The Amazing World of Gumball (2011) s04e02 Episode Script

The Crew; The Others

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS .]
NO, DUDE.
THE CHEERLEADERS AREN'T THE MOST HARD-CORE CREW.
IF YOU FIGHT THEM, THEY'LL JUST BE CHEERING YOU TO WIN.
HOW ABOUT THE DRAMA KIDS? THEY ARE MASTERS OF DISGUISE.
EH, I DON'T WANT TO JOIN A CREW THAT WEARS WIGS AND TIGHTS.
HOW ABOUT THE BULLIES? IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE FOR US.
DARN YOU, LOVING PARENTS! [ BOTH SIGH .]
MAYBE WE SHOULD THINK BIGGER.
[ GASPS .]
YOU KNOW WHO REALLY RULES THE SCHOOL? TEACHERS.
YEAH, BUT DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT TO PUT UP WITH US TWO ALL DAY? I DON'T THINK IT PAYS THAT WELL, EITHER.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN PRINCIPAL BROWN WORKING AT THE CAR WASH.
I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
[ GASPS .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
Man: HA HA HA HA.
SENIOR CITIZENZ IN DA HOUSE.
I'M ASSOCIATED LOOK AT ME, I'M ASSOCIATED WE GET WHAT WE WANT, NO NEGOTIATING GOLD-PLATED, WE AIN'T IN YOUR GAMES NO TIME FOR PLAYING ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I'M SEEING? I'M NOT SURE.
AH, CURSE THIS ARTHRITIS.
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU SEE? I SEE PEOPLE WHO DON'T PAY THE GOVERNMENT.
THE GOVERNMENT PAYS THEM TO SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND WATCH TV.
I SEE PEOPLE SO STREET THAT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN SEATS ON THE BUS IN WHICH NOBODY ELSE DARES TO SIT.
I SEE PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY THE MOST OFFENSIVE THINGS THAT COME INTO THEIR HEADS AND GET AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE THINGS WERE DIFFERENT BACK THEN.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? THE MOST HARD-CORE CREW ON THE STREETS OF ELMORE.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO GET NOTICED BY THESE GUYS.
I KNOW.
THEY'RE PRETTY BALLER.
TRY AND DO A FLY WALK.
DUDE, WHAT WAS THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST GOT REALLY WALK CONSCIOUS.
YOU DO IT.
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TRY TO WEAR MY PANTS LOW FOR A BETTER STREET EFFECT.
IS IT WORKING? I KIND OF FEEL LIKE A TODDLER.
Darwin: KEEP YOUR CHIN HIGH LIKE YOU'RE SCARED OF NOTHING.
HIGHER! [ GRUNTING .]
Darwin: HIGHER! OH! WHY DON'T WE JUST ASK THEM? EXCUSE ME.
AAAAH! SORRY, YOU WERE ONLY TALKING TO ME.
IT'S JUST I'M NOT USED TO BEING TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING ANYMORE.
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT, KID? WE WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CREW.
HUH? YOU WANT TO BE A SENIOR CITIZEN? I KNOW WE HAVE TO EARN IT FIRST.
HOW DID YOU GET IN? I WORKED A THANKLESS JOB FOR 63 YEARS, THEN I WAS GIVEN A FAKE GOLD FOUNTAIN PEN AND GOT CAST ASIDE BY SOCIETY.
WE'LL DO ANYTHING.
YOU COULD JUST DROP BY FOR A CHAT FROM TIME TO TIME.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO FEEL LIKE WE EXIST.
Both: YES, THANK YOU! WE'RE GONNA BE PART OF THE CREW! WE'RE GONNA BE PART OF THE CREW! WE'RE GONNA BE PART OF THE CREW! Gumball: OKAY, IF WE'RE GONNA BE SENIORS, WE HAVE TO LOOK THE PART.
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS! REPRESENT, SENIORS! NO, NO, NO, SENIORZ WITH A "Z.
" OH.
ZENOIRS! NO.
NEVER MIND.
WE JUST HAVE TO LOOK OLD-SCHOOL.
WE NEED WRINKLES.
[ INSECTS BUZZING .]
I DON'T THINK POLLUTION IS THAT GREAT AT AGING US.
YEAH, I DON'T FEEL MUCH DIFFERENT.
[ Thinking .]
WELL, AT LEAST THERE ARE NO SIDE EFFECTS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS NOW.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME.
[ CLANG .]
[ CLANGING .]
AAH! [ THUD .]
DARWIN! LANGUAGE! NOW WE JUST NEED TO HANG IN THE SUN, AND THAT SHOULD JERKIFY US UP REAL NICE.
[ SNIFFING .]
NO! OH, YOU MOISTURIZED US! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S MORE UPSETTING -- THE FACT I WAS GONNA EAT YOU OR THE FACT I CAN'T.
[ PANTING .]
ARE YOU PRUNED YET? MM-HMM.
[ WHIRRING .]
AWESOME.
YOU LOOK LIKE A REALLY THIRSTY REPTILE.
OH, MAN, WE LOOK EVEN YOUNGER THAN BEFORE! [ BOTH CRYING .]
UGH, WE STILL LOOK LIKE WE'VE GOT OUR WHOLE LIVES AHEAD OF US.
MRS.
MOM SAYS SHE'D LOOK 10 YEARS YOUNGER IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE KIDS.
MAYBE WE CAN AGE OURSELF JUST LIKE WE AGED HER.
OKAY.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
DARWIN, WHY CAN'T I STAY UP LATE TONIGHT? [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ BOTH GASP .]
[ BOTH TALKING .]
WAIT, STOP! BEFORE WE TURN TO DUST.
[ CRACK! .]
AWESOME.
AWESOME.
NOW WE NEED A SWAGTASTIC LIMP.
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS .]
I DON'T GET IT.
SKATING IN THESE HEELS, MY BODY SHOULD LOOK LIKE A BUTCHER'S WINDOW, BUT LOOK.
I CAN KICK FLIP.
YEAH, LET'S JUST GIVE UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHY MOM SAYS HEELS ARE INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE.
IT'S A BASIC CAKEWALK.
AAH AAH AAH AAH.
YEAH! WE DID IT.
[ BOTH LAUGHING .]
ARE YOU JUST LAUGHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU STOP, YOU'LL BE CRYING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? [ LAUGHING .]
[ LAUGHING .]
OKAY, WE'VE GOT THE LIMP.
NOW ALL WE NEED IS THE COOL UNIFORM.
[ GRUNTS .]
A LITTLE HELP, PLEASE.
OOH! NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WALK SO SLOW.
YOUR TURN.
[ GRUNTS .]
OH.
COME ON.
THE HIGHER THE PANTS, THE MORE STREET CRED YOU GET.
COOL? BAD-CIRCULATION COOL.
AND FOR THE FINAL TOUCH, A BIT OF BLING.
[ FEEDBACK .]
HA HA, ASSOCIATE ASSOCIATE I'M ASSOCIATED LOOK AT ME, I'M ASSOCIATED WE GET WHAT WE WANT, NO NEGOTIATING WHEN YOU OFFERED TO PAINT THE FENCE, THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
ANYTHING ELSE WE CAN DO FOR YOU? MAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME WITH SOMETHING.
THERE'S A GUY BY THE NAME OF LOUIE.
HE WAS ONE OF US, BUT ONE DAY, HE DECIDED HE COULDN'T TAKE THE HEAT ANYMORE AND LEFT THE CREW.
I'D LIKE YOU GUYS TO SEND HIM A MESSAGE.
[ BOTH GASP .]
A MESSAGE? YES, A MESSAGE.
AS IN A MESSAGE MESSAGE? YES.
A SERIOUS MESSAGE? YES, A SERIOUS MESSAGE.
[ GULPS .]
YEAH, IT'S A DARN SHAME.
I LOVED LOUIE.
GONNA MISS HIM.
CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF IT FOR THE CREW? SURE.
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
WHEN? RIGHT NOW.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, FIRST, I JUST GOT TO WATCH MY SOAPS AND WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER TO MY CONGRESSMAN ABOUT HOW THINGS WERE BETTER WHEN THINGS WERE WORSE.
WELL, WAIT! YOU'LL NEED THE CELLPHONE IF YOU'RE GONNA SEND THE MESSAGE.
WHAT DID HE SAY? WHAT DID WHO SAY? WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT DID YOU BOTH SAY? WHAT DID SHE SAY? WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT DID WHO SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY? WHAT DID SHE SAY? HALF PAST 3:00.
[ GUMBALL AND DARWIN PANTING .]
HURRY UP! I CAN'T! I SPENT A WHOLE DAY RUINING MY BODY.
THIS IS AS FAST AS IT GETS.
ALSO YOU'RE BEING HYSTERICAL.
WE JOINED THE MOST HARD-CORE CREW IN ELMORE, AND NOW THEY WANT US TO ICE LOUIE.
WE NEED TO SKIP TOWN AND LIVE UNDER FAKE IDENTITIES.
I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE HYSTERICAL.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S BE HYSTERICAL.
[ BOTH SHOUTING .]
I HOPE OUR NEW FAKE IDENTITIES LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH A STAIR LIFT.
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
HEY, KIDS, IT'S ME! AH! THEY'RE HERE! THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA RAT 'EM OUT TO THE COPS! [ DIALING, RINGING .]
HELLO, POLICE? I NEED TO REPORT DANGEROUS CRIMINAL ACTIVITY.
MEET US AT THE OLD DISUSED RIVER FOR A MORE ATMOSPHERIC EFFECT.
WHAT ABOUT THAT MESSAGE? STAY QUIET.
I THINK THEY'VE GONE.
[ FEEDBACK, BOTH SCREAM .]
GUMBALL, THIS WAY.
HEY, COME BACK! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
PASS ME YOUR GLASSES.
[ BLINK! BLINK! .]
THEY'RE GOING OUT THE BACK.
PATTY, YOU HEAD 'EM OFF.
DONALD, YOU COME WITH ME.
[ GASPS .]
WE ARE THE SENIOR CITIZENZ WE VALUE DISCIPLINE, OUR SHOES ARE PRISTINE AND OUR DENTURES ARE GLISTENIN' WE LIVE ON THE GROUND FLOOR, OUR MANNERS ARE HARD-CORE WE'LL BID YOU GOOD MORNING, BUT WE NEVER HIGH-FIVE [ Slow motion .]
AAH! [ Slow motion .]
OH! [ SCREAMING .]
[ CLANK .]
QUICK! WE ARE THE SENIOR CITIZENZ, WE VALUE DISCIPLINE WE SPEND OUR LIFE MOANING AND REMINISCIN-IN' AAH! AAH! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.
ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL HERE.
WELL, IT ALL STARTED WHEN TWO KIDS CAME OVER AND DECIDED -- FORGET IT.
I'VE LOST INTEREST.
[ GRUNTS .]
WE WEAR A TIE AND SHIRT EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T WORK WAIT! WAIT! BUT WE DON'T COMMIT CRIMES [ BOTH LAUGHING .]
THEN WE'LL TELL THE SAME STORY ANOTHER 10 TIMES Man: LAST STOP! EVERYBODY OUT! WE ARE THE SENIOR CITIZENZ, WE VALUE DISCIPLINE COME ON! WE GET UP EARLY, THEN WALK AROUND WHISTLIN' WALK, WALK AROUND WHISTLIN' JUMP! ARE WE IN SLOW MOTION, OR IS THIS HOW FAST WE GO? [ GLASS BREAKING .]
[ POPPING .]
[ TIRES SCREECH .]
TIME TO SEND THAT MESSAGE.
NO! WE DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CREW ANYMORE.
WE THOUGHT IT WAS COOL TO BE HARD-CORE, BUT WE NEVER WANTED TO BE CRIMINALS.
YOU WEAR YOUR PANTS IN A FUNNY WAY.
YOU PRETEND TO HAVE A LIMP.
YOU TWIST YOUR FINGERS TO MAKE LETTERS, ALL SO YOU CAN LOOK HARD.
BUT DEEP INSIDE, YOU JUST WANT TO BELONG.
WE ALREADY BELONG TO A CREW.
IT'S CALLED THE PEOPLE OF THIS WORLD, AND EARTH IS OUR TURF.
WHAT? I HOPE WHEN YOU GET OUT OF PRISON, YOU, TOO, WILL JOIN THE RANKS OF THE BEST CREW IN THE WORLD.
SOCIETY.
SOCIETY.
FAREWELL.
Together: PRISON?! [ SIREN WAILS .]
FREEZE! [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
Gumball: ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HARNESS THE POWER WITHIN, AND I'LL TURN INTO A SUPER SAIYAN.
[ INHALES DEEPLY .]
AAAAAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAH!! AAAAH!! IS HE STILL TRYING TO TURN INTO A SUPER SAIYAN? MM-HMM.
STOP! YOU'RE GONNA POP SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
[ Strained .]
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE IN MYSELF! AAAAH!! AAAAAAAH!! [ CREAK! POP! .]
THAT'S NOT QUITE THE TRANSFORMATION I WAS HOPING FOR.
[ INHALES .]
ANYWAY, I'M GONNA BE LATE TO CLASS.
ANAIS, CAN I ASK SOMETHING? WHAT? YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE LIKE A BABY, BUT YOU'RE AT SCHOOL WITH US.
HOW DOES THAT WORK? YEAH, IT'S TOTALLY UNREALISTIC.
[ INHALES, BOING! POP! .]
ARE YOU -- I -- WHAT -- UH -- AH -- WHA -- EH -- UH -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT.
THE FACT NEITHER OF YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SISTER, WHO YOU LIVE WITH, IS IN THE YEAR ABOVE YOU IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LOOK AROUND YOU.
MINE'S THE ONLY CLASS IN ELMORE JUNIOR HIGH.
GUMBALL, NO, IT ISN'T.
THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.
YES, IT DOES.
LOOK, IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
JUST TRY FOR ONE MINUTE TO SEE THAT THERE ARE OTHER KIDS IN THIS SCHOOL.
OPEN YOUR MIND.
OPEN YOUR MIND.
HUH? NOT LITERALLY.
OPEN YOU'RE MIND.
OPEN YOUR MIND.
[ GASPS .]
[ WARBLE! .]
THEY'RE [ ELEPHANT TRUMPETS .]
ALL [ BUZZING, SIREN WAILS .]
OTHERS.
YES, AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SOME OF THEM HAVE EVEN MORE INTERESTING LIVES THAN YOU.
PSSH! LIKE WHO? OH, WHOA WHOA OH, OH OOH, OOH MY NAME IS CLARE, AND TODAY IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
MY DAD HAS LOST HIS JOB, WE'VE LOST OUR HOUSE, AND NOW WE'RE FORCED TO MOVE BACK TO DETROIT.
I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY TO SAY GOODBYE TO ONE'S I LOVE.
ONE LAST DAY TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY SO-CALLED WORLD.
Gumball: [ As Clare .]
BUT LUCKILY, TWO STRANGERS WERE ABOUT TO CHANGE MY FOREVER.
THAT'S RIGHT -- GUMBALL AND DARWIN.
GUMBALL WAS DEVASTATINGLY, INHUMANLY BEAUTIFUL.
HIS FACE IS LIKE A CLASSIC PAINTING CRAFTED BY AN OLD MASTER.
UH, WHO ARE YOU? I DIDN'T REALIZE IT YET, BUT THESE TWO WERE THE TRUE HEROES OF MY STORY.
[ SIGHS .]
THE FIRST PERSON I NEED TO SAY GOODBYE TO WAS MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND, WILSON.
WILSON ALWAYS STRUGGLED WITH HIS IDENTITY.
BUT GUMBALL AND DARWIN WOULD HELP WILSON FIND HIMSELF.
IT WAS GOING TO BE A TEARFUL GOODBYE.
BUT I KNEW THAT WITH THE HELP OF GUMBALL AND DARWIN -- BETTER GET TO IT NOW WHILE I STILL HAVE THE STRENGTH IN MY HEART! [ SHOES SQUEAKING .]
DUDE, THAT GIRL IS CRYING OUT FOR OUR HELP.
NO, SHE ISN'T.
YOU'RE ONLY GETTING INVOLVED IN HER STORY SO YOU CAN BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AND, AS USUAL, YOU'LL IGNORE ANYTHING THAT GETS IN YOUR W-- NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO! DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME DISAPPEAR! LIKE I WAS SAYING, LET'S GET THIS GIRL ALL THE HELP SHE NEEDS TO STAY HERE IN ELMORE.
[ THUMP, FOOTSTEPS DEPART .]
OW.
[ SIGHS .]
WILSON, WHERE IS THE GOOD IN GOODBYE? IT'S JUST BEFORE THE "BYE.
" I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WITHOUT YOU.
THE CHEERLEADER IN ME IS SO, "GIVE ME AN 'S,' GIVE ME AN 'A,' GIVE ME 'D!' WHAT DOES IT SPELL?! SAD.
" BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE GOTH IN ME IS ALL LIKE, "UGH, WHATEVER.
" BUT THE FOOTBALL PLAYER IN ME IS ALL LIKE, "BROKE! -- ENHEARTED.
" AND THE MAJORETTE IN ME GIVES A LOW, SAD BLAST ON HIS TROMBONE.
DARWIN: I thought he was actually going to make the noise.
UGH, LEAVE US ALONE! DON'T YOU GET IT? THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! "NOT ABOUT CHU?" WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I DON'T KNOW.
SOUNDS CANTONESE.
I SAID, "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
" "NOT A BAD CHEW?" NOTABOUTYOU! STILL NOT GETTING IT.
UUUUGGHHHH! [ SNIFFLES .]
GOODBYE.
Gumball: [ As Clare .]
AS I WALKED INTO THE DISTANCE, I REALIZED WHILST I HAD LOST ONE FRIEND, I HAD GAINED TWO, BOTH FAR SUPERIOR TO THE OTHER ONE.
I MEAN, WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO BE ANYWAY? CAN YOU AT LEAST LET ME VOICE MY OWN THOUGHTS?! Clare: NEXT, I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE PERSON WHO TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT GEOGRAPHY, MR.
CORNEILLE.
AH, MISS COOPER.
LIKE SHAKESPEARE ONCE SAID, "PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW.
" AND THE CAPITAL OF SWEDEN IS STOCKHOLM.
FACTS.
I WANTED TO THANK YOU, MR.
CORNEILLE.
IF YOU ONLY REMEMBER ONE THING I'VE TAUGHT YOU, IT'S THIS -- QUESTION EVERYTHING.
WHY? NO, DON'T QUESTION THAT.
QUESTION EVERYTHING EXCEPT THAT.
SO, IT'S QUESTION EVERYTHING UNQUESTIONINGLY? YES.
I THINK.
BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU? AS LONG AS YOU CARRY THAT BOOK I GAVE YOU, I'LL ALWAYS BE WATCHING OVER YOU.
LIKE, YOU MEAN IN SPIRIT? NO, TURN IT OVER.
OH.
[ WHIMPERS .]
[ WHOOSH! FLAPPING! .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! [ CLICK .]
[ Quietly .]
WE'RE DRYING YOUR TEARS.
[ CLICK, WOOSH! .]
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WE WANT TO HELP.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO LEAVE ELMORE.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
AND LIKE I SAID BEFORE, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! [ SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE .]
UGH!! SEE, THE PROBLEM HERE IS YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS LIFE.
DARWIN, YOU BE CLARE, I'LL BE LIFE.
OKAY.
[ POP! .]
LIFE IS GIVING CLARE A HARD TIME.
WHAT IS SHE DOING ABOUT IT? [ WHINES MOCKINGLY .]
[ SIGHS .]
LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN, BUT WITH A MORE PROACTIVE ATTITUDE.
[ CRASH! CAR ALARM BLARES .]
NOW, DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FIGHTING THE ODDS AND JUST MOPING ABOUT? UGH! MR.
CORNEILLE, SAY SOMETHING! UH BRUSSELS IS THE CAPITAL OF BELGIUM? UGH! I DO NOT MOPE! [ THUMP! .]
SORRY, CLARE.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D BUMP INTO ME FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, BUT I DIDN'T COUNT ON HOW SMALL I WAS, AND BLEH -- ANYWAY.
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS Let them help you.
BUT THEY SEEM REALLY BAD AT HELPING.
OH, THEY ARE.
THEY'RE EVEN WORSE WHEN THEY DON'T GET THEIR OWN WAY.
[ OMINOUS CHANTING, THUNDER CRACKS .]
[ GASPS .]
SHE -- SHE DISAPPEARED.
Anais: NO, I'VE JUST GONE AROUND THE CORNER FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT! SO, NOW IT WAS TIME FOR THE HARDEST GOODBYE OF ALL -- JARED, THE LOVE OF MY -- OH, COME ON!! JARED, YOU'VE GOT TO TRUST US.
YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW CLARE TO DETROIT, OKAY? BUT NOT STRAIGHT AWAY.
LET HER GET ALL THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT.
THEN AS SHE WAITS TO BOARD THE PLANE, AND THE LAST CALL FOR THE FLIGHT IS ANNOUNCED, YOU RUN THROUGH THE AIRPORT IN SLOW MOTION.
[ Voice breaking .]
YOU GRAB HER HAND, SHE SEES THE BRACELET, THE BRACELET SHE MADE FOR YOU AS A SYMBOL OF YOUR LOVE.
SORRY, DO I KNOW YOU? [ SLAP! WHIP! .]
LISTEN -- THIS IS NOT A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, OKAY? IT'S A STORY I WRITE IN MY DIARY USING MY TEARS AS INK.
YOU THINK YOU LIVE IN SOME AMAZING, MAGIC WONDERLAND, WHERE EVERYTHING HAS A HAPPY ENDING? WELL, THE TRUTH IS THIS IS REAL LIFE.
AND BAD THINGS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
AW, WHY SO SAD? HM.
OOH.
[ As the Cancan .]
NYAH-NYAH, NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH, NYAH-NYAH NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAH [ FART! .]
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS HERE IS A TALKING, DANCING BANANA WHO SOMEHOW HAS A BUTT.
WE'RE IN A SCHOOL WITH A T-REX, A GHOST, A TOAST, AND WHATEVER PRINCIPAL BROWN IS.
NOW WHO DARES TO SAY THIS WORLD ISN'T AMAZING?! THE WORLD IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT OUR HELP.
DO YOU WANT TO BE A SPECTATOR IN LIFE? OR DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A PART? WASN'T THIS ABOUT HELPING CLARE? YEAH, THAT, TOO.
NOW LET'S GO AND GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT! HM.
WAIT.
WHY I HAVE A BUTT? Clare: MY EYES DROPPED PEARLS OF SADNESS AS I SAW MY PAST DRIFT AWAY INTO NOTHINGNESS.
I SAW THE SWINGS WHERE WILSON AND I SHARED SO MUCH.
THE PARK WHERE JARED -- STOP THE BUS! WE FIXED EVERYTHING! STOP THE BUS! WHERE JARED GAVE HIS HEART TO ME.
THE PICKET FENCES ON THE STREETS.
AHH! STREETS I WALKED A THOUSAND TIMES.
OUR OLD HOUSE, ITS "FOR SALE" SIGN MOCKING ME FROM THE FRONT LAWN.
UNH! [ SCREECH .]
I LOOKED AT MY FRIENDS' HOUSES, HOUSES IN WHICH I'D NEVER AGAIN LAUGH, IN WHICH I'D NEVER AGAIN CRY.
BUT WHAT HAVE I GAINED BY THIS LOSS? AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? [ CREEEEAK, SPROING! EXPLOSION .]
MAYBE IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING -- ANYTHING AT ALL.
THE ONLY THING LEFT TO DO IS STARE AT THE RAIN.
[ THUD! CAR ALARM BLARES .]
SO, I GUESS THIS IS IT.
GOODBYE, ELMORE.
GOODBYE, FRIENDS.
GOODBYE, LIFE.
[ RUMBLING .]
HUH? [ ROARS .]
[ TIRES SQUEAL .]
[ GROWLS .]
AAH!! [ SNARLS .]
[ GASPS .]
[ ROARS .]
WHAT'S GOING ON?! ONLY THE BIGGEST HAPPY ENDING OF YOUR LIFE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND MARCHING BAND PLAYING .]
WHAT? YOU DON'T NEED TO LEAVE ELMORE.
WE FIXED EVERYTHING FOR YOU! BUT HOW COULD YOU HAVE FIXED -- FIRST!! WE GOT MASAMI TO ASK HER DAD TO GIVE YOUR DAD A NEW JOB AS AN ENGINEER AT THE RAINBOW FACTORY! BUT MY DAD ISN'T -- QUALIFIED? [ CHUCKLES .]
YOU DON'T NEED A QUALIFICATION IF YOU GOT A MADE-UP MAGIC JOB.
ARE YOU FEELING HAPPY, MR.
COOPER?! UH, YES? I THINK WHAT HE MEANT WAS "YEAH!!" BUT WHAT ABOUT MY -- DID YOU JUST SAY HOUSE? WELL, MRS.
JOTENHEIM USED HER BROOMSTICK TO FLY TO THE END OF THE RAINBOW WHERE SHE STOLE A POT OF GOLD FROM A LEPRECHAUN, WHICH SHE USED TO BUY IT BAAAACK! AND WHO COULD FORGET YOUR OLD BUDDY, WILSON?! WELL, WHEN HE SAW A CAT AND GOLDFISH RIDING A T-REX DOWN A FREEWAY, HE REALIZED THAT MAYBE HE WASN'T SO STRANGE AFTER ALL! RIGHT, WILSON?! RIIIGHT.
AND THE CHERRY ON TOP -- JARED AND CLARE, YOU ARE HEREBY ELECTED THE PROM KING AND QUEEN OF ELMORE JUNIOR HIGH!! [ ALL CHEERING .]
Just go with it.
These people are insane.
TAKE THAT! MEGA-HAPPY ENDING! THANK YOU, EVERYONE! THANK YOU, ELMORE! BOOM! EH-EH-EH-EH-EH.
[ MARCHING BAND CONTINUES PLAYING .]