll tell you on the way.
Come on! [SCOFFS.]
There's too much salt Puss, can I have another leche, please? Puss? - Over here? - This is ridiculous.
[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE.]
- [GASPS.]
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
[RASPING.]
Yes, yes, yes.
Three leches, coming right up.
The skeletons don't drink milk, Puss.
They only eat dust and insect husks.
How am I supposed to keep track of everyone's food rules? One leche, half full.
One leche, half empty.
It is madness! And no one is paying for their drinks.
Why do people think they can have drinks and not pay for them? You're not big on irony, huh? Do not taunt me.
I am at my breaking point.
Sorry.
Saving these for my friends.
What friends? Everyone in town is already here.
And you don't have any friends.
I have friends.
Puss, tell this woman to stop harassing me.
- Whoa! - [PLATES SHATTERING.]
I'll show you harassing! [EXCLAIMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
My cabbage! That's it.
Bar fight! - [ALL SHOUTING.]
- [LIVELY MUSIC.]
[SNARLS.]
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
- [GASPS.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
- [SHOUTS.]
- Hey! No, no.
Stop it, you ingrates! Stop it! Surprise visit from the Public Health Department.
You could not have picked a worse time.
Kind of our thing.
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa! [GASPS.]
Is that a cucumber? Unprepared food in the service area? Two demerits.
Pajuna! Where are you? [PUSS.]
Come back! [EAMES.]
Ow.
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
[ROZ.]
'Cause they're the porcine And the bovine With their tusks and their horns They're looking real fine [PAJUNA.]
'Cause they're the porcine And the bovine If their mission seems frivolous That's by design [ROZ.]
'Cause they're the porcine And the bovine Their friendship had been strained Their expressions often pained [PAJUNA.]
Old grudges were retained But now camaraderie's regained [ROZ.]
And they both were entertained Equilibriums maintained [PAJUNA.]
For reasons largely unexplained And so they're doing fine [BOTH.]
'Cause they're the porcine And the bovine A cow And a swine So, what's the next job? Rescue a princess? Kidnap a prince? Steal a thingy? Oh, I got a million of 'em.
I got an island.
I got a I got a genie.
I got a thingy.
Oh, you're gonna love it.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
Do you have something in San Lorenzo, lassie? Let's do it! Ah, good.
And, uh, while we're there, let's, uh, check in on Puss.
[SHOUTING.]
What do you mean, "closed forever"? Due to health code violations, I hereby declare this cantina condemned.
It is a major hazard.
Puss! [PUSS GROANING.]
Pajuna, you have returned! Thank you for coming back.
[SNIFFLES.]
I-I could not stand the torment for another minute.
[WHIMPERS.]
What on Earth happened in there? [GASPS.]
There were so many people.
So many people.
And they all wanted me to bring them things and listen to them talk! And there was broken glass and clogged outhouses and separate checks! [CRYING.]
[IN SLOW MOTION.]
Separate checks! And no one [SOBS.]
No one would pay their tab.
- [SOBS.]
- Not big on irony, are ya? Pajuna Michelle Cowandmoone, I, Puss in Boots, do solemnly swear, from this day forth, to be the best, quietest, and most deferential customer you have ever had.
And I will always, always pay my tab.
- [PUSS.]
Sometimes.
- Oh I've never heard sweeter words.
There they are! The two that punch us for nothing.
- Bring it on.
- And they stole my kettle.
I mean, seriously, who does that? We stole it? Stole, borrowed whatever.
Okay, okay.
We're a little outnumbered, but we can handle it.
[CANNONBALL WHISTLES.]
- Huh? Crud! - [GASPS.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
[PAJUNA BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[BRINY PETE.]
There they be! The cow and pig what fired upon us for no reason.
[ALL SHOUTING, GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- [ROZ.]
Get in here.
- [ALL GRUNTING.]
[PIRATE.]
Darn it! [GROANS.]
Why'd you make me come with you on these ridiculous quests? Uh, it's complicated.
You owe me an explanation, if we survive this melee.
[GRUNTS.]
[SHOUTING, GRUNTING.]
Now you see how it feels to get picked on for no reason! I shall help you repel these foes.
[ROZ.]
Buzz off, Puss.
Me and old Juna can handle this horde.
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
Are you crazy? We need all the help we can get! No, she is not crazy.
I get it.
[ROZ GRUNTS AND GROWLS.]
Roz, I understand why you feel this way.
I, too, felt for many years that I needed no one.
- [GRUNTING.]
- [PUSS CLEARS THROAT.]
Are you even listening to me? - [BANDIT GRUNTING.]
- I'm listening.
Just multitasking.
I think it is clear to me and everyone else why you took Pajuna on this wild-goose chase.
[MAN GROANS.]
You missed your friend, and you were simply looking for an excuse to spend time with her.
[GRUNTS.]
Interesting theory.
[GRUNTS.]
[MEN GROANING.]
There is no shame in discarding the whole "loner, nomad, free spirit" act and admitting that you need other people.
All right, I'll admit it.
I do need other people.
Hmm.
[GASPS.]
For example you! Right now! - Yah-ha! [GRUNTS.]
- [PAJUNA GASPS.]
[ALL GROWLING.]
Puss! [GROANS.]
Feast on my steel, fiends! - [YELLING.]
- [ALL GRUNTING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[BOTH GROWLING.]
You won't get away that easy! [GROWLS.]
Hey, Roz.
What do you say we do it old-school? I say this! - [GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
[YELPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
All right! High five, Juna.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [CRASHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [CACKLING.]
[BOTH YELLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[STRAINING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Pajuna, I got something to say.
Most of these jobs we did Were fake? Yeah, I kind of guessed that much.
But it was all in the service of getting some quality time with my best friend.
[SIGHS.]
I miss the old days and I guess I'd rather go on fake missions with my pal Pajuna than real ones alone.
Who among us can't empathize with that? Am I right? Eh so are you suggesting we're just supposed to forgive you, then? 'Cause of your pretty little speech? And because you can each have a free leche in the cantina.
- Oh.
Well, that's a bit more like it.
- I'll go for that.
I like leche, because I am a witch.
Well, I guess this is really good-bye, Juna.
And don't worry, there's no "last last last last job.
" 'Cause how could we ever top this? Roz, you're not the only one who misses the old days.
I miss you, too.
And I'd be honored if you'd stay in San Lorenzo.
For good.
Agreed! I would be delighted if you stayed.
San Lorenzo would be lucky to have you, Roz.
Wow.
No one's ever offered to welcome me into their home before.
Aww.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [GRUNTING.]
- Group hug.
[GRUNTING.]
Nope.
You guys are all way too clingy.
[PAJUNA.]
Hmm.
Gonna miss you, ya old bag of porridge.
But I feel like we might have an adventure or two left in us yet.
Never say never, sister.
And, Puss hyah! [PUSS.]
Bup, bup, bup! [LAUGHS.]
Not today, old friend.
Oh, I'll get you one day.
I'll get you good.
And then you'll be dead as a doornail.
[LAUGHS.]
So long, everybody! - [CONTINUES LAUGHING.]
- She's certainly very unique.
Eh, yeah.
That's a nice way to put it.
'Ere! 'Ere! How's about that free drink, then? All right, Puss.
Want to help me in the cantina? [SHUDDERS.]
Wait, Roz! Take me with you! Take me with you! [FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]