The Amazing World of Gumball (2011) s06e30 Episode Script

The Buddy

What are we doing here? Could be anything for me.
Everything I do is wrong, according to Brown.
The way I played tag on the playground two months ago the boxing gloves I brought for show-and-tell two weeks ago Guess they just wanted me to tell.
the way I divided by two on my math test yesterday Hiyah! and he'll probably be angry about how I interpreted his poster 30 seconds ago.
"Set your life on fire.
Seek those who fan your flames"? What about you, nerd? Why are you here? I'll tell you why you're here.
All the school's politically correct equipment has caught the flu because someone in the library used their eyebrows to watch an illegal river.
Wha? I think he means all the school's PCs have caught a virus because someone in the library used their browser to watch an illegal stream.
You were the last two in the library.
I will give you one chance to fix it, or one of you will have to pay.
Um, okay.
Maybe it's a motherboard problem.
Very well.
Ah, hello, mother.
What are you doing today? Ha! It's bingo night, and mother loves it, so she's not bored at all.
Someone has to pay for this.
Anais, Jamie, you know what to do.
Right, right, right.
I guess you don't.
I meant, one of you needs to fess up to this before the end of today, or both of you will get expelled.
I guess there's no way around it, Jamie.
We're gonna have to partner up, go to the library, and find the real culprit together, maybe even developing an unlikely but meaningful friendship, not because I'm desperate to have a friend and my therapist says it's because I force myself on people and I should take things slow, and "What are you doing at my house? No, I don't want to ride a tandem bike with you? It's 1:00 A.
I'm calling the police.
" No! Our souls will fuse like polyester pants with leg skin after an accident with boiling water.
But, like, in a good way.
This could be beautiful.
Potentially life-long friendship.
Maybe -- Thank goodness you didn't stick around to hear that.
It's like my brain got emotional food poisoning and the nearest exit was my mouth.
Okay, just to be sure, it definitely wasn't you who did it, right? Maybe you should check your mailbox and make sure you didn't click some weird attachment.
Okay, I'll check.
Nothing there.
Did you -- Did you just go home? Well, duh.
How else do you check your mail? Okay I guess it's safe to assume it wasn't you who downloaded the virus.
And it obviously wasn't you, either.
Yeah, I'm way too techie to make that kind of noob mistake.
No, 'cause you're incapable of doing anything bad.
Oh, you want bad? I'll give you bad.
Eh, show me what you got.
I'm gonna kick your butt! Mm.
With my face! What? I'm gonna feed you a finger burger! It's "knuckle sandwich.
" I'm gonna manicure that sandwich.
That's right.
I'm gonna go medieval on your butt! I'll build, like, a castle on it with a moat and hang tapestries inside and invite minstrels and jugglers, and we'll eat meat with our hands! That's just plain weird.
I'm gonna wax your blowhole! All right, all right.
You definitely didn't do it.
I'm gonna toot your flute! It's burning up.
It's definitely a virus.
Look at the desktop.
I meant on the screen.
Yeah! I know! What do you take me for, some kind of slack-jawed yodel?! I think you meant "yokel," unless you meant What? You're saying you're intelligenter than me? Jamie, I would never say that, because it's not a word.
I'm beginning to reconsider our potential friendship.
And I'm beginning to reconsider the angle of your nose.
There's a camera.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Uh, it means The culprit must've been caught on tape.
the culprit must have been Yes, caught on tape.
caught on -- Okay, here we go.
This is around the time the computers got infected.
What the? No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, it's been erased.
What are we gonna do? Let me try my way.
No, no, don't! I'm not gonna punch a TV.
I've got a little more sense than that.
What are you gonna do, then? Threaten it.
Bobert was there.
Jamie, the picture didn't come back on because you threatened the TV.
Bobert just erased the part that showed he was involved.
Keep telling yourself that.
Turn yourself off! Oh.
Uh? I d-d-didn't do it.
We saw you coming out from under the desk.
It was not m-m-me.
Really? 'Cause you look pretty infected to me.
I feel a-absolutely f-f-fine.
Then, how do you explain your little wardrobe malfunction? This could n-not get any more embarrassing.
I admit I was in the libr-br-brary, but I was not the one who con-con-con-contaminated the computers.
They contaminated me.
Really? How? That is t-too intrusive a question.
More intrusive than the surgical operation to remove my foot from your backside? Comparatively not.
I-I-I was practicing my kissing on one of the computers' USB ports.
Well, if it wasn't you, who did it? There was only one other person w-when you left.
It was the -- An English dictionary.
This can only mean one thing.
This book must belong to either someone who speaks English or someone who doesn't and wants to learn.
That reduces our search to the whole of planet Earth, Jamie.
Now, open it.
There might be some clues inside.
Well, it looks like this belongs to a certain Mr.
Check the last name at the end.
"I, I, I-I-I-I, I-I-I-I.
" That's the barcode.
Give me that.
"Give up or else"? Or else what? Let's just go check in the library.
We'd like to -- Shh! We'd like to know who --Shhhhh! To know who the last person was -- Shh! Hmm? All right, all right, I'll tell you everything that happened.
No need to shout.
What is wrong with you? You are officially the most primitive, brutish, savage -- Recognize the handwriting? Genius.
It's the same handwriting as the note It's the same handwriting as the note written in the dictionary.
written in the dictionary.
You just busted our perp.
That was some pretty impressive work right there, Detective Russo.
I know, right? Who would've thought a brute like me could be this couth? What's that now? Couth.
Okay, that's not really a word.
Yeah, it is.
It's the opposite of uncouth.
No, no, no.
Uncouth doesn't have an opposite.
Like "nonsensical.
" Oh, I get it.
Yeah, that's sensical.
Uh Over my dead body! What? Oh, hold on.
Did you get to the part where you're going to reveal everything to Principal Brown? No, but I think we might as well.
Over my dead body! I know.
Let's throw some heavy reading at her.
It's not working.
Because this is the celebrity-memoir section.
We're gonna need something with a bit more substance.
Come on! Here, the classics.
This is some powerful literature.
Their real power lies inside.
Oh, wait.
That's the peace part.
Two can play at that game.
Get a load of this! You should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how.
The title made it sound more awesome than that.
Jamie, try "Moby Dick"! "For Whom the Bell Tolls.
" Oh, nice quip.
No, that's the title of the book.
No, wait! That one ends in a massive explo-- She's got us cornered.
You will perish here.
No one will ever find you in the Greek-philosophy aisle.
Why are you doing all this? Because books have lost their --Uh.
Do you want me to just read -- She destroyed the computers because they were making her job redundant.
Oh! So without them, her job remains dundant.
Well, we won't go down without a fight.
These books are literary heavyweights.
You don't have the reading lev-- Wow! I can't believe you could lift that.
Eh, it was only the study guide.
Well, that's it.
We're off the hook.
It's lucky she literally wrote down her confession.
And even if all she had to do is pay for the damaged computers, on a librarian's salary, it will still take, what, 40,000 years? I guess this makes us buddies, right? No.
It makes us friends.
Uh, friends don't hold hands.
Oh, sorry.
Just play it cool.
Not that cool.
Right, right.