The Awesomes (2013) s02e08 Episode Script

Euro-Awesomes

Hey, Dad, look at my science project.
- It's a molecular assembler.
- Wow, that is something.
It can create any everyday object, as long as you enter the proper specifications of height, weight, mass - Perfect Man, I made you this trophy.
- Aw, thanks, Mr.
A! Well, you deserve it, you're the best kid ever.
Why isn't my dad proud of me, Dr.
Terfenpeltz? People like your father don't understand people like us, Jeremy.
Our powers reside between our ears.
Look at me: old, skinny, weak.
But I am the chief scientist to the greatest team of super heroes on the Earth.
You'll see, my young friend.
You and that massive intellect of yours will accomplish great things.
What about girls? Oh, you're screwed until college.
But college All those smart girls? You're going to kill it.
Hey, remember in college when none of the smart girls would sleep with you? - Why are we going here again? - Yeah, just because of a security breach? What, are we, a burglar alarm company now? This is a very important technology lab.
Dr.
Terfenpeltz works here.
The former chief scientist for the Awesomes.
So that's how this works.
When your mentor's in trouble, we drop everything.
But when my gymnastics coach needs money for his Kickstarter, - you refused to pay $40 for a hat.
- It is not because he's my mentor.
This lab contains various dangerous materials Muscleman, watch out! - You seem drunk.
- You're the one who's drunk.
We all seem drunk.
But none of us drank anything.
Ah! Which can only mean one person.
Suck it, nerds! - Whiskey Dick! - What is he doing here? Wait, wait, wait.
His name is Whiskey Dick? Uh, yeah, his first name is Richard, but he goes by Dick, and he has a power to make people drunk, so Didn't we stop him? We won't be able to do that until his powers stop affecting us.
So what do we do until they wear off? Party! Yeah! Yoo-hoo! Melons for sale! Oh, my God, I am so wasted.
Whiskey Dick has been out of range for five minutes.
- We're all completely sober now.
- Oh.
Wow, they look really hungover.
- Jeremy! - Dr.
Terfenpeltz! Are you okay? Whiskey Dick, he has stolen a catalytic thermonizer.
It is an energy transference device of immeasurable power.
In the wrong hands it could be used as a devastating weapon, or worse.
Please, you must get it back.
The fate of the world depends on I'm unable to say the last part.
Ugh! This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Now, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome Don't worry, Dr.
T, we'll do whatever it takes.
Unless it involves paying $40 for a hat, which apparently is too much to ask.
I was able to track Whiskey Dick's heat signature.
After leaving here, he landed in Dusseldorf, - then transported to Madrid.
- Oh, my God.
He's in Florida! Well, technically Germany and Spain.
- What does this all mean? - It means the Awesomes are going to Europe.
- Shoes, baby! - Art, culture, fine dining.
- It doesn't get any better than Florida.
- Guys! It's not a vacation.
- Right, we have to find the bad guy.
- Thwarting evil.
Yeah, gotta "revenge" the almost dead German guy.
Don't meet any cute French girls, okay? Or I'll staple your [beep] to the top of the Eiffel Tower and I'll push you off.
Just kidding, I know I don't need to worry.
Yeah, I would never do something like that.
With two different girls.
On two separate occasions.
- That's weirdly specific.
- I know, right? Beep, beep, babies! We got baggage to handle.
Whoa! Do you need all that? Are you kidding? These are just bare necessities.
Shoes.
Moisturizer.
Scarves.
Moisturizer for my scarves.
There's nothing worse than a dry scarf.
All right, guys, let's go! Attorney Jaclyn I've seen all this already.
Spalding, you're my only friend.
- Good evening, Hotwire.
- Hello, Paula.
I have completed the diagnostic systems check.
And I have recharged the Metal Fella cybernetic armor.
- And - And? And have been obsessively monitoring the whereabouts of the Awesomes.
Oh, wait.
I'm not obsessing.
That's you.
I'm an artificially intelligent computer.
I don't have to move on.
Or maybe start dating.
- Or at least put myself out there.
- This is not about Prock.
I told you, I need to find the Awesomes so I can warn them about my brother's plan.
- It's important.
- All right, then.
The Awesomes are en route to Europe.
Then I guess I need to be dressed for a trip.
- No, a serious trip.
- Oh.
Thank you.
You'll want the fanny pack.
Trust me.
Dress shirts, winter clothes, sunglasses.
And that last trunk is for the possible European girlfriend.
- The what? - European girlfriend.
Many a man has gone abroad and has been smitten.
But the passion is brief.
Torrid.
Like the flame of a candle.
- So your last trunk has? - A ton of romance.
And also my toiletries.
They wouldn't fit in my other bags.
You didn't bring anything? I got super speed, if I need something I'll just run home, - get it, and run back.
- You can run across the ocean? Hey, Prock, can I borrow your toothpaste? What is that? Just protecting myself from the alligators.
For the last time, Muscleman, we're not in Florida! Oh, right.
Okay, we have a few hours before we check into the hotel, but remember, this is not a vacation, so Guys? Guys? Ah, I mean, why do I even try? According to my readings, Whiskey Dick is either here or was here very recently.
- Do you think he's still here? - He might be, I do feel a bit drunk.
That's because you're drinking tequila shots.
- When I'm on vacation, I go all out.
- Not a vacation.
He's here! Fan out! - I can't see! - Me either! But my other senses are coming to life! My sense of touch magnified like 500 times.
Magnified 500 times! Stop! This is ridiculous.
How hard is it to turn a light on? There's gotta be a switch along here somewhere.
Ah.
I really should not be stopping time to turn on a light.
Oh, here's a switch.
Start.
The Euro-Awesomes! How long have they been gone for? Spalding, I asked you a question! You hear that? No, of course not.
I'm the only one here with super hearing.
Basketballs only have regular hearing.
It's not like you're a volleyball.
Looks like we've got ourselves an intruder.
And there's one thing that Perfect Man cannot tolerate.
I will rid the mountain of this pestilence! Everyone, these are the Euro-Awesomes.
Because it full of krauts, limeys and frogs.
So this is the European versions of us? Are you the Euro me? I'll break your arms off and beat you like a [bleep] drum.
That's exactly what I would say! The Euro-Awesomes aren't actually affiliated with our team.
When my dad founded the Awesomes he forgot to secure the international naming rights.
It may not be official, but we are honored to share with you a name and a mission.
May I introduce my team.
There's the Flying Dutchman.
Czech-mate.
Czech-mate, spelled C-Z-E-C-H, like the republic.
Invisi-Pope.
Hooligan.
Crotch Puncher.
And is that a play on words or do you? Punch crotches.
Yes.
Any animal can strike an opponent in the face or body.
But it takes skill and elegance to punch them in the crotch.
Every.
Single.
Time.
And Mademoiselle Hunchback.
Ooh, mercy, that is one exotic flower.
With a hunchback.
A hunchback flower.
- You like that? - I do.
And I am Nightlight, the team leader.
- Really? Me too! - Oh! Smashing.
But I pull a bit short in the powers department.
- Me too! - Oh, get a room.
- Why can't I just be friends with a girl? - Because she's British.
And I will never forgive them for taxing our tea! I would surmise that you are chasing the infamous Whiskey Dick as well? - Correct.
- He robbed this facility of its catalytic thermonizer.
That means he now has two in his possession.
- Wow, Julie Andrews can count.
- Have we offended you in some way, madam? Yes, by surrendering to Hitler.
Ah yes, let them enjoy their little diversion in Europe.
Little do they know, their real problems are happening - far, far away from Madrid.
- They're in Florida? All right, so it's time for our weekly meeting.
Do all of you have your three evil ideas? - Pablo, you go first.
- Uh, what if we replace everyone's 2-percent milk with 1-percent milk? You little jerk, that was my idea! - You looked at my notebook! - Whatever, Donkey Kong.
Okay, that's not very evil.
"Burn down hospital"? Hey, that was my idea too! - Can we focus, please? - I'm hungry.
Let's order Thai food.
Yeah, I thought there were supposed to be refreshments.
There were supposed to be refreshments.
But then someone didn't do their one job.
This is not working.
This is not working.
They're not motivated at all.
I need someone with passion, someone filled with hate.
I need someone who will Hello, I'm attorney Jaclyn Stone.
And if you hire me, your enemies will be my enemies.
And I will anything and everything in my power to make sure that we wipe our enemies off the face of the Earth! Legally, of course.
This is where they keep the one other thermonizer in Europe.
This is the entire facility? It's so small.
Mademoiselle, I appear before you as a man humbled by your comeliness.
May I present tokens of my affection? A silk scarf.
Freshly moisturized chocolates.
And these Manolo Blahnik sling backs.
- You are vile and disgust me.
- Oh, yeah.
It's on.
- Seems like she hates you.
- No, man, she's just being European.
Hey, you like cheese, baby? Yeah, I got a whole suitcase full of cheese! So that's what's in the romance trunk? No, that's what's in the cheese trunk.
Duh.
Stop.
Cease movement.
Look out! It's a robot security system! Or I will be, um, forced to shoot again.
- Are those robots drunk? - Whiskey Dick! - Robots can get drunk? - And do ecstasy.
You should see some of the robots I party with.
I'm going to shoot again.
Eat it, Yanks! Looks like you guys could use a little help.
Hey, robot, help us kill these humans.
You wanna do some X later? Dum-dum.
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Prock! System overload.
System overload.
System overl H-Hotwire? Oh, hey, guys, what are you doing here? Weird.
You're alive! Hotwire, you're totally alive! I never thought I'd see you again.
And now you're here! Alive! And you're Metal Fella.
Oh.
You're Metal Fella? - So we need to have a conversation.
- I know, I know.
I just I had betrayed you, and then when you thought I was dead, but I wasn't dead because Wow, we have a lot to talk about.
Prock, not-dead Hotwire? A little help? Oh, right.
Oh, sorry! I just thought if I became Metal Fella, I could prove myself to you guys as a hero.
- You know, a fresh start.
- You didn't have to prove yourself.
You're a hero.
A super hero.
No.
I lied to all of you.
I had to earn my way back.
You're the one who's a super hero.
- No, I'm not.
- That's not true.
It is true.
I always tried to impress you, but I was just doing what I can with what I have.
Dr.
Terfenpeltz taught me that.
He was the first one who Well, he believed in me.
No one else did.
Not my dad.
No one.
Until I met you.
- So how's Jaclyn? - Uh, yeah, Jaclyn! Yeah, she's great.
Very good.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Yeah.
No, I'm really, really happy.
Oh, I miss that little guy.
I should call him.
No-good mother[bleep]! I'm gonna [bleep] cut your [bleep] off! Now I can just sit back and wait.
Hey, maybe while I'm waiting, I'll have some of that cheese.
Ow! So you were dead, and then you came back to life? - Well, not actually.
- Like a zombie! And then Metal Fella let you borrow his suit? - What? No, I'm Metal Fella.
- Oh, I thought you were Hotwire.
- So you got a sex change? - Wait, wait, wait.
This whole time there was a woman trapped inside Metal Fella's body? Well, yes, but not in the way that you think.
Why don't I start over? It looks like fate has brought us together.
I would rather, how you say, eat glass on a bed of nails while making love to porcupine than be together with you.
But these shoes, they are not so terrible.
- Oh, yeah! It's on! - I'm not seeing it.
You're not looking in the right place.
I am.
I'm looking at that hunchback's butt.
Say, baby, I've got a Chanel tea gown that would kill on you! Really bring out the hump! Prock, listen, now that you know my secret, there is something really important I need to tell you.
- What is it? - It's about my brother What was that? Whiskey Dick? Dudes, it wasn't me! I mean, right, it was me, but he made me do it! By paying me! Who? Who made you do what? Hey, girl.
Goddamn it, you [bleep]! - This is bad.
- You're tellin' me.
Not that.
That! Running from the enemy.
Typical Europeans.
You're mad now, but we are gonna be laughing about this later.
I heard you may hate the Awesomes as much as I do.
- Prock, are you okay? - She broke up with me.
Oh, wow.
I'm so sorry.
- Yeah - So Guys, seriously! We got a battle going on here! - Sorry.
- Right, right.
- Did it just copy my power? - It's a Replicator! Oh, no.
Not the It can copy all of our powers at once.
How is that even possible? It's gonna keep taking more powers until it's unstoppable.
And then it will take every power in the world.
Everybody out! Before it gets more powers! So you do care! Uh, I just might need some more shoes, you pig! Touch my baby you going from the frying pan into the fire! Dr.
Terfenpeltz? No.
Not you.
It was you all along? Yes.
I needed the thermonizers to build the suit, and I needed you to go after the thermonizers to get you all here in one place and take all your powers at once.
But what about our greatest powers being between our ears? It turns out, the greatest power is either flying or super strength, I can't decide yet.
But being smart, it's not even in the top ten.
Super speed isn't so bad either.
Hold it right there, Prock.
My sensors are telling me that you've been keeping a secret.
- A secret power, that is.
- Me? What? No.
Come on.
That's crazy.
My God.
Feel that.
Stop! You can stop time? And you never use it? With that giant IQ, Prock, you've still been an idiot your whole life! This is the best power of them all! You control time! - I'm going to rule the world! - No, you're not.
Start.
So much to do.
First, I'm going to kill everyone who was ever mean to me.
And then the people who were nice, but maybe like a little too nice.
You know, those walking doormat people.
I hate those people.
Before that, maybe I'll relax.
Just catch up on my email.
I mean, why not? I have all the time in the world.
Ow! That hurts! Hmm.
What What happened? Hey, guess what.
After ten seconds, - stopping time hurts.
- So his suit just fell apart? Yeah, I don't know.
Must be some kind of glitch.
- Either way, we were lucky.
- Are you okay? I just never thought Dr.
Terfenpeltz would let me down.
Well, if it makes you feel better, I promise to never let you down again.
- Uh, thank you for saving me.
- It was nothing.
We can make love three times, but never speak again.
Four times and one awkward phone call.
- Deal.
- Yeah, come on, girl.
And now my team is complete, my plan, ready to set in motion.
- So the serum gave her super strength? - I didn't give her any serum.
Where are you, Mr.
Squeakers? Yes.
I have named our prey Mr.
Squeakers.
Makes it personal.
Spalding! Spalding, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Spalding! Spalding! Oh.
Hey, guys.
Hotwire, you're alive! - We're still dating, right? - No.
Oh, good.
I don't know if I have time for a relationship right now.
I got a lot going on.
I hope it isn't weird that we're living with my ex.
No, of course not.
- Whoopsy.
- You're not looking at that, right? Ugh.
No, I do not need to see that.
You need some help with that? - No, I got it.
- Come on, let me help you.
- I got it! - You sure? Here, give it to me.
I can do it.
No.
Go away.
I can open a bottle of wine by myself.
Thank you, Perfect Man.
- You need help with anything else? - No! - Do you want me to put my towel back on? - Yes.
Yes, I do.
Ooh, cheese.
Oh, God! Eh, forgot about that one.
How am I supposed to know That you're high If you won't let me touch you? How am I supposed to know That you're high If you won't even dance? How am I supposed to know That you're high If you won't even dance? Yeah, you won't even dance