The Batman (2004) s01e12 Episode Script
The Rubberface of Comedy (1)
The circus is in town.
- Hey, you! - Stop! Punch, Judy.
I call it Joker Putty.
And I can tum anything into it.
Ta-ta.
Farewell.
Hold it, Joker! Lower your weapon.
You the man.
Go! He made you look like clowns.
Six months ago, Gotham had the lowest crime late in the nation.
Yesterday, we were declared the world's scariest city! And that was before Joker's latest escapade.
But, chief, most of the guys on that board are in prison now, or Arkham.
And who received credit for those busts? You? Or you, Yin? I know it wasn't you, Bennett.
So tell me, who? Well, the Batman, I guess.
That's right.
The Batman.
Well, I'm tired of clowns and vigilantes: turning my department into a laughingstock.
So say hello to my new zero-tolerance policy against all these freaks.
No exceptions.
And for starters, I want Gotham's finest to take down Joker.
Before the Batman does, capeesh? Chief Rojas, I'm going out on a limb here, but I've been thinking maybe we'd have more success if we tried working with Bats.
Working with the Batman? Maybe you could wear spandex and be the Bat's sidekick! You'd better figure out where your loyalties lie, detective, and fast.
If Gotham belongs to Joker the dull face of tragedy rnust become the rubber face of comedy.
Joker Putty, work your magic! Joker.
The Batman.
Punch and Judy, my marionettes.
Keep the Bat busy.
The artiste must not be disturbed.
They're up there.
You take Joker.
The Batman's mine.
Bennett, what are you trying to prove? Bennett! Hold it, Bats! Detective, we're on the same side.
Tell it to the chief.
Hold the mayo! I'm the vandal here.
You mean to tell me the chief of police considers this vigilante a greater menace than the Clown Prince of Crime? Why.
that's an outrage! An insult! In fact, detective, I resemble that remark.
They never give you enough rope.
Bun voyage.
The Joker's getting away.
At least I got you.
Take my hand.
- You all right, partner? - Yeah, yeah.
Thanks.
The Batman! Rojas is gonna eat me alive.
City champions that year, I believe.
I suppose in a way you both still are.
Alfred, how would you feel about bringing Ethan into the fold? Allow someone besides myself to know the Batman's identity? I'm certain Detective Bennett can be trusted.
Trust isn't the issue.
Ethan needs to know the truth before circumstances force one of us to harm the other.
Joker remakes the largest monument in Gotham in his own image.
In effect, telling us he owns this city.
And you let him and the Batman get away? Chief Rojas, Bennett nearly had the Bat, but the scaffolding gave way Yin, it's all right.
No, Bennett, I don't think it is all right.
One more blunder like tonight and you can kiss your badge goodbye.
You've gotta be under a lot of pressure to catch Joker.
Yeah.
Among others.
Well, Ethan, you're not the only crime-fighter in Gotham.
I mean, what about your partner? What, Yin? Oh, she's cool.
I mean, she's on top of things.
Good cop.
My closest friend, probably.
I mean, besides you, of course.
We should all have coffee sometime.
Yeah, I'm not sure I'm Ellen's cup of tea.
Hey, don't let Yin scare you off.
She only has it out for the Batman.
Listen, Ethan.
I - Just a second.
- Yeah.
Me too.
- Bennett.
- It's Yin.
We have a Joker sighting.
The Gallery Theatricum on 23rd.
I'm across town but on my way.
Hey, Bruce, gotta jet.
Wasn't there something you wanted to tell me? It'll keep.
It'll have to keep.
Such a winning solid-gold smile, mon frére.
Shame about your ugly stepsister.
Turn that ï¬own upside down.
- Whoops.
- Yeah.
Whoops.
I hope this means your chief finally figured out I'm a greater menace than Batman.
Oh, by the way, detective have you met my colleagues, Judy and Punch? This one's worthless now.
- And its partner's gone.
- Not for long.
I just tapped into Bennett's GPS unit.
Sawdust.
Flecked with blue? All good things must come to an end.
Including my last batch of Joker Putty.
The chief has a zero-tolerance policy just for creeps like you, Joker.
He'll never pay ransom for me.
I don't need ransom, handsome.
Gotham is putty in my hands.
I take what I want, when I want.
I'm simply out to prove to your beefy chiefy once and for all that Joker is the master of menace.
By breaking one of Gotham's finest.
I won't break your bones, detective.
I'm going to snap your twig.
When Joker's through clowning with you you won't know where to find your mind.
- Sir, is Detective Bennett our new ally? - Not yet.
These blue specks traces of stale sugar on this sawdust.
- Cotton candy.
- Sir? A very thin line separates normality from insanity.
He made you look like clowns.
Detective, we're on the same side.
And you can kiss your badge goodbye.
Life brings thousands of tiny torments in all shapes, sizes and flavors.
Wouldn't you say, detective? Chief.
Back off! Bennett.
This is not my fault, chief.
No, no.
Ah, so we have issues with the boss, eh? Well, who doesn't? Bosses make terrific tormentors.
Tote that barge, lift that bale, rewrite that script, sort that mail.
All it takes is one too many orders to make the cuckoo call.
All it takes is one rotten day to transform a normal man into a monster.
Well, in my case, a rotten day and a chemical bath.
So the giraffe turns to the police chief and says: âThe last thing I saw was that screw-loose detective trying to pick the nuts out of the fruitcake.
â Nuts out of the fruitcake.
Detective, my therapy worked.
It seems you and I finally share the same sense of humor.
Don't fool yourself, Joker.
Bennett plays for my team.
Yin? The yin to his yang.
Drop it, or laughing boy gets it.
You don't know what this stuff does to humans.
For that matter, neither do I.
Let's find out.
No! Now we'll never know.
Bennett, you all right? Yeah, go.
Get Joker.
You think this is confusing.
try living inside my head.
Through the looking glass, Batsy.
Where comedy is tragedy.
Down is up.
Black is white.
You're out of luck.
Say cheese.
The tragedy.
Hold it.
There's nowhere to go, Batman.
Go.
You saved my partner's life.
This is the repayment of that debt.
A onetime deal.
The next time we meet, Batman the mask comes off.
Have a rotten day, detective.
Kudos to my department for capturing Joker.
Without the Batman's help, I might add.
You gotta be kidding me! We're playing cleanup, like always.
The Batman saved my butt tonight! Chief, did the Batman catch Joker? There will be no further comment.
No comment! Are you out of your mind, Bennett? I suppose you let the Bat waltz out of here too.
- Chief, it wasn't Bennett's fault.
I - I don't wanna hear it, Yin.
I warned you, Bennett.
You're suspended.
- Chief.
you got it all - It's all right, Yin.
I'm not so sure the badge suits me anymore.
Bennett.
Ethan? It's Bruce.
- You sound sick.
- Yeah.
Rough night, Bruce.
I may be going through some changes.
- Tell you all about it tomorrow.
- Over coffee? No, let's shoot some hoops at the old gym.
I need to blow off some steam.
Hey, what was it you wanted to tell me today? Tomorrow.
Over hoops.
Deal.
- Hey, you! - Stop! Punch, Judy.
I call it Joker Putty.
And I can tum anything into it.
Ta-ta.
Farewell.
Hold it, Joker! Lower your weapon.
You the man.
Go! He made you look like clowns.
Six months ago, Gotham had the lowest crime late in the nation.
Yesterday, we were declared the world's scariest city! And that was before Joker's latest escapade.
But, chief, most of the guys on that board are in prison now, or Arkham.
And who received credit for those busts? You? Or you, Yin? I know it wasn't you, Bennett.
So tell me, who? Well, the Batman, I guess.
That's right.
The Batman.
Well, I'm tired of clowns and vigilantes: turning my department into a laughingstock.
So say hello to my new zero-tolerance policy against all these freaks.
No exceptions.
And for starters, I want Gotham's finest to take down Joker.
Before the Batman does, capeesh? Chief Rojas, I'm going out on a limb here, but I've been thinking maybe we'd have more success if we tried working with Bats.
Working with the Batman? Maybe you could wear spandex and be the Bat's sidekick! You'd better figure out where your loyalties lie, detective, and fast.
If Gotham belongs to Joker the dull face of tragedy rnust become the rubber face of comedy.
Joker Putty, work your magic! Joker.
The Batman.
Punch and Judy, my marionettes.
Keep the Bat busy.
The artiste must not be disturbed.
They're up there.
You take Joker.
The Batman's mine.
Bennett, what are you trying to prove? Bennett! Hold it, Bats! Detective, we're on the same side.
Tell it to the chief.
Hold the mayo! I'm the vandal here.
You mean to tell me the chief of police considers this vigilante a greater menace than the Clown Prince of Crime? Why.
that's an outrage! An insult! In fact, detective, I resemble that remark.
They never give you enough rope.
Bun voyage.
The Joker's getting away.
At least I got you.
Take my hand.
- You all right, partner? - Yeah, yeah.
Thanks.
The Batman! Rojas is gonna eat me alive.
City champions that year, I believe.
I suppose in a way you both still are.
Alfred, how would you feel about bringing Ethan into the fold? Allow someone besides myself to know the Batman's identity? I'm certain Detective Bennett can be trusted.
Trust isn't the issue.
Ethan needs to know the truth before circumstances force one of us to harm the other.
Joker remakes the largest monument in Gotham in his own image.
In effect, telling us he owns this city.
And you let him and the Batman get away? Chief Rojas, Bennett nearly had the Bat, but the scaffolding gave way Yin, it's all right.
No, Bennett, I don't think it is all right.
One more blunder like tonight and you can kiss your badge goodbye.
You've gotta be under a lot of pressure to catch Joker.
Yeah.
Among others.
Well, Ethan, you're not the only crime-fighter in Gotham.
I mean, what about your partner? What, Yin? Oh, she's cool.
I mean, she's on top of things.
Good cop.
My closest friend, probably.
I mean, besides you, of course.
We should all have coffee sometime.
Yeah, I'm not sure I'm Ellen's cup of tea.
Hey, don't let Yin scare you off.
She only has it out for the Batman.
Listen, Ethan.
I - Just a second.
- Yeah.
Me too.
- Bennett.
- It's Yin.
We have a Joker sighting.
The Gallery Theatricum on 23rd.
I'm across town but on my way.
Hey, Bruce, gotta jet.
Wasn't there something you wanted to tell me? It'll keep.
It'll have to keep.
Such a winning solid-gold smile, mon frére.
Shame about your ugly stepsister.
Turn that ï¬own upside down.
- Whoops.
- Yeah.
Whoops.
I hope this means your chief finally figured out I'm a greater menace than Batman.
Oh, by the way, detective have you met my colleagues, Judy and Punch? This one's worthless now.
- And its partner's gone.
- Not for long.
I just tapped into Bennett's GPS unit.
Sawdust.
Flecked with blue? All good things must come to an end.
Including my last batch of Joker Putty.
The chief has a zero-tolerance policy just for creeps like you, Joker.
He'll never pay ransom for me.
I don't need ransom, handsome.
Gotham is putty in my hands.
I take what I want, when I want.
I'm simply out to prove to your beefy chiefy once and for all that Joker is the master of menace.
By breaking one of Gotham's finest.
I won't break your bones, detective.
I'm going to snap your twig.
When Joker's through clowning with you you won't know where to find your mind.
- Sir, is Detective Bennett our new ally? - Not yet.
These blue specks traces of stale sugar on this sawdust.
- Cotton candy.
- Sir? A very thin line separates normality from insanity.
He made you look like clowns.
Detective, we're on the same side.
And you can kiss your badge goodbye.
Life brings thousands of tiny torments in all shapes, sizes and flavors.
Wouldn't you say, detective? Chief.
Back off! Bennett.
This is not my fault, chief.
No, no.
Ah, so we have issues with the boss, eh? Well, who doesn't? Bosses make terrific tormentors.
Tote that barge, lift that bale, rewrite that script, sort that mail.
All it takes is one too many orders to make the cuckoo call.
All it takes is one rotten day to transform a normal man into a monster.
Well, in my case, a rotten day and a chemical bath.
So the giraffe turns to the police chief and says: âThe last thing I saw was that screw-loose detective trying to pick the nuts out of the fruitcake.
â Nuts out of the fruitcake.
Detective, my therapy worked.
It seems you and I finally share the same sense of humor.
Don't fool yourself, Joker.
Bennett plays for my team.
Yin? The yin to his yang.
Drop it, or laughing boy gets it.
You don't know what this stuff does to humans.
For that matter, neither do I.
Let's find out.
No! Now we'll never know.
Bennett, you all right? Yeah, go.
Get Joker.
You think this is confusing.
try living inside my head.
Through the looking glass, Batsy.
Where comedy is tragedy.
Down is up.
Black is white.
You're out of luck.
Say cheese.
The tragedy.
Hold it.
There's nowhere to go, Batman.
Go.
You saved my partner's life.
This is the repayment of that debt.
A onetime deal.
The next time we meet, Batman the mask comes off.
Have a rotten day, detective.
Kudos to my department for capturing Joker.
Without the Batman's help, I might add.
You gotta be kidding me! We're playing cleanup, like always.
The Batman saved my butt tonight! Chief, did the Batman catch Joker? There will be no further comment.
No comment! Are you out of your mind, Bennett? I suppose you let the Bat waltz out of here too.
- Chief, it wasn't Bennett's fault.
I - I don't wanna hear it, Yin.
I warned you, Bennett.
You're suspended.
- Chief.
you got it all - It's all right, Yin.
I'm not so sure the badge suits me anymore.
Bennett.
Ethan? It's Bruce.
- You sound sick.
- Yeah.
Rough night, Bruce.
I may be going through some changes.
- Tell you all about it tomorrow.
- Over coffee? No, let's shoot some hoops at the old gym.
I need to blow off some steam.
Hey, what was it you wanted to tell me today? Tomorrow.
Over hoops.
Deal.