The Boondocks s01e06 Episode Script

? I am the stone The builder refused ? ? I am the visual The inspiration ? ? That made lady Sing the blues ? ? I'm the spark That makes your idea bright ? ? The same spark That lights the dark ? ? So that you can know Your left from your right ? ? I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun ? ? The inner glow That lets you know ? ? To call your brother sun ? ? The story that just begun ? ? The promise Of what's to come ? ? And I'm-a remain a soldier ? ? Till the war is won ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop ? We now return to Gangstalicious: Resurrection.
"Resurrection"? The nigga ain't dead.
Shh.
He was shot a bunch of times, all right? At least, he tryin'.
By late last year, the ongoing feud between Gangstalicious and his crew from New West Manchester, Delaware Yeah, nigga.
What's hood? and Eat Dirt and his crew Boo! from Lickety-Split, Virginia, had escalated to the brink of catastrophic warfare.
"Catastrophic warfare"? It's just some dumb niggas beefin'.
What you talkin' about, fool? This is war.
Yeah, the nigga version of the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Shh! Tensions exploded at an awards show last year when a chair was thrown at Eat Dirt.
All I'm sayin' is, you know, shit's real.
You know what I'm sayin'? Shit ain't just music, right? This is some bona fide, unimpeachable gangsta shit.
You know what I'm saying? It's some indubitable shit! What he said, nyukka.
Yeah, man, you motherfuckin' darn thing.
God knows, son, man, you'll pick on your foot.
Nigga, fuck.
What the fuck with them, nigga? Come on.
Heh.
Look here, man.
Lot of these niggas tryin' to have what we didn't have, but they ain't done what we did done to have what we done have.
Especially you, 'Licious.
You ain't done nothin'.
Then, later that year, an altercation in a Miami nightclub between Gangstalicious and Eat Dirt ended in violence.
In the resulting struggle, both rappers accidentally shot themselves.
Man, when I got shot, I was, like, you know, never again.
Ain't never gonna happen to me again.
Know what I'm sayin'? What's up, world? I'm Sway.
And this is my inexplicable head wrap.
We interrupt Gangstalicious: Resurrection for this breaking news story.
Rapper Gangstalicious has been shot.
Again? Again.
I was so desperate for information on the shootin', I watched that show my brother calls "The News.
" Oh, shit! Ah, nigga, I seent it.
I seent the whole thing.
Nigga, you should've seent that shit I saw.
Oh, great.
Black Eyewitness Man.
I hate Black Eyewitness Man.
Nigga, shush.
Shh! With my own eyes, nigga.
Damn that shit was crazy, nigga.
I seen everything- Hold up.
Nigga, that's me on TV, baby! Yeah, nigga! Yeah! No, I ain't got your money, nigga.
Jesus! It was terrible! I was in the club and- See, I was in the club, and this bitch stepped on my shoe.
And I was like, "Bitch!" And then some nigga started shootin'.
I was like, "There he go!" He done fucked it up for everybody.
So, what had happened was Gangstalicious was doing a show in town when three men rushed the stage and shot him.
Ironically, he was doing his new joint, "I Got Shot," at the time.
? I got shot? ? I got shot? I got shot! I got shot! No, I got shot for real! I got shot for real! No, goddamn it, I got shot! Niggas shot me! I'm bleeding, I'm gonna die! Somebody, please, help me.
Help me! Help me! I got shot! Goddamn it, I got shot! Niggas shot me! It was 45 minutes before anyone called an ambulance.
Gangstalicious got shot! Again? We got to do something.
I got an idea.
Let's go to college, so we don't end up like Gangstalicious.
That boy got shot again? That's a shame.
A shame? Granddad, a nigga stepping on your sneakers is a shame.
This is a catastrophe.
It's catastrophic.
Can I go to the hospital and visit Gangstalicious? Boy, are you stupid? Mm.
I don't think so.
Look, Gangstalicious needs his street soldiers to protect him.
The hospital's only 15 minutes away.
I said no.
It is a shame.
It's a damn shame? My family didn't understand about being a street soldier.
Gangstalicious needed my help.
I had to get to that hospital.
Oh, no.
I'm falling down the steps.
Okay.
My shoe! Ah! Uh! Ow! Ooh.
I fell down the steps.
I gotta go to the hospital.
You ain't going to that hospital.
No, really.
I can't get up.
Where's the love? Ooh! Huh? Oh, no! I got hit by a car.
What the hell? You ain't going.
I gotta go the emergency room.
Trying to pull that bull jive on me.
Come on, get up.
Come on.
Come on.
Where is your glass, boy? Glass? I don't need no glass.
I takes mine to the head.
Oh.
Ah.
A full day's supply of vitamin C.
Ow! Boy, have you lost your mind? How are you gonna drink my juice out of the carton? I don't know where your nasty lips have been.
I know one thing.
I ain't goin' to the store to get no more.
See, I was like all in the granddad's mental mind.
It was like psychology, but in reverse.
The store and back, that's it.
No hospital.
Take my phone, so I can reach you.
But don't call anyone.
Damn, Granddad, is that a cell phone or a cordless payphone? Shut up.
This thing looks like a laptop.
Stay away from that hospital! I headed straight for the hospital.
Nearly a week had passed since the shooting, and things seemed like they was back to normal.
Excuse me, I'm lookin' for Gangstalicious.
And who are you? I'm one of his many illegitimate children.
Fifth floor.
Gangstalicious? Hey, what's up, little man? Who are you? Hey.
Uh My name's Riley, and, uh, I'm one of your fans.
That was close.
Come on in.
Hey, I live around here, and I just wanted to let you know that, you know, it wasn't nobody in my crew that did the shooting.
Yeah, yeah.
I appreciate that, little man.
Does it hurt? What? This? Naw, naw- Oh! Naw, naw, naw.
Hey, I'm fine.
I'm chillin', man.
Hey, man, you wanna hang out for a little bit? Get that chair over there real quick.
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
I ain't Michael Jackson.
Ho, ho.
You said "Michael Jackson," man.
That's funny, Gangstalicious.
So who you think it was that tried to assassinate you? Was it Eat Dirt? Naw, naw, it wasn't Eat Dirt.
It was these dudes I used to owe money to back when I was in the drug game.
Wow, that's so real.
The drug game.
Word.
That's real spit.
Dunny-dun-dun-dun.
That's why I tell kids like you, the drug game is cool, you know, but in some ways, it's not cool.
But But mostly it's cool.
Well, I know getting shot must be cool.
You think they gonna come back? Hell to the nizz-naw.
After I got shot, I was like, God is watchin' over me, you know? It's like that nigga from Pulp Fiction said.
"God got involved.
" God is gangsta, nigga.
See, anybody wanna come get me, they gotta go through God.
I don't fear no man but God.
You know what I'm saying? Beside, ain't nobody gonna come up here to get us.
Cops everywhere.
I didn't see no cops.
Hm? There There ain't no cops out there? No.
Not even hospital security or nothing? Nothing? Not that I saw.
You sure? They said they was gonna stay till I was, you know Till I left.
I mean, not that I want them there 'cause I don't, know what I'm sayin'? I'd probably shoot 'em or something if they was there.
But they just supposed to be there, so I wish they- Are they there? Could you check? I'll check again.
Yeah, yeah, you do that.
We're lookin' for Gangstalicious.
We're well-wishers.
? I got that thugin' luv ? What's the big deal about, what's his name, Bubblicious? It's Gangstalicious.
Dumb niggas love Gangstalicious the way fat women love Oprah, Granddad.
? Oh, I I got that thugin' luv ? What the hell is "Thugin' Luv"? Who would want "Thugin' Luv"? Is that when you make love to your woman, then right before that special moment, you beat her upside the head, snatch her purse, and throw her down the stairs? Where the hell is that boy? Ooh! Gah! What? Where's my goddamn orange juice, boy? You hear me? What you doin', growin' the oranges? Uh, the bike got a flat, Granddad.
But everything's cool.
I'm walkin' to the store.
My God, that's a big phone.
I am a collector of incredibly large antique electronics.
Can I buy that from you? Go away! It's so big! I'll give you Get the beans anyway.
And bring me a can of that spray.
Okay, okay, 70.
Hey.
Hey, homey.
Gotta have my eggs with my OJ.
Uh.
Uh, uh Yo.
Hold up, little man.
All right, all right.
Bye.
One hundred ten dollars.
It's enormous! Move, cancer boy! Let me through! Close, close, close.
Damn.
Third floor.
Let's move.
Come on.
Come on, man.
Come on, come on, come on, come on! I'm telling you, Bernie, the police left.
Well, the label should be providin' the security! This is bullshit! No, no, no.
This is unacceptable.
I just got my black ass shot here, and all you got for me is-? Hello? Hello? Bernie? Niggas coming.
Come on, man, this way.
? Color folks Talkin' about save me? ? Wasn't nothin' wrong With slavery? ? Least we got good food Back then? ? Uh-huh, uh-huh? ? White man sure could Be your fr-? Uh- Oh.
Where's Gangstalicious? Uh, say that again.
I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' myself.
We now return to Gangstalicious: Resurrection.
The judge allowed Gangstalicious' music to be introduced as evidence at his assault trial.
They played for the jury, a track called, "Play It for the Jury.
" ? Play it for the jury Defendant and the plaintiff ? ? Court reporter And the bailiff ? ? Play it for the jury- ? I keep telling these people.
This shit is supposed to be just music.
You know what I'm sayin'? I mean, you really think about it, is it worth it? Know what I'm sayin'? I mean, somebody could get hurt.
That boy don't look that tough to me.
Man, Riley should be seeing this.
Damn, nigga.
You short.
Y-you don't understand.
I know this guy.
He is crazy.
He, like, uh, got a chemical imbalance or something.
I'm just sayin', man.
You look much taller in the videos.
Do you hear what I am saying to you?! That nigga's a rageaholic! We're both gonna die! Well, w-what happened to, "I don't fear no man but God"? Correction: God and the nigga that shot me.
Oh, Lord, what is we gonna do? Man, just get yourself together.
You makin' me scared.
Hey, hey, hey, I'm trippin', man.
They got a nigga medicated and shit.
It's the painkillers and, you know Sucrets and shit.
I'm cool, I'm cool.
There they are! Right over there.
Thanks.
Now, go change your pants.
We're gonna die! Run, nigga! Oh, Lord.
Sweet Jesus.
I'm gonna die! Where's your gun? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Y'all niggas is in for it now.
Oh! Oh! Oh! We need a car.
We're gonna have to jack someone.
Where's your gun? I dropped the gun.
You dropped the gun? What's done is done.
Let's be solution-oriented.
You mad? How you go and drop the gun, Gangstalicious? That is not gangsta.
That's very not gangsta! Man, I can't believe this.
You a fraud! Oh, oh, I'm a fraud? You're scared too.
I'm 8! Okay, fine, fine, whatever.
I'm a fraud, I'm a fraud.
I'm just an average, normal dude.
I don't wanna do this stupid shit no more.
I'm tired of gettin' shot.
Help.
It's like goin' to heaven and finding God smokin' crack.
Holy shit! I can't believe it's you.
Dude, you are the shit.
"Thugin' Luv"? What? ? I got that thugin' luv? So, uh, I'll just wait here then? ? I got that thugin' luv ? Where we gonna go? To the airport.
You got your jet there, right? What jet? The G4.
The one in the "Bitch, I'm Fly" video.
We rented that jet.
Oh, unbelievable, man! You broke too? Ah! Man, I wanna go home! Man, I should've listened to my Granddad.
You gonna get us killed! Put your seat belt on.
It's the law, and it's a good idea.
Man, just go faster.
Traffic! Whoa! Ow! I told you put your seat belt on, but no, little niggas gotta do their thing.
I got this nigga now.
Slow down, nigga! Yo, yo, yo! What's up now, niggas? Open the door.
Mm-mm.
Open- Hey, open the door.
Nigga, if you don't open this door Mm-mm.
I told you this nigga was crazy.
Know who my favorite rapper was when I was your age? Ice Cube.
The dude that makes family movies? He was a gangsta rapper? He was so gangsta, I used have to have dreams that Ice Cube came to my house and killed my whole family.
And for some reason, I thought he was so cool, and I wanted to be him.
When I started to act like that, like a killer, people liked me.
Girls, you know, whatever.
But I really wasn't that person, and finally, it caught up with me.
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle.
Please, Lincoln, you are taking this shit too far.
This tape is itchy.
Should've thought of that before you did what you did, Frederick.
Look, guys, don't kill him.
Whatever he did, he ain't do nothin' to deserve this, man.
This is about things you're too young to understand, little man.
This is about thugin' luv.
I loved you, man.
What? You broke my heart, man.
What? What the-? ? I got that thugin' luv ? Oh! Ugh! ? I got that thugin' luv ? Oh, man, these niggas are still kissin'.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Oh, they bustin' slob.
Oh, man! I can't take it.
I was on tour.
You gotta understand, I was lonely! Oh, God.
Turn around, nigga! Walk forward, nigga.
We could've had a life together, man.
Huh? Hm? Shit, we missed.
I can't believe this, man.
We suck.
Hey, get back here! ¡Aye, maricón! Come on, man.
Do you see him? I can't see anything, man.
Yo! Where you at? Come out from where you at.
I can't believe that damn boy.
And then they threw us in the trunk, and And then they was about to execute Gangstalicious.
and don't come back with no orange juice And that's when one of them dudes knocked me upside my head, right? And I was havin', like, crazy dreams, like Gangstalicious was kissin' the other dude.
Some old craziness, man.
Anyway, when I came to, they was gone, and I came home.
What are these kids doin' today? And you really shot one of them dudes at the hospital? Oh, hell yeah.
See, Gangstalicious dropped his gun, right? And I picked it up, and I was like: Ka-plow! Ka-plow! It was like some old John Woo shit.
Let me take my medication.
Then Gangstalicious started cryin' and shit, and I'm like, "Quit cryin', you little bitch!" You should've seen me.
I was so gangsta! What the heck is goin' on around here?