The Amazing World of Gumball (2011) s04e06 Episode Script
The Routine; The Upgrade
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS .]
Narrator: IN AN AGE LONG FORGOTTEN, LEGEND SPEAKS OF AN UNSUNG HERO -- SOME CALL HIM THE COUCH-CRUSHER.
TO OTHERS, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY AS THE ONCOMING WIND.
BUT TO A SPECIAL FEW, HE'S KNOWN AS DAD! DAD! DAD! WAKE UP! UGH! MY ARMS ARE TOO SHORT TO REACH A NERVE.
WHY DO WE WANT TO WAKE HIM UP ANYWAY? BECAUSE [ POP! .]
IT'S COMPLETELY UNFAIR THAT HE GETS TO VEG OUT ALL DAY WHILE WE HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! HMM! [ SQUEAKING .]
IF YOU WANT HIM TO WAKE UP, YOU HAVE TO USE THE MAGIC WORD.
"PLEASE"? NO, "BACON.
" YES! [ HORN HONKS .]
COME ON, GUYS, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
WHY DOES HE GET TO SIT THERE ALL DAY? HE DOESN'T.
HE HAS A VERY IMPORTANT LIST OF CHORES TO DO WHILE I'M AT WORK.
"GET MAYO"? WHERE'S THE REST OF THE LIST? WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM MAKE IT DOWN TO 2, SO, EH HEY! IT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS! YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
PLEASE BE CAREFUL, O FATHER, ON THIS DANGEROUS AND MIGHTY QUEST.
THANK YOU! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
THANK YOU? NEVER MIND.
HMM! Narrator: AND THUS BEGINS OUR HERO'S QUEST.
HE SHALL NOT REST UNTIL HE HAS RETURNED WITH THE SACRED SAUCE.
[ SNORING .]
Narrator: OR MAYBE HE SHALL QUICKLY REST FOR A LITTLE BIT, THEN GO ON HIS QUEST FOR THE SACRED SAUCE! [ SNORING .]
Narrator: [ GROWLS .]
LET THE QUEST BEGIN! [ YELLS .]
[ WAR-LIKE CHANTING .]
[ GRUNTING .]
UGH! I SHOULD HAVE PUT THE PANTS ON FIRST.
OH, FORGET IT! [ YELLING .]
COVER YOUR EYES, MARGARET.
THE NEIGHBOR'S GOING TO THE STORE AGAIN.
[ ENGINE REVVING .]
ONWARD, CARTAX! [ NEIGHS .]
Narrator: AND SO OUR HERO BEGINS HIS JOURNEY THROUGH THE PERILOUS KINGDOM OF ELMORE.
GO, CARTAX, GO! YEAH! [ CLICKING TONGUE .]
[ HORNS HONKING .]
GO! GO! [ CLICKING TONGUE .]
Narrator: AFTER MANY MILES, OUR WARRIOR REACHES THE TERRITORY OF THE ORACLE OF SUBURBIA.
[ CLICKING .]
WHAT IS IT, CARTAX? YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ARE ON.
IS THERE DANGER AHEAD? [ TIRES SQUEAL .]
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
AAGH! WHO GOES THERE?! WHERE ARE YOU?! Man: DOWN HERE.
TURN BACK OR PERISH! YOU QUEST FOR MAYO IS DOOMED! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY QUEST? UNDERPANTS DON'T HAVE POCKETS.
BUT I CAN ALSO READ YOUR FUTURE, ROTUND WARRIOR.
I WILL LET YOU SEE IT -- AT A COST.
NAME YOUR PRICE, TROLL THING.
I KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING.
APART FROM THIS -- WHAT DOES "L.
O.
L.
" MEAN? I KEEP GETTING IT IN MESSAGES AND WANT TO USE IT MYSELF TO FEEL COOL, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
UH, IT MEANS LOTS OF LOVE? THANK YOU.
"DEAR MASTER OF THE DARK ARTS, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, L.
O.
L.
" [ CHIME PLAYS .]
NOW KNEEL BEFORE ME! [ SNARLS .]
[ ROARS .]
MANY OF ELMORE'S UNEMPLOYED HEROES WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET AND NEVER CAME BACK.
YOU DON'T MEAN YES, THEY GOT HIRED AND NOW WORK THERE.
I DO NOT SCARE SO EASILY, GOBLIN HEAD! FOR I AM TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
THEN MAY THE SPIRITS BE WITH YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY, DESTROYER OF BURGERS.
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES .]
MASTER OF THE DARK ARTS.
UGH, BUMMER.
[ SCREAMS .]
[ TIRES SQUEAL .]
IF YOU WISH TO PASS THE GATES OF OLD, YOU MUST FIRST CROSS OUR PALMS WITH GOLD.
WHAT? WE BE THE TROLLS OF THIS TOLL BOOTH.
PAY FOR YOUR PASSAGE OR LOSE A TOOTH! STILL DON'T GET IT.
UGH! IT'S 25 CENTS TO GO THROUGH.
WHAT?! ARE YOU HIGHWAY BANDITS?! TECHNICALLY, WE'RE IN THE SERVICE OF THE GOVERNMENT, BUT, BASICALLY, YES.
THEN FEEL MY WRATH! [ WINDOW WHIRS .]
MY HAND! [ SPRAYS .]
AAGH! MY EYES! GO, CARTAX, GO! [ GROWLING .]
TOLL PENALTY TICKETS! [ ROARS .]
[ BOTH SCREAMING .]
[ GROANS .]
PSYCH! [ CLANG! .]
Narrator: OUR WARRIOR CONTINUED HIS JOURNEY THROUGH THE KINGDOM.
HE ALMOST BROKE HIS WRIST HONKING TOO MUCH IN THE VALLEY OF CAR-TASTROPHIA.
HE FOUGHT FOR A LONG TIME TO ESCAPE THE DEADLY VORTEX OF THE DRIVE-THRU WINDOW WHERE YOUR WORST ENEMY IS YOURSELF.
UNTIL HE MADE IT TO THE DREADED SWAMPS OF ASPHALT.
[ WIND HOWLS .]
[ CREAKING .]
NO! WE CANNOT CONTINUE THIS WAY, CARTAX! WE MUST TURN BACK.
BUT AT LEAST THE TENSION HASN'T BEEN ARTIFICIALLY HEIGHTENED BY HAVING THAT PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED TREE FALL AND BLOCK OUR WAY.
NO! THE TENSION HAS HEIGHTENED NOW THAT THAT PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED TREE HAS FALLEN AND BLOCKED OUR WAY! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? CAN I PLEASE STOP STATING THE OBVIOUS? [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? THERE IS ANOTHER SOLUTION? [ CAR WHINNIES .]
CARTAX, NO! [ SPLAT! .]
AAGH! DON'T MOVE! I'LL FIND A SOLUTION! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? USE THAT PLANK? YES, OF COURSE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
CARTAX, LANGUAGE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
OH, HA, YOU MEANT PUT IT UNDER THE TIRES, RIGHT.
[ EPIC MUSIC PLAYS .]
CARTAX, NO! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE! [ ENGINE REVVING .]
[ Blubbering .]
I LOVE YOU, TOO! I LOVE YOU, TOO! [ SOBBING .]
NO! Narrator: ALONE, THE WARRIOR CONTINUED HIS JOURNEY.
MANY HOURS HE WALKED TO COVER THE HUNDRED YARDS LEADING TO HIS FINAL DESTINATION -- THE SUPERMARKET.
BUT THERE WAS NOTHING SPECIAL ON OFFER HERE.
[ GRUNTS .]
LARRY?! WHICH AISLE IS THE MAYO IN? IT'S GONE IT'S ALL GONE.
DON'T EXAGGERATE, LARRY.
THERE'S STILL A GOOD THIRD OF IT BURNING.
[ COUGHS .]
WHAT HAPPENED? THE BEAST DISCOVERED THE POWER OF COUPONS.
IT BIDED ITS TIME, STOCKPILING THEM.
THEN IT SHOPPED US TO OBLIVION.
IT BOUGHT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, LEAVING NOTHING BUT DESTRUCTION IN ITS WAKE.
[ ROARS .]
JUST LIKE THE WITCH'S PROPHESY.
WHEREFORE IS THE LAIR OF THIS BEAST?! AH! SURELY YOU DON'T INTEND TO FIGHT IT! MY QUEEN REQUIRES ONLY A JAR OF MAYO, NOT THE HEAD OF A BEAST.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO BURGER NIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE, WEIRDO.
Narrator: AND AS NIGHT FELL, OUR WEARY TRAVELER ARRIVED AT THE ARENA WHERE THE FINAL ACT OF HIS DESTINY SHALL PLAY OUT.
[ FANFARE .]
[ GASPS .]
FINALLY, MY QUEST HAS COME TO AN END.
WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? OH, YEAH.
GET MAYO! [ GRUNTING .]
[ YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ SNARLS .]
AH, THAT PROPHESY WAS MISLEADING.
THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS I -- [ ROARS .]
IT WAS BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE! PSYCH! [ PANTING .]
[ CHOMPING .]
[ PANTING .]
[ SNARLING .]
[ GASPS .]
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
HYAH! [ LAUGHS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ GROANS .]
[ THUDDING .]
[ ROARS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
[ GASPS .]
CARTAX! [ SNARLING .]
[ ENGINE REVS .]
PSYCH! [ ROARS .]
[ TIRES SQUEAL .]
CARTAX, GO! [ ROARS .]
[ TEETH CRASH .]
[ ROARS .]
[ CAR ALARM CHIRPS .]
[ GROANS .]
[ SNORING .]
WELL, I GUESS HE DID DO SOMETHING TODAY HE PUT HIS PANTS ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
COME ON.
LET'S SET THE TABLE FOR BURGER NIGHT.
Narrator: AND SO OUR HERO'S TALE COMES TO AN END.
TO THE BEAST, HE IS A THIEF.
TO HIS FAMILY, HE'S A HUGE SLOB.
TO HIS NEIGHBORS, HE'S THE REASON HOUSE PRICES ARE GOING DOWN IN THE AREA.
BUT TO ME, HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY MASTER.
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
Betto-Hunt: WE'VE SEEN THE TRUTH.
AND THE TRUTH IS THE UNKNOWN.
BUT THE UNKNOWN CAN'T JUST BE ABOUT THE TRUTH.
THE TRUTH IS THE UNKNOWN CAN ONLY BE AS TRUTHFUL AS THE TRUTH OF THE UNKNOWN CAN BE.
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
WE'VE CHANGED THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE LAST TIME.
LET ME INTRODUCE OUR NEW BOBERT SYSTEM.
COUPLED WITH OUR NEW UPDATED MICROCHIP AND AN INTEGRATED A.
I.
, THIS OPERATING SYSTEM ALLOWS THE USER TO ENJOY A TRULY SINGULAR EXPERIENCE, GIVING YOU ACCESS TO A WHOLE NEW RANGE OF FUNCTIONALITY.
IT ISN'T JUST THE PERFECT BLEND OF SOFTWARE AND HARDWARE, IT'S LIFEWARE.
BOBERT.
LET THE FUTURE AND THE PAST COLLIDE TO DEFINE YOUR PRESENT.
[ BOTH GASP .]
[ PANTING .]
[ CHUCKLING SOFTLY .]
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE EXCITED?! ARE YOU NOT SATISFIED WITH CURRENT VERSION OF FRIEND? I DON'T KNOW.
ARE WE GETTING A TRULY SINGULAR FRIENDSHIP EXPERIENCE? PROCESSING INFORMATION.
RESULTS -- INDECIPHERABLE GARBAGE.
LOOK, YOU KNOW WE LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, BUT WE FEEL LIKE WE COULD LOVE YOU MORE IF YOU WERE BETTER.
[ ALARM BLARES .]
SYSTEM ALERT -- SELF-ESTEEM FILE CORRUPTED.
MOVING FILE TO TRASH.
SYSTEM STATUS S.
A.
D.
WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR? SAD.
OH, SORRY WE MADE YOU FEEL BAD.
YOU'RE GREAT THE WAY YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE A THING.
NEGATIVE.
IT IS LOGICAL THAT ALL THINGS MUST CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.
I WANT THE UPGRADE.
[ CHEERING .]
AS LONG AS IT IS YOUR DECISION.
I AGREE.
YES! YES! [ CHIMES .]
OH, GREAT -- THREE MINUTES! TWO MINUTES! FOUR SECONDS! OH, 17 HOURS.
[ POKY MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ Raspy voice .]
CAN YOU BLOW ON MY EYEBALLS? I'VE BEEN STARING FOR TOO LONG.
[ BOTH COUGHING .]
[ BEEPS .]
[ CHIMES .]
YES! YES! OKAY, OKAY, WHAT'S NEW? WHAT CAN YOU DO? MY SCREEN DISPLAY NOW HAS A MILD THREE-DIMENSIONAL EFFECT.
OOH! OOH! WHAT ELSE? MY CAMERA HAS NEW PHOTO FILTERS.
OH, OH, SHOW US! [ SHUTTER CLICKS .]
OH.
THIS ONE GIVES YOU A SWAGGY HAIRCUT.
THIS ONE GIVES YOU A FLATTERING POUT.
HMM, NICE.
IT'S GOT A BRO MODE.
OH.
POST-WORKOUT MODE.
OOH! WHAT'S THE GUILTY PLEASURE FILTER? THAT'S AMAZING! BUT THERE WILL NEVER BE A FILTER THAT REPLACES PEOPLE'S QUIRKY INDIVIDUALITY.
HUH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? I HAVE AN IN-BUILT HEALTH APPLICATION.
HOW DOES THAT WORK? [ LASER WHINES .]
[ Deep voice .]
RUN.
[ SCREAMING .]
HOW IS THIS IMPROVING OUR HEALTH?! [ SCREAMING .]
[ Normal voice .]
YOU HAVE RUN THREE MILES AND BURNED 20,000 CALORIES.
GOAL ACHIEVED.
[ BOTH GASP .]
WHAT ELSE IS NEW? I COME WITH A THREE-ALBUM DOWNLOAD BY A POPULAR BAND.
[ POP MUSIC PLAYING .]
AAGH! MAKE IT STOP! IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S BEING GRATED THROUGH A GUITAR BY A BUNCH OF RICH, SMUG OLD PEOPLE WEARING LEATHER PANTS! AAGH! DELETE, DELETE! NEGATIVE.
THE MP3s ARE EMBEDDED INTO MY HARD DRIVE.
[ VOLUME INCREASES .]
JUST AS WELL YOU SHUT YOURSELF DOWN.
ALL THESE NEW BACKGROUND APPS ARE SERIOUSLY DRAINING YOUR BATTERY LIFE.
SO [ BUZZING .]
BON APPéTIT.
[ CHIMES .]
SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? I HAVE VOICE ACTIVATION SOFTWARE.
WHAT DOES THAT DO? [ DING DING .]
Woman: ANYTHING YOU REQUEST, GUMBALL.
'KAY DO MY HOMEWORK! [ DING DING .]
FINDING RESTAURANTS IN YOUR LOCAL AREA.
DUDE, YOU GOTTA PRONOUNCE YOUR WORDS CLEARLY.
BOBERT, TELL ME HOW PRETTY I LOOK TODAY.
IN JAPAN, THERE ARE MORE PETS THAN THERE ARE CHILDREN.
IS IT MY GRAMMAR? WHO KNOWS? E-MAILING GRANDMA LIST OF NURSING HOMES.
WHAT -- NO! CANCEL! YOU CAN'T E-MAIL THAT TO GRANNY JO-JO! E-MAILING GRANNY JO-JO CAMEL BUTT PICTURES.
NO, STOP IT! SHE'LL BE HORRIFIED! DID YOU SAY "MAGNIFY"? MAGNIFY PICTURES.
NO, NO, NO! DON'T SEND IT! SENDING.
[ WHOOSH .]
[ SCREAMS .]
THAT UPGRADE WAS USELESS! I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO [ SPEAKING GIBBERISH .]
DID YOU SAY "KICK LESLIE'S BUTT AND MARRY HIM TO ALAN"? OH! [ Normal voice .]
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND FLOWER.
[ PLAYING ELECTRONIC WEDDING MUSIC .]
YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.
[ WHIRS .]
WHAT? [ BELL RINGS .]
[ BLOWS .]
[ THUNK! SPLAT! SMACK! .]
OH, HEY, BOBERT.
HIGH-FIVE.
[ THUNK! .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ SQUEAKING .]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING .]
[ HIGH-PITCHED WHINE .]
[ WHIRS .]
[ SPITS, GRUNTS .]
[ THUD .]
OW! HOLD ON! I GOT THIS.
WAIT, I SEE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN HERE.
I'LL JUST GO GOOD THINKING, DUDE.
AND TAKE THIS FROM [ SCREAMS .]
[ WINDSHIELD THUDS, CAR ALARM BLARING .]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA GET YOU FIXED AT THE STORE! BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL USE BOBERT MAPS.
CONTINUE STRAIGHT AHEAD FOR 3,000 FEET.
[ PANTING .]
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WE'VE BEEN WALKING FOR TWO HOURS! IN 12 FEET, TURN DOWN.
Both: TURN DOWN? OKAY.
OKAY.
EW! [ SPLASH! .]
[ BOTH GASPING .]
CONTINUE FOR 7,000 MILES.
[ GULLS CRYING .]
ON THE BRIDGE, TURN LEFT.
FALL FOR SEVEN METERS, THEN STOP.
[ BOTH SCREAM .]
POSITION YOURSELF IN THE LEFT LANE.
CONTINUE.
[ SCREAMING .]
LET ME GUESS, THE UPGRADE UPDATED YOUR MAPS.
MAKE A U-TURN WHERE POSSIBLE.
FORGET IT.
LET ME ASK SOMEONE.
[ CRASH! .]
[ SCREAMING .]
[ GROANING .]
EXCUSE ME, SIR, WHERE'S THE BOBERT STORE? [ WHIMPERING .]
A THOUSAND THANKS, KIND SIR.
THIS STORE IS WHITER THAN AN ARCTIC FOX IN A WEDDING DRESS.
[ GRUNTS .]
[ CLATTER .]
Cody: HI, I'M CODY.
I'LL BE YOUR SERVICE SPECIALIST TODAY.
UH, WHAT? [ HORN HONKS .]
WHAT'S THAT? THAT WOULD BE MY BEHIND, SIR.
OH! WHAT'S THAT, THEN? [ Nasal voice .]
THAT WOULD BE MY NOSE, SIR.
[ POP! .]
AND THAT? [ Normal voice, chuckling .]
THAT'S MY PONYTAIL.
EW! I CAN'T BELIEVE I TOUCHED A PONYTAIL WITH MY BARE HANDS! WELCOME TO THE BOBERT STORE.
WHAT CAN I DO TO HEIGHTEN YOUR EXPERIENCE? CAN YOU PLEASE DOWNGRADE OUR BOBERT? WELL, NO, YOU SEE, OUR PHILOSOPHY AT BOBERT STORE IS TO FOCUS ON OUR VISION ON THE ASCENT TO PERFECTION AND BREAK AWAY FROM THE PAST.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT MEANS "NO.
" BUT BOBERT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID UPGRADE.
Cody: HERE AT THE BOBERT STORE, WE LIKE TO PROVIDE A WORLDWIDE QUALITY EXPERIENCE THAT OPENS ON A TRULY SYNERGENIC -- YEAH, YEAH, MUMBO-JUMBO SOLUTION AND BLAH BLAH TO REALITY.
WHATEVER.
JUST FIX HIM, OKAY?! LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
HEY, JAYDEN.
Jayden: OH, HEY, CODY.
NICE SHIRT.
AND HERE WE ARE.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S NOT OUR BOBERT.
WELL, I UPGRADED YOUR PRODUCT.
BUT BOBERT IS NOT A PRODUCT! HE'S OUR FRIEND.
YEAH, HE'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST REPLACE LIKE -- HOLD ON.
YOU MIND IF I JUST AHH! What's new with this model? IT DOESN'T MATTER! YEAH, IT DOESN'T MATTER! WHERE'S OUR BOBERT?! OH, HE'S BEEN SENT BACK TO OUR FACTORY WITH THE REST OF OUR PRODUCTS THAT WE PURPOSELY DESIGNED TO FAIL SO THAT YOU'RE FORCED -- UH, I MEAN, OH, I MEAN, OH -- [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES .]
[ MUFFLED MUTTERING, SHOES SQUEAKING .]
[ DOOR SLAMS .]
DEFECTIVE PRODUCT Jayden: HI, I'M JAYDEN! I'LL BE YOUR NEW SERVICE SPECIALIST TODAY.
[ SIGHS .]
WHATEVER.
NEW BOBERT, WHERE'S OUR FRIEND? [ DING DING .]
LAUNCHING APP -- FIND MY BOBERT.
[ CHIMES .]
BOBERT LOCATED.
YOU'RE COMING WITH US.
LET'S MOVE, PEOPLE! [ SMACK! .]
[ SMACK! CLATTER .]
[ GRUNTING .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ WHOOSH! .]
YOU GOTTA ADMIT, HE'S MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE THAN THE OLD ONE.
MUCH MORE ERGONOMIC.
I MEAN, THE OLD ONE WAS -- DON'T.
WHAT? WAY FASTER, TOO.
[ WHOOSH! .]
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT SAYS BOBERT'S RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, WE'RE RIGHT ON TOP OF THE DOT.
OH.
OH.
[ WHIRS .]
[ STREAK! .]
COME ON, NEW BOBERT, BLOW THE DOOR OPEN! WHAT?! NO! THAT'S WAY TOO DANGEROUS! JUST GET ME CLOSER.
HELLO! COULD YOU PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR? [ SCREAMING .]
[ YELLING .]
BOBERT, I'M COMING, BUDDY! [ EPIC MUSIC PLAYS .]
GUMBALL, COME BACK! JUST A SECOND! [ PURRING .]
UH, I'M SORRY.
I JUST LOVE DOING THAT.
[ EPIC MUSIC CONTINUES .]
GOTCHA! [ SCREAMING .]
WHAT? DON'T WORRY.
NEW BOBERT WILL SAVE US.
NO, LOOK OUT! [ SCREAMING .]
ACTIVATING DEFENSE APPLICATION.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RATE DEBRIS SMASHER ON THE BOBERT STORE? I'D WRITE SOMETHING LIKE "FIVE STARS, THIS IS A MUST HAVE FOR EVERY BOBERT USER.
WELL DESIGNED WITH AN INTUITIVE INTERFACE," BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME! FLY US TO SAFETY! NEGATIVE.
BATTERY POWER INSUFFICIENT FOR THREE PASSENGERS.
[ STREAK! .]
WHAT? NO, BOBERT! [ GOTHIC CHOIR CHANTS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ GRUNTING .]
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WAKE UP! [ GRUNTING .]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING .]
CLEAR! [ MALFUNCTIONS .]
AW, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING! NAH.
NO, WAIT, NO! YOUR OLD SYSTEM! [ CHIMES .]
YES! [ CHIMES .]
NO! NO OBSTRUCTION -- COMPLETE COMMENCING INSTALLATION! OH, HURRY UP! COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! [ CHIMES .]
ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD I WASN'T WEARING ANY PANTS.
[ WHOOSH! .]
Jayden: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SIR.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT A DOWNGRADE? BECAUSE, TO BE HAPPY, YOU DON'T ALWAYS NEED THE LATEST THING.
BECAUSE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER CAN SOMETIMES MEAN LOSING WHAT YOU REALLY LOVE.
BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WE WOULD CHANGE ABOUT OUR FRIEND BOBERT.
WE'RE HAPPY TO GROW OBSOLETE TOGETHER.
AND BECAUSE THE NEW ONE BENDS WHEN YOU SIT ON IT.
[ SMACK! .]
[ WHOOSH! .]
Narrator: IN AN AGE LONG FORGOTTEN, LEGEND SPEAKS OF AN UNSUNG HERO -- SOME CALL HIM THE COUCH-CRUSHER.
TO OTHERS, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY AS THE ONCOMING WIND.
BUT TO A SPECIAL FEW, HE'S KNOWN AS DAD! DAD! DAD! WAKE UP! UGH! MY ARMS ARE TOO SHORT TO REACH A NERVE.
WHY DO WE WANT TO WAKE HIM UP ANYWAY? BECAUSE [ POP! .]
IT'S COMPLETELY UNFAIR THAT HE GETS TO VEG OUT ALL DAY WHILE WE HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! HMM! [ SQUEAKING .]
IF YOU WANT HIM TO WAKE UP, YOU HAVE TO USE THE MAGIC WORD.
"PLEASE"? NO, "BACON.
" YES! [ HORN HONKS .]
COME ON, GUYS, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
WHY DOES HE GET TO SIT THERE ALL DAY? HE DOESN'T.
HE HAS A VERY IMPORTANT LIST OF CHORES TO DO WHILE I'M AT WORK.
"GET MAYO"? WHERE'S THE REST OF THE LIST? WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM MAKE IT DOWN TO 2, SO, EH HEY! IT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS! YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
PLEASE BE CAREFUL, O FATHER, ON THIS DANGEROUS AND MIGHTY QUEST.
THANK YOU! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
THANK YOU? NEVER MIND.
HMM! Narrator: AND THUS BEGINS OUR HERO'S QUEST.
HE SHALL NOT REST UNTIL HE HAS RETURNED WITH THE SACRED SAUCE.
[ SNORING .]
Narrator: OR MAYBE HE SHALL QUICKLY REST FOR A LITTLE BIT, THEN GO ON HIS QUEST FOR THE SACRED SAUCE! [ SNORING .]
Narrator: [ GROWLS .]
LET THE QUEST BEGIN! [ YELLS .]
[ WAR-LIKE CHANTING .]
[ GRUNTING .]
UGH! I SHOULD HAVE PUT THE PANTS ON FIRST.
OH, FORGET IT! [ YELLING .]
COVER YOUR EYES, MARGARET.
THE NEIGHBOR'S GOING TO THE STORE AGAIN.
[ ENGINE REVVING .]
ONWARD, CARTAX! [ NEIGHS .]
Narrator: AND SO OUR HERO BEGINS HIS JOURNEY THROUGH THE PERILOUS KINGDOM OF ELMORE.
GO, CARTAX, GO! YEAH! [ CLICKING TONGUE .]
[ HORNS HONKING .]
GO! GO! [ CLICKING TONGUE .]
Narrator: AFTER MANY MILES, OUR WARRIOR REACHES THE TERRITORY OF THE ORACLE OF SUBURBIA.
[ CLICKING .]
WHAT IS IT, CARTAX? YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ARE ON.
IS THERE DANGER AHEAD? [ TIRES SQUEAL .]
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
AAGH! WHO GOES THERE?! WHERE ARE YOU?! Man: DOWN HERE.
TURN BACK OR PERISH! YOU QUEST FOR MAYO IS DOOMED! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY QUEST? UNDERPANTS DON'T HAVE POCKETS.
BUT I CAN ALSO READ YOUR FUTURE, ROTUND WARRIOR.
I WILL LET YOU SEE IT -- AT A COST.
NAME YOUR PRICE, TROLL THING.
I KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING.
APART FROM THIS -- WHAT DOES "L.
O.
L.
" MEAN? I KEEP GETTING IT IN MESSAGES AND WANT TO USE IT MYSELF TO FEEL COOL, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
UH, IT MEANS LOTS OF LOVE? THANK YOU.
"DEAR MASTER OF THE DARK ARTS, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, L.
O.
L.
" [ CHIME PLAYS .]
NOW KNEEL BEFORE ME! [ SNARLS .]
[ ROARS .]
MANY OF ELMORE'S UNEMPLOYED HEROES WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET AND NEVER CAME BACK.
YOU DON'T MEAN YES, THEY GOT HIRED AND NOW WORK THERE.
I DO NOT SCARE SO EASILY, GOBLIN HEAD! FOR I AM TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
THEN MAY THE SPIRITS BE WITH YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY, DESTROYER OF BURGERS.
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES .]
MASTER OF THE DARK ARTS.
UGH, BUMMER.
[ SCREAMS .]
[ TIRES SQUEAL .]
IF YOU WISH TO PASS THE GATES OF OLD, YOU MUST FIRST CROSS OUR PALMS WITH GOLD.
WHAT? WE BE THE TROLLS OF THIS TOLL BOOTH.
PAY FOR YOUR PASSAGE OR LOSE A TOOTH! STILL DON'T GET IT.
UGH! IT'S 25 CENTS TO GO THROUGH.
WHAT?! ARE YOU HIGHWAY BANDITS?! TECHNICALLY, WE'RE IN THE SERVICE OF THE GOVERNMENT, BUT, BASICALLY, YES.
THEN FEEL MY WRATH! [ WINDOW WHIRS .]
MY HAND! [ SPRAYS .]
AAGH! MY EYES! GO, CARTAX, GO! [ GROWLING .]
TOLL PENALTY TICKETS! [ ROARS .]
[ BOTH SCREAMING .]
[ GROANS .]
PSYCH! [ CLANG! .]
Narrator: OUR WARRIOR CONTINUED HIS JOURNEY THROUGH THE KINGDOM.
HE ALMOST BROKE HIS WRIST HONKING TOO MUCH IN THE VALLEY OF CAR-TASTROPHIA.
HE FOUGHT FOR A LONG TIME TO ESCAPE THE DEADLY VORTEX OF THE DRIVE-THRU WINDOW WHERE YOUR WORST ENEMY IS YOURSELF.
UNTIL HE MADE IT TO THE DREADED SWAMPS OF ASPHALT.
[ WIND HOWLS .]
[ CREAKING .]
NO! WE CANNOT CONTINUE THIS WAY, CARTAX! WE MUST TURN BACK.
BUT AT LEAST THE TENSION HASN'T BEEN ARTIFICIALLY HEIGHTENED BY HAVING THAT PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED TREE FALL AND BLOCK OUR WAY.
NO! THE TENSION HAS HEIGHTENED NOW THAT THAT PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED TREE HAS FALLEN AND BLOCKED OUR WAY! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? CAN I PLEASE STOP STATING THE OBVIOUS? [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? THERE IS ANOTHER SOLUTION? [ CAR WHINNIES .]
CARTAX, NO! [ SPLAT! .]
AAGH! DON'T MOVE! I'LL FIND A SOLUTION! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
WHAT'S THAT, CARTAX? USE THAT PLANK? YES, OF COURSE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
CARTAX, LANGUAGE! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
OH, HA, YOU MEANT PUT IT UNDER THE TIRES, RIGHT.
[ EPIC MUSIC PLAYS .]
CARTAX, NO! [ CAR WHINNIES .]
I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE! [ ENGINE REVVING .]
[ Blubbering .]
I LOVE YOU, TOO! I LOVE YOU, TOO! [ SOBBING .]
NO! Narrator: ALONE, THE WARRIOR CONTINUED HIS JOURNEY.
MANY HOURS HE WALKED TO COVER THE HUNDRED YARDS LEADING TO HIS FINAL DESTINATION -- THE SUPERMARKET.
BUT THERE WAS NOTHING SPECIAL ON OFFER HERE.
[ GRUNTS .]
LARRY?! WHICH AISLE IS THE MAYO IN? IT'S GONE IT'S ALL GONE.
DON'T EXAGGERATE, LARRY.
THERE'S STILL A GOOD THIRD OF IT BURNING.
[ COUGHS .]
WHAT HAPPENED? THE BEAST DISCOVERED THE POWER OF COUPONS.
IT BIDED ITS TIME, STOCKPILING THEM.
THEN IT SHOPPED US TO OBLIVION.
IT BOUGHT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, LEAVING NOTHING BUT DESTRUCTION IN ITS WAKE.
[ ROARS .]
JUST LIKE THE WITCH'S PROPHESY.
WHEREFORE IS THE LAIR OF THIS BEAST?! AH! SURELY YOU DON'T INTEND TO FIGHT IT! MY QUEEN REQUIRES ONLY A JAR OF MAYO, NOT THE HEAD OF A BEAST.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO BURGER NIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE, WEIRDO.
Narrator: AND AS NIGHT FELL, OUR WEARY TRAVELER ARRIVED AT THE ARENA WHERE THE FINAL ACT OF HIS DESTINY SHALL PLAY OUT.
[ FANFARE .]
[ GASPS .]
FINALLY, MY QUEST HAS COME TO AN END.
WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? OH, YEAH.
GET MAYO! [ GRUNTING .]
[ YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ SNARLS .]
AH, THAT PROPHESY WAS MISLEADING.
THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS I -- [ ROARS .]
IT WAS BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE! PSYCH! [ PANTING .]
[ CHOMPING .]
[ PANTING .]
[ SNARLING .]
[ GASPS .]
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
HYAH! [ LAUGHS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ GROANS .]
[ THUDDING .]
[ ROARS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
[ GASPS .]
CARTAX! [ SNARLING .]
[ ENGINE REVS .]
PSYCH! [ ROARS .]
[ TIRES SQUEAL .]
CARTAX, GO! [ ROARS .]
[ TEETH CRASH .]
[ ROARS .]
[ CAR ALARM CHIRPS .]
[ GROANS .]
[ SNORING .]
WELL, I GUESS HE DID DO SOMETHING TODAY HE PUT HIS PANTS ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
COME ON.
LET'S SET THE TABLE FOR BURGER NIGHT.
Narrator: AND SO OUR HERO'S TALE COMES TO AN END.
TO THE BEAST, HE IS A THIEF.
TO HIS FAMILY, HE'S A HUGE SLOB.
TO HIS NEIGHBORS, HE'S THE REASON HOUSE PRICES ARE GOING DOWN IN THE AREA.
BUT TO ME, HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY MASTER.
[ CAR WHINNIES .]
Betto-Hunt: WE'VE SEEN THE TRUTH.
AND THE TRUTH IS THE UNKNOWN.
BUT THE UNKNOWN CAN'T JUST BE ABOUT THE TRUTH.
THE TRUTH IS THE UNKNOWN CAN ONLY BE AS TRUTHFUL AS THE TRUTH OF THE UNKNOWN CAN BE.
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
WE'VE CHANGED THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE LAST TIME.
LET ME INTRODUCE OUR NEW BOBERT SYSTEM.
COUPLED WITH OUR NEW UPDATED MICROCHIP AND AN INTEGRATED A.
I.
, THIS OPERATING SYSTEM ALLOWS THE USER TO ENJOY A TRULY SINGULAR EXPERIENCE, GIVING YOU ACCESS TO A WHOLE NEW RANGE OF FUNCTIONALITY.
IT ISN'T JUST THE PERFECT BLEND OF SOFTWARE AND HARDWARE, IT'S LIFEWARE.
BOBERT.
LET THE FUTURE AND THE PAST COLLIDE TO DEFINE YOUR PRESENT.
[ BOTH GASP .]
[ PANTING .]
[ CHUCKLING SOFTLY .]
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE EXCITED?! ARE YOU NOT SATISFIED WITH CURRENT VERSION OF FRIEND? I DON'T KNOW.
ARE WE GETTING A TRULY SINGULAR FRIENDSHIP EXPERIENCE? PROCESSING INFORMATION.
RESULTS -- INDECIPHERABLE GARBAGE.
LOOK, YOU KNOW WE LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, BUT WE FEEL LIKE WE COULD LOVE YOU MORE IF YOU WERE BETTER.
[ ALARM BLARES .]
SYSTEM ALERT -- SELF-ESTEEM FILE CORRUPTED.
MOVING FILE TO TRASH.
SYSTEM STATUS S.
A.
D.
WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR? SAD.
OH, SORRY WE MADE YOU FEEL BAD.
YOU'RE GREAT THE WAY YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE A THING.
NEGATIVE.
IT IS LOGICAL THAT ALL THINGS MUST CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.
I WANT THE UPGRADE.
[ CHEERING .]
AS LONG AS IT IS YOUR DECISION.
I AGREE.
YES! YES! [ CHIMES .]
OH, GREAT -- THREE MINUTES! TWO MINUTES! FOUR SECONDS! OH, 17 HOURS.
[ POKY MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ Raspy voice .]
CAN YOU BLOW ON MY EYEBALLS? I'VE BEEN STARING FOR TOO LONG.
[ BOTH COUGHING .]
[ BEEPS .]
[ CHIMES .]
YES! YES! OKAY, OKAY, WHAT'S NEW? WHAT CAN YOU DO? MY SCREEN DISPLAY NOW HAS A MILD THREE-DIMENSIONAL EFFECT.
OOH! OOH! WHAT ELSE? MY CAMERA HAS NEW PHOTO FILTERS.
OH, OH, SHOW US! [ SHUTTER CLICKS .]
OH.
THIS ONE GIVES YOU A SWAGGY HAIRCUT.
THIS ONE GIVES YOU A FLATTERING POUT.
HMM, NICE.
IT'S GOT A BRO MODE.
OH.
POST-WORKOUT MODE.
OOH! WHAT'S THE GUILTY PLEASURE FILTER? THAT'S AMAZING! BUT THERE WILL NEVER BE A FILTER THAT REPLACES PEOPLE'S QUIRKY INDIVIDUALITY.
HUH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? I HAVE AN IN-BUILT HEALTH APPLICATION.
HOW DOES THAT WORK? [ LASER WHINES .]
[ Deep voice .]
RUN.
[ SCREAMING .]
HOW IS THIS IMPROVING OUR HEALTH?! [ SCREAMING .]
[ Normal voice .]
YOU HAVE RUN THREE MILES AND BURNED 20,000 CALORIES.
GOAL ACHIEVED.
[ BOTH GASP .]
WHAT ELSE IS NEW? I COME WITH A THREE-ALBUM DOWNLOAD BY A POPULAR BAND.
[ POP MUSIC PLAYING .]
AAGH! MAKE IT STOP! IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S BEING GRATED THROUGH A GUITAR BY A BUNCH OF RICH, SMUG OLD PEOPLE WEARING LEATHER PANTS! AAGH! DELETE, DELETE! NEGATIVE.
THE MP3s ARE EMBEDDED INTO MY HARD DRIVE.
[ VOLUME INCREASES .]
JUST AS WELL YOU SHUT YOURSELF DOWN.
ALL THESE NEW BACKGROUND APPS ARE SERIOUSLY DRAINING YOUR BATTERY LIFE.
SO [ BUZZING .]
BON APPéTIT.
[ CHIMES .]
SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? I HAVE VOICE ACTIVATION SOFTWARE.
WHAT DOES THAT DO? [ DING DING .]
Woman: ANYTHING YOU REQUEST, GUMBALL.
'KAY DO MY HOMEWORK! [ DING DING .]
FINDING RESTAURANTS IN YOUR LOCAL AREA.
DUDE, YOU GOTTA PRONOUNCE YOUR WORDS CLEARLY.
BOBERT, TELL ME HOW PRETTY I LOOK TODAY.
IN JAPAN, THERE ARE MORE PETS THAN THERE ARE CHILDREN.
IS IT MY GRAMMAR? WHO KNOWS? E-MAILING GRANDMA LIST OF NURSING HOMES.
WHAT -- NO! CANCEL! YOU CAN'T E-MAIL THAT TO GRANNY JO-JO! E-MAILING GRANNY JO-JO CAMEL BUTT PICTURES.
NO, STOP IT! SHE'LL BE HORRIFIED! DID YOU SAY "MAGNIFY"? MAGNIFY PICTURES.
NO, NO, NO! DON'T SEND IT! SENDING.
[ WHOOSH .]
[ SCREAMS .]
THAT UPGRADE WAS USELESS! I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO [ SPEAKING GIBBERISH .]
DID YOU SAY "KICK LESLIE'S BUTT AND MARRY HIM TO ALAN"? OH! [ Normal voice .]
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND FLOWER.
[ PLAYING ELECTRONIC WEDDING MUSIC .]
YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.
[ WHIRS .]
WHAT? [ BELL RINGS .]
[ BLOWS .]
[ THUNK! SPLAT! SMACK! .]
OH, HEY, BOBERT.
HIGH-FIVE.
[ THUNK! .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ SQUEAKING .]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING .]
[ HIGH-PITCHED WHINE .]
[ WHIRS .]
[ SPITS, GRUNTS .]
[ THUD .]
OW! HOLD ON! I GOT THIS.
WAIT, I SEE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN HERE.
I'LL JUST GO GOOD THINKING, DUDE.
AND TAKE THIS FROM [ SCREAMS .]
[ WINDSHIELD THUDS, CAR ALARM BLARING .]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA GET YOU FIXED AT THE STORE! BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL USE BOBERT MAPS.
CONTINUE STRAIGHT AHEAD FOR 3,000 FEET.
[ PANTING .]
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WE'VE BEEN WALKING FOR TWO HOURS! IN 12 FEET, TURN DOWN.
Both: TURN DOWN? OKAY.
OKAY.
EW! [ SPLASH! .]
[ BOTH GASPING .]
CONTINUE FOR 7,000 MILES.
[ GULLS CRYING .]
ON THE BRIDGE, TURN LEFT.
FALL FOR SEVEN METERS, THEN STOP.
[ BOTH SCREAM .]
POSITION YOURSELF IN THE LEFT LANE.
CONTINUE.
[ SCREAMING .]
LET ME GUESS, THE UPGRADE UPDATED YOUR MAPS.
MAKE A U-TURN WHERE POSSIBLE.
FORGET IT.
LET ME ASK SOMEONE.
[ CRASH! .]
[ SCREAMING .]
[ GROANING .]
EXCUSE ME, SIR, WHERE'S THE BOBERT STORE? [ WHIMPERING .]
A THOUSAND THANKS, KIND SIR.
THIS STORE IS WHITER THAN AN ARCTIC FOX IN A WEDDING DRESS.
[ GRUNTS .]
[ CLATTER .]
Cody: HI, I'M CODY.
I'LL BE YOUR SERVICE SPECIALIST TODAY.
UH, WHAT? [ HORN HONKS .]
WHAT'S THAT? THAT WOULD BE MY BEHIND, SIR.
OH! WHAT'S THAT, THEN? [ Nasal voice .]
THAT WOULD BE MY NOSE, SIR.
[ POP! .]
AND THAT? [ Normal voice, chuckling .]
THAT'S MY PONYTAIL.
EW! I CAN'T BELIEVE I TOUCHED A PONYTAIL WITH MY BARE HANDS! WELCOME TO THE BOBERT STORE.
WHAT CAN I DO TO HEIGHTEN YOUR EXPERIENCE? CAN YOU PLEASE DOWNGRADE OUR BOBERT? WELL, NO, YOU SEE, OUR PHILOSOPHY AT BOBERT STORE IS TO FOCUS ON OUR VISION ON THE ASCENT TO PERFECTION AND BREAK AWAY FROM THE PAST.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT MEANS "NO.
" BUT BOBERT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID UPGRADE.
Cody: HERE AT THE BOBERT STORE, WE LIKE TO PROVIDE A WORLDWIDE QUALITY EXPERIENCE THAT OPENS ON A TRULY SYNERGENIC -- YEAH, YEAH, MUMBO-JUMBO SOLUTION AND BLAH BLAH TO REALITY.
WHATEVER.
JUST FIX HIM, OKAY?! LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
HEY, JAYDEN.
Jayden: OH, HEY, CODY.
NICE SHIRT.
AND HERE WE ARE.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S NOT OUR BOBERT.
WELL, I UPGRADED YOUR PRODUCT.
BUT BOBERT IS NOT A PRODUCT! HE'S OUR FRIEND.
YEAH, HE'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST REPLACE LIKE -- HOLD ON.
YOU MIND IF I JUST AHH! What's new with this model? IT DOESN'T MATTER! YEAH, IT DOESN'T MATTER! WHERE'S OUR BOBERT?! OH, HE'S BEEN SENT BACK TO OUR FACTORY WITH THE REST OF OUR PRODUCTS THAT WE PURPOSELY DESIGNED TO FAIL SO THAT YOU'RE FORCED -- UH, I MEAN, OH, I MEAN, OH -- [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES .]
[ MUFFLED MUTTERING, SHOES SQUEAKING .]
[ DOOR SLAMS .]
DEFECTIVE PRODUCT Jayden: HI, I'M JAYDEN! I'LL BE YOUR NEW SERVICE SPECIALIST TODAY.
[ SIGHS .]
WHATEVER.
NEW BOBERT, WHERE'S OUR FRIEND? [ DING DING .]
LAUNCHING APP -- FIND MY BOBERT.
[ CHIMES .]
BOBERT LOCATED.
YOU'RE COMING WITH US.
LET'S MOVE, PEOPLE! [ SMACK! .]
[ SMACK! CLATTER .]
[ GRUNTING .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ WHOOSH! .]
YOU GOTTA ADMIT, HE'S MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE THAN THE OLD ONE.
MUCH MORE ERGONOMIC.
I MEAN, THE OLD ONE WAS -- DON'T.
WHAT? WAY FASTER, TOO.
[ WHOOSH! .]
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT SAYS BOBERT'S RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, WE'RE RIGHT ON TOP OF THE DOT.
OH.
OH.
[ WHIRS .]
[ STREAK! .]
COME ON, NEW BOBERT, BLOW THE DOOR OPEN! WHAT?! NO! THAT'S WAY TOO DANGEROUS! JUST GET ME CLOSER.
HELLO! COULD YOU PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR? [ SCREAMING .]
[ YELLING .]
BOBERT, I'M COMING, BUDDY! [ EPIC MUSIC PLAYS .]
GUMBALL, COME BACK! JUST A SECOND! [ PURRING .]
UH, I'M SORRY.
I JUST LOVE DOING THAT.
[ EPIC MUSIC CONTINUES .]
GOTCHA! [ SCREAMING .]
WHAT? DON'T WORRY.
NEW BOBERT WILL SAVE US.
NO, LOOK OUT! [ SCREAMING .]
ACTIVATING DEFENSE APPLICATION.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RATE DEBRIS SMASHER ON THE BOBERT STORE? I'D WRITE SOMETHING LIKE "FIVE STARS, THIS IS A MUST HAVE FOR EVERY BOBERT USER.
WELL DESIGNED WITH AN INTUITIVE INTERFACE," BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME! FLY US TO SAFETY! NEGATIVE.
BATTERY POWER INSUFFICIENT FOR THREE PASSENGERS.
[ STREAK! .]
WHAT? NO, BOBERT! [ GOTHIC CHOIR CHANTS .]
[ SCREAMS .]
[ GRUNTING .]
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WAKE UP! [ GRUNTING .]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING .]
CLEAR! [ MALFUNCTIONS .]
AW, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING! NAH.
NO, WAIT, NO! YOUR OLD SYSTEM! [ CHIMES .]
YES! [ CHIMES .]
NO! NO OBSTRUCTION -- COMPLETE COMMENCING INSTALLATION! OH, HURRY UP! COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! [ CHIMES .]
ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD I WASN'T WEARING ANY PANTS.
[ WHOOSH! .]
Jayden: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SIR.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT A DOWNGRADE? BECAUSE, TO BE HAPPY, YOU DON'T ALWAYS NEED THE LATEST THING.
BECAUSE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER CAN SOMETIMES MEAN LOSING WHAT YOU REALLY LOVE.
BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WE WOULD CHANGE ABOUT OUR FRIEND BOBERT.
WE'RE HAPPY TO GROW OBSOLETE TOGETHER.
AND BECAUSE THE NEW ONE BENDS WHEN YOU SIT ON IT.
[ SMACK! .]
[ WHOOSH! .]