The Avengers (1961) s05e20 Episode Script

Dead Man's Treasure

He must've given us the slip! Go back! Good evening.
-It's 3:30 a.
-Good morning! -I thought we'd have a party.
-I'm expecting visitors.
Perhaps I'm intruding.
You're not intruding.
I've just come from an embassy junket.
The rattle of ambassadorial decorations, the drone of speeches.
All proceeding at the pace of an infirm, gravely debilitated, very old snail.
-Why the midnight vigil? -I'm expecting Bobby Danvers.
-Courier? What's he couriering? -Top secret papers from you know where.
-Hot stuff? -I've laid out my asbestos gloves.
He should have been here nearly two hours ago.
Wait! He hasn't got the box.
-He must have ditched it on the way here.
-And now he's going into Steed's place.
We've got to know what happens in there.
We've got to hear what's being said.
But if it was an ordinary delay, he would have telephoned.
Not necessarily.
Personal contact only.
That's one of the rules of the job.
If Danvers had They didn't get the box.
Hid it.
I hid it.
Confused the trail.
Treasure chest.
Red treasure chest.
-All right? -Should be loud and clear.
It doesn't make sense.
He hid the box in the red treasure chest.
That doesn't tell us much.
How did he arrive in the country? By plane.
Do you know where he landed? A small airfield just outside London.
Then let's trace the route he took.
That might tell us something.
Spread them out on the desk.
-Were you asleep? -No, of course I wasn't asleep.
What's been happening? A van came up and took Danvers' body away.
-Anything else? -No.
That's all.
A registered parcel for you.
It's the postman.
Thank you.
-How are we doing? -Not very well.
Even if he came here direct, it still means 35 miles of country roads.
-Aren't you going to open it? -I know what it is.
-Lead weights for your diving boots? -Rock cakes from my auntie Penelope.
"George Benstead requests the pleasure of John Steed at his annual car rally.
" -Who's George Benstead? -I have no idea but here's a key.
For the treasure chest? Those are Danvers' fingerprints.
-The rally starts at High Pines, Edginton.
-That's about 15 miles from here.
Car rally.
Must be the right place.
This way, sir, madam.
Benstead is waiting to welcome you.
One minute thirty-five! Best time of the day.
Steed and guest, sir.
Do forgive finding me like this.
I do enjoy a little run, though.
So exhilarating.
How good of you to come.
Forgive me, but I can't recall where we met.
This is Mrs.
Emma Peel.
-What a beauty.
-I do agree.
Marvellous chassis.
I wouldn't be quite so bold as to say that but Her suspension's pretty complex, too.
That! The simulator.
All the controls are geared to the film.
One mistake and the bell rings.
-You mean you've crashed? -Metaphorically speaking, yes.
Would you care for a run? No, thank you.
Steed's the one who likes the big toys.
Capital! Splendid! In you get, then! Fits me like a glove.
I'll adjust the lap speed about halfway.
Shall we say 80 miles an hour 'til you get used to it? Right.
I bet Bobby enjoyed this.
-Bobby? -Bobby Danvers.
-He was a friend of yours.
-Watch that corner! Tricky! Get into a four-wheel drift and you've had it! There's something wrong with your electrics! Dear me.
I forgot to warn you.
When you make a mistake, you get a mild shock.
So I see! Gingers one up, no end, eh? "End" is right! -Quite an experience.
A stop at the pitch is indicated.
Little drink before the others arrive.
What a very good idea! A little pit stop.
Rather interesting prints here.
Picked them up very cheaply.
High-octane stuff? Exactly.
But all non-alcoholic, of course.
No problems about driving afterwards.
What's this? Gin and Maserati? Very amusing.
Beg your pardon! They put the super in the standard! -Did you get them? -Only just.
Peel jumped me.
You didn't see it.
She's well and truly emancipated! Anyway, you got them! So we're in! Of course, I never married.
Wedded to my cars, instead.
-Distinct advantages.
-You can switch a car off.
That's it, exactly.
Tell me, isn't there something missing in this room? If my memory serves me correctly, didn't you used to have a red treasure chest? That's really rich! A red treasure chest! -You'd like to see it now, I suppose? -As a matter of fact, I would.
Some more guests have arrived.
Treasure chest.
There's no sign of the treasure chest, but we're in the right place.
I ran into some trouble.
Somebody was ransacking Benstead's study.
-Did they get anything? -Not as far as I could tell.
A couple of invitations! Blank ones.
-Not going to be easy.
This crowd.
-Provides a perfect cover.
Helps to confuse things.
Besides, we are holding the ace.
We know the opposition.
Ladies and gentlemen.
If you'll give me your attention, please! It's time to draw for partners.
Partners? Certainly.
Driving partners.
George Townsend.
Miss Margaret Brady.
Miss Penelope Plain.
Here! Terribly sorry I'm late, darling! I had such trouble with my clutch control! You'll be accompanying Mr.
John Steed.
Who's John Steed? Here! Darling, you're with me! I'm so glad! Because you remind me so much of dear David.
-David? -My fiancé! Then perhaps I should step aside, and your fiancé can partner you.
Silly! David's dead! The poor dear fell into a buzz saw.
He was terribly fond of carpentry! I've got to wriggle out of this somehow.
We can't go chasing off around the countryside.
No, so you'd better stay here and search.
Seems they've paired us off together.
Major Mike Coburn.
You look a good, keen navigating type.
I do? I want to make it clear right now.
I mean to win this treasure hunt.
Treasure hunt? Well, of course! Don't tell me you didn't know.
It's a car rally combined with a treasure hunt.
Splendid fun! Clues scattered along the route, each one leading you closer to the treasure.
-The prize! -The big prize.
It's worth 1,000 guineas this year.
-Rich pickings.
-I must check my motor.
I'll get you ladies a drink.
Tell me about your clutch control.
Really, my dear chap.
I'm shocked! Deeply shocked! You do know where the treasure's hidden? Naturally! I'm the only one who does! I hid it myself! To come right out and ask me where I've hidden it You have all the appearance of a gentleman, too! I'm not interested in the 1,000 guineas! Of course not! Just want to know where it's hidden, that's all! This is important! A friend of mine has hidden something in your treasure chest, wherever it is.
I can't tell you any more.
You'll have to trust me.
As a gesture of good faith, I'll double the prize money if you tell me where it is! Double it! More than that, I'm willing Look out! What are you doing? -I was throwing the switches.
-So I saw! Please, we have guests.
Someone had altered them to full voltage.
Very dangerous.
-There could've been a nasty accident.
-There already has! Just come and look in here! Dead? I didn't touch him.
If you didn't and I didn't.
Who did? Isn't it time we were all away? Tell Mr.
Benstead that we're ready.
I'm panting at the leash! Go on as if nothing had happened.
Benstead is feeling ill.
He'll watch the start from his bedroom window.
Benstead is I sincerely hope so.
Take your partners, please.
The rally is about to commence.
I've got mine! Please don't open it yet.
You know, there's something "Paul" about you.
-Paul? -My second fiancé.
Poor love.
Insisted on surveying mountains by air.
Popped up in his helicopter and then his "whirly things" -bumped against a glacier.
-Did he come down? Very rapidly.
Your first clue.
Don't open it yet.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The first clue is sealed in your envelope.
When I give the signal, run to your cars read the clue and then off you go.
Remember, I shall be watching you.
I am the scrutineer.
Ready, steady -No, you drive.
-Thank you.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be with me! We haven't got a clue! What's the first clue? The vaults at Mithering! -The vaults at Mithering? -That's what it says! My fiancé had a car like this.
Poor Harold! My third fiancé.
Divine man! Cross-channel swimmer.
One day, he had this super idea of swimming it both ways! Underwater! Poor Harold.
He simply had no sense of direction.
It's a short skirt! I mean, a shortcut! Shortcut! Should put us a good 10 minutes ahead.
Any more good ideas? So much for your shortcut! This is the vaults at Mithering.
Do you think they're bank vaults? That wouldn't be a problem if we had dear Albert here.
-Fiancé number -Four.
Or was it five? Albert was always blowing things up.
Went all over the world just demolishing things.
Is that so? It must mean something! Let's try over here.
The last thing he blew up was a bridge.
Only he was so absent-minded! Poor Albert! He set the charges and then -forgot to get off! -See what's on that sign! Get in the car! We're ahead now.
Got to make sure that we stop ahead.
I shall make sure.
The next fast stretch.
This is it! Bombs away! Look out! Lucky.
We missed them.
I doubt if anyone else will.
-Don't you think we should -No time! Look out! That reminded me of a bobsleigh run I did with Henry V.
-Henry V? -My fifth.
I was thrown clear, but poor Henry He really should've been wearing a crash helmet! Don't you think? Someone's awfully keen on winning, aren't they? Another shortcut? This one's more reliable.
It should put us five minutes ahead of anyone else.
By the time I'm finished, maybe more than five minutes.
Winning tactics? -By hook -Or by crook.
Anything? Not a thing! We're still ahead.
Hold it! That should upset somebody.
Fool! Somebody must have changed that other sign before we got there! Somebody's cheated! Not my fault.
People are dishonest! They're ahead of us now! -We'll just turn around and go back! -No! Take that road! This is Swingingdale.
Not very swinging.
"Get a move on.
" That was the clue.
"Get a move on.
" -"The village of Galding.
" -Get on! -"The village of Galding.
" -"Mr.
Smith's Hammer.
" I've always been fascinated by men of action! Men who get up and go! Sounds as though most of them got up and went! I've had rather a run of bad luck.
There was that parachutist, for instance.
Desperate to break the record for a delayed drop! -And did he? -He broke it, all right.
But unfortunately, his neck as well.
Smith's Hammer"? What do you think it means? Smith and Hammer.
What does that conjure up to you? A blacksmith! Mr.
Smith's hammer? Hammer! Look! "Barrels "of fun at Treetop Farm.
" -Come on! -Wait! But Mrs.
Peel's ahead of us! And Steed is right behind us.
Can't be too far behind.
This will narrow down the opposition.
Not a word.
Over there! Quick! Look what I found.
It's supposed to be lucky.
Take this thing off me! Quickly, you fool! Careful! It is supposed to be lucky.
We have to get them.
They can't be far ahead.
-lf we could only get at the treasure.
-They can't get far.
-I sugared their petrol.
-You what? It isn't exactly that I wanted to cheat.
Although 1,000 guineas would buy a lot of hats.
But I am so used to giving sugar lumps to horses and cars are sort of horses, aren't they? When I saw that lonely little car standing there, sugarless I just naturally That put pay to the opposition.
From now on, it's plain sailing! "Penny" plain sailing? They told me this windscreen was bullet-proof.
There's a farm! Bottom of the hill! On the other side of the wood! -The others? -Nothing in sight.
We're way ahead of the field.
-Where do we start? -Your guess is as good as mine.
"Barrels of fun.
" I'll start here.
You try the other ones! "Barrels of fun"! "Back at my place.
What a shocking place to hide the treasure!" Any luck? -Yes.
In the storeroom I found -You found? A barrel with something written on the bottom of it.
The clue, I think! It's too heavy for me! You can't miss it.
The one nearest the window! Are you all right? I think so.
Mike Coburn.
He's an impostor.
You must stop him getting the treasure.
Sure you're all right? Don't worry.
I'll stop him.
Where do we start? Explain.
Have you ever woken up and realised it wasn't going to be one of your days? Then I saw Coburn shoot at you, and I followed him here.
That's when he attacked me.
And then Mrs.
Peel arrived.
-Where's Mrs.
Peel now? -She drove back towards the house.
Nice bit of driving.
Bates wouldn't tell me where the treasure was.
Maybe you will.
You're such a splendid driver! Almost as good as Edward.
-Another fiancé? -He went off on safari.
Determined to bag a rhinoceros.
It bagged him.
You are being stubborn.
That's a pity.
You see, I haven't much time! No time for finesse or gentle persuasion.
The final clue! You will tell me the final clue! Better concentrate on the road! Just a mild shock at the moment.
Nothing to worry about.
Let's push the speed up, shall we? And increase the voltage! The next shock won't be so pleasant.
I hate to tell you, but that opposition you lost I keep telling you, there's nothing here to interest you! Come on now! I've no loyalties! I sell to the highest bidder.
I keep my ears and eyes open.
When I saw you and Steed go off on a treasure hunt with the opposition trailing you, then there's got to be something in it for me.
It's obviously not going fast enough.
The final clue! What is it? They're gaining! Talk! What about? The weather? This is going to be very unpleasant for you soon! Now! On the right! Get up beside them! Again! Try! On the side! Road hogs! Where is it? My patience is wearing thin! It's all or nothing now! -It will be nothing if you kill me! -I'm a gambler! I play the long odds! No, don't fire her now! You can't afford one slip, one mistake.
Tell me where it is and you're free! You stay here.
-Be careful! I don't want to lose you, too.
-Let's just stay good friends! You do realise that in a few moments you're likely to die! I say, you're awfully good at it! Switch it off! I warn you, I'm simply hopeless at mechanical things! I've done it! Don't touch me! It's no good! It just keeps going round and round! I've just been introduced to a rarity from Reeves The voltage control! -The voltage control? -Yes! I disconnected it! You what? Each grape individually crushed! So that's how you do it.
The custom is to toast the glorious victor.
What about the treasure? The final clue was, "What a shocking place to hide the treasure.
" "What a shocking place to hide the treasure.
" You're warm.
Very cold.
Getting warmer.
Sizzling hot.
Open sesame.
Treasure trove.
There we are.
Look! Super! Consolation prize.
Latest thing.
An exceptionally powerful motor.
Do you have to pass a test to use it? Bit noisy, isn't it? I said, it's a bit noisy! You can't have economy in silence! 5,000 shaves to the gallon.
One million whiskers, service once yearly.
Fast down the straights, four forward speeds and reverse.
What does reverse do? Now that you mention it, I haven't the slightest idea! Reverse.
Are you ready?