The Awesomes (2013) s03e02 Episode Script

Villain-Tine's Day

[alarm blaring] - Dad? - Welcome home.
Stop; My dad is back My dad is back! Okay, I gotta show him I've done a good job while he was gone, and I have, and he will see that.
But the most important thing is to be cool, so be cool, be cool, be cool.
Sir, I'm so happy you're black back you're back.
Well, it's great to see you too.
[bones crunching] Now, aren't you gonna introduce me to all your friends? Oh right, what am I doing? Dad, these are the new Awesomes.
- You know Muscleman, of course.
- Harry.
- How's your father? - He's good, Mr.
A.
- This is Impresario.
- It's a pleasure, sir.
- Frantic - Howdy.
- and Sumo.
- I turn into a giant sumo wrestler.
- I'm not always a little kid.
- Wonderful.
Concierge used to be a secretary here, but now she's a full member of the team.
I remember you, Concierge.
Great to see you again.
Do these gams ring a bell, old friend Ha! Ho-ho-ho, if memory serves, they rang the bell of many a villain back in the day.
- Hi Frank.
- Lookin' good, Arlene.
Perfect Man, how are ya? Good I'm much less of a dick these days.
And if it isn't Katherine Malocchio.
You have your mother's eyes.
And that's my team I mean our team.
That's the Awesomes.
Well, I just want to say how proud I am of what you, what all of you have accomplished here.
You've done the name proud.
[bashful murmuring] I want all of you to know that I'm only back here as your guest.
Maybe I can help around the Mountain a little, sweep up if you'll let me, and maybe you wouldn't mind some occasional advice from an old man.
Oh, great how many credit cards is too many credit cards? Space is a lonely place.
It makes a man realize that the most important thing is family, and the Awesomes is my family.
Dad, I'm so glad to hear that.
I have so many things I want to ask you.
And I'll be happy to answer, but this old superhero is pretty tired.
I'm still on space time, so it's 3 AM for me.
- I'm gonna turn in.
- Good night, Mr.
A! Sweet dreams.
[humming] _ Dammit, a slide show.
"This Superhero Turned into a Villain.
Find Out How.
" What? This article has nothing to do with the headline.
I hate Upworthy.
Hey, now what's this? [ding of email] "Frantic would like to add you to his professional network on LinkedIn.
" Can he tell if I don't? What do I care, I'm evil! [bleep] that.
[title music] This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome [beeping] Okay, Malocchio, you get back to Earth and stop Mr.
Awesome before it's too late, eh? Hm.
Where's the bathroom on this thing? [pressure release] [sound of urinating] This is fun! Like that movie Gravity.
I like that flick, although I did fall asleep about five minutes in.
I wonder what happened.
I bet that chick hooked up with George Clooney.
[zipping sound] Okay, that can't be good.
He was actually proud.
Hard to even process what that feels like.
You know, this is turning out to be a pretty good year.
My dad finally appreciates me, I get to be with the love of my life.
You're okay with me moving in, right? Are you kidding Having you here is the best.
With that said, your Metal Fella suit does kind of take up a lot of the closet space.
Yeah, I miss that suit.
I should take it out for a spin sometime.
Oh, I wouldn't mind that If I'm being honest, it turns me on a little; Not a lot of women can pull off the vigilante metal suit look.
- Aw, you're sweet.
- No, seriously, it looks great on you.
[kissing sounds] [zapping] I can't believe it's Valentine's Day and we get to work for the actual Mr.
Awesome! Well, you're not working for him.
- I'm still the leader.
- Aw! So Prock, first Valentine's Day with Hotwire.
- What's the plan? - Well, I got reservations at the most exclusive restaurant in town.
The Arby's in the mall Do you know Mr.
Arby? Oh, his head must be so big to fit in that giant hat.
It's not Arby's, and it won't just be dinner and flowers.
I'm doing a whole day with fun, romantic things - planned every hour.
- You're a good boyfriend, Prock.
When I was dating Hotwire, I always forgot Valentine's Day.
Well, I guess some of us understand women a little better But I'll never forget the anniversary of the first time we made love for seven hours straight.
- February 14th.
- Valentine's Day is the worst.
I have to write a card to everyone in my class.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to write "I love you" to random people in your homeroom? - Just write "Have a great summer.
" - It's the middle of February.
Tim, where's your sense of romance? Candlelight dinner and love poems? Showering your lady with gifts? I've already placed my order at 1800CheapFlowers.
com.
$29.
99, and you get a free vase.
Impresario, I cannot wait for our special night.
[gasps] Mademoiselle Hunchback Oh, I keep forgetting - that you're still here, my love.
- Of course I'm still here.
Paris was destroyed by the alien invasion.
Right, right, right, right.
We should really rebuild that.
I could not help but overhear you tell Tim the treats you have purchased for me.
What Oh, no All that stuff's for Mama.
We spend Valentine's together every year, but don't worry, I I got you a card.
- "You da best"? - Take it to the bank, baby.
Well, I'm gonna have the best Valentine's Day ever.
That's right, I scored a date with Cat Lady.
You know, the sexy cat burglar with the tight leather suit? That's Cat Girl.
This is Cat Lady.
Oh.
Oh God.
Oh my God! Do you have any pictures from the back? Oh! Hey Hotwire.
Mm, it looks like you took me up on the suit.
[awkward laughing] [clears throat] So, you're probably wondering why I'm all dressed up because it is so early.
Well, guess what? I planned a whole day for us, just the two of us celebrating being together, not a care in the world.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart.
[smooches] Shall we get going? [romantic music] [moaning] - Your gun is digging into me.
- That's not my gun.
- Oh.
- It's my taser.
[zapping] Okay, I broke things off with Cat Lady.
Hopefully she took it well but don't worry, I was pretty nice about it.
[ding of text message] [cats meowing] Saw your picture.
Not interested.
Have a great summer.
Delivery for Gadget Gal.
Ugh, another suitor.
Put it over there with the others.
- I hate Valentine's Day.
- What, how can you hate Valentine's Day? On what other holiday do you get to eat tons and tons of candy? - Halloween, Christmas, Easter.
- Purim? And also any day if you buy candy.
You're an adult with a job.
Yeah, but this candy has little messages on it.
Will you be mine? Um, of course I will, candy.
Mademoiselle Hunchback is makin' me take her out for Valentine's Day, but I can't cancel on my mom.
Oh, I know, you should schedule them at the same restaurant, then go back and forth and change disguises in the bathroom like that lady in the Robin Williams documentary.
I was thinkin' of Mama at 6:30 - and Mademoiselle Hunchback at 8.
- Uh, that only works in the movies.
Well, I guess I better order a second round of flowers.
Okay, here we go.
$29.
99 What?! Nine hundred dollars Oh, hell no! Hello, everyone, and happy Valentine's Day.
Do you like flowers Who doesn't? - Who's this diaper ass fool? - That's Villaintine.
Every few years he shows up, steals roses, and then sells them at a huge markup.
Now I happen to have all of the roses in the world, which puts me in the unique position of offering them for a mere $900 a dozen, and if you act now, you'll get a free vase for $200! Eleven hundred dollars? Oh, I'm gonna kill that sumbitch.
- Let's call Prock.
- What? On his Valentine's Day date? You guys can handle this one without him.
- You're the Awesomes! - Yeah, but Prock's our leader.
And going out without your leader is how you'll grow as a hero.
I'm in, let's go pound some diaper.
Actually, I'd love if you could hang back with me, P-Man.
I haven't hit the gym forever and I need you to spot me.
- I'm in, let's go pound some bench.
- That's the slogan for my gym.
Okay, well, you heard the man.
Let's stop Villaintine.
- They're a good bunch.
- Yes, uh, actually I wanted to talk to you about that.
I can't believe how expensive those flowers were.
Ah, I wonder what could be over here.
Ah! I hope you're hungry.
You are so sexy in that suit, by the way.
I know, I know, a little over the top, but for you it's worth it.
You are the best and this is your special day.
[fireworks popping and whistling] [sighing] [grunting] Oh man, my muscles must have atrophied in space.
Eight thousand pounds, who am I, Prock? [laughing] So you were saying this Impresario fella, - all he can conjure is his mother? - I know it sounds strange, but I assure you Impresario is a great hero.
And what about Hotwire, everyone's just okay with the fact that she's Malocchio's daughter? Hotwire made some mistakes, but so did I.
Prock gives people second chances.
- It's what makes him a good leader.
- Hm, that's great to hear.
Hey, have you guys seen Prock? I've checked everywhere, even places I know he'd never be like the garage and this gym.
Oh, he took off why? - Oh.
- Something wrong? No, it's just I thought we had Valentine's plans, so Wanna work out with us? We're just about to play tug of war with an airplane.
We're definitely gonna win.
That's okay, have fun.
It's so weird; Prock seemed to be really looking forward to tonight.
[romantic music] All right, buddy, with the vase that's $1100.
He's here, let's move.
- Let's Prock and roll.
- What? What? That doesn't Prock say that before a battle? - Never.
- Well, he definitely says let's keep a low profile! Hey, it's the Awesomes! [action music] Too loud on my part.
[tires squealing] [grunting] Ooh, hey, wait your turn! No, not the vase! Oh, oh must resist urge to make out.
What's wrong with you guys you're gay and you're probably gay.
I am not gay, I am practical.
I got this.
[arrow strike] [multiple arrow strikes] Oh no.
[gasps] - I love you, forklift! - Muscleman, no! [romantic music] _ [kissing sounds] Happy Valentine's Day.
- Oh, thanks, henchman.
- Oh, come on! [grunts] - Ooh, can I have those flowers? - Nope.
In a stunning display of incompetence the Awesomes let Villaintine and his entire crew get away while their vice president had sex with a forklift.
- I thought I was vice president.
- We're all vice presidents.
Yeah, oh, oh yeah.
- This is bad.
- I'll tell you what's bad.
Forklift's not picking up.
Don't overreact, guys.
Everyone makes a mistake.
- Yeah, but not like this.
- Come on, you think when I led the Awesomes, the bad guy never got away? I mean, they didn't, but they could have.
I know, I know.
Flying first class to Bali just to get dessert might seem a little excessive, but you have to admit that chocolate flan was worth every penny.
Oh, hey guys, what's goin' on? Yeah, oh mhm.
Oh, that doesn't look good.
Hotwire, what are you doing over there? You're right next to Everyone is a vice president? [firing lasers] I promise you next Valentine's Day will be better.
I'm not worried about Valentine's Day, Prock.
I'm worried that the suit is acting on its own.
On the plus side, this does explain why you didn't say one word on our special afternoon.
[thud] Oh! [grunting] I can't believe I spent all my savings on a magical day with a robot.
Tell me about it, I just bought a condo with a forklift.
Hey, one time I fell in love with a volleyball.
- Right, that time you went crazy.
- Oh, I forgot about that.
I was actually talking about a different volleyball.
[firing lasers] Yeah, I I'm sorry, baby, there's just no way I'm gonna be done by eight.
No, I told you it's a battle! Well, what you want me to do? Hold on.
Mama, calm down.
There's nothin' I can do.
It's my job.
[sighs] Could you hold on? Hey, sorry, babe, but don't worry.
I'll make it up to you tonight with some sweet, sweet love.
- Say what? - Oh Mama, it's still you? Oh my God, I ate too much candy.
[vomiting] Delivery for Gadget Gal.
Are you kidding me? During a battle? - Delivery for Concierge.
- Really, somethin' for me? "From your secret admirer.
" Wait a second, did you guys do this just because you felt sorry for me? - No.
- Never.
- Never.
- What? It says "From your secret admirer.
Have a great summer.
" - "Muscleman.
" - Dammit.
Why did we have Muscleman do it? Well, almost out of oxygen.
Guess this is how I'm gonna die.
Always thought it would be from heart disease or an infected tongue piercing.
[chuckles] It's funny, when I was busy, I always wanted more free time, but now that I'm floating in space with nothing to do, I wish I was busy.
Crazy how that works.
[clears throat] Well, I guess it's just me and the universe now, and my phone.
What would be a good song to die to? Dammit, out of batteries, of course.
Well, I guess this is the end of the line for Dr [chuckles] That's funny, I can't can't remember my own name.
I guess oxygen is important.
Oh.
[whirring] [explosions] [action music] I don't know why we're so off our game today, and of all days right when my dad comes back.
- So much for him being proud of me.
- I'm sure he understands.
[humming] [firing lasers] The suit is making moves I never programmed.
Do you have any way to shut it down remotely? I should be able to, but nothing's working.
There's a fail-safe inside the suit, but someone would literally have to climb inside while it's moving, - and how could you ever do - Stop.
One of these days I'm really gonna have to tell Hotwire about my power, although she'll probably wonder why I haven't told her about it already.
That's the thing with secrets, the longer you don't tell 'em, the bigger they get.
Oh well.
Aw! _ Start.
Well, that was easy.
Yeah, that was easy.
- Why is your nose bleeding again? - Huh? If you're here to get footage, you're too late.
The Awesomes saved the day.
[thunderous hiss] [heavy footstep] [angry yowl] Muscleman, you won't go out with me, but you'll [bleep] a forklift? Hey Cat Lady! Did you have a good summer? So what's your name, man? - I don't remember.
- What were you doin' in space? Your guess is as good as mine.
So what do you guys do? We're a band, bro.
The What Huh Hows.
We're huge on Pluto.
What about you? Hm, I think I'm a chef? Aw, man, we could use someone to cook for us on the road.
- For realio? - Yeah, man, what do you say? Sure, I mean, it's not like I have anything important to do.
- I mean - Hey! Why'd you put Greg in your mouth? Sorry, Greg, thought you were something else.
- My bad.
- It's all good, bro.
[angry yowling] Look, I'm really sorry! You reached out to me on H-Date.
Hero Date? I don't even have a profile.
You called me! For the third time today our city is in crisis, and once again, the Awesomes are to blame, although who can blame Cat Lady for her rage having been jilted on Valentine's Day for a forklift? [cats yowling] Yo, this day sucks.
I don't want to live in a city run by cats.
Cat mayor, though, that would be pretty great.
Little kitty with a bowler hat, maybe a cigar.
- Sign me up.
- What are you talking about? - Hm? - I can't hold the dome much longer.
My God, are the pussies out there or in here? Gadget Gal is right.
We have to fight to the bitter end.
Dome coming down.
[Prock] What, where did they go? Oh my God, look! It's him, he's back! That's right, I'm back.
But I'm not here to be a hero anymore.
You don't need me because you have the Awesomes, the greatest superhero team the world has ever known.
And while today wasn't their best day, you have to remember they were being attacked by an old lady and a bunch of house cats oh, and a robot suit they built.
Mm, not sure I would have said it that way.
So now, if you'll excuse me, this old man is going to get some rest, because if if I'm being honest, I've lost a step.
Hold on, everybody duck.
[laser firing] Ow! Now that was uncalled for.
So one of you let the police know that Villaintine is just off Route 44.
Well, it was a good bionic suit while it lasted.
At least it'll be nice to have the closet space back.
- Can I keep this stuff in your closet? - Sure! - I hate Valentine's Day.
- Despite my best efforts, I spent another Valentine's Day with cats.
Who could have predicted that? I have to buy a hundred flowers to make it up with Mademoiselle Hunchback, and a hundred more for my mom.
And everyone at school thinks I'm so weird because I gave them all I Love You cards.
Have a great summer, I told you.
Mind if I flip on the tube? I'll just say what we're all thinking.
If Mr.
Awesome is back, there is no way he shouldn't be leading that team.
I mean, what is he waiting for? He has to take over.
[evil laughter] [music] How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't let me touch you Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Yeah, you won't even dance