The Awesomes (2013) s02e04 Episode Script

Tim Goes to School

Previously on The Awesomes.
I did not kiss Muscleman's sister.
Perfect Man, a quick reminder, you're a fugitive now.
I will have my vengeance! As you know, the Awesomes must be destroyed.
And so today I announce the formation of a team of supervillains dedicated solely to that mission.
I give you "People Really Into Crime and Killing Sprees.
" The PRICKS.
- I'm not a person.
- Hm.
Well, how about, "Primates Really Into Crime and Killing Sprees?" That works.
You boys have been playing up here for hours.
- You must be starving.
- We're not playing, Mother! We're building a team of supervillains! Well, I brought sandwiches.
Do supervillains like the crust? You have to tell me.
I don't know these things.
I like crust.
Oh, sorry, Ape-Man.
I cut the crust off.
- Mom, can we discuss this later? - Sure, baby.
Now, are you ready for your super powers? I am Elliot Levy-Apelstein! Your supervillain name can't be your real name.
You have to come up with something different.
Oh.
How about Jeff? - I always liked the name Jeff.
- Jeff Apelstein? It's not great, but sure that's fine.
Wait, so I'm elastic? That's a stupid power.
Oh, I thought that movie would never end.
Well, at least Harry was able to reconcile with the Hendersons.
Why so jumpy? I'm just excited to see you, that's all.
You know? I love it when you get weird.
I have to tell Jaclyn.
- Do not tell Jaclyn.
- I can't believe it.
I'm a cheater.
You're not a cheater.
It wasn't even your fault.
She kissed you.
And now your sister keeps calling me, texting me.
- I'm trying to ignore it, but - Dude, if you tell Jaclyn, she will totally never, ever forgive you.
- I thought you said it wasn't my fault.
- I know that.
You know that.
But women don't think like us.
They are vicious, evil creatures.
- You see this scar? - Oh, wow.
- A woman did that to you? - No.
When I was a little kid, I fell on a rake.
- That a woman put there.
- Oh.
Well, I guess you're right.
I won't tell Jaclyn.
Wait, did you just send me a naked picture of yourself? I did? Hm, I look pretty good.
Wait.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
That's my.
sister! My eyes! Okay, now that one's you.
What do you think? Can you tell I work out? This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Now, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome I'm so bored, y'all.
I'm going for a run.
That'll kill some time.
- Didn't help.
- Hey, Joyce Mandrake is here.
I have to hide! - Great hiding place.
- You know, a lot of super hero teams will lock their mountain fortresses.
- Oh, my God! Perfect Man! - Oh, this? No, this is one of those cardboard cutouts from the convenience store.
Yeah, see? We mostly keep it around to throw darts at.
- Or dump garbage on.
- Or do sexy things with.
Well that makes sense.
I guess it's just hard to tell the difference since the real Perfect Man is also two-dimensional.
Yeah, Perfect Man is just a nickname.
His full name is "Perfect-ly Boring Man.
" Now, to business.
Our records show that Tim has not been to school for over six months.
Since his parents first went into hiding.
Well, you know, crime doesn't wait until 2:55 PM.
Power without knowledge can be a very dangerous thing, Tim.
Not long ago there was an incident with California Man.
California Man! We need your help! - A giant robot is destroying the capital.
- Never fear, dude.
- To San Francisco.
- Uh, it's Sacramento.
- Yeah, Sacramento! - The capital is Sacramento! Six hundred people died that day.
So I have to go to school because California Man didn't know his state capitals? More or less, yes.
This morning, the president signed a new bill into law.
The Underage Superhero Education Act.
It mandates that any superhero who is of school age must be enrolled in school and maintain a B average.
Man, I'm glad they didn't have that law when I was a, um, smaller me.
- You mean, a kid? - Kid! That's it.
It was right on the tip of my - licking muscle? - Wow.
So, I expect to see you first thing Monday morning - at Spiro Agnew Middle School.
- Fine.
Great.
Ta, Awesomes.
- Is she gone? - Yup, you're safe.
Do you all really think I'm two-dimensional? Oh, don't feel bad, Perfect Man.
Personality isn't everything.
Or in your case, anything.
Is there any reason why everybody has to drive me to school? It's bad enough I'm getting dropped off in a van.
Uh, yes, dropped off And also, we're all going to school with you.
What?! You're joking, right? Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing.
Tim, both of your parents were assassins.
There are people who will do anything to get them to come out of hiding.
Like kidnap you and chop off your ear and mail it to them.
"Next time, it'll be his heart," they'll say.
That's a little extreme.
But the point is, as you will no longer be protected by the security systems of Awesome mountain, although we should probably stop leaving the door unlocked, you need the team around you to keep you safe.
So let me get this straight, - all six of you are coming with me? - Uh, actually seven.
Nope.
Nope.
Six.
I did Gadget Gal twice.
Many have.
I promise we won't embarrass you.
We'll be undercover.
- Great.
- Prock will be a teacher.
Gadget Gal will be the lunch lady.
Frantic and Muscle Man, you're students.
Oh, that's easy.
I can pretend to be a student.
No, not pretend.
You are students.
Since neither of you ever graduated I just re-enrolled you in the seventh grade.
Wait, you mean I skipped fourth through sixth grade? Hot buttered corn! Book learnin', here I come! I'll be school counselor, because that way kids will look up to me, - and Impresario, you're the janitor.
- I'll be the art teacher.
- Why can't you be the janitor? - Oh, give me strength, Dr.
King.
I will be the art teacher because I have a Masters Degree in Design.
And I will not be the janitor because I don't have a Masters Degree in English.
Okay, great.
Now, Tim, it's very important that you do not use your powers in the school.
You have to control your temper.
If you start to get angry, just think about a beautiful sunset.
- No Sumo.
Okay? - Okay.
- This is very important.
- Okay, I got it! Can I just hear you say it? - I don't want to get - I get it! You're crushing me! Your diaper is on my face.
Okay, got it out of your system? Let's go to school! - You're new.
I'm Cait.
- Tim.
Nice to meet you.
Let me give you the lay of the land.
The best water fountain is the one outside of the gym.
The water is super cold and it's got a good arc to it.
It's not one of those dribblers.
This is the cafetorium.
They serve breakfast and lunch, and twice a year, you can catch what is loosely referred to as a "talent show.
" Also, avoid the tartar sauce if you value your life.
Here, let's go out this way.
Move it along, butterball.
No pizza for fatty.
Miss Samson is a pushover.
Pretend you care about Social Studies and you'll own her.
Oh, also, stay away from Pablo.
You can't miss him.
He's a giant kid in a Hawaiian shirt.
If you need anything, I'm at locker 117.
And your locker should be - Uh-oh.
- What? I'll go get a teacher.
I'm totally fine.
Don't worry, I will see you at lunch.
Your funeral, tough guy.
Hey, nice back pack, Dora the Explorer.
Oh, my God, you totally look like Dora the Explorer.
Except she's Mexican.
What are you going to explore, your butt? - Nice! - Hi guys, my name is Tim.
Great to meet you, seriously.
You're just kind of blocking my locker, so if you don't mind Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry.
The last thing I wanna do is get between a nerd and his books.
Aw, books.
His only friends.
Can you reach your locker or do you need a boost, Tiny Tim? Beautiful sunset beautiful sunset I'm fine, but you are really sweet to offer.
I hope you all have a fantastic day.
Okay, class, I'd like to start out today by talking about some of the lesser artists of the early Impressionist movement and their influence on Modernism.
I mean, who wants to make some hand turkeys? Bunga no like Awesomes.
Yes, exactly, that's why we're here.
Because we also no like Awesomes.
So how would you like to join forces with us, and take down the Awesomes as part of the most terrifying and awe-inducing supervillain team ever to walk the Earth? You? Supervillain? Malocchio Jr.
is laughingstock.
- Listen, you little - Ah! - Bendy ape throw Bunga far! - Who's next? Hm.
Wow.
Pretty easy for seventh graders.
I was doing this kind of thing when I was six.
Okay Who did that? Who did that? I'm serious.
Tell me right now.
I'm serious.
Tell me right now.
Could you please stop, Muscle Man? - Right, sorry.
- Mr.
Prock! Mr.
Prock! Can I go to the bathroom? What time is recess? Can we go on a field trip? I'm sorry to interrupt your I was just wondering if I could borrow some chalk.
- Certainly, Mrs - Miss.
Sampson.
- Certainly, Miss Sampson.
- Nerd! You'll figure it out.
You just have to be tough with them and mean it.
Kids crave discipline.
So do I, by the way.
If you like we can have a drink later on - and I can give you some pointers.
- Um, what? Oh, uh I don't know if my girlfriend would like that.
I have a girlfriend.
But thanks for the offer.
Did I mention I have a girlfriend? Oh.
I should have known.
Good ones are always taken.
I'm always attracted to unavailable men.
Well, if you change your mind, I'm in room 114.
Mr.
Prock, I solved the equation.
So you just moved here from Europe? - Where in Europe? - Uh, the North part.
Mm.
Yeah, I hear it's beautiful there.
Whoa, check it out, Pablo.
The nerd has a girlfriend.
I thought learning was your girlfriend, nerd bird! We're just friends so you guys can relax.
What's up, Four Eyes? Get it? I'm counting your glasses as two more eyes.
Now, listen Beautiful sunset Beautiful sunset.
Great joke, guys! - Four Eyes.
Nice! - Oh, ho, Romeo doesn't like it when you make fun of Julia.
- I think you're thinking of Juliet.
- He admits it.
He loves her.
I don't love her! I mean, she's nice, but we just met.
Well, just be careful you don't get head lice.
Her family is poor.
That was the coolest thing I ever saw! Is that a Northern European thing? Well, if I never see another tater tot, it'll be too soon.
I'm trying to break through to these students, but they just don't understand.
They see me as an authority figure when I'm really more like a really fun adult friend.
Well, I am killing it in school.
I mean, at least in gym.
Not so much math, history, social studies, English, lunch.
Damn it! Why am I so bad at lunch? Oh, man, did I tell you about my math teacher? - He is the worst.
- I'm your math teacher.
Oh, right, I keep forgetting.
Great job, by the way.
You've really inspired me.
Good lord! Eight new messages.
Muscle Man, you have got to tell your sister to back off.
What if Jaclyn saw my phone right now? Just put her in your phone under a guy's name.
"Who's texting me? Why, it's just Gary from work.
" What? I have a life outside this mountain, you know.
- Gadgets can only take a gal so far.
- Ugh.
Awful.
Hideous.
I'm sorry, Muscle Man.
No, I get it.
I saw those pictures too.
Hm.
That one's not so bad.
She looks pretty good from this angle.
Wait a minute, this isn't your sister.
It's Miss Sampson.
Oh, no! - Oh, no, no, no.
- Prock's got a girlfriend! Prock's got a girlfriend! Yes, I do have a girlfriend, and she's going to kill me.
I have to shut this thing down right away.
Why am I so attractive to women? Hey, what's up, dude? Just getting my books and going to class.
So how's Cait? Still a fat little four-eyed cootie factory? Sorry, sorry! He didn't mean it.
It's just that, uh, it's so cool when you do that.
- Really? - Yeah, it's totally badass.
- Friends? - Uh, sure.
What do you say we get out of here and have some fun? Look at me I'm one of the cool kids Having fun and making a splash Tearing up the town with the cool kids Gonna stomp and steal and smash, yeah! Look at me I'm one of the cool kids Nothing's gonna bring me down Uh-oh.
Okay, we have 23 "no's.
" And one maybe.
From Polite Man.
He was probably just being polite.
Well, I think we might be about to get our first "yes".
- This guy hates the Awesomes.
- He's called The Super? Yes, because he's the super of this building.
And also because he has superpowers.
Specifically, the power to erase people's memories.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Nope, nothing on the schedule.
Hey, where the hell are we? Yes, very much! I specifically told you not to use your powers.
And you not only used them, but you used them for evil? I just wanted to be one of the cool kids for once.
You are a superhero, Tim, it doesn't get any cooler than that.
- I mean, look at me.
- I'm sorry, Prock, it's just that I I don't want to hear what it's "just".
You're "just" lucky that nobody saw you or we'd have Joyce Mandrake over here revoking our charter right now.
And you're incredibly lucky those fishermen rescued those nuns.
and that's why I finally left the Catholic Church.
I'm sorry! I promise from now on, I'll just go to class and do my homework.
- I won't let you down again.
- All right, okay, don't cry, it's okay.
I did some pretty crazy things at your age too.
One time, when I was supposed to be at lunch I snuck into a physics class.
Hey, who's texting you? Oh, it's just, um, Gary from work.
See? Gary from work misses you desperately? Oh, yeah, he's, uh, just having trouble with the copier.
Ugh, those things are the worst.
- What is he, out of toner? - Yeah.
Oh, and that's Larry from work.
"I'm not wearing any underwear.
" - It's Casual Friday? - Today's Thursday.
I know, but the calendars got misprinted, so - Right.
Because of the copier.
- Yes, exactly! Ugh! Could that copier be any more terrible? You know what I love about you? - You're so honest.
- Uh yeah.
You're just, you know, like a really good guy.
I know you will always be faithful to me.
Yup, that's me.
Always faithful.
- We have no secrets.
- Nope.
Secrets do not exist between us.
Oh, no.
My phone.
I am so mad at myself.
God, you are so weird.
Why does it make me so crazy? Listen, yesterday was fun and everything, but I can't go with you guys today - or ever.
- What? But we're friends.
I stole you that friendship bracelet.
Right.
I'm sorry, you guys are great, but this phase of my life is over, okay? Oh, yeah, sure.
Okay, uh, we understand.
- Great.
- It's over? Just like that? I was just starting to like school again.
It's not over.
Hey, there.
Knock, knock.
Am I interrupting? Yeah, could you just hold on a sec? I'm grading these Ah! But I have a girlfriend! Hang on to your hats, Spiro Agnew, there's about to be some serious destruction.
Attention, teachers and students, this is Officer Behnken with a public safety announcement.
Pay attention, kids, safety is important.
We advise you to keep a safe distance from student Cait Walker.
She has a raging case of head lice, which as we all know is super contagious.
Uh, also, she smells like cat pee.
If you see this student, please report her to the Loser Police, as she is a giant loser.
Can you connect me with the Loser Police? It's an emergency.
Uh, oops, gotta go.
Hey, you're not, uh, mad, are you, Tim? I just felt it was important to warn the school about your weird little unwashed girlfriend.
If you idiots had any souls at all you'd know that Cait Walker is the nicest, sweetest, coolest person at this school.
And even though she only thinks of me as a friend, and I've never kissed a girl before, I love her.
I love her more than anything.
I wrote a love song for her too, you heartless jerks.
Cait, You're like the sun you make everything more fun you make my heart go pitter pat like a sweet little kitty cat - Wow.
- Cool song, Tim.
Hey, did I mention the mic is still on? Oh, sweet Tim Uh-oh.
I'll get him.
- Whoa.
- We have to stop him.
Ha, ha! You're wearing lipstick! Now, Muscle Man! Pin him down! - I'm on it! - Nice tackle, Metal Fella.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
Oh! Okay, not on it! - What's that on your face? - What? Oh.
Lipstick.
- Frantic! Try the hose again.
- Yeehaw! I'm gonna hogtie this doggie! Lipstick? You were kissing someone? I know, it's insane.
Gadget Gal, now! My whole life I've been completely invisible to girls, and now the second I get a girlfriend, they're suddenly all over me.
Women are crazy.
Right in the wontons! Yes, women are crazy, especially any woman who falls for you.
Okay weird time to randomly insult me.
Good luck with your rogue team member.
Maybe you should try kissing him.
Ow! Watch it! Is it me, or is Metal Fella really sarcastic all of a sudden? I got this.
I'm a guidance counselor.
Don't think of me as an authority figure.
I'm more like a really fun adult friend.
Okay, I'm out of ideas.
The hard way or the easy way? Ooh, a feisty one.
That's enough.
Open fire on my command.
No! You have super powers? I know exactly what you're going through.
You're not the only superhero in public school.
- Huh? - Do you think it was easy for me to come to a new school without any friends, keep my super powers a secret, and learn social studies out of a 25-year-old book that doesn't even mention the Stanford prison experiment? Of course not.
But school isn't just about learning information, it's about learning how to handle yourself around people.
And you don't have to be embarrassed.
Everybody gets it wrong at first.
Now, bring your cheek down here so I can kiss it.
I may have destroyed the school, but at least you guys successfully protected me from kidnappers.
Look, Tim, I gotta level with you.
We weren't actually worried about kidnappers.
We just couldn't stand the idea of you going off on your own into the terrifying world of adolescence.
That's sweet.
Although you did a pretty terrible job of protecting me.
I know.
I guess we just got caught up in the drama of middle school.
Ostensibly.
Hey! I used a big word! I learned something! Well, then I guess this wasn't all a complete waste.
And I finally got my diploma.
- Frantic, that's a parking ticket.
- Oh, pssh! I was wondering why'd they leave my diploma on a car? So I don't got one? Come here! What do you want with me, mister? You took an Awesome and turned him against his team.
- Impressive.
- Um, sure.
Hey, nice purse.
You're a real troublemaker aren't you? Well, how'd you like to make some trouble with us? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't let me touch you? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? Yeah, you won't even dance