The Batman (2004) s01e11 Episode Script
Bird of Prey
Yes, my pretties .
Show me the money! Sorry to rain on your parade, Penguin.
I'm always prepared for inclement weather! Chop-chop, Batman.
A bat without wings? Back to your cage, Penguin.
Not before we rattle yours! We? For once, I have got to pull a job someplace that Batman isn't.
Stop the car! He's known by many labels: Billionaire, philanthropist socialite.
But who is the real Bruce Wayne? You.
Despite a larger-than-life public persona Bruce Wayne has privately managed to remain a mystery.
Join me, Melanie Bramwell for the first ever in-depth interview with Gotham's most eligible bachelor next Tuesday at 9 on A Day in the Life.
If there's anyone I despise more than the Batman, it's Wayne! He's got looks and money! Yes, money.
Wayne's money.
Oh, it's about time, Master Bruce.
The television people will be here any moment.
You sure I have to go through with this, Alfred? Need I remind you, it's vitally important that you cultivate your public image.
But Melanie Bramwell has a reputation for making private lives a little too public.
I could be ï¬irting with disaster.
Yes, well.
Unfortunately, avoiding the press only piques their curiosity.
Fine.
When is this thing supposed to start? âA day in the life, from breakfast to bedtime.
â You are gonna edit this part out, right? Don't count on it.
I pride myself on catching my subjects off-guard.
After all, I'm here to get to know the real Bruce Wayne.
Nice digs.
- Roomy.
- Well, wait'll you see my office.
I'll show you the rest of the mansion after dinner.
To Wayne Industries, then.
Oh! And it's hours until dinnertime.
Coming.
Coming.
Back so soon? Long time, no see, Jeeves.
Blast.
Oh, it's getting dark.
Good thing I brought my evening jacket.
And since my little birdies cut phone and power we won't have any interruptions while we catch up, old chum.
Now, where is old Brucie? Master Bruce is in the city on very important business.
Yeah, a runway for us, Bruce.
You see, bold colors project such an aura of confidence for Mr.
Wayne.
Wish I had a personal stylist.
Then, while we await Brucie's return you and I are gonna have some fun! I must insist that you leave the premises at once! Without settling scores with Wayne? Bull's-eye! I mean, bird's-eye! But, what has Master Bruce ever done to you? Oh, nothing.
Nothing really.
Except own everything that should rightfully belong to me! I am from noble blood! The Cobblepots were once the toast of society! I am a Cobblepot! What's cooking? Oh, now we're talking.
The perfect crime: Dinner and a burglary.
Oh, Jeevesie! Your roast is overcooked.
What you got there, Jeeves? What? Nothing! Giving old Brucie a jingle, huh? Good idea.
Wayne Industries contains over a dozen separate divisions, including electronics, engineering and biomedical research.
And it's all cutting-edge.
And it's all yours, at the ripe old age of 26.
Oh, would you excuse me for a moment? Wayne.
Guess who, Brucie.
Sheila? No, it's Penguin.
Is this 555-43? Oh, of course I remember.
Bruce Wayne never forgets a pretty voice.
I'm home with Jeeves.
And he wanted me to tell you dinner's getting cold.
For you, sugar, I'd drop anything.
And no police, or the butler gets it.
Get it? That's a wrap.
I have a friend in need.
No problem.
The camera loves drama.
Sorry, Mel.
Where I'm going cameras are strictly off-limits.
What now? Dinner.
Top floor.
Ugly furniture, tacky artwork, bad feng shui.
Time to redecorate the bachelor pad! What was that? I say, it's the Batman! What? How'd you find me this time? It's what I do.
Hello? Anyone home? Hello? Your power's out.
Alfred, is that you? Batman! Go! Before you get hurt! Oh, dear.
Well, now, what have we here? Don't harm us, Mr Penguin.
Oh, you're that reporter from TV.
So where's Wayne? I'm beginning to wonder myself.
Well, forget him! Penguin's your star now.
I'll give you an exclusive.
Right over here.
The true identity of the Batman! Get ready for your close-up.
Mr Freeze couldn't bring the heat.
Catwoman needed sharper claws.
Not even that screw-loose Joker could pull off what I'm about to: The cowl of the bat! Wakey-wakey eggs and bake-y.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you the man beneath the bat! Unbelievable.
That's for ruining my roast! Oh, you'll pay for that, old man! Rematch.
Round two, then! Make him a bat filet! The tape! I got it! No! Clumsy me.
Quick! Load another one.
I can't get a bleak here.
Hurry! We're missing everything! You should learn to play nice, Penguin.
Why? I hate your guts.
Tweet, tweet.
Fresh bat, my pretty.
We'll win the Pulitzer Prize for this.
I love the four seasons, Batman.
Especially fall! You're all wet.
- Get it all? - I hope so.
It's a dark night.
âThe Dark Knight.
â Now that has a ring to it.
Mel? What are you--? What's going on here? A long story.
The Batman just-- What? Funny how you and the Batman have never been in the same place at the same time tonight.
Look! Right there! It's the Dark Knight.
Well, excitement's over.
Shall we finish that interview? Thanks, Bruce, but I've decided to go with a different subject.
There seems to be more to Penguin than meets the eye.
Looks like I stole one thing from you after all, Brucie: The spotlight! Now, didn't I tell you? Oh, I know, I know.
Flirting with disaster.
You were right, in more ways than you know.
I was in a hurry.
Show me the money! Sorry to rain on your parade, Penguin.
I'm always prepared for inclement weather! Chop-chop, Batman.
A bat without wings? Back to your cage, Penguin.
Not before we rattle yours! We? For once, I have got to pull a job someplace that Batman isn't.
Stop the car! He's known by many labels: Billionaire, philanthropist socialite.
But who is the real Bruce Wayne? You.
Despite a larger-than-life public persona Bruce Wayne has privately managed to remain a mystery.
Join me, Melanie Bramwell for the first ever in-depth interview with Gotham's most eligible bachelor next Tuesday at 9 on A Day in the Life.
If there's anyone I despise more than the Batman, it's Wayne! He's got looks and money! Yes, money.
Wayne's money.
Oh, it's about time, Master Bruce.
The television people will be here any moment.
You sure I have to go through with this, Alfred? Need I remind you, it's vitally important that you cultivate your public image.
But Melanie Bramwell has a reputation for making private lives a little too public.
I could be ï¬irting with disaster.
Yes, well.
Unfortunately, avoiding the press only piques their curiosity.
Fine.
When is this thing supposed to start? âA day in the life, from breakfast to bedtime.
â You are gonna edit this part out, right? Don't count on it.
I pride myself on catching my subjects off-guard.
After all, I'm here to get to know the real Bruce Wayne.
Nice digs.
- Roomy.
- Well, wait'll you see my office.
I'll show you the rest of the mansion after dinner.
To Wayne Industries, then.
Oh! And it's hours until dinnertime.
Coming.
Coming.
Back so soon? Long time, no see, Jeeves.
Blast.
Oh, it's getting dark.
Good thing I brought my evening jacket.
And since my little birdies cut phone and power we won't have any interruptions while we catch up, old chum.
Now, where is old Brucie? Master Bruce is in the city on very important business.
Yeah, a runway for us, Bruce.
You see, bold colors project such an aura of confidence for Mr.
Wayne.
Wish I had a personal stylist.
Then, while we await Brucie's return you and I are gonna have some fun! I must insist that you leave the premises at once! Without settling scores with Wayne? Bull's-eye! I mean, bird's-eye! But, what has Master Bruce ever done to you? Oh, nothing.
Nothing really.
Except own everything that should rightfully belong to me! I am from noble blood! The Cobblepots were once the toast of society! I am a Cobblepot! What's cooking? Oh, now we're talking.
The perfect crime: Dinner and a burglary.
Oh, Jeevesie! Your roast is overcooked.
What you got there, Jeeves? What? Nothing! Giving old Brucie a jingle, huh? Good idea.
Wayne Industries contains over a dozen separate divisions, including electronics, engineering and biomedical research.
And it's all cutting-edge.
And it's all yours, at the ripe old age of 26.
Oh, would you excuse me for a moment? Wayne.
Guess who, Brucie.
Sheila? No, it's Penguin.
Is this 555-43? Oh, of course I remember.
Bruce Wayne never forgets a pretty voice.
I'm home with Jeeves.
And he wanted me to tell you dinner's getting cold.
For you, sugar, I'd drop anything.
And no police, or the butler gets it.
Get it? That's a wrap.
I have a friend in need.
No problem.
The camera loves drama.
Sorry, Mel.
Where I'm going cameras are strictly off-limits.
What now? Dinner.
Top floor.
Ugly furniture, tacky artwork, bad feng shui.
Time to redecorate the bachelor pad! What was that? I say, it's the Batman! What? How'd you find me this time? It's what I do.
Hello? Anyone home? Hello? Your power's out.
Alfred, is that you? Batman! Go! Before you get hurt! Oh, dear.
Well, now, what have we here? Don't harm us, Mr Penguin.
Oh, you're that reporter from TV.
So where's Wayne? I'm beginning to wonder myself.
Well, forget him! Penguin's your star now.
I'll give you an exclusive.
Right over here.
The true identity of the Batman! Get ready for your close-up.
Mr Freeze couldn't bring the heat.
Catwoman needed sharper claws.
Not even that screw-loose Joker could pull off what I'm about to: The cowl of the bat! Wakey-wakey eggs and bake-y.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you the man beneath the bat! Unbelievable.
That's for ruining my roast! Oh, you'll pay for that, old man! Rematch.
Round two, then! Make him a bat filet! The tape! I got it! No! Clumsy me.
Quick! Load another one.
I can't get a bleak here.
Hurry! We're missing everything! You should learn to play nice, Penguin.
Why? I hate your guts.
Tweet, tweet.
Fresh bat, my pretty.
We'll win the Pulitzer Prize for this.
I love the four seasons, Batman.
Especially fall! You're all wet.
- Get it all? - I hope so.
It's a dark night.
âThe Dark Knight.
â Now that has a ring to it.
Mel? What are you--? What's going on here? A long story.
The Batman just-- What? Funny how you and the Batman have never been in the same place at the same time tonight.
Look! Right there! It's the Dark Knight.
Well, excitement's over.
Shall we finish that interview? Thanks, Bruce, but I've decided to go with a different subject.
There seems to be more to Penguin than meets the eye.
Looks like I stole one thing from you after all, Brucie: The spotlight! Now, didn't I tell you? Oh, I know, I know.
Flirting with disaster.
You were right, in more ways than you know.
I was in a hurry.