The Bear (2022) s01e04 Episode Script



Oh ♪
Oh oh oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh ♪
Oh oh oh oh oh ♪
Saw the wandering eye ♪
Inside my heart ♪
Shout some battle cry ♪
From every part ♪
I can see those tears ♪
Every one is true ♪
When they don't appear ♪
I go right ♪
Through ♪
Ooh ♪
- Why are you doing that?
- What?
Why are you trying to put a
T-shirt on a fuckin' hot dog?
Kids love hot dogs, dumbass.
I know. That's why we're making
'em fuckin' hot dogs, dumbass.
Yeah, exactly, Cousin. It's a tie-in.
This shit is exposure, baby.
I don't need you exposing anything.
It's a fuckin' hot dog
in a Beef T-shirt.
- That shit is hilarious.
- Go grab me some propane.
You know what, first of all,
I didn't wanna be doing
this bullshit right now.
Aight, you know what? Then
don't borrow money from Cicero
you can't pay back, and
then we don't have to cater
little fuckin' kid's birthday parties.
- How about that?
- I didn't borrow shit, Cousin!
You know what? It doesn't
even matter. It's on me now.
I don't wanna get my legs
broken, so shut the fuck up
- and help me out, please.
- If that motherfucker
gets even close to us,
I'm gonna fucking drop his ass.
Okay, look, just help me out.
Let's do this right.
- Get it over with.
- Look, second of all, you have no idea
the amount of
administrative correspondence
I'm supposed to be doing
in there today, okay?
It is fucking bonkers.
- Correspondence? Is that right?
- Yeah. You know,
you like to shit on my system,
but I run a tight ship,
and I get back to my cohorts
and my associates in a timely fashion.
Aight, do me a favor.
Just n-name a cohort.
N-name an associate. Just
one fucking person. I dare you.
Timothy, but I-I'm not
I'm not fucking
Gimme a hand.
It's not gonna fit. That's
not gonna fit, Cousin.
- Yes, it will!
- It's not gonna fit!
- Can you just help me out?
- It's not gonna fit!
It's not gonna fucking fit!
Come on!
You want some of this
shit? You want some of this?
CARMY: Fucking guy!
Yeah! Yeah! You fucking baby!
You fucking baby! Fucking baby!
TINA: Morning.
- Ah! Fuck!
Look what you did. Fucking baby.
Alright, I'm gonna get
the spare from the basement.
EBRAHEIM: Hey, Marcus,
enjoying the counter space?
MARCUS: Yeah, I mean, not
having to do bread anymore
is the shit.
SYDNEY: Chefs, new prep
list is up! Please check it out!
Thank you.
Chef, can you do me
a favor and try this?
Yeah, sure.
- Whoa.
- Good whoa?
Great whoa.
- It's good.
- Thank you, Chef.
Hey. Uh,
did you remember the mashed
potatoes? Just wanted to check in.
(IMITATING) Uh, did you
remember when I said to fuck off?
Okay. "Fuck off" isn't yes.
(NORMAL): Well, "fuck off"
means I know how to do it.
Alright, well, it's a new recipe
- What I just say?
- Okay, well,
just make sure when you do it,
the heat isn't too high
I answer to Jeff. The system.
Listen, I'm I'm not
trying to be a tight-ass.
I don't want you to think I'm, like,
- up in your space.
- No
I'm just doing what I was asked to do.
And I get what it's like to be
- a woman in the kitchen
- Do you know what it's like
to be a woman in the kitchen? Wow.
That's amazing. Listen. I have been
in this kitchen since
before you were born,
so you just back the fuck off.
Excuse me!
Yo! Yo!
Oh my god. Cousin,
you gotta see this shit.
Yo, this dude is trying
to fuck up this little nerd,
and the fucking nerd
just washes him, bro!
Yo, why the fuck are you on the Kennedy?
Chill the fuck out.
Cicero lives in Naperville.
No! (SCOFFS) Fucking
Cicero's in Wilmette now.
- You gotta get on the fucking Edens
- Shit. No, no,
th-that's right.
That's right. That's my bad.
It's all good though. I'm in no
hurry to see that motherfucker.
I swear to God, Cousin, if he
calls me "Rick," I'ma fucking lose it.
Cousin, listen, do me a favor, okay?
I'm trying to get us
out of this hole, alright?
I want today to go smooth.
Please do not bring that shit up.
Chill. I'm not gonna
bring up shit, alright?
- No, you got it all wrong!
- It's literally the easiest
fucking job a person can do!
I'm the only one
who stands up to your ass
The phone rings, there's a problem
It wasn't my phone!
You call an electrician
or a plumber, that's it!
I've been saying this shit for fucking
years! It wasn't my fuckin' phone!
"Oh, Cicero! I'm your guy!
I got a kid now, Cicero.
I need a fucking real job."
You think I don't know how
to pick up a goddamn phone?
"Oh, Cicero, can I have
tickets to The Lion King?"
pick up a fucking goddamn
phone and we don't even know
how she fell down those stairs.
You want us to get
this stuff out back or
how do you, uh
Yeah, take it around the side
for me, will you?
- Around the side, sure.
- Yeah, thanks, Rick.
I fucking hate when you
call me fucking Rick!
I fucking hate it when
you don't answer your phone!
Food's here, kiddies!
That was nice. Thank
you for that. That was good.
Carmen? Is that you?
Hey, Mr. Szorski. How are you?
I thought you'd killed yourself.
No. Sir, that was my brother.
RICHIE: Bullshit.
That motherfucker is
complete fucking bullshit.
perfect timing. I already
did everything, dick.
Who does he think he is?
You know he's not even Italian, right?
100% Polish. Fucking insulting.
You know you're not even Italian, right?
Yeah. I'm more Italian than that guy is.
Turn on the grill.
I gotta get the dogs going.
Just give me a second here.
Richie, what the fuck is that?
Relax. Shit's regulated.
I suffer from anxiety and dread.
- CARMY: Who doesn't?
- You want half?
Which, uh, box you put the ketchup in?
- Hm?
- The ketchup. Which box?
I didn't bring ketchup.
Why don't you bring ketchup?
What kind of asshole is gonna put
ketchup on a hot dog?
A child, Richie.
RICHIE: Child asshole.
You're a child asshole.
Yo, yo, Cousin, what's up
with all this gay-ass fruit?
Homemade Ecto-Cooler, motherfucker.
Oh shit.
That's actually pretty fucking dope.
Rest in peace, Harold.
One bite of a donut brings much joy.
Two bites brings sadness.
I mean, nobody doesn't love
that first bite of a donut.
It used to be my favorite
when I was a kid.
- Sweet tooth?
- Yeah, but not even the taste.
I just loved looking at them.
The colors and the textures.
There was this one donut
that I used to love
that I could never get out of my head.
Jelly filled, bright purple,
sweet and tangy.
Yeah. Family was always happy
whenever we got donuts.
- Hard not to be, young man.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah.
- My guys!
- Wow. Chester, yes.
- Wow. Thank you.
- Yeah.
- MARCUS: Love you.
- CHESTER: Of course, bro.
- MARCUS: Love you, dog.
- Yes! Ebra.
- EBRAHEIM: Chester.
- TINA: Hi, honey.
What up, T? What you got over there?
-TINA: Mashed potatoes.
-CHESTER: Woo-hoo! Wish I had that.
Oh, uh, new edition.
All the fresh colors.
I put a flag on 18-32-24.
It's this radiant orchid
that's fly as fuck!
Hey, thank you so much.
I'ma get this back to you.
Behind! What is good with the beef?
Oh, yes, Chef.
- Taking it out now.
- Thank you.
- Sup Hey.
- Hey.
- Who are you? Sorry.
- Oh, sorry.
Chester, this is Chef Sydney.
Uh, Sydney, this is
my roommate, Chester.
- Chester roommate.
- Hey, Chef Sydney.
Cool. Uh, why are you here? Sorry.
Oh, getting my boy dialed.
Dropping off some
inspirational materials.
- MARCUS: He's a designer.
- Oh!
- What do you design?
- All of it.
I'm out. I'll see you at home, my G.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank
you. I'll get it back to you.
Of course.
- Great to meet you, Chef Sydney.
- You, too.
- MARCUS: Good luck with the meeting.
- Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I'm meeting a brand ambassador,
so I can't be smelling like
fucking hot giardiniera.
Alright, I'm out.
Huh. Pantone colors?
MARCUS: Yeah, I was thinking
maybe I could do
a classic donut for The Beef?
On top of my other stuff, of course.
- Yeah.
- But, I mean, I think it could be hot.
Yeah. I mean, donuts
are deceptively hard,
but You know, require
a lot of equipment, too.
I don't know if this is the most
stocked place in the world.
I want it to be perfect. Like that plum.
- The one Carmy was telling us about.
- Mm. Michelin mode.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
It-it could be, like,
limited edition or something.
If you're into it, then I'm into it.
Let me know what you
need for help, alright?
- Alright. Gladly. Thank you, Chef.
- Alright.
- Good luck.
- Alright.
SYDNEY: Hey, all good?
- All good, Chef.
- All good, Chef.
Cool. Uh, Sweeps is rocking family.
Angel, how you feel about salad?
- ANGEL: Absolutely, Chef.
- Gorgeous. Thank you.
- You think I can get family today?
- You know you don't work here.
- Hey, Chef. How's it going?
- Good, Chef.
- Try the new chocolate cake?
- Oh, yes.
You've given Marcus a lot of confidence.
Well done.
Well since she put me down ♪
I've been out doin' in my head ♪
I come in late at night ♪
And in the mornin' I just lay in bed ♪

Well, Rhonda, you look so fine ♪
And I know it wouldn't
take much time ♪
For you to help me, Rhonda ♪
Help me get her out of my heart ♪

FAK: So, you didn't
make any of these ones,
- or these the ones you made?
- No, no, I haven't made any yet.
I'm just trying to do
some research, you know.
Feel out the textures,
see what it's really about.
Oh, that's nice. Did you
- talk about feel?
- Yeah.
Yeah, see, this one
is good. It's like
- FAK: That one's good?
- Yeah, I think so.
Oh, that's nice.
- What do you hear?
- It-it sounds, like, you know
when you go to your grandma's house,
and she has the cushion
on the top of the toilet seat?
- You sit on it.
- Oh yeah. It's like slight deflating
A-and it is smells like potpourri,
- but it's also smells like Grandma.
- Yeah.
Hey! What's up, jagoff?
Hey! Ho! What's going
on, Frank? Good to see you.
New York, that's right. Hi. Hiya. Hi.
Oh, I haven't seen that one.
GUEST: Mr. New York!
Okay, good-bye.
- Good seeing you.
- Sorry about Mike.
Oh, thank you. No. No, no
Can you not see this? This is bullshit!
I can't hear you when you're screaming.
They're opening all my presents!
Holy shit. You guys are so weird!
What are you doing opening up
other people's stuff for?
Carol, can you please help me?
It really fucking sucks in here!
FRANK: Hey, hey, hey! I got one!
- I got one question!
- Yeah?
So, you work in a restaurant, right?
CARMY: I work in a
restaurant. That's right.
What's it like to be
a fucking loser? Huh?
PETE: Hey, hey, guys! Guys! Hey!
Carmy here was the chef
of the best restaurant in the world.
Okay? That's not an exaggeration.
It was literally the best
restaurant in the world.
I mean, at least according to Eater.

Help me, Rhonda,
help, help me, Rhonda ♪
Help me, Rhonda,
help, help me, Rhonda ♪
Help me, Rhonda ♪
Didn't come out to talk to you, alright?
I don't wanna bicker. I just need quiet.
I don't got anything to say to you.
- Except
- heads up, you know, Pete's here.
- Oh, I'm aware.
Sugar better watch his ass.
- Sugar's stuck at work.
Fucker drops off a gift,
and now he won't leave.
Oh my god. Yeesh.
"Yeesh" is right.
He always looks like he's
about to call the cops on us,
you know what I mean?
- Like a narc.
- Exactly.
Like a fuckin' narc.
- Heya, Phil!
- Hey, Jimmy.
- Richard.
- Hey, what's up, Phil.
Well, that was fucking weird.
What, you fuck up one
of his properties, too?
Actually, no. Because
you know what, Jimmy?
- I don't fuck up properties.
- Oh.
Sometimes, people think
they're calling me to fix a toilet,
but in reality,
they've called somebody else.
All you had to do was pick up
the fucking phone, man.
- I never got a fucking call!
- Oh, yeah? Really?
- Fuck this.
- Alright. So here's what she said.
"Couldn't turn off the sink.
"There's water leaking everywhere.
"I couldn't find anyone.
- That's friggin' malarkey, man.
- "I repeatedly called Rick
at 847-555-0186."
- Number sound familiar, Ricky?
- Yeah
because that's Michael's number.
Nobody looks at fucking
digits anymore. I'm 312, dog.
CICERO: (SIGHS) That kid, man.
That kid.
- SYDNEY: Hey, Chef?
- TINA: What?
Will you please use a salt bed
next time like I asked?
(GRUMBLES) Why you
always, like, watching me?
'Cause it's just sort
of my job. Also, um,
maybe we don't use, like,
gross kitchen towels.
- Judgmental.
- We could just use a knife.
- I don't think it's judgment.
- Uptight
I think it's just like
health and safety generally.
- Um, cool, so
- Okay, I got it.
- I'm just trying to help.
Yeah, thanks. I got it.
- Got it! Got it.
- Thank you, Chef.
Both of these fuckin' ninnyboys,
they, like, they
called ambulances, right?
They're both in ambulances on
the way to Resurrection Hospital.
And then one of
the medical professionals
whose time you're wasting say to you?
He goes, "What in the hell
did you do that for?"
Like, what the fuck? You
think that their shit wasn't spicy?
Like, why would they
lie about that? You know?
- What's up, dudes?
- Yo.
RICHIE: What's up, man.
PETE: You guys just
laughing it up over here?
- Hey, what's in the cooler?
- Made, uh, Ecto-Cooler.
- No way! Like Ghostbusters?
- CARMY: Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Oh, looks
like it needs a refill.
Yeah, yeah. I'm on it.
Damn, man.
Fun birthday party, huh?
Whoa, no way! This is,
like, identical, dude!
- CARMY: Good, good. Thank you.
Busting makes me feel good! ♪
(LAUGHS, SNIFFS) From the song.
- No, I I remember.
What is it, like, nap time or something?
- That's weird.
- Huh.
- Richie, how you been, man?
- RICHIE: I got to, uh
- You know.
- PETE: Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Wow, man. This is so good, dude.
- Good. Good. Thanks, man.
- You killed it. (LAUGHS)
Hey, I know that, you know,
sometimes things are weird
or whatever with
Oh, we don't We
don't have to do that.
But I'm, you know,
I-I'm a bit of a foodie.
- Jesus Christ, Pete.
- What?
Alright, I know that's
not cool or whatever,
but, uh, you know, I did
just I wanna say that
I followed everything you were
up to out there, man, and, uh
just, uh,
I know how much courage
that took for you, so
And, uh
just was pumped for you, you know?
I bet probably a lot of people
don't realize, like,
how much work that must have
took and dedication or whatever,
and so just
I thought it was cool, man.
And your sister frickin'
was really pumped for you.
Really, really pumped. Yeah.
But she also, you know,
really missed you a lot, too.
- Thank you. Thank you, Pete.
- Yeah, man.
(YAWNS) Freaking tired all of a sudden.
So, uh, she's not really
busy at work, huh?
Oh, no, she's, uh, pissed at you.
Yeah, I owe her a call.
Or, you know, like, 50 calls. (LAUGHS)
You know, I don't wanna get
in the middle of anything
or whatever, but, uh
I mean, it was hard
for her, too, you know?
Look, I, uh, I gotta keep
jamming here, alright?
PETE: Yeah, no, totally. I'm
gonna I'm gonna head in,
but, uh, I'll catch you
before you cruise?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Yeah. Cool, cool.
This freaking guy. (LAUGHS) Hilarious.
(SIGHS) Fucking shit
Oh, F
Fuck. F
Fuck. Shit.
- I got a little more, uh, ketchup here.
- Thanks.
Don't kill me
Oh, I can't wait for this.
We, uh
we spilled a bottle
of Xanax in the cooler.
What, are they fuckin' dead?
No, no, no. I think they're, um,
they're just sleeping?
Actually, I'm kinda into it.
- Yeah?
- Oh yeah.
Keep up the good
work. You're killing it!
SYDNEY: Okay, Chefs,
let's get ready to taste the potatoes!
Oh, come on. Come on, come on, come
ANGEL: Whoa. Come on!
Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
- ANGEL: It's cool.
- Oh, fuck! Come on, Tina!
Why did you do this?
Because I don't have time
to fuck around.
You're welcome, Chef.
CICERO: Coffee?
No. No, I'm good.
Hey, when is that from?
CICERO: Repeat party, Grant Park, '92.
You ever miss him?
I didn't really know him
well enough to miss him.
You know, we were so close
in age, more like
more like a friend than
family. You know, we were
the same kind of problems
around the same time. We
had a lot to talk about.
Sounds nice.
It was.
When was the last time
you talked to him?
Around 20 years ago.
We had a gnarly fight, man.
- What was it about?
- Million things.
You know, drugs, alcohol, gambling,
mostly because he just insisted
on doing stupid
fuckin' shit all the time.
You know he had a new career,
like, every 10 minutes?
Wanted to be a broker,
and then he wanted to be
a defensive coordinator.
- I'm dead serious.
And then,
some asshole invested in Ed Debevic's,
and, you know, suddenly,
he's a restaurateur.
- Sounds about right.
- Yeah.
Really stuck your poor ma
with that place. Man.
I mean, don't you find it impossible
being in there 24 hours a day?
I-I'm in there for five minutes,
I start thinking about bad shit.
Ah, that's probably
why I like it so much.
Yep. Probably why you wanna fix it, too.
CARMY: Probably.
Just, you know
Just don't be too disappointed if it
doesn't necessarily happen. Alright?
You know I'm not gonna
sell it to you, right?
I know that.
Had a dream about him once, your dad.
We were up in, um
like Lake Geneva
or someplace, and we-we're going along.
We're driving along
in this car, big SUV.
He's in the passenger seat,
and we're driving fast,
like, really fast.
And I can't get control.
You know, it's like bumpy cars
flying all over the place.
He wouldn't put on his seatbelt.
Suddenly, this little kid
a little boy, he walks right
out in the middle of the road.
I jam on the brakes really hard.
Car stops like a millimeter
away from him.
But, your dad,
he goes flying through the windshield,
but he never lands.
He keeps on flying. (SIGHS)
What happened to the kid?
I stood there waving at him.
Well, on a, uh, on a
sunnier note, you have, um
you have knocked 2K
off your tab. Congrats.
Nice seg.
I'm the Seg King.
- So, what do we owe you now? 298,000?
- 298,050.
- What's that 50 about?
- Shipping and handling.
- (QUIETLY) Fucking asshole.
Come on.
SYDNEY: Chef, how
close are the potatoes?
TINA: (SIGHS) One minute!
- Go ahead. Get it over with.
- Get what over with?
Taste it and tell me it's shitty.
- It's great. Thanks, Chef.
- What?
It's great. Thank you, Chef.
Now, uh, let's hurry up and
roll before we get rolled, yeah?

I've been alone too long ♪
Somebody without someone ♪
Is no one at all ♪
Thank you, Jeff. Chef.
I've struggled and fought my pride ♪
Scared that someone ♪
Your type ♪
Couldn't see past my flaws ♪
Ooh ♪
'Cause I've heard that Heaven ♪
Ain't easy to get to ♪
Alright. Let's get the hell out of here.
I didn't even get
a chance to eat anything.
- Me neither. Fucking starving.
- Hey! Nice work today, fellas.
- Seriously.
- It was good to see you, Uncle J.
Love you, Bear. Love you.
- Later, Richard.
- Alright. Until next time, James.
Hey, uh, you guys wanna
see something disgusting?
I don't understand it.
It's so mysterious to me.
He's sitting there,
just sleeping like a baby.
I wanna beat the living
fucking crap out of him.
Yeah. Exactly.
- You know?
- Exactly.
Thank you for letting me
be a part of this family.
I'll never forget this memory.
Man, shut the fuck up, fucking nerd.
- Sleep there.
- Are we almost back?
- Yeah.
Sorry, Pete.
A million young poets ♪
Screaming out their words ♪
To a world full of people ♪
Just living to be heard ♪
Future generations ♪
Riding on the highways that we built ♪
I hope they have
a better understanding ♪
Check it out,
going to work on Monday ♪
Check it out, got yourself a family ♪
MARCUS: Yo, yo! Got some family dessert.
Oh! Alright, alright.
Talking about the girls
we've seen on the sly ♪
Just to tell our souls
we're still the young lions ♪
We all get cake
'cause we're best friends.
- Thank you.
- MARCUS: Okay.
Soaring with the eagles
all week long ♪
And this is all that we've
learned about living ♪
This is all that we've
learned about living ♪
A million young poets
screaming out their words ♪
To a world full of people
just living to be heard ♪
Future generations riding
on the highways that we built ♪
I hope they have
a better understanding ♪
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